991. ‘Call on Me’, by Eric Prydz

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Two sounds have dominated the charts of 2004: gloopy US R&B, and tacky dance records. Here we have the apogee of the latter genre.

Call on Me, by Eric Prydz (his 1st and only #1)

3 weeks, from 19th September – 10th October / 2 weeks, from 17th – 31st October 2004 (5 weeks total)

I’ve explained in earlier posts of what tacky dance consists. Basically it involves a sample from the ‘80s, and a trance-light beat. Basically, it’s basic. And catchy. And guaranteed to fill a provincial dancefloor. (That’s not me being snobby – I came of age on provincial dancefloors.)

‘Call on Me’ takes two lines from Steve Winwood’s 1982 #51 (and 1987 #19) hit ‘Valerie’, and adds a beat that alternately thumps then swirls. That’s about it. It does have a fill your ears, wall-of-sound quality to it, and I do remember it sounding very good in a dark and sweaty nightclub when you were five Apple VKs in. Earlier tacky dance chart-toppers, like ‘Take Me to the Clouds Above’ and ‘Lola’s Theme’, sound lightweight in comparison.

But like all songs of its ilk, it is repetitive, and ephemeral. Why was ‘Call on Me’ such a big hit, compared to the year’s other dance records? Why did it become, at the time, the second-longest running chart topper of the decade? I can’t hear any particular reason… Oh no, wait. Now I remember. The reason for this song’s success wasn’t just to do with the audio…

The video was set in a dance studio, and featured a bevy of beauties in skimpy swimwear doing a sexy aerobics routine (which must have chafed, looking back). A DVD single was available, that included a ‘late night’ version of the video. God knows what that involved. Opinion has been torn ever since. It won Best Video at a dance music awards, but was named 5th worst video of all time by NME. Eric Prydz himself refused to play the song for many years, apparently embarrassed by its success, and was once bottled on stage in Canada for not doing so. The final word on the video has to go to Tony Blair, Prime Minister: ‘The first time it came on, I nearly fell off my rowing machine’… These days, with all the filth we require at our digital fingertips, it feels quaint to think that randy teenage boys rushed in their droves to buy a DVD single. A relic of a simpler time.

Winwood’s ‘Valerie’ had been used in an earlier dance song by French duo Together (one of whom was Daft Punk’s Thomas Bangalter). They didn’t want to release it, and so Prydz – a Swedish DJ – recreated it with re-recorded vocals from Winwood himself. He scored his debut, and breakthrough, hit with it. While – correct me if I’m wrong, because he’s had a wide and varied career – I think this restored Steve Winwood to the UK Top 10 for the first time since his Spencer Davis Group and Traffic days. It’s bizarre to think that the last time the vocalist from ‘Call on Me’ was at #1, it was with the bluesy-garage rock of ‘Somebody Help Me’ in 1966.

Another reason for ‘Call on Me’s extended run at the top, other than the smut and its crowd-pleasing sound, was the lack of competition. When it returned to number one in October, it did so with the lowest sales ever recorded, scraping only 21,749 in its final week as a chart-topper. That’s very low. But sales will drop even lower in the next couple of years, before downloads finally fill the void.

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990. ‘Real to Me’, by Brian McFadden

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In which former Westlifer Brian McFadden goes solo, with a classic ‘I’m not in a boyband any more’ record…

Real to Me, by Brian McFadden (his 1st and only solo #1)

1 week, from 12th – 19th September 2004

I must admit I have no recollection of 10th March 2004, the day that McFadden announced his departure from Westlife. I remember the hysteria around Take That splitting, and I know exactly where I was when I heard that Geri was leaving the Spice Girls. I even remember finding out that Zayn was leaving One Direction, though that was more to do with a class of twelve-year-old girls I was teaching at the time. Brian quitting Westlife, though? Nope. Were there headlines? Helplines? Probably not. Still, off he went, making his intentions clear by hiring Robbie Williams’ long-time songwriting partner, Guy Chambers.

‘Real to Me’ has a self-important title that doesn’t bode well, and opens with a piano line that suggests we’re in a for a tortured ballad; yet in all honesty isn’t as bad a record as I remembered/expected. It’s basically an upbeat Westlife song, with a vaguely Britpop-ish, ‘90s alt-rock production. And a guitar solo! Which is always welcome these days.

I have a harder time getting on board with the lyrics, although I do like the opening line: Bullshit dinners and the free champagne… It’s such a stroppy, ‘look at me I’m swearing’ protest against Louis Walsh, Westlife, and all the granny-baiting ballads. (And he chickened out by changing it to ‘showbiz dinners’ for the single release.) The rest of the song is a list of complaints about how life in a boyband, with all the hotels, aeroplanes and dressing rooms, isn’t as fun as it looks. Well, duh. I don’t doubt he had his demons, but ‘successful pop star complains about being a successful pop star’ is a tricky genre to make palatable. Maybe just save it for your therapist?

And then there’s the middle-eight, which almost obliterates any goodwill I have for this song. Brian lists all the things he plans to do now he’s broken free of the boyband rat race. Picnics in the garden… Drink some English tea, Then I raise up my finger, And watch football on TV… Sheesh.

It’s cruel (though perhaps accurate) to suggest that the bullshit dinners and free champagne wouldn’t be a problem Brian had to wrestle with for long in his post-Westlife career. Robbie Williams he was not. ‘Real to Me’ squeaked a week at #1 with one of the year’s lowest sales, and he managed two more Top 10s from his debut album. After that zilch, though he’s fared slightly better in his native Ireland. Since 2016 he has been a sometime member of Boyzlife, with Boyzone alum Keith Duffy. To his credit, McFadden has never rejoined his band, as so many boyband quitters eventually do, and hopefully he is enjoying a quiet life, and a peaceful level of anonymity.

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Cover Versions of #1s… Motown Special

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For our next cover versions interlude, here are three covers of chart-topping hits with a little Motown flavouring.

Starting with possibly Motown’s biggest star, Stevie Wonder…

Wonder covered ‘We Can Work it Out’ for his 1971 album ‘Signed, Sealed, Delivered’, and it made #13 on the Billboard 100 when released as a single. He was still only twenty-one, though already a full decade into his recording career. Of course, Stevie Wonder’s career would cross paths with a Beatle again in the eighties, with the not-quite-as-classic ‘Ebony and Ivory’ hitting #1. Wonder then performed for Paul McCartney’s Grammy Lifetime Achievement Award ceremony a few years later, singing this very tune.

Sonically, this is very early-seventies Stevie, with a brilliant fried-funk bassline, and a harmonica solo. It’s also a much more positive sounding record than the baroque pop original, with the soaring vocals and backing leaving us in no doubt that whatever is wrong will indeed be worked out.

And if Stevie Wonder is Motown’s biggest star, then Smokey Robinson can’t be far behind…

He scored a belated number one with the Miracles in 1970 with the classic ‘The Tears of a Clown’, which was also co-written by Wonder. A decade later, in that incredibly fertile post-punk/new-wave landscape, the Beat (or English Beat, or British Beat, depending on where you’re from) took this ska cover version to #6 in the opening weeks of the 1980s.

I wouldn’t count myself as the biggest fan of ska, but I am a fan of hearing great songs that work in very different arrangements, and the staccato riff, played like a circus theme in the original, sounds great in a two-tone style.

My third cover is bending the rules a little. Or completely…

For years I assumed the Foundations were a Motown act, or at the very least Americans from somewhere near Detroit. But of course they were British, and released their music on Pye Records. I’ll class them as honourary Motown stars, though, as hits like ‘Build Me Up Buttercup’ and ‘Baby, Now That I’ve Found You’ are so very indebted to the Tamla sound.

Not that Alison Krauss’s bluegrass inflected version sounds anything like that. It is stripped back, richly smooth, almost haunting. It was recorded in 1995, and didn’t do much on the charts, but won a Grammy for Female Country Vocal Performance and has featured on Best Country Songs lists. Despite this, I like it because it’s not too country, if you know what I mean.

Hope you enjoyed these not too oft-heard cover versions of three sixties classics. Back to the regular countdown next, and we are only ten chart-toppers away from a very special anniversary!

989. ‘My Place’ / ‘Flap Your Wings’, by Nelly

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2004 has been a very US-centric, hip-hop-&B sounding year on the British charts. An Usher double, the dreaded Frankee & Eamon, Mario Winans… Now here’s another slow-jam from Nelly.

My Place / Flap Your Wings, by Nelly (his 2nd of four #1s)

1 week, from 5th – 12th September 2004

This double-A passed me by at the time, despite being in a fairly avid chart-watching phase in my life. I was about to start my second year at university the week this was at #1, so maybe my mind was elsewhere. But listening to it now, I like it. I like the smooth old-school soul of ‘My Place’, and the futuristic beats on ‘Flap Your Wings’, and would label it as one of the better of this year’s American number ones.

‘My Place’ enjoys the benefit of having three different samples from the late-seventies and early-eighties – Labelle, DeBarge, and Teddy Pendergrass – all of which give it an upbeat, soulful, disco-tinged feel. It doesn’t grab me with a killer hook, but it is a perfectly pleasant way to spend four and a half minutes. At least it isn’t mopey and self-pitying, like many of the year’s other R&B hits, while the chorus is delivered very smoothly by a sadly uncredited Jaheim.

The beat and Nelly’s half-sung/half-rapped delivery are very similar to his first chart-topper, ‘Dilemma’, but not so similar as to make it feel like a cynical retread. And that was a gigantic hit, so it’s understandable that he was tempted to revisit it. Speaking of retreads…

‘Flap Your Wings’ meanwhile harks back to Nelly’s 2002 #3 hit ‘Hot in Herre’, not so much in the sound as in the tempo, the beat, and the meter of his delivery. And in the lyrics about sweat drippin’ all over your body… It’s not as catchy, or as memorable, as ‘Hot in Herre’, but there’s definitely something there in the repetitive beat and the saucy lyrics. At least I think Drop down and get your eagle on girl… must be somehow dirty.

It was produced by the Neptunes, with Pharrell Williams popping up for one line mid-song. This was the first UK #1 credit enjoyed by an act responsible for dictating how much of the decade’s hip-hop and R&B would sound, with Williams a decade away from the trio of million-selling hits he’d enjoy in 2013-14. However, I would say that this song also feels like a warm-up for their era-defining turn on Snoop Dogg’s ‘Drop It Like It’s Hot’, an even more minimalist hip-hop hit that would chart a few weeks later.

Both these tracks came from Nelly’s double-album ‘Sweat / Suit’ – I’ll leave it to you to guess which song is from which side – and had been released with ‘Flap Your Wings’ as the lead single a month earlier, making #88. Once the order was switched it entered at the top, and became the only truly solo #1 from Nelly’s four chart-toppers.

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988. ‘These Words’, by Natasha Bedingfield

/ UK #1s blog / 13 Comments

Just when we thought the Bedingfield-era had drawn to a close with the last of Daniel’s three #1s, here comes little sister Natasha.

These Words, by Natasha Bedingfield (her 1st and only #1)

2 weeks, from 22nd August – 5th September 2004

Posh Girl Pop became a big thing in the mid-00s chart landscape – think Dido, Katie Melua, KT Tunstall, Sandie Thom – and Natasha Bedingfield is perhaps the first time we’ve met one of them on top of the charts. You know the type: hippy(ish), flowy skirts, a couple of Chinese tattoos, a copy of ‘Eat, Pray, Love’, Manic Pixie Dream Girl energy…

I don’t hate ‘These Words’. It’s catchy and upbeat. It’s definitely more enjoyable than Daniel’s snoozy ballads, despite the jolly hockey sticks energy. (Natasha Bedingfield doesn’t so much sing the song as grab it by the shoulders and drag it to majorettes practice.) Has it ever featured in a rom-com? It must have.

But just when I think I might be sounding a little snide, a little bitchy, I actually listen to the lyrics of ‘These Words’. Threw some chords together, The combination DEF, It’s who I am , It’s what I do, And I was gonna lay it down for you… It’s what she is. It’s what she does. It’s just sooo Natasha. She claims she has ADD. She namechecks Byron, Shelly and Keats. She pronounces ‘hyperbole’ as ‘hyper-bowl’. What is she like? Kooky or what?

It doesn’t help that this record doesn’t quite know what it is, musically speaking. Is she singing or rapping? Is it pop, hip-hop, or R&B? Sometimes these genres can be ambiguous, and blending them can create great pop. But that’s not what happens here. It sounds choppy, clunky, and forced. And when Natasha started going on Christina Aguilera-esque runs in the middle-eight someone should have had a quiet word.

Would this have been a hit without big bro’s success? What’s the sibling version of nepotism? Fraternism…? This does mean that Daniel and Natasha are the only siblings to achieve separate solo #1s. There have been plenty of chart-topping brothers (the Davies and Gallaghers foremost among them), and Shane and Keavy Lynch made it with Boyzone and B*Witched respectively, but this technically makes the Bedingfields the most successful chart family…

On that note, we can properly draw the Bedingfield-era to a close. Happily so, though I appear to be in the minority when it comes to ‘These Words’. It was well-received at the time, and remains well-liked. I just don’t hear it. And don’t get me started on Natasha’s follow-up hit, the ‘millennial classic’ ‘Unwritten’. I really can’t stand that one, and don’t know why it seems to have taken on a life of its own in recent years.

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987. ‘Babycakes’, by 3 of a Kind

/ UK #1s blog / 2 Comments

Though I’m not sure that anybody asked for it, UK garage is suddenly back on top of the charts…

Baby Cakes, by 3 Of A Kind (their 1st and only #1)

1 week, from 15th – 22nd August 2004

This was one of the dominant sounds in 2000-01, but having made it to 2004 I’ve just noticed how long it’s been since we had a garage chart-topper. Which probably means I haven’t missed it.

‘Baby Cakes’ has got all the classic 2-step garage touches: a staccato beat, flat singing, an MC rapping, an annoyingly repetitive hook, and – best of all – a very tacky rewinding sound effect. Although it’s a much cheesier, and lighter (and fluffier, get it…), record I can’t help thinking of So Solid Crew’s ‘21 Seconds’ in the I just want you to know-oh-oh refrain.

I detested this record at the time, in that way all eighteen year olds have very strong opinions on things that aren’t very important at all. I will say that my feelings for ‘Baby Cakes’ have softened in the intervening years, especially because I don’t think I’ve actually heard it once in that time. It’s catchy nonsense, really, one beat away from being a novelty record. Plus, with a 2:30 runtime it is short and – appropriately given the subject matter and the innuendo-laden, sexy bakers video – sweet.

It’s also a nice, momentary change of pace for 2004, a year that has been dominated by very American, and often very slushy, R&B ballads. A blast of a very British genre, and some very British accents.

3 of a Kind were a trio, two of whom met for the first time the day that they recorded ‘Baby Cakes’. If that doesn’t sound like it bodes well for long-term success, then you’d be right. They never even released a follow-up single, and remain gold-star one-hit wonders. Details on what the members are up to now appear hard to come by, though one of them seems to be working as a party planner, while another made a living from poker.

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986. ‘Thunderbirds’ / ‘3am’, by Busted

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They leave it late, but Busted finally score a good chart-topper…

Thunderbirds / 3am, by Busted (their 4th and final #1)

2 weeks, 1st – 15th August 2004

They are helped by having the classic ‘Thunderbirds’ theme at their disposal for a bombastic intro, before slamming into a catchy as hell pop-rock riff. The verses have a timeless pop chord progression, and there’s a zippy pop-punk energy to it. It’s fun, even if James Bourne’s insistence on singing in a nasal Californian accent is getting very tiring.

Most of all, though, I like how phoned-in the lyrics are. Busted clearly hadn’t seen the film, or potentially a single episode of the show, and had just googled some buzzwords. Kids are learning fast, They know that T-birds kick some ass, Be sure that there’s no coming last if you’re on their side… The one thing they did know is that the Thunderbirds were puppets, and the no strings to keep them down line is quite clever, given that reboot was almost entirely CGI.

To be honest, if this track didn’t exist then I would have no recollection of there ever having been a ‘Thunderbirds’ movie in 2004 (19% on Rotten Tomatoes; Gerry Anderson: ‘The biggest load of crap I’ve ever seen in my entire life’). But it wouldn’t be the first soundtrack to do better than the movie. Compare the film ‘Unchained’ with it’s much more famous ‘melody’.

Even better than ‘Thunderbirds’ – many sources call it ‘Thunderbirds Are Go’ but I’m sticking with what the OCC say – is the double-A, ‘3am’, in which Busted prove they can write a sad song without coming across as dicks. Yes, it’s another break-up song in a year full of them, but this one works nicely. Dramatic strings, a great chorus, an even better, layered middle-eight, not calling the girl a ‘stupid lying bitch’… Brilliant. (I do wish they had been allowed to say ‘shit’ though, rather than self-censor with a ‘shhhhh’.)

There’s finally a self-awareness in the lyrics, mixed with just enough teenage boy arrogance. They thought they were over her, until those middle-of-the-night terrors came along. Okay yes, they are calling her at 3 a.m. while standing outside her door, which may be a criminal offence, and the line about her car not getting very far makes me wonder if they’ve cut her brakes, but let’s gloss over that. The rest of the song – lyrically and musically – hints at a maturity that had been lacking in their earlier #1s, and makes us look forward to what they might produce for their third album…

Except this was Busted’s last single for twelve years. On Christmas Eve 2004, Charlie Simpson announced he was leaving to concentrate on side-project Fightstar. Two weeks later Busted officially broke up. As lightweight as they were, Busted were still the biggest pop group in the country, so to split so acrimoniously at the height of their fame was a shock.

Various side-projects and stints in rehab followed, before they reformed in 2015. They remain together, which means Busted 2.0 have lasted three times as long as their original iteration managed. They also spent a year or so as part of McBusted, in which the two pre-eminent British pop-punk bands of the ‘00s toured and released an album together. I might call that Busted riding on a more talented band’s coat-tails, but then I am a biased McFly stan…

985. ‘Dry Your Eyes’, by The Streets

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It’s still July, but can we already declare 2004 as the year of the break-up song?

Dry Your Eyes, by The Streets (their 1st and only #1)

1 week, 25th July – 1st August 2004

We’ve had spiky break-up #1s from Busted, and the dreaded Eamon and Frankee, as well as maudlin break-up songs from Mario Winans and Usher. What’s interesting about ‘Dry Your Eyes’ is that it manages to straddle the two moods.

In fact, Mike Skinner seems to be going through the seven stages of grief during this three or four minute (depending which mix you listen to) track. There’s sadness, denial, pleading, and anger. We go from Everything’s just gone, I’ve got nothing, Absolutely nothing… to I’m not gonna fucking just fucking leave it all now… and various stop-offs in between. It also goes into a lot of strangely specific detail about where and how he and his girlfriend are placing their hands.

I remember this song getting a lot of critical attention at the time. It is a unique track, half-rap/half-spoken word, from an influential act in British hip-hop, grime, garage… you name it. Yet it doesn’t make me care. It doesn’t move me. And I know I complained about the nastiness in Busted and Eamon’s break-up songs, but at the same time I’m not convinced that just because a confirmed lad like Mike Skinner wrote an apparently touching and vulnerable track about being dumped that it’s any better. (This was the follow-up to the far more degenerate – and better, in my eyes – ‘Fit But You Know It’.)

(…getting personal for a second, I don’t think my aversion to break-up songs stems from any personal trauma. Nor does it stem from a lack of experience. When a relationship of ten and a half years ended, I did turn to music. I turned to Dusty Springfield. ‘All I See Is You’ is the ultimate break-up song. It renders a tune like ‘Dry Your Eyes’ completely and utterly insignificant…)

Another downside to ‘Dry Your Eyes’ is that I remember my mum liking it. Which means it must have been getting played on Radio 2. Which means that The Streets had officially lost their street-cred. Not that I am snobby against my mum’s taste in music – we have lots of favourite acts in common – but when middle-class, middle-aged mums are citing your song to show they are still ‘with it’, then I’d be tempted to utter the words ‘sell-out’. For context, the one other 21st century artist my mum has claimed to like is Ed Sheeran…

The Streets, a musical project of up to seven members and led by the already mentioned Mike Skinner, had been around since the early nineties. They released their first music in the early ‘00s, and their first two albums (‘Dry Your Eyes’ was from the second) were hugely popular, influential, and critically acclaimed. And yes, this is an interesting, innovative – even unique – number one. It just doesn’t do much for me.

Best of the Rest… Cher

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Tomorrow, May 20th, marks the birthday of a pop music icon. Cher. One four-letter name, seven decades of classic hits. It’s unbelieveable to think that she turns eighty today. (Though if you don’t think she looks a day over fifty, that’s because most of her isn’t…)

Cher has enjoyed four British number one singles – ‘I’ve Got You Babe’, ‘The Shoop Shoop Song’, ‘Love Can Build a Bridge’, and ‘Believe’ – and has held records for being the oldest chart-topping female, and for having the longest time-span between her chart-toppers. But what of her other UK chart hits?

To celebrate her big day, here are her five next biggest – five Top 5 hits – covering a whopping thirty-three years…

Bang Bang (My Baby Shot Me Down) – #3 in 1966

It’s not really the case that Cher made her name with Sonny Bono and then went solo. Her own chart-career ran concurrently with their partnership, and this record made #3 shortly after ‘I Got You Babe’. Amazingly, this would be Cher’s final Top 3 hit until ‘The Shoop Shoop Song’ in 1991.

While still a solo track, ‘Bang Bang’ was written by Sonny. It is possibly more famous in Nancy Sinatra’s hands, although her version was never released as a single. Cher’s original is a little livelier, with a sort of gypsy troupe backing, but I do think Nancy’s vocals lend the song a more atmospheric edge. Not that it’s a competition!

Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves – #4 in 1971

Through choice or typecasting, Cher traded on her exotic name and heritage (her father was Armenian, her mother was of Cherokee descent) through songs like ‘Half Breed’, ‘Dark Lady’, and most famously ‘Gypsys Tramps and Thieves’.

One of many comebacks for Cher, it was her first hit for five years and gave her a first solo Billboard #1. It tells the story of a girl born in a travelling show, with an appropriately carnivalesque backing band. I was going to call it Cher’s signature song, but a woman with such a long and varied career has several signature hits, one from each decade at least. Let’s call this her signature seventies song.

Dead Ringer for Love (with Meat Loaf) – #5 in 1981

Another comeback single, after a late-seventies slump in her chart fortunes. I am bending the rules a bit, because Cher is not credited by the OCC (meaning she technically went over sixteen years without a British hit), but really. This is Cher’s song every bit as much as it is Meat Loaf’s.

Because ‘Dead Ringer’ wouldn’t be half as good without Cher playing the vampy foil to Meat’s sex-obsessed jock in this Grease-meets-Rocky Horror throwback classic. In truth, she deserves lead-billing alone for delivering the lines I’m lookin’ for anonymous and fleeting satisfaction, I wanna tell my daddy I’ll be missing in action… with such gusto.

I Found Someone – #5 in 1988

Although her 1970s ‘Bob Mackie dress and waist length hair’ look is iconic, Cher really achieved what we now think of as her classic look in the late 1980s. Plus her voice was perfectly suited to an eighties rock-ballad such as this. I think her cannon-straddling turn in ‘If I Could Turn Back Time’ is much better remembered than ‘I Found Someone’, but that charted one place lower in 1989. And I can understand why, as this record is a bit power-ballad-by-numbers. Okay, but not a classic.

‘I Found Someone’ was technically yet another comeback for Cher, giving her a first UK Top 10 (if we discount ‘Dead Ringer’) since ‘Gypsys, Tramps and Thieves’.

Strong Enough – #5 in 1999

In 1998, aged a sprightly fifty-two, Cher enjoyed her biggest ever hit with the lead-single from her twenty-second studio album. That was, of course, ‘Believe’, which I’ve named as one of my Very Best #1s. (In fact, the 1990s are by far her most succesful chart decade.)

‘Believe’s follow-up was even more disco-leaning, and even more of a gay anthem. In ‘Strong Enough’ she calls out a cheating ex: I’ve been losing sleep, And you’ve been going cheap… It certainly owes a debt to ‘I Will Survive’, especially in the string break, but it also holds its own as a great tune. Better than ‘Believe’? Probably not, but it certainly feels a lot less tired from over-exposure. And having mentioned Cher’s iconic ’70s and ’80s looks, can we take a minute to acknowledge how fantastically late-90s the video is!

Happy birthday Cher, then. Who knows, maybe she still has it in her to add to her Top 5 singles list? In 2023, her festive banger ‘DJ Play a Christmas Song’ made #18, making her the oldest female artist to have a UK Top 40 hit (with a new song), and the only solo artist – of any gender – to make the Top 40 in seven consecutive decades. Her chart history has been one of quality over quantity, and it seems there’s plenty of life in the old gal yet!

984. ‘Lola’s Theme’, by Shapeshifters

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A few chart-toppers ago, when writing about LMC’s ‘Take Me to the Clouds Above’, I announced a new genre: ‘tacky dance’.

Lola’s Theme, by Shapeshifters (their 1st and only #1)

1 week, 18th – 25th July 2004

‘Tacky dance’ involves taking an old sample and splicing it with a disco-lite beat. It’s cheap and catchy, and goes down like a Bacardi Breezer. I’ve also heard this genre described as ‘handbag house’, though I think that sounds even more derogatory, conjuring up images of large groups of screeching women on a hen night.

Anyway, after writing all that, it feels harsh to tar our next #1 with that brush. Yes, ‘Lola’s Theme’ is two samples and a disco-house beat. But it works better than ‘Take Me to the Clouds Above’, as the Whitney and U2 samples on that record felt gimmicky. Here, the Shapeshifters – a British/Swedish production duo – took two relatively unknown songs and created a much fresher sounding record.

The disco strings and horns come from Johnnie Taylor’s 1982 song ‘What About My Love’, while the I’m a different person… refrain comes from Anthony White’s ‘Love Me Tonight’ (neither song had been a hit in the UK). The result is a catchy, accessible dance record. Yes, it’s a bit basic. But being ‘a bit basic’ is essential when making a tacky dance record. And I remember it being everywhere in the summer of 2004, with the melody used as montage music on every daytime TV programme going for several years afterwards.

One thing I like about tacky dance is that it put dance diva vocalists back front and centre. The singer on this was soul artist Cookie, for whom this was a career highlight (though she has also been a live backing vocalist for Kylie, Ronan Keating, and Nick Cave). I do enjoy when she lets loose on the Turn my world around… line. I’m disappointed, though, to finally learn that the lyric in the bridge is You fired up my heart… when I had always heard it as You fag-burned my heart… A cigarette singed heart is the perfect image for the cover of a tacky dance single.

Before we go we must address the question that is presumably on everyone’s lips. Who’s Lola? She was the wife of Shapeshifter Simon Marlin, and ‘Lola’s Theme’ a placeholder title that was never improved upon. Still, very few people can claim to have a number one single named after them, so well done her. The Shapeshifters had one further Top 10 hit, and a few smaller hits, and are both still active today.