Up next, on UK Number Ones Blog. Schoolgirls…! Lesbians…! Russians…! Are you ready to clutch your pearls??

All the Things She Said, by t.A.T.u (their 1^st and only #1)

4 weeks, 2^nd February – 2^nd March 2003

I well remember the furore about t.A.T.u, about this song, and about the video. And we’ll get to the furore in a minute. But it’s a shame that this song is remembered for the fact that it featured ‘lesbian’ schoolgirls, and that there were bans left, right and centre, and not because it’s a great pop song.

Because it really is. It’s an electro-grunge-dance mashup, with crunching power chords, at least two great synth riffs, and a brilliant shoutalong chorus. It’s cool, edgy, and yet retains a catchy Eurotrash edge. The two girls’ voices have a fairy-like high pitch, and a memorable way of pronouncing the English lyrics, AKA the ABBA-effect. It’s brilliant fun to yell out Have I lost my mind… mimicking the Russian accent (the original version is called ‘Ya Soshla S Uma’ in Russian – the lyrics were re-written but retained the lesbian content). The man responsible for the re-write, and the production, was synth pop royalty Trevor Horn, who of course gave us the Buggles, but who has also had input on chart-toppers from Frankie Goes to Hollywood, Boyzone, to LeAnn Rimes.

This, plus ‘Sound of the Underground’, as well as ‘Dirrty’, and Sugababes’ two 2002 #1s, were all part of the vanguard, dragging pop away from millennial bubblegum and glitchy R&B and into a future of big beefy power chords, and big beefy choruses. (It’s perhaps no coincidence that while listening to ‘All the Things She Said’ when writing this post, Spotify auto-played Lady Gaga’s 2011 hit ‘Judas’ straight after). I’d say that this record was overshadowed by a couple of other, huge pop tunes that come later on this year, but I’d also say that the controversy it created also didn’t help it retain credibility. (It is on its way back, though, and is poised to re-enter the charts following a feature on the ‘Heated Rivalry’ soundtrack.)

Predictably, conservative outlets criticised the song and the video for promoting homosexuality and paedophilia. The two members of t.A.T.u were fifteen at the time, but they do little more than kiss in the video. Cultural figures like Richard and Judy were moved to campaign against it, though. Meanwhile, more liberal voices criticised the fact that t.A.T.u – Lena Katina and Julia Volkova – were just playing at being gay as a record-shifting gimmick, a fact given credence by the fact that both women have since denied being in a relationship, while Volkova has made anti-gay statements (though that’s potentially a sensible career move in Putin’s Russia).

Perhaps surprisingly, t.A.T.u were not one-hit wonders. They remain the only Russian act to have topped the UK singles chart. The shouty drum ‘n’ bass of ‘Not Gonna Get Us’ made #7 later in the year, and the lead single from their follow-up album ‘All About Us’ made #8 in 2005. They also did Eurovision. I actually bought that second album, and can attest to the quality of that single and one of the follow-ups, ‘Loves Me Not’, both of which were similarly angsty electro-grunge. t.A.T.u were certainly one-trick ponies – shouty faux-lesbian electro – but it just so happens that shouty faux-lesbian electro is right up my street.