994. ‘Just Lose It’, by Eminem

/ UK #1s blog / 2 Comments

That sound? Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah-Ahrgh! Eminem dramatically falling from grace…

Just Lose It, by Eminem (his 5th of eleven #1s)

1 week, from 7th – 14th November 2004

After a trio of chart-toppers – ‘Stan’, ‘Without Me’ and ‘Lose Yourself’ – that not only hugely advanced the critical reputation and lyrical potential of hip-hop, but what pop music as a whole could be capable of, Slim Shady returns with an Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah-Ahrgh!

It’s so bad it could be viewed as a parody, and Eminem such a contrarian that it could be seen as an attempt to destroy his own legacy. The fact that it interpolates aspects of both ‘Without Me’ and ‘Lose Yourself’ backs this up. Or, it might just mean that Eminem had run out of steam. Apparently at the time of recording he was taking thirty to forty Valium a day, which might go a long way to explaining this record’s grotesqueness.

In the previous trio of #1s Eminem was in turns scary, hilarious, and charismatic. On ‘Just Lose It’ he sounds bored, a deadpan delivery making the predictable and unfunny lines sound worse. The video doesn’t help either, with Slim farting, vomiting, and for some reason dressing as Madonna, in a bid to ramp up some shock value.

He also takes a pop at Michael Jackson, in the video, and in the song’s one good line. What else could I possibly do to make noise, I’ve done touched on everything but little boys…? It’s especially interesting to hear this today, with MJ back in the charts and apparently fully un-cancelled following his successful biopic. At the time Jackson was pretty pissed off with this record. A couple of years later he had bought most of Eminem’s back catalogue.

Other than gleefully annoying Jackson and his unhinged fanbase, this record is largely irredeemable. And has there been a more confronting hook in a chart-topper than those bloody Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah-Ahrghs? They are genuinely jarring.

Regardless of quality, the lead single from a new Eminem album is always going to be a big deal. Straight in at number one. And the low sales climate will mean that Eminem soon benefits from a second, slightly random #1 too. Much better than this one, though, thank God.

Explicit version:

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993. ‘Wonderful’, by Ja Rule ft. R. Kelly & Ashanti

/ UK #1s blog / 3 Comments

Yet another US-based R&B number one, to add to 2004’s increasingly long list…

Wonderful, by Ja Rule (his 1st and only #1) ft. R. Kelly (his 3rd and final #1) & Ashanti (her 1st and only #1)

1 week, from 31st October – 7th November 2004

Making this track even harder to enjoy, aside from its averageness, is the appearance of R Kelly for his final UK chart-topper. Your enjoyment of this song will depend on how well you can stomach Kels singing about how life is a pussy buffet…

Though to give him his due, this feels like an R Kelly record rather than one led by Ja Rule, given that he gets around fifty percent of the airtime, including the chorus, which is the catchiest part of the song (I quite like the Morse Code-y, buzzing riff that holds it together too). Ja Rule contributes a couple of verses about gangstas and hos, and other rap cliches that make me roll my eyes. It’s always been a feature of the genre, that sort of aggrandisement, but one that started to dominate in the 21st century. Y’all bitches don’t know… Niggas can’t walk a mile in my shoes… That sort of thing.

I always quite liked Ja Rule, however. Usually in a supporting role, as on his two hits with J-Lo (‘Ain’t It Funny’ and ‘I’m Real’) and ‘Always on Time’ with Ashanti. Those songs felt much bigger, much more part of the fabric of the early ‘00s, than ‘Wonderful’. So in one sense it’s good that the dulcet tones of Ja Rule, and the much sweeter-voiced Ashanti, managed a British chart-topper. Just preferably not with this.

I’d even go so far as to claim that songs like this don’t belong on top of the UK singles charts. It’s not our music. It’s US cultural imperialism! Bring back Lonnie Donegan! Yes that sounds a bit Reform-ish, but – unlike other nationalities – we can be rude about Americans and not get into trouble. I do wonder which sections of the British public this record spoke to. Give me So Solid Crew over this: at least they spoke about the lives of British kids, and came from British council estates.

Of course, in late 2004, ‘Wonderful’ sold a fraction of what Ja Rule and Ashanti’s non chart-topping, earlier hits had sold. While it just about cleared the record set by ‘Call on Me’s final fortnight on top, the 23k copies it sold in its first week set its own record for the lowest selling record to debut at #1. Has anyone listened to this in twenty years? I doubt it. Not the most ‘Wonderful’ legacy to leave.

Censored and uncensored versions:

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992. ‘Radio’, by Robbie Williams

/ UK #1s blog / 3 Comments

Turn-of-the-century Britain’s biggest pop star Robbie Williams scores his first #1 in almost three years. Right at the moment when he stopped chasing hits.

Radio, by Robbie Williams (his 6th of seven #1s)

1 week, from 10th – 17th October

He’s gone full-on new-wave electro with this clanking, blurping track. Vocally I get both Gary Numan, and Neil Hannon from the Divine Comedy. You’d probably struggle to identify this as Robbie Williams, until he reveals a slightly more trademark voice on the Jumping, Thumping, Shout out something… line.

It’s a strange record, and I don’t just mean strange sounding. I remember it catching people by surprise; and yet it’s hardly a very original song. It set the tone for Robbie as he moved further from away his imperial phase, releasing less successful but pretty cool songs like 2006’s ‘Rudebox’, and 2009’s ‘Bodies’. Plus, in 2004, such an eighties-chasing song was very zeitgeisty, as most of the era’s big rock bands were doing the same.

In fact, I’d say that this period is when Robbie cemented himself as a legendary pop star. Yes, Take That were huge, and he enjoyed massive hits from his first few solo albums, but a track like ‘Radio’ is really not what an ex-boyband star should be releasing. Cast your mind back two chart-toppers, to Brian McFadden’s fairly plodding ‘Real to Me’, to see the level of many ex-boybanders.

‘Real to Me’ was written by Guy Chambers, while ‘Radio’ was Robbie William’s first solo single not to be co-written with his regular partner. Lyrically it’s interesting (by that I mean ridiculous), and if that’s down to the departure of Chambers I don’t know. Although some of the lines are brilliant in their ridiculousness. He puts an ‘e’ in the Arsenal, A comb in my ‘fro, Divine retribution and away we go… being a particular favourite.

‘Radio’ was one of two new songs on Williams’ first greatest hits record, another way in which this was something of a line in the sand after his huge hit-making days. Though to claim that this was the end of him as a chart force is highly misguided, with eight further Top 10 hits to come before his final chart-topper in eight years’ time. I’d class this along with something like Kylie’s ‘Slow’, a song that only made #1 because of a huge star’s fanbase, but that made the charts a more interesting place for doing so.

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991. ‘Call on Me’, by Eric Prydz

/ UK #1s blog / 4 Comments

Two sounds have dominated the charts of 2004: gloopy US R&B, and tacky dance records. Here we have the apogee of the latter genre.

Call on Me, by Eric Prydz (his 1st and only #1)

3 weeks, from 19th September – 10th October / 2 weeks, from 17th – 31st October 2004 (5 weeks total)

I’ve explained in earlier posts of what tacky dance consists. Basically it involves a sample from the ‘80s, and a trance-light beat. Basically, it’s basic. And catchy. And guaranteed to fill a provincial dancefloor. (That’s not me being snobby – I came of age on provincial dancefloors.)

‘Call on Me’ takes two lines from Steve Winwood’s 1982 #51 (and 1987 #19) hit ‘Valerie’, and adds a beat that alternately thumps then swirls. That’s about it. It does have a fill your ears, wall-of-sound quality to it, and I do remember it sounding very good in a dark and sweaty nightclub when you were five Apple VKs in. Earlier tacky dance chart-toppers, like ‘Take Me to the Clouds Above’ and ‘Lola’s Theme’, sound lightweight in comparison.

But like all songs of its ilk, it is repetitive, and ephemeral. Why was ‘Call on Me’ such a big hit, compared to the year’s other dance records? Why did it become, at the time, the second-longest running chart topper of the decade? I can’t hear any particular reason… Oh no, wait. Now I remember. The reason for this song’s success wasn’t just to do with the audio…

The video was set in a dance studio, and featured a bevy of beauties in skimpy swimwear doing a sexy aerobics routine (which must have chafed, looking back). A DVD single was available, that included a ‘late night’ version of the video. God knows what that involved. Opinion has been torn ever since. It won Best Video at a dance music awards, but was named 5th worst video of all time by NME. Eric Prydz himself refused to play the song for many years, apparently embarrassed by its success, and was once bottled on stage in Canada for not doing so. The final word on the video has to go to Tony Blair, Prime Minister: ‘The first time it came on, I nearly fell off my rowing machine’… These days, with all the filth we require at our digital fingertips, it feels quaint to think that randy teenage boys rushed in their droves to buy a DVD single. A relic of a simpler time.

Winwood’s ‘Valerie’ had been used in an earlier dance song by French duo Together (one of whom was Daft Punk’s Thomas Bangalter). They didn’t want to release it, and so Prydz – a Swedish DJ – recreated it with re-recorded vocals from Winwood himself. He scored his debut, and breakthrough, hit with it. While – correct me if I’m wrong, because he’s had a wide and varied career – I think this restored Steve Winwood to the UK Top 10 for the first time since his Spencer Davis Group and Traffic days. It’s bizarre to think that the last time the vocalist from ‘Call on Me’ was at #1, it was with the bluesy-garage rock of ‘Somebody Help Me’ in 1966.

Another reason for ‘Call on Me’s extended run at the top, other than the smut and its crowd-pleasing sound, was the lack of competition. When it returned to number one in October, it did so with the lowest sales ever recorded, scraping only 21,749 in its final week as a chart-topper. That’s very low. But sales will drop even lower in the next couple of years, before downloads finally fill the void.

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990. ‘Real to Me’, by Brian McFadden

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In which former Westlifer Brian McFadden goes solo, with a classic ‘I’m not in a boyband any more’ record…

Real to Me, by Brian McFadden (his 1st and only solo #1)

1 week, from 12th – 19th September 2004

I must admit I have no recollection of 10th March 2004, the day that McFadden announced his departure from Westlife. I remember the hysteria around Take That splitting, and I know exactly where I was when I heard that Geri was leaving the Spice Girls. I even remember finding out that Zayn was leaving One Direction, though that was more to do with a class of twelve-year-old girls I was teaching at the time. Brian quitting Westlife, though? Nope. Were there headlines? Helplines? Probably not. Still, off he went, making his intentions clear by hiring Robbie Williams’ long-time songwriting partner, Guy Chambers.

‘Real to Me’ has a self-important title that doesn’t bode well, and opens with a piano line that suggests we’re in a for a tortured ballad; yet in all honesty isn’t as bad a record as I remembered/expected. It’s basically an upbeat Westlife song, with a vaguely Britpop-ish, ‘90s alt-rock production. And a guitar solo! Which is always welcome these days.

I have a harder time getting on board with the lyrics, although I do like the opening line: Bullshit dinners and the free champagne… It’s such a stroppy, ‘look at me I’m swearing’ protest against Louis Walsh, Westlife, and all the granny-baiting ballads. (And he chickened out by changing it to ‘showbiz dinners’ for the single release.) The rest of the song is a list of complaints about how life in a boyband, with all the hotels, aeroplanes and dressing rooms, isn’t as fun as it looks. Well, duh. I don’t doubt he had his demons, but ‘successful pop star complains about being a successful pop star’ is a tricky genre to make palatable. Maybe just save it for your therapist?

And then there’s the middle-eight, which almost obliterates any goodwill I have for this song. Brian lists all the things he plans to do now he’s broken free of the boyband rat race. Picnics in the garden… Drink some English tea, Then I raise up my finger, And watch football on TV… Sheesh.

It’s cruel (though perhaps accurate) to suggest that the bullshit dinners and free champagne wouldn’t be a problem Brian had to wrestle with for long in his post-Westlife career. Robbie Williams he was not. ‘Real to Me’ squeaked a week at #1 with one of the year’s lowest sales, and he managed two more Top 10s from his debut album. After that zilch, though he’s fared slightly better in his native Ireland. Since 2016 he has been a sometime member of Boyzlife, with Boyzone alum Keith Duffy. To his credit, McFadden has never rejoined his band, as so many boyband quitters eventually do, and hopefully he is enjoying a quiet life, and a peaceful level of anonymity.

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Cover Versions of #1s… Motown Special

/ UK #1s blog / 6 Comments

For our next cover versions interlude, here are three covers of chart-topping hits with a little Motown flavouring.

Starting with possibly Motown’s biggest star, Stevie Wonder…

Wonder covered ‘We Can Work it Out’ for his 1971 album ‘Signed, Sealed, Delivered’, and it made #13 on the Billboard 100 when released as a single. He was still only twenty-one, though already a full decade into his recording career. Of course, Stevie Wonder’s career would cross paths with a Beatle again in the eighties, with the not-quite-as-classic ‘Ebony and Ivory’ hitting #1. Wonder then performed for Paul McCartney’s Grammy Lifetime Achievement Award ceremony a few years later, singing this very tune.

Sonically, this is very early-seventies Stevie, with a brilliant fried-funk bassline, and a harmonica solo. It’s also a much more positive sounding record than the baroque pop original, with the soaring vocals and backing leaving us in no doubt that whatever is wrong will indeed be worked out.

And if Stevie Wonder is Motown’s biggest star, then Smokey Robinson can’t be far behind…

He scored a belated number one with the Miracles in 1970 with the classic ‘The Tears of a Clown’, which was also co-written by Wonder. A decade later, in that incredibly fertile post-punk/new-wave landscape, the Beat (or English Beat, or British Beat, depending on where you’re from) took this ska cover version to #6 in the opening weeks of the 1980s.

I wouldn’t count myself as the biggest fan of ska, but I am a fan of hearing great songs that work in very different arrangements, and the staccato riff, played like a circus theme in the original, sounds great in a two-tone style.

My third cover is bending the rules a little. Or completely…

For years I assumed the Foundations were a Motown act, or at the very least Americans from somewhere near Detroit. But of course they were British, and released their music on Pye Records. I’ll class them as honourary Motown stars, though, as hits like ‘Build Me Up Buttercup’ and ‘Baby, Now That I’ve Found You’ are so very indebted to the Tamla sound.

Not that Alison Krauss’s bluegrass inflected version sounds anything like that. It is stripped back, richly smooth, almost haunting. It was recorded in 1995, and didn’t do much on the charts, but won a Grammy for Female Country Vocal Performance and has featured on Best Country Songs lists. Despite this, I like it because it’s not too country, if you know what I mean.

Hope you enjoyed these not too oft-heard cover versions of three sixties classics. Back to the regular countdown next, and we are only ten chart-toppers away from a very special anniversary!

989. ‘My Place’ / ‘Flap Your Wings’, by Nelly

/ UK #1s blog / 4 Comments

2004 has been a very US-centric, hip-hop-&B sounding year on the British charts. An Usher double, the dreaded Frankee & Eamon, Mario Winans… Now here’s another slow-jam from Nelly.

My Place / Flap Your Wings, by Nelly (his 2nd of four #1s)

1 week, from 5th – 12th September 2004

This double-A passed me by at the time, despite being in a fairly avid chart-watching phase in my life. I was about to start my second year at university the week this was at #1, so maybe my mind was elsewhere. But listening to it now, I like it. I like the smooth old-school soul of ‘My Place’, and the futuristic beats on ‘Flap Your Wings’, and would label it as one of the better of this year’s American number ones.

‘My Place’ enjoys the benefit of having three different samples from the late-seventies and early-eighties – Labelle, DeBarge, and Teddy Pendergrass – all of which give it an upbeat, soulful, disco-tinged feel. It doesn’t grab me with a killer hook, but it is a perfectly pleasant way to spend four and a half minutes. At least it isn’t mopey and self-pitying, like many of the year’s other R&B hits, while the chorus is delivered very smoothly by a sadly uncredited Jaheim.

The beat and Nelly’s half-sung/half-rapped delivery are very similar to his first chart-topper, ‘Dilemma’, but not so similar as to make it feel like a cynical retread. And that was a gigantic hit, so it’s understandable that he was tempted to revisit it. Speaking of retreads…

‘Flap Your Wings’ meanwhile harks back to Nelly’s 2002 #3 hit ‘Hot in Herre’, not so much in the sound as in the tempo, the beat, and the meter of his delivery. And in the lyrics about sweat drippin’ all over your body… It’s not as catchy, or as memorable, as ‘Hot in Herre’, but there’s definitely something there in the repetitive beat and the saucy lyrics. At least I think Drop down and get your eagle on girl… must be somehow dirty.

It was produced by the Neptunes, with Pharrell Williams popping up for one line mid-song. This was the first UK #1 credit enjoyed by an act responsible for dictating how much of the decade’s hip-hop and R&B would sound, with Williams a decade away from the trio of million-selling hits he’d enjoy in 2013-14. However, I would say that this song also feels like a warm-up for their era-defining turn on Snoop Dogg’s ‘Drop It Like It’s Hot’, an even more minimalist hip-hop hit that would chart a few weeks later.

Both these tracks came from Nelly’s double-album ‘Sweat / Suit’ – I’ll leave it to you to guess which song is from which side – and had been released with ‘Flap Your Wings’ as the lead single a month earlier, making #88. Once the order was switched it entered at the top, and became the only truly solo #1 from Nelly’s four chart-toppers.

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988. ‘These Words’, by Natasha Bedingfield

/ UK #1s blog / 13 Comments

Just when we thought the Bedingfield-era had drawn to a close with the last of Daniel’s three #1s, here comes little sister Natasha.

These Words, by Natasha Bedingfield (her 1st and only #1)

2 weeks, from 22nd August – 5th September 2004

Posh Girl Pop became a big thing in the mid-00s chart landscape – think Dido, Katie Melua, KT Tunstall, Sandie Thom – and Natasha Bedingfield is perhaps the first time we’ve met one of them on top of the charts. You know the type: hippy(ish), flowy skirts, a couple of Chinese tattoos, a copy of ‘Eat, Pray, Love’, Manic Pixie Dream Girl energy…

I don’t hate ‘These Words’. It’s catchy and upbeat. It’s definitely more enjoyable than Daniel’s snoozy ballads, despite the jolly hockey sticks energy. (Natasha Bedingfield doesn’t so much sing the song as grab it by the shoulders and drag it to majorettes practice.) Has it ever featured in a rom-com? It must have.

But just when I think I might be sounding a little snide, a little bitchy, I actually listen to the lyrics of ‘These Words’. Threw some chords together, The combination DEF, It’s who I am , It’s what I do, And I was gonna lay it down for you… It’s what she is. It’s what she does. It’s just sooo Natasha. She claims she has ADD. She namechecks Byron, Shelly and Keats. She pronounces ‘hyperbole’ as ‘hyper-bowl’. What is she like? Kooky or what?

It doesn’t help that this record doesn’t quite know what it is, musically speaking. Is she singing or rapping? Is it pop, hip-hop, or R&B? Sometimes these genres can be ambiguous, and blending them can create great pop. But that’s not what happens here. It sounds choppy, clunky, and forced. And when Natasha started going on Christina Aguilera-esque runs in the middle-eight someone should have had a quiet word.

Would this have been a hit without big bro’s success? What’s the sibling version of nepotism? Fraternism…? This does mean that Daniel and Natasha are the only siblings to achieve separate solo #1s. There have been plenty of chart-topping brothers (the Davies and Gallaghers foremost among them), and Shane and Keavy Lynch made it with Boyzone and B*Witched respectively, but this technically makes the Bedingfields the most successful chart family…

On that note, we can properly draw the Bedingfield-era to a close. Happily so, though I appear to be in the minority when it comes to ‘These Words’. It was well-received at the time, and remains well-liked. I just don’t hear it. And don’t get me started on Natasha’s follow-up hit, the ‘millennial classic’ ‘Unwritten’. I really can’t stand that one, and don’t know why it seems to have taken on a life of its own in recent years.

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987. ‘Babycakes’, by 3 of a Kind

/ UK #1s blog / 2 Comments

Though I’m not sure that anybody asked for it, UK garage is suddenly back on top of the charts…

Baby Cakes, by 3 Of A Kind (their 1st and only #1)

1 week, from 15th – 22nd August 2004

This was one of the dominant sounds in 2000-01, but having made it to 2004 I’ve just noticed how long it’s been since we had a garage chart-topper. Which probably means I haven’t missed it.

‘Baby Cakes’ has got all the classic 2-step garage touches: a staccato beat, flat singing, an MC rapping, an annoyingly repetitive hook, and – best of all – a very tacky rewinding sound effect. Although it’s a much cheesier, and lighter (and fluffier, get it…), record I can’t help thinking of So Solid Crew’s ‘21 Seconds’ in the I just want you to know-oh-oh refrain.

I detested this record at the time, in that way all eighteen year olds have very strong opinions on things that aren’t very important at all. I will say that my feelings for ‘Baby Cakes’ have softened in the intervening years, especially because I don’t think I’ve actually heard it once in that time. It’s catchy nonsense, really, one beat away from being a novelty record. Plus, with a 2:30 runtime it is short and – appropriately given the subject matter and the innuendo-laden, sexy bakers video – sweet.

It’s also a nice, momentary change of pace for 2004, a year that has been dominated by very American, and often very slushy, R&B ballads. A blast of a very British genre, and some very British accents.

3 of a Kind were a trio, two of whom met for the first time the day that they recorded ‘Baby Cakes’. If that doesn’t sound like it bodes well for long-term success, then you’d be right. They never even released a follow-up single, and remain gold-star one-hit wonders. Details on what the members are up to now appear hard to come by, though one of them seems to be working as a party planner, while another made a living from poker.

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986. ‘Thunderbirds’ / ‘3am’, by Busted

/ UK #1s blog / 4 Comments

They leave it late, but Busted finally score a good chart-topper…

Thunderbirds / 3am, by Busted (their 4th and final #1)

2 weeks, 1st – 15th August 2004

They are helped by having the classic ‘Thunderbirds’ theme at their disposal for a bombastic intro, before slamming into a catchy as hell pop-rock riff. The verses have a timeless pop chord progression, and there’s a zippy pop-punk energy to it. It’s fun, even if James Bourne’s insistence on singing in a nasal Californian accent is getting very tiring.

Most of all, though, I like how phoned-in the lyrics are. Busted clearly hadn’t seen the film, or potentially a single episode of the show, and had just googled some buzzwords. Kids are learning fast, They know that T-birds kick some ass, Be sure that there’s no coming last if you’re on their side… The one thing they did know is that the Thunderbirds were puppets, and the no strings to keep them down line is quite clever, given that reboot was almost entirely CGI.

To be honest, if this track didn’t exist then I would have no recollection of there ever having been a ‘Thunderbirds’ movie in 2004 (19% on Rotten Tomatoes; Gerry Anderson: ‘The biggest load of crap I’ve ever seen in my entire life’). But it wouldn’t be the first soundtrack to do better than the movie. Compare the film ‘Unchained’ with it’s much more famous ‘melody’.

Even better than ‘Thunderbirds’ – many sources call it ‘Thunderbirds Are Go’ but I’m sticking with what the OCC say – is the double-A, ‘3am’, in which Busted prove they can write a sad song without coming across as dicks. Yes, it’s another break-up song in a year full of them, but this one works nicely. Dramatic strings, a great chorus, an even better, layered middle-eight, not calling the girl a ‘stupid lying bitch’… Brilliant. (I do wish they had been allowed to say ‘shit’ though, rather than self-censor with a ‘shhhhh’.)

There’s finally a self-awareness in the lyrics, mixed with just enough teenage boy arrogance. They thought they were over her, until those middle-of-the-night terrors came along. Okay yes, they are calling her at 3 a.m. while standing outside her door, which may be a criminal offence, and the line about her car not getting very far makes me wonder if they’ve cut her brakes, but let’s gloss over that. The rest of the song – lyrically and musically – hints at a maturity that had been lacking in their earlier #1s, and makes us look forward to what they might produce for their third album…

Except this was Busted’s last single for twelve years. On Christmas Eve 2004, Charlie Simpson announced he was leaving to concentrate on side-project Fightstar. Two weeks later Busted officially broke up. As lightweight as they were, Busted were still the biggest pop group in the country, so to split so acrimoniously at the height of their fame was a shock.

Various side-projects and stints in rehab followed, before they reformed in 2015. They remain together, which means Busted 2.0 have lasted three times as long as their original iteration managed. They also spent a year or so as part of McBusted, in which the two pre-eminent British pop-punk bands of the ‘00s toured and released an album together. I might call that Busted riding on a more talented band’s coat-tails, but then I am a biased McFly stan…