Hip-Hop

989. ‘My Place’ / ‘Flap Your Wings’, by Nelly

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2004 has been a very US-centric, hip-hop-&B sounding year on the British charts. An Usher double, the dreaded Frankee & Eamon, Mario Winans… Now here’s another slow-jam from Nelly.

My Place / Flap Your Wings, by Nelly (his 2nd of four #1s)

1 week, from 5th – 12th September 2004

This double-A passed me by at the time, despite being in a fairly avid chart-watching phase in my life. I was about to start my second year at university the week this was at #1, so maybe my mind was elsewhere. But listening to it now, I like it. I like the smooth old-school soul of ‘My Place’, and the futuristic beats on ‘Flap Your Wings’, and would label it as one of the better of this year’s American number ones.

‘My Place’ enjoys the benefit of having three different samples from the late-seventies and early-eighties – Labelle, DeBarge, and Teddy Pendergrass – all of which give it an upbeat, soulful, disco-tinged feel. It doesn’t grab me with a killer hook, but it is a perfectly pleasant way to spend four and a half minutes. At least it isn’t mopey and self-pitying, like many of the year’s other R&B hits, while the chorus is delivered very smoothly by a sadly uncredited Jaheim.

The beat and Nelly’s half-sung/half-rapped delivery are very similar to his first chart-topper, ‘Dilemma’, but not so similar as to make it feel like a cynical retread. And that was a gigantic hit, so it’s understandable that he was tempted to revisit it. Speaking of retreads…

‘Flap Your Wings’ meanwhile harks back to Nelly’s 2002 #3 hit ‘Hot in Herre’, not so much in the sound as in the tempo, the beat, and the meter of his delivery. And in the lyrics about sweat drippin’ all over your body… It’s not as catchy, or as memorable, as ‘Hot in Herre’, but there’s definitely something there in the repetitive beat and the saucy lyrics. At least I think Drop down and get your eagle on girl… must be somehow dirty.

It was produced by the Neptunes, with Pharrell Williams popping up for one line mid-song. This was the first UK #1 credit enjoyed by an act responsible for dictating how much of the decade’s hip-hop and R&B would sound, with Williams a decade away from the trio of million-selling hits he’d enjoy in 2013-14. However, I would say that this song also feels like a warm-up for their era-defining turn on Snoop Dogg’s ‘Drop It Like It’s Hot’, an even more minimalist hip-hop hit that would chart a few weeks later.

Both these tracks came from Nelly’s double-album ‘Sweat / Suit’ – I’ll leave it to you to guess which song is from which side – and had been released with ‘Flap Your Wings’ as the lead single a month earlier, making #88. Once the order was switched it entered at the top, and became the only truly solo #1 from Nelly’s four chart-toppers.

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987. ‘Babycakes’, by 3 of a Kind

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Though I’m not sure that anybody asked for it, UK garage is suddenly back on top of the charts…

Baby Cakes, by 3 Of A Kind (their 1st and only #1)

1 week, from 15th – 22nd August 2004

This was one of the dominant sounds in 2000-01, but having made it to 2004 I’ve just noticed how long it’s been since we had a garage chart-topper. Which probably means I haven’t missed it.

‘Baby Cakes’ has got all the classic 2-step garage touches: a staccato beat, flat singing, an MC rapping, an annoyingly repetitive hook, and – best of all – a very tacky rewinding sound effect. Although it’s a much cheesier, and lighter (and fluffier, get it…), record I can’t help thinking of So Solid Crew’s ‘21 Seconds’ in the I just want you to know-oh-oh refrain.

I detested this record at the time, in that way all eighteen year olds have very strong opinions on things that aren’t very important at all. I will say that my feelings for ‘Baby Cakes’ have softened in the intervening years, especially because I don’t think I’ve actually heard it once in that time. It’s catchy nonsense, really, one beat away from being a novelty record. Plus, with a 2:30 runtime it is short and – appropriately given the subject matter and the innuendo-laden, sexy bakers video – sweet.

It’s also a nice, momentary change of pace for 2004, a year that has been dominated by very American, and often very slushy, R&B ballads. A blast of a very British genre, and some very British accents.

3 of a Kind were a trio, two of whom met for the first time the day that they recorded ‘Baby Cakes’. If that doesn’t sound like it bodes well for long-term success, then you’d be right. They never even released a follow-up single, and remain gold-star one-hit wonders. Details on what the members are up to now appear hard to come by, though one of them seems to be working as a party planner, while another made a living from poker.

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985. ‘Dry Your Eyes’, by The Streets

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It’s still July, but can we already declare 2004 as the year of the break-up song?

Dry Your Eyes, by The Streets (their 1st and only #1)

1 week, 25th July – 1st August 2004

We’ve had spiky break-up #1s from Busted, and the dreaded Eamon and Frankee, as well as maudlin break-up songs from Mario Winans and Usher. What’s interesting about ‘Dry Your Eyes’ is that it manages to straddle the two moods.

In fact, Mike Skinner seems to be going through the seven stages of grief during this three or four minute (depending which mix you listen to) track. There’s sadness, denial, pleading, and anger. We go from Everything’s just gone, I’ve got nothing, Absolutely nothing… to I’m not gonna fucking just fucking leave it all now… and various stop-offs in between. It also goes into a lot of strangely specific detail about where and how he and his girlfriend are placing their hands.

I remember this song getting a lot of critical attention at the time. It is a unique track, half-rap/half-spoken word, from an influential act in British hip-hop, grime, garage… you name it. Yet it doesn’t make me care. It doesn’t move me. And I know I complained about the nastiness in Busted and Eamon’s break-up songs, but at the same time I’m not convinced that just because a confirmed lad like Mike Skinner wrote an apparently touching and vulnerable track about being dumped that it’s any better. (This was the follow-up to the far more degenerate – and better, in my eyes – ‘Fit But You Know It’.)

(…getting personal for a second, I don’t think my aversion to break-up songs stems from any personal trauma. Nor does it stem from a lack of experience. When a relationship of ten and a half years ended, I did turn to music. I turned to Dusty Springfield. ‘All I See Is You’ is the ultimate break-up song. It renders a tune like ‘Dry Your Eyes’ completely and utterly insignificant…)

Another downside to ‘Dry Your Eyes’ is that I remember my mum liking it. Which means it must have been getting played on Radio 2. Which means that The Streets had officially lost their street-cred. Not that I am snobby against my mum’s taste in music – we have lots of favourite acts in common – but when middle-class, middle-aged mums are citing your song to show they are still ‘with it’, then I’d be tempted to utter the words ‘sell-out’. For context, the one other 21st century artist my mum has claimed to like is Ed Sheeran…

The Streets, a musical project of up to seven members and led by the already mentioned Mike Skinner, had been around since the early nineties. They released their first music in the early ‘00s, and their first two albums (‘Dry Your Eyes’ was from the second) were hugely popular, influential, and critically acclaimed. And yes, this is an interesting, innovative – even unique – number one. It just doesn’t do much for me.

980. ‘I Don’t Wanna Know’, by Mario Winans ft. Enya & P. Diddy

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Normal service is resumed on top of the charts. Sort of.

I Don’t Wanna Know, by Mario Winans (his 1st and only #1) ft. Enya (her 2nd and final #1) & P. Diddy (his 2nd of three #1s)

2 weeks, 6th – 20th June 2004

At least this isn’t a bitch-fest, with Mario Winans listing the ways his ex-lover has wronged him, cheated on him, done the dirty… In fact, the crux of the song is that ignorance is bliss: I don’t wanna know, If you’re playing me, Keep it on the low, Cause my heart can’t take it anymore… But it’s still a mopey break-up song, in a year that has already seen its fair share of mopey break-up songs. Forget ‘I Don’t Wanna Know’; make that ‘We Don’t Wanna Know’, Mario. Just keep it to yourself.

What makes this track actually quite interesting is the sample from Enya’s eerie ‘Boadicea’, which gives it a real obsessing-in-the-middle-of-the-night atmosphere. Winan’s knew the sample from the Fugees’ 1996 #1 ‘Ready Or Not’, but unlike on that track Enya actually agreed to re-record the sample, receiving a credit and a second chart-topper, sixteen years on from ‘Orinoco Flow’.

Listening now, I wonder how this record would have sounded if they had just stuck with the ‘Boadicea’ sample, and the piano line that enters later? Instead a fairly basic, jittery hip-hop beat comes in, and spoils the desolate feeling. I suppose it might have sounded too similar to ‘Ready or Not’ otherwise, but still. The middle-eight picks things up a bit, as Winans harmonises nicely with himself, but much of is bland and mushy.

I also wonder how this would have sounded without P. Diddy’s rap. Not just because he’s now persona non grata, but because it’s such a non-event. I guess, like the hip-hop beat, they asked him to phone it in and stuck it on because it was the done thing for an R&B track in the mid-‘00s, and because he was a name and Mario Winans wasn’t, rather than because it adds much to the song. Still, it is Sean Combes’ second of three UK #1s, all coming under different pseudonyms.

For Mario Winans, this was his only UK Top 10 as a lead artist. He is more prolific as a producer and songwriter, having worked with Destiny’s Child, Jennifer Lopez and The Weeknd, among various others. He is also the nephew of Bebe Winans, who guested on Eternal’s 1997 chart-topper ‘I Wanna Be the Only One’, and part of the extended (and apparently quite important in the gospel music world) Winans Family.

One other thing to note before we finish is that like the gruesome twosome he knocked off number one, ‘I Don’t Wanna Know’ inspired its own answer song. ‘You Should Really Know’ by the Pirates ft. Shola Ama, Naila Boss and Ishani (and Enya, of course) is actually quite good, with an interesting Indian flavour to it, and made #8 later in the year.

976. ‘Yeah!’ by Usher ft. Lil’ John & Ludacris

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Every year has one number one that sounds utterly of that time. (In fact, that would be an interesting exercise, to go back through each year and choose one chart-topper to represent it…) Anyway, here is 2004’s.

Yeah!, by Usher (his 2nd of four #1s) ft. Lil’ John & Ludacris

2 weeks, 21st March – 4th April 2004

Compare and contrast ‘Yeah!’ with ‘Toxic’, the other contender for ‘song of the year’. ‘Toxic’ is timeless, while ‘Yeah!’ remains stuck in its time and place. But maybe I’m biased, as I was always going to be Team Britney, and to lean towards fun female pop. ‘Yeah!’ is the male equivalent though, in that it set the tone for boy-led, R&B/hip-hop pop for much of the rest of the decade.

It’s all homies, shawties, and booties – three lyrical must haves for a song of this type – and a chorus that is just Yeah! repeated twelve times. Not that the lyrics of ‘Toxic’ were Shakespearian; but this is really dumb. Musically it is equally simplistic, with a relentlessly memorable air-raid syren synth that runs, unwavering, from start to finish, complemented by what sounds like a phone ringing off the hook. This was one of the first hit records to bring crunk – a danceable subgenre of hip-hop from the Southern US – mainstream, and certainly the first UK #1 to do so. (It is, I think, one of only two crunk #1s, and is by far the lesser of the two…)

Also bringing the crunk is the appearance of Lil John, one of the godfathers of the genre, though he does little more than repeat what Usher sings, and shout ‘Yeah!’. (Considering that some artists have sung entire choruses on recent chart-toppers and not received a credit, Lil John can consider himself very lucky.)

I’m sounding pretty down on this record, when I do actually quite like it. And, considering that it instantly drags me back to being eighteen, it does hold some nostalgic weight. What saves it is the appearance of Ludacris, a rapper who enlivens any song he appears on. He never sounds like he’s taking his job seriously – and I mean that as a compliment, as he doesn’t have a serious job (though most rappers would argue otherwise…) He manages to keep his rap clean, but also delivers potentially one of the filthiest lines in chart-topping history: These women all on the prowl, If you hold the head steady, Imma milk the cow…

I’m just amazed that this was Luda’s only number one single, as ‘ft. Ludacris’ feels as common a ‘00s suffix as ‘ft. Jay-Z’. As for Usher, this was his second number one, over six years on from his teenage debut. Listen to ‘U Make Me Wanna’ then this back to back, and you’ll hear how much US R&B changed either side of the millennium. He won’t have to wait anywhere near as long for his third chart-topper.

962. ‘Be Faithful’, by Fatman Scoop ft. the Crooklyn Clan

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First up, an apology. I bought this next #1 on CD single, and so played my part in a truly moronic record making the top of the charts…

Be Faithful, by Fatman Scoop ft. the Crooklyn Clan (their 1st and only #1)

2 weeks, 26th October – 9th November 2003

…yet I regret nothing. And I can’t even blame it solely on youthful exuberance. I thought this record was dumb at the time, and still do. It is loud, obnoxious, and vulgar. But somehow that is part of its ‘charm’ – though using a term like ‘charm’ to discuss a song like this feels wrong.

‘Be Faithful’ is essentially a mish-mash of samples, at least six, with rapper and hype-man Fatman Scoop bellowing stupid lyrics over the top, in his harsh New York accent. Scoop, it’s fair to say, has a voice that goes right through you. He makes a foghorn sound subtle.

There are lots of chops and changes of rhythm and tempo – this isn’t a record that unfolds slowly – and lots of call and response parts. A personal favourite was always the Engine, engine, number nine, On the New York Transit Line… (an old school hip-hop sample from Black Sheep) and, naturally, the following Who fuckin’ tonight, Oh, Oh! lines. Forgive me, I was but a child…

Part of the reason why I rushed to buy this record is that the song had been around for years, and had been played in nightclubs since I first blagged my way through their doors. The original had been recorded in 1999, and had been a minor hit in the US. Sample clearance issues meant that a proper release took years, though bootleg copies were circulated widely, hence how I first heard it.

The main sample involved Faith Evans, whose pleasant tones provide much needed relief from Fatman Scoop’s hollering, and her 1998 song ‘Love Like This’. Complicating things further was the fact that most of these samples were samples of samples, in Evans’ case from Chic’s ‘Chic Cheer’. It means that she does feature on a second UK chart-topper, though uncredited (a theme of the year), after ‘I’ll Be Missing You’.

So, after almost five years, Scoop and his Crooklyn Clan production team managed to dot the ‘i’s and cross the ‘t’s, and get a proper worldwide release (everywhere but the US) for ‘Be Faithful’, and scored a number one. And it is yet another remix, in a year stacked with them. I make it five now, or six if we include ‘Loneliness’…

Scoop’s long trek to the top didn’t kick off any prolonged success. He managed one further Top 10 hit, though he did stay very active in the music business with guest spots and remixes. He also appeared in various reality TV shows in the 2010s, before his death from heart issues in 2024, aged just fifty-six.

960. ‘Where Is the Love?’, by The Black Eyed Peas

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Straight after asking if we’re ready for love, we’re asking where it’s gone already…

Where Is the Love?, by Black Eyed Peas (their 1st of five #1s)

6 weeks, 7th September – 19th October 2003

A song called ‘Where Is the Love?’, that opens with the line What’s wrong with the world mama, People livin’ like they ain’t got no mamas… might come across a little preachy. But I’ve never found this record insufferable, even after living through its six weeks at number one (more on that later). It is of its time, post 9/11 and Iraq, and at a remove of twenty-three years it feels impossibly idealistic that a band would record a song like this, or that it would be a massive hit.

Also, I do like that within the first thirty seconds the Black Eyed Peas have called the CIA ‘terrorists’, and compared them to the KKK. So this is immediately very different from the flood of patriotic guff that came (mainly in the US) straight after the September 11th attacks. It hasn’t really got a political bent; instead asking simply why we can’t be kinder to one another. A sentiment hopefully most of us can agree with.

Sure, some it comes across a bit like something you might hear at a school assembly, especially the chorus begging for divine intervention. But other bits still ring very true today, in lines like a war’s goin’ on but the reason’s undercover… and wrong information always shown by the media, negative images is the main criteria… The difference between 2003 and 2026 is that no pop stars today would dare make a record this ‘political’, much less have a big hit with it, as they’d get sucked into the culture wars meat-grinder and get cancelled, by one side or the other.

I try to keep my politics out of this blog but, when a #1 like this comes along it can be hard not to. Let’s get back to the music. Black Eyed Peas were a hip-hop trio throughout much of the nineties, and added the vocal talents of Stacy Ferguson AKA Fergie in 2002 to aid in a move to a more pop-leaning sound. It clearly worked, although the real vocal star on ‘Where Is the Love?’ is an uncredited Justin Timberlake, singing the chorus. His record company allowed his vocals to be used, but insisted he be uncredited as they feared over-exposure with his debut solo album having been launched a few months earlier. It meant that, after two #2 hits, he was denied a first chart-topper on a technicality, like Jay-Z a few weeks earlier. He’d have to wait three more years.

Apparently will.i.am, founder member of Black Eyed Peas, worried that ‘Where Is the Love?’ was a sell-out after their straight-up hip-hop albums in the ‘90s. The success of this track clearly turned his head, because within two years BEPs were releasing songs like ‘My Humps’. Then there are the group’s moronic late ‘00s hits, and will.i.am’s even more moronic solo career to come…

On a personal level, this song was #1 when I started university. In fact it was on top of the charts for the first month and a half of my living (and ‘studying’) away from home for the first time. The six weeks this record spent at number one was the longest stretch since Cher’s ‘Believe’ five years earlier, and no song had spent more than four weeks on top in-between. It is the fifth-longest stay at #1 of the decade, and so naturally this record went on to be 2003’s biggest-selling hit. However, the fact that it is only the decade’s twenty-fifth highest seller goes some way to showing how low sales had fallen by the autumn of 2003.

958. ‘Breathe’, by Blu Cantrell ft. Sean Paul

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Another 2003 #1 that seemed to appear out of nowhere at the time…

Breathe, by Blu Cantrell (her 1st and only #1) ft. Sean Paul (his 1st of two #1s)

4 weeks, 3rd – 31st August 2003

And another remix. Shall we dub this the summer of the remix, after ‘Ignition’, this, and the chart-topper up next? Compared to R. Kelly’s re-tuned hit, the differences between the original ‘Breathe’ and this chart-topping version are minor: a mix that brings the distinctive horns more to the front, and Sean Paul. (The best part of this ‘summer of the remix’ is that the fact they are remixes is introduced to the listener at the start of each track: Sean Paul and Blu Cantrell, Remix that gonna make yo’ head swell…)

It’s a pretty simple song. There are the big, brassy horns – a sample from Dr Dre’s 1999 hit ‘What’s the Difference’, which in turn had been borrowed, and slowed down, from a 1966 Charles Aznavour hit called ‘Parce Que Tu Crois’ (who thus features on an unlikely second #1) – and Cantrell’s big, brassy vocals. She has a very mid-nineties diva, why use one note per syllable when you can use ten, sort of voice. It’s impressive, and makes you wonder why she didn’t become a bigger star.

It is in direct contrast with Sean Paul’s deadpan rapped intro and verse. If Blu Cantrell felt like she’d appeared out of nowhere, then Sean Paul was already one of the breakout stars of the year, with three Top 10 hits of his own and a #2 alongside Beyoncé to come. I always think of him as the successor to Shaggy, in terms of his indecipherable patois and throaty delivery (though Shaggy always seemed to be having a bit more fun with it).

So, I like this song. It breezes by, and it has a wonderfully swinging hook. (Any song that brings Dr Dre and Charles Aznavour into the same room has to be worth something.) I do wonder if I am more disposed towards this song because, like the remix to ‘Ignition’, it was one of the songs of the summer between high school and university. I have a clear memory of this playing in a friend’s garden as we had a barbecue… But I also wonder if that matters. What is the point of music if we take memory out of the equation and dissect it on a cold, emotionless slab?

Sean Paul would go on to have a career of some longevity, though his next number one is a decade off and his biggest hit won’t come until 2016 (and whether or not he’s even credited on it is a bone of contention). Blu Cantrell meanwhile would release one more album, and enjoy one more Top 40 hit. Interestingly, her biggest hit in her native US (2001’s ‘Hit ‘Em Up Style (Oops)’) was a much smaller hit in the UK, as ‘Breathe’ was in the States. At the time there were rumours about her having had a career in porn prior to the musical success – to the point that I instantly remembered this fact twenty three years on – but it turns out she had had nothing of the sort. A photoshoot aged eighteen was as raunchy as she got. Maybe that counted as ‘porn’ in the more innocent days of 2003, or maybe it all stemmed from the fact her name was ‘Blu’…

944. ‘Lose Yourself’, by Eminem

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The third and final part of Eminem’s era-defining triptych. Scary Eminem, Funny Eminem, Motivational Eminem…

Lose Yourself, by Eminem (his 4th of eleven #1s)

1 week, 8th – 15th December 2002

‘Lose Yourself’ was probably Eminem at the peak of his fame and success, as not only was it a huge hit record, it also came from the soundtrack to ‘8 Mile’, a huge hit movie in which Eminem played a character loosely based on himself. If he has a signature song, then it’s probably this.

Before we get to the lyrics, I’d also say that this is Eminem’s strongest number one musically. The slow building intro, the heavy, dramatic chords, the piano line that slinks around the beat (and I’ve just realised the ‘Succession’ theme writers totally nicked a trick here). Some of his other, funnier chart-toppers tend towards cheap, rinky-dink beats. Not this one. It’s lush, and cinematic.

Lyrically, ‘Lose Yourself’ is about taking chances, with the movie’s protagonist about to take part in a rap battle that could lead to a way out of poverty. You only get one shot, Do not miss your chance to blow, This opportunity comes once in a lifetime… I am usually immune to the charms of anything that could be labelled as ‘motivational’, but this works because it focuses on the fear of failure rather than on the glory of winning, as the delivery grows more intense verse by verse. No ‘search for the hero inside yourself’ here. Instead it’s: I’ve got to formulate a plot, Or end up in jail or shot, Success is my only motherfucking option, Failure’s not…

Surprisingly, that ‘motherfucker’ is one of very few curse words in the song, making this surely Eminem’s cleanest chart-topper. For the first time in four we also do not need to sound the homophobia klaxon, as this track also features zero gay slurs. This is basically a hymn by Eminem’s standards…

I also think, as it’s not about murdering your girlfriend, and features no puerile humour, that this was the song which convinced most anti-rap types of Eminem’s talent. I think it comes across as a little bit ‘newly graduated English teacher desperate to look cool’ when one compares Eminem’s lyrics to poetry, but the opening lines – His palms are sweaty, Knees weak, Arms are heavy, There’s vomit on his sweater already, Mom’s spaghetti – set a scene in less than twenty words that most writers could only dream of. In the third verse, he sets off on a staccato flow that very few, if any, other rappers could pull off.

Having said that, of his three peerless #1s, I enjoy ‘Lose Yourself’ the least. It’s great, impressive; but it’s also very earnest. What it says about me, that I prefer the song about murdering your girlfriend, or the one with the video in which Eminem surfs on a turd, I don’t want to explore. What’s for sure is that this was the end of Eminem’s imperial phase. ‘Lose Yourself’ might have been the first rap song to win the Oscar for Best Original Song, a genuine cultural moment, but he certainly did ‘lose it’ with his fifth number one…

This will be my last regular post for the year. I’ll do a couple of festive posts over Christmas and New Year, and resume with the number ones in early January.

942. ‘Dirrty’, by Christina Aguilera ft. Redman

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Louder, for the people in the cheap seats: If you ain’t dirty, You ain’t here to par-tay…

Dirrty, by Christina Aguilera (her 3rd of four #1s) ft. Redman

2 weeks, 17th November – 1st December 2002

Enter Xtina. Although last time we met her was in a boudoir in the Moulin Rouge, and although she’d always been the naughty one compared to rival Britney, I remember seeing the video to ‘Dirrty’ for the first time and being, as the kids say, shook.

Backing up my idea that 2002 was the moment the 21st century started, musically speaking, this is very modern pop. Gone are the staccato beats of millennial R&B. Gone is the bubblegum of the late ‘90s. In are clanking industrial chords, a scuzzy bassline, and huge vocals. This is the pop music of Rihanna, of Gaga, of a hundred other wannabes in the past twenty years. Pop music turned up to 11.

And yes, lyrically, it’s filth. I need that (uh) to get me off, Sweat until my clothes come off… Xtina announces before each chorus. It’s a classic good-girl-gone-bad song, in which a previously (semi)innocent pop princess launches headfirst into her slut era. Britney did it with ‘I’m a Slave 4 U’. Holly Valance made #1 with her debut single using the same trick. But nobody has done with as much as gusto as Christina. In previous posts I’ve taken issue with her over-singing, but here her belting works. This is no time for subtlety.

It’s also modern in its female singer plus guest rapper dynamic. Again, this is the format that many pop songs, and many number ones, will take over the next decade. I’ve no idea who Redman was, and doubt I’ve ever heard another song by him, but he’s a big part of this one’s success, from the If you ain’t dirty… call, to his line about being blessed and hung low, to him punching a giant rabbit in the video. In fact, the entire song is based around his 2001 original ‘Let’s Get Dirty’.

Ah, the video. As great as this record is in audio, it needs to be seen for it to have its full effect. Christina writhes, grinds, simulates masturbation, and invents the slut-drop, all while wearing some iconic, red leather, ass-less chaps. There’s foxy-boxing, mud-wrestling, female weightlifters, and signs in Thai that read ‘Young Underage Girls’ (a step too far, I will admit, and one which got a lot of criticism at the time).

Is it all a bit much? Is it vulgar? Is it pandering to straight male fantasies? To which I’d say: Yes, but who cares. Definitely, but who cares. And I’m not an authority on such matters. I will say though, a close (straight male) friend at the time spent hours a day requesting this video on music channels, waiting breath-baited on the edge of his bed for it to come on. He eventually recorded it onto a VHS… Which is a very hard to imagine scenario post-YouTube, but it was how we teenage millennials had to get our kicks. As for me, as much as I loved this song at time, it pretty much confirmed my homosexuality, as all I could think was how much Christina lived up to the song’s title, looking like she hadn’t showered in days.

I’ll end with the end, the final beat of the song after almost five minutes of writhing and grinding. In which Christina turns to the audience and asks Uh… What? As if daring you to criticise this gloriously inappropriate, slutty masterpiece.