Hip-Hop

1003. ‘Like Toy Soldiers’, by Eminem

/ UK #1s blog / 8 Comments

In which Eminem redeems himself after the execrable ‘Just Lose It’. A bit, at least…

Like Toy Soldiers, by Eminem (his 6th of eleven #1s)

1 week, from 6th – 13th February 2005

Things I like about this song are: A) The clever title. It is ‘like’ ‘Toy Soldiers’, the 1989 #5 hit for Martika that it samples. While Eminem’s acolytes that he refers to in the lyrics are like toy soldiers for him, in his many beefs with various other rappers. B) The sample I think is inspired, and it lends a soaring quality to the chorus. C) The added marching drumbeat, and the fact that Martika’s voice is pitched slightly faster and higher than the very plodding, power-ballad original. It improves it, in my opinion.

The fact that it’s taken six chart-toppers for Eminem to make such prominent use of a sample is surprising, given hip-hop’s love for ‘borrowing’ beats. Musically some of Eminem’s #1s have been a little lightweight, even a bit rinky-dink (‘Without Me’ is great, but it’s all about the lyrics not the production); while this one is way more impressive musically than lyrically.

So yes, what I don’t particularly like about this record are the lyrics. Not because they’re offensive, or provocative. More because they’re boring. They’re a five minute explanation of a disagreement between Eminem, 50 Cent, and Ja Rule. As a teacher, it sounds a lot like hearing a naughty kid try trying to explain why something isn’t their fault and how life is unfair: We actually tried to stop the 50 and Ja beef from happenin’, Me and Dre had sat with him, Kicked it and had a chat with him, And asked him not to start it, He wasn’t gonna go after him, Until Ja started yappin’ in magazines how we stabbed him…

I mean. I really couldn’t care less. Grown men – very rich grown men – acting the fool like kids in a playground. Anyone over the age of fifteen shouldn’t be allowed to have ‘beef’ with anyone. Grow up. By the end of the song, Eminem is calling for a truce in whatever rap battles have been going on, how he’s going to be the bigger man. And yet. Any five-second Google search throws up any number of post-2005 beefs that Eminem has rapped about.

Because, in hip-hop, beefing sells. All the posturing, the not backing down, the having your homies’ backs, is a huge part of the genre’s image. And I don’t want to sound too much like a middle-aged white guy (which I unmistakeably am), but I’ve never really seen the appeal of this side of rap music. And it leads to lop-sided songs like this, where I grow bored in the middle of every verse, as Eminem drones on about how nothing’s his fault, waiting for the far better chorus to swing by again.

‘Like Toy Soldiers’ brings to an end Eminem’s imperial phase. Seven #1s in less than five years, yet he won’t score another number one as lead artist until 2013. He won’t be absent from the charts – and in that time he’ll score one of the biggest non-chart topping hits of all time – but a mix of time away due to addiction and uneven output will mean he isn’t as untouchable as he once was.

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1001. ‘Goodies’, by Ciara ft. Petey Pablo

/ UK #1s blog / 3 Comments

On to the next one thousand number ones, then. And after two weeks of Elvis oldies at the top of the charts, we are happily dragged back into the 21st century with this one.

Goodies, by Ciara ft. Petey Pablo (their 1st and only #1s)

1 week, from 23rd – 30th January 2005

It is a startlingly modern record, one of those that feels like a fast-forward button being pressed. ‘Goodies’ is crunk, or crunk&B, making this the second such chart-topper after Usher’s ‘Yeah!’ But whereas that song was very pop, with a dumb, hooky chorus; ‘Goodies’ makes the listener work a bit more hard to reveal its appeal.

At first it is sparse, with a Lil’ John-a-like rapping over an arrestingly annoying high-pitched whistle riff. It is not an intro that makes friends. But slowly elements are added: Ciara’s breathy vocals, the stabbing synths (the one element of the song that ties it to ‘Yeah!’), a twangy guitar line, and it develops into a fine pop song.

There are enough weird bits here for three or four songs, and it potentially could have been messy, but everything hangs together well. I particularly like the twangy riff (always a sucker for a guitar, whatever the genre) and the bridge, where Ciara switches to an impressively operatic falsetto. And Petey Pablo is an upgrade on Lil John: same southern drawl, less inane shouting.

It’s odd. ‘Goodies’ is not the type of record that is guaranteed to be a hit with me, but I remember it fondly from the time and listening to it now I am coming to the opinion that it is a lost classic. Maybe I’m just glad to have a proper pop song to write about, not the charity singles/X factor dross/Elvis re-releases that we’ve contended with in recent weeks, but I do think ‘Goodies’ deserves to be as well, if not better, remembered than our other crunk #1. It conjured up a steamy, southern US summer’s day in gloomy British January. And, for those who complain about the usual sexualisation found in this type of music, Ciara here offers a more wholesome alternative: If you’re lookin’ for the goodies, Keep on lookin’, ‘Cause they stay in the jar…

This was nineteen-year-old Ciara’s debut and, in the UK at least, biggest hit. It was the first of her five Top 10s, though she hasn’t particularly troubled the charts since the end of the ‘00s. In the US she remains more of a name, releasing her latest album just last year. For Petey Pablo meanwhile, this was by far his biggest British hit, his music career being interrupted by a spell in jail for bringing a stolen gun onto a plane.

‘Goodies’ was a day away from being my nineteenth birthday number one, and a good birthday chart-topper it would have been. Instead, I had to settle for yet another Elvis re-release, and not even a particularly good one…

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994. ‘Just Lose It’, by Eminem

/ UK #1s blog / 6 Comments

That sound? Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah-Ahrgh! Eminem dramatically falling from grace…

Just Lose It, by Eminem (his 5th of eleven #1s)

1 week, from 7th – 14th November 2004

After a trio of chart-toppers – ‘Stan’, ‘Without Me’ and ‘Lose Yourself’ – that not only hugely advanced the critical reputation and lyrical potential of hip-hop, but what pop music as a whole could be capable of, Slim Shady returns with an Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah-Ahrgh!

It’s so bad it could be viewed as a parody, and Eminem such a contrarian that it could be seen as an attempt to destroy his own legacy. The fact that it interpolates aspects of both ‘Without Me’ and ‘Lose Yourself’ backs this up. Or, it might just mean that Eminem had run out of steam. Apparently at the time of recording he was taking thirty to forty Valium a day, which might go a long way to explaining this record’s grotesqueness.

In the previous trio of #1s Eminem was in turns scary, hilarious, and charismatic. On ‘Just Lose It’ he sounds bored, a deadpan delivery making the predictable and unfunny lines sound worse. The video doesn’t help either, with Slim farting, vomiting, and for some reason dressing as Madonna, in a bid to ramp up some shock value.

He also takes a pop at Michael Jackson, in the video, and in the song’s one good line. What else could I possibly do to make noise, I’ve done touched on everything but little boys…? It’s especially interesting to hear this today, with MJ back in the charts and apparently fully un-cancelled following his successful biopic. At the time Jackson was pretty pissed off with this record. A couple of years later he had bought most of Eminem’s back catalogue.

Other than gleefully annoying Jackson and his unhinged fanbase, this record is largely irredeemable. And has there been a more confronting hook in a chart-topper than those bloody Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah-Ahrghs? They are genuinely jarring.

Regardless of quality, the lead single from a new Eminem album is always going to be a big deal. Straight in at number one. And the low sales climate will mean that Eminem soon benefits from a second, slightly random #1 too. Much better than this one, though, thank God.

Explicit version:

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993. ‘Wonderful’, by Ja Rule ft. R. Kelly & Ashanti

/ UK #1s blog / 3 Comments

Yet another US-based R&B number one, to add to 2004’s increasingly long list…

Wonderful, by Ja Rule (his 1st and only #1) ft. R. Kelly (his 3rd and final #1) & Ashanti (her 1st and only #1)

1 week, from 31st October – 7th November 2004

Making this track even harder to enjoy, aside from its averageness, is the appearance of R Kelly for his final UK chart-topper. Your enjoyment of this song will depend on how well you can stomach Kels singing about how life is a pussy buffet…

Though to give him his due, this feels like an R Kelly record rather than one led by Ja Rule, given that he gets around fifty percent of the airtime, including the chorus, which is the catchiest part of the song (I quite like the Morse Code-y, buzzing riff that holds it together too). Ja Rule contributes a couple of verses about gangstas and hos, and other rap cliches that make me roll my eyes. It’s always been a feature of the genre, that sort of aggrandisement, but one that started to dominate in the 21st century. Y’all bitches don’t know… Niggas can’t walk a mile in my shoes… That sort of thing.

I always quite liked Ja Rule, however. Usually in a supporting role, as on his two hits with J-Lo (‘Ain’t It Funny’ and ‘I’m Real’) and ‘Always on Time’ with Ashanti. Those songs felt much bigger, much more part of the fabric of the early ‘00s, than ‘Wonderful’. So in one sense it’s good that the dulcet tones of Ja Rule, and the much sweeter-voiced Ashanti, managed a British chart-topper. Just preferably not with this.

I’d even go so far as to claim that songs like this don’t belong on top of the UK singles charts. It’s not our music. It’s US cultural imperialism! Bring back Lonnie Donegan! Yes that sounds a bit Reform-ish, but – unlike other nationalities – we can be rude about Americans and not get into trouble. I do wonder which sections of the British public this record spoke to. Give me So Solid Crew over this: at least they spoke about the lives of British kids, and came from British council estates.

Of course, in late 2004, ‘Wonderful’ sold a fraction of what Ja Rule and Ashanti’s non chart-topping, earlier hits had sold. While it just about cleared the record set by ‘Call on Me’s final fortnight on top, the 23k copies it sold in its first week set its own record for the lowest selling record to debut at #1. Has anyone listened to this in twenty years? I doubt it. Not the most ‘Wonderful’ legacy to leave.

Censored and uncensored versions:

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989. ‘My Place’ / ‘Flap Your Wings’, by Nelly

/ UK #1s blog / 4 Comments

2004 has been a very US-centric, hip-hop-&B sounding year on the British charts. An Usher double, the dreaded Frankee & Eamon, Mario Winans… Now here’s another slow-jam from Nelly.

My Place / Flap Your Wings, by Nelly (his 2nd of four #1s)

1 week, from 5th – 12th September 2004

This double-A passed me by at the time, despite being in a fairly avid chart-watching phase in my life. I was about to start my second year at university the week this was at #1, so maybe my mind was elsewhere. But listening to it now, I like it. I like the smooth old-school soul of ‘My Place’, and the futuristic beats on ‘Flap Your Wings’, and would label it as one of the better of this year’s American number ones.

‘My Place’ enjoys the benefit of having three different samples from the late-seventies and early-eighties – Labelle, DeBarge, and Teddy Pendergrass – all of which give it an upbeat, soulful, disco-tinged feel. It doesn’t grab me with a killer hook, but it is a perfectly pleasant way to spend four and a half minutes. At least it isn’t mopey and self-pitying, like many of the year’s other R&B hits, while the chorus is delivered very smoothly by a sadly uncredited Jaheim.

The beat and Nelly’s half-sung/half-rapped delivery are very similar to his first chart-topper, ‘Dilemma’, but not so similar as to make it feel like a cynical retread. And that was a gigantic hit, so it’s understandable that he was tempted to revisit it. Speaking of retreads…

‘Flap Your Wings’ meanwhile harks back to Nelly’s 2002 #3 hit ‘Hot in Herre’, not so much in the sound as in the tempo, the beat, and the meter of his delivery. And in the lyrics about sweat drippin’ all over your body… It’s not as catchy, or as memorable, as ‘Hot in Herre’, but there’s definitely something there in the repetitive beat and the saucy lyrics. At least I think Drop down and get your eagle on girl… must be somehow dirty.

It was produced by the Neptunes, with Pharrell Williams popping up for one line mid-song. This was the first UK #1 credit enjoyed by an act responsible for dictating how much of the decade’s hip-hop and R&B would sound, with Williams a decade away from the trio of million-selling hits he’d enjoy in 2013-14. However, I would say that this song also feels like a warm-up for their era-defining turn on Snoop Dogg’s ‘Drop It Like It’s Hot’, an even more minimalist hip-hop hit that would chart a few weeks later.

Both these tracks came from Nelly’s double-album ‘Sweat / Suit’ – I’ll leave it to you to guess which song is from which side – and had been released with ‘Flap Your Wings’ as the lead single a month earlier, making #88. Once the order was switched it entered at the top, and became the only truly solo #1 from Nelly’s four chart-toppers.

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987. ‘Babycakes’, by 3 of a Kind

/ UK #1s blog / 2 Comments

Though I’m not sure that anybody asked for it, UK garage is suddenly back on top of the charts…

Baby Cakes, by 3 Of A Kind (their 1st and only #1)

1 week, from 15th – 22nd August 2004

This was one of the dominant sounds in 2000-01, but having made it to 2004 I’ve just noticed how long it’s been since we had a garage chart-topper. Which probably means I haven’t missed it.

‘Baby Cakes’ has got all the classic 2-step garage touches: a staccato beat, flat singing, an MC rapping, an annoyingly repetitive hook, and – best of all – a very tacky rewinding sound effect. Although it’s a much cheesier, and lighter (and fluffier, get it…), record I can’t help thinking of So Solid Crew’s ‘21 Seconds’ in the I just want you to know-oh-oh refrain.

I detested this record at the time, in that way all eighteen year olds have very strong opinions on things that aren’t very important at all. I will say that my feelings for ‘Baby Cakes’ have softened in the intervening years, especially because I don’t think I’ve actually heard it once in that time. It’s catchy nonsense, really, one beat away from being a novelty record. Plus, with a 2:30 runtime it is short and – appropriately given the subject matter and the innuendo-laden, sexy bakers video – sweet.

It’s also a nice, momentary change of pace for 2004, a year that has been dominated by very American, and often very slushy, R&B ballads. A blast of a very British genre, and some very British accents.

3 of a Kind were a trio, two of whom met for the first time the day that they recorded ‘Baby Cakes’. If that doesn’t sound like it bodes well for long-term success, then you’d be right. They never even released a follow-up single, and remain gold-star one-hit wonders. Details on what the members are up to now appear hard to come by, though one of them seems to be working as a party planner, while another made a living from poker.

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985. ‘Dry Your Eyes’, by The Streets

/ UK #1s blog / 3 Comments

It’s still July, but can we already declare 2004 as the year of the break-up song?

Dry Your Eyes, by The Streets (their 1st and only #1)

1 week, 25th July – 1st August 2004

We’ve had spiky break-up #1s from Busted, and the dreaded Eamon and Frankee, as well as maudlin break-up songs from Mario Winans and Usher. What’s interesting about ‘Dry Your Eyes’ is that it manages to straddle the two moods.

In fact, Mike Skinner seems to be going through the seven stages of grief during this three or four minute (depending which mix you listen to) track. There’s sadness, denial, pleading, and anger. We go from Everything’s just gone, I’ve got nothing, Absolutely nothing… to I’m not gonna fucking just fucking leave it all now… and various stop-offs in between. It also goes into a lot of strangely specific detail about where and how he and his girlfriend are placing their hands.

I remember this song getting a lot of critical attention at the time. It is a unique track, half-rap/half-spoken word, from an influential act in British hip-hop, grime, garage… you name it. Yet it doesn’t make me care. It doesn’t move me. And I know I complained about the nastiness in Busted and Eamon’s break-up songs, but at the same time I’m not convinced that just because a confirmed lad like Mike Skinner wrote an apparently touching and vulnerable track about being dumped that it’s any better. (This was the follow-up to the far more degenerate – and better, in my eyes – ‘Fit But You Know It’.)

(…getting personal for a second, I don’t think my aversion to break-up songs stems from any personal trauma. Nor does it stem from a lack of experience. When a relationship of ten and a half years ended, I did turn to music. I turned to Dusty Springfield. ‘All I See Is You’ is the ultimate break-up song. It renders a tune like ‘Dry Your Eyes’ completely and utterly insignificant…)

Another downside to ‘Dry Your Eyes’ is that I remember my mum liking it. Which means it must have been getting played on Radio 2. Which means that The Streets had officially lost their street-cred. Not that I am snobby against my mum’s taste in music – we have lots of favourite acts in common – but when middle-class, middle-aged mums are citing your song to show they are still ‘with it’, then I’d be tempted to utter the words ‘sell-out’. For context, the one other 21st century artist my mum has claimed to like is Ed Sheeran…

The Streets, a musical project of up to seven members and led by the already mentioned Mike Skinner, had been around since the early nineties. They released their first music in the early ‘00s, and their first two albums (‘Dry Your Eyes’ was from the second) were hugely popular, influential, and critically acclaimed. And yes, this is an interesting, innovative – even unique – number one. It just doesn’t do much for me.

980. ‘I Don’t Wanna Know’, by Mario Winans ft. Enya & P. Diddy

/ UK #1s blog / 4 Comments

Normal service is resumed on top of the charts. Sort of.

I Don’t Wanna Know, by Mario Winans (his 1st and only #1) ft. Enya (her 2nd and final #1) & P. Diddy (his 2nd of three #1s)

2 weeks, 6th – 20th June 2004

At least this isn’t a bitch-fest, with Mario Winans listing the ways his ex-lover has wronged him, cheated on him, done the dirty… In fact, the crux of the song is that ignorance is bliss: I don’t wanna know, If you’re playing me, Keep it on the low, Cause my heart can’t take it anymore… But it’s still a mopey break-up song, in a year that has already seen its fair share of mopey break-up songs. Forget ‘I Don’t Wanna Know’; make that ‘We Don’t Wanna Know’, Mario. Just keep it to yourself.

What makes this track actually quite interesting is the sample from Enya’s eerie ‘Boadicea’, which gives it a real obsessing-in-the-middle-of-the-night atmosphere. Winan’s knew the sample from the Fugees’ 1996 #1 ‘Ready Or Not’, but unlike on that track Enya actually agreed to re-record the sample, receiving a credit and a second chart-topper, sixteen years on from ‘Orinoco Flow’.

Listening now, I wonder how this record would have sounded if they had just stuck with the ‘Boadicea’ sample, and the piano line that enters later? Instead a fairly basic, jittery hip-hop beat comes in, and spoils the desolate feeling. I suppose it might have sounded too similar to ‘Ready or Not’ otherwise, but still. The middle-eight picks things up a bit, as Winans harmonises nicely with himself, but much of is bland and mushy.

I also wonder how this would have sounded without P. Diddy’s rap. Not just because he’s now persona non grata, but because it’s such a non-event. I guess, like the hip-hop beat, they asked him to phone it in and stuck it on because it was the done thing for an R&B track in the mid-‘00s, and because he was a name and Mario Winans wasn’t, rather than because it adds much to the song. Still, it is Sean Combes’ second of three UK #1s, all coming under different pseudonyms.

For Mario Winans, this was his only UK Top 10 as a lead artist. He is more prolific as a producer and songwriter, having worked with Destiny’s Child, Jennifer Lopez and The Weeknd, among various others. He is also the nephew of Bebe Winans, who guested on Eternal’s 1997 chart-topper ‘I Wanna Be the Only One’, and part of the extended (and apparently quite important in the gospel music world) Winans Family.

One other thing to note before we finish is that like the gruesome twosome he knocked off number one, ‘I Don’t Wanna Know’ inspired its own answer song. ‘You Should Really Know’ by the Pirates ft. Shola Ama, Naila Boss and Ishani (and Enya, of course) is actually quite good, with an interesting Indian flavour to it, and made #8 later in the year.

976. ‘Yeah!’ by Usher ft. Lil’ John & Ludacris

/ UK #1s blog / 2 Comments

Every year has one number one that sounds utterly of that time. (In fact, that would be an interesting exercise, to go back through each year and choose one chart-topper to represent it…) Anyway, here is 2004’s.

Yeah!, by Usher (his 2nd of four #1s) ft. Lil’ John & Ludacris

2 weeks, 21st March – 4th April 2004

Compare and contrast ‘Yeah!’ with ‘Toxic’, the other contender for ‘song of the year’. ‘Toxic’ is timeless, while ‘Yeah!’ remains stuck in its time and place. But maybe I’m biased, as I was always going to be Team Britney, and to lean towards fun female pop. ‘Yeah!’ is the male equivalent though, in that it set the tone for boy-led, R&B/hip-hop pop for much of the rest of the decade.

It’s all homies, shawties, and booties – three lyrical must haves for a song of this type – and a chorus that is just Yeah! repeated twelve times. Not that the lyrics of ‘Toxic’ were Shakespearian; but this is really dumb. Musically it is equally simplistic, with a relentlessly memorable air-raid syren synth that runs, unwavering, from start to finish, complemented by what sounds like a phone ringing off the hook. This was one of the first hit records to bring crunk – a danceable subgenre of hip-hop from the Southern US – mainstream, and certainly the first UK #1 to do so. (It is, I think, one of only two crunk #1s, and is by far the lesser of the two…)

Also bringing the crunk is the appearance of Lil John, one of the godfathers of the genre, though he does little more than repeat what Usher sings, and shout ‘Yeah!’. (Considering that some artists have sung entire choruses on recent chart-toppers and not received a credit, Lil John can consider himself very lucky.)

I’m sounding pretty down on this record, when I do actually quite like it. And, considering that it instantly drags me back to being eighteen, it does hold some nostalgic weight. What saves it is the appearance of Ludacris, a rapper who enlivens any song he appears on. He never sounds like he’s taking his job seriously – and I mean that as a compliment, as he doesn’t have a serious job (though most rappers would argue otherwise…) He manages to keep his rap clean, but also delivers potentially one of the filthiest lines in chart-topping history: These women all on the prowl, If you hold the head steady, Imma milk the cow…

I’m just amazed that this was Luda’s only number one single, as ‘ft. Ludacris’ feels as common a ‘00s suffix as ‘ft. Jay-Z’. As for Usher, this was his second number one, over six years on from his teenage debut. Listen to ‘U Make Me Wanna’ then this back to back, and you’ll hear how much US R&B changed either side of the millennium. He won’t have to wait anywhere near as long for his third chart-topper.

962. ‘Be Faithful’, by Fatman Scoop ft. the Crooklyn Clan

/ UK #1s blog / 3 Comments

First up, an apology. I bought this next #1 on CD single, and so played my part in a truly moronic record making the top of the charts…

Be Faithful, by Fatman Scoop ft. the Crooklyn Clan (their 1st and only #1)

2 weeks, 26th October – 9th November 2003

…yet I regret nothing. And I can’t even blame it solely on youthful exuberance. I thought this record was dumb at the time, and still do. It is loud, obnoxious, and vulgar. But somehow that is part of its ‘charm’ – though using a term like ‘charm’ to discuss a song like this feels wrong.

‘Be Faithful’ is essentially a mish-mash of samples, at least six, with rapper and hype-man Fatman Scoop bellowing stupid lyrics over the top, in his harsh New York accent. Scoop, it’s fair to say, has a voice that goes right through you. He makes a foghorn sound subtle.

There are lots of chops and changes of rhythm and tempo – this isn’t a record that unfolds slowly – and lots of call and response parts. A personal favourite was always the Engine, engine, number nine, On the New York Transit Line… (an old school hip-hop sample from Black Sheep) and, naturally, the following Who fuckin’ tonight, Oh, Oh! lines. Forgive me, I was but a child…

Part of the reason why I rushed to buy this record is that the song had been around for years, and had been played in nightclubs since I first blagged my way through their doors. The original had been recorded in 1999, and had been a minor hit in the US. Sample clearance issues meant that a proper release took years, though bootleg copies were circulated widely, hence how I first heard it.

The main sample involved Faith Evans, whose pleasant tones provide much needed relief from Fatman Scoop’s hollering, and her 1998 song ‘Love Like This’. Complicating things further was the fact that most of these samples were samples of samples, in Evans’ case from Chic’s ‘Chic Cheer’. It means that she does feature on a second UK chart-topper, though uncredited (a theme of the year), after ‘I’ll Be Missing You’.

So, after almost five years, Scoop and his Crooklyn Clan production team managed to dot the ‘i’s and cross the ‘t’s, and get a proper worldwide release (everywhere but the US) for ‘Be Faithful’, and scored a number one. And it is yet another remix, in a year stacked with them. I make it five now, or six if we include ‘Loneliness’…

Scoop’s long trek to the top didn’t kick off any prolonged success. He managed one further Top 10 hit, though he did stay very active in the music business with guest spots and remixes. He also appeared in various reality TV shows in the 2010s, before his death from heart issues in 2024, aged just fifty-six.