pop charts

1017. ‘Dare’, by Gorillaz

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Ten years on from the Battle of Britpop, and Oasis are knocked off the top by one quarter of Blur…

Dare, by Gorillaz (their 1st and only #1)

1 week, from 4th – 11th September 2005

Gorillaz were the ‘band’ that Damon Albarn had formed in 1998, and had run concurrently with the day job until Blur went on hiatus in 2003. I say band in inverted commas, because they were completely virtual. Albarn took care of the musical side of things, while artist Jamie Hewlett took care of the visuals and designed the band’s members: 2-D, Noodle, Murdoc, and Russel Hobbs. (I believe this makes them the 5th animated act to top the charts, after The Archies, Jive Bunny, The Simpsons, and Bob the Builder.)

Reading that paragraph back, you can imagine what the Gallagher brothers made of all this arty silliness. It would have been quite funny if ‘Dare’ had been released a week earlier  and had held ‘The Importance of Being Idle’ off number one, though by 2017 relations had mellowed enough for Noel to duet with Gorillaz. Anyway, even if proper rock groups would have turned their noses up at an animated alt-rock, art pop, trip-hop group, at Number Ones Blog we’ll do no such thing. For ‘Dare’ is a great track.

For a start, it’s a lot more upbeat and faster paced than many Gorillaz tracks, being both danceable and yet slightly melancholy. It’s got a filthy bassline, and a kooky beat that reminds me in places of White Town’s leftfield classic ‘Your Woman’. Then there’s the contrast between Noodle’s falsetto (provided by guest singer Roses Gabor, not Albarn as I’d always assumed) and Shaun Ryder’s more, shall we say, dulcet tones. It’s not quite pop, not quite dance, not quite a straight forward electronic song. It’s… dare.

Legend has it that the song was originally titled ‘It’s There’, but Ryder’s thick Mancunian accent prevented him from saying the word properly. Shaun himself has denied this, saying that it was because he’s dyslexic, and in text messages always writes ‘there’ as ‘der’. Either way, he’s the star of the show, both in his ranting vocals and in the horror movie inspired video, where he sings the song as a disembodied head. (All I can think of when I see it is Krang from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles…) Though uncredited on both, Ryder gets his second number one appearance of the year, after he’d been one of the many celebs marching with Peter Kay on ‘Amarillo’. It was something of a swansong for him, as his biggest chart hits had come fifteen years earlier with the Happy Mondays.

I loved ‘Dare’ at the time, was very happy a song as odd as this had made #1, and am glad that it still sounds enjoyably weird all these years later. It was definitely a shadow number one though, coming on the back of the much more popular #2 ‘Feel Good Inc.’ In fact, not many would be able to name this as Gorillaz’s biggest chart hit, and would probably go for ‘Clint Eastwood’, their 2001 debut.

Once again I have to try to separate nostalgia from cold, hard fact but… Despite the misty eyed memories I have of the autumn of 2005, as I started my third year at university and fast approached twenty, I do think that with Oasis and now Gorillaz, we’ve hit a rich seam of chart-toppers, and the quality will keep up for much of the rest of the year.

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1016. ‘The Importance of Being Idle’, by Oasis

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Well how about this… Almost forty years on from their final number one, a stunning, chart-topping comeback for the Kinks…

The Importance of Being Idle, by Oasis (their 8th and final #1)

1 week, from 28th August – 4th September 2005

Nah, course not. And to be fair, while this is clearly a Kinks pastiche, it’s not a rip-off of one particular song. If you did have to be specific, you could probably call ‘The Importance of Being Idle’ the bastard offspring of ‘Sunny Afternoon’ and ‘Dead End Street’ (the video is certainly influenced by the famous clip the Kinks did for the latter). Noel also revealed that he borrowed from the La’s ‘Clean Prophet’, in which they too had done their best Kinks impression.

But what of this Frankenstein’s monster of a song… Is it good? Well, yes. Given the parts it’s stitched together from how could it not be? It’s also unlike anything else in the Oasis canon, let alone any of their previous chart-toppers. It’s light and breezy, with a musical hall air and a sense of silliness. In fact, I’m tempted to use a word that has never come within ten feet of any Oasis record up to now: it’s kind of camp. 

For a start, it’s a play on an Oscar Wilde title. But it also has slide whistles, and big boinging drums, and Rhys Ifans prancing around as an undertaker in the video. If only they’d gone the whole hog and put Liam in drag, a la Dave Davies in the Kinks’ original. ‘Lyla’ was a slight musical shift for Oasis, but this is a real hint at what was to come for Noel in his solo career, especially with the High Flying Birds.

We can also, perhaps surprisingly, draw a comparison between this and the McFly song it deposed from the top, as both deal with depression, in their own ways. While McFly had a positive mantra, Noel seems to be wallowing in his life of unpaid bills, frustrated girlfriends, and general laziness… Give me a minute, A man’s got a limit, I can’t get a life if my heart’s not in it…

Continuing the trend of low sales benefiting fanbase acts, Oasis follow U2, Britney, Nelly, McFly and Eminem in taking two singles from their latest albums to the top. This was the third time Oasis had done this, but the first time doing it with consecutive singles, and in the same calendar year. In my post on ‘Lyla’ I wrote of how well Oasis did big, bolshy lead singles. But ‘The Importance of Being Idle’ is a welcome addition to their three non-lead chart-toppers, which have all been a bit different (‘Don’t Look Back in Anger’ and ‘All Around the World’ being the other two). This, their eighth #1, tied them with the Stones, making them the rock act with the joint-third most number ones, behind the Shadows (eleven) and the Beatles (seventeen, at the time).

And this was it from Oasis, from the chart-topping side of things. In fact, it was almost the end from them musically too, with one further album to come before they finally imploded in 2009. Despite the brothers’ recent reconciliation in a touring capacity, there have been no suggestions that they will be getting back into the studio. And it’s a shame that on their recent tour, they pretty much ignored anything released post-2000, meaning that classics like this remain somewhat buried under their biggest hits. Oh what I’d give for this to have a resurgence, and not bloody ‘Wonderwall’ yet again… 

I’m back from a month’s travels, and so we’ll hopefully be picking up the pace again and posting a little more regularly!

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1015. ‘I’ll Be OK’, by McFly

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Here it is, then. The McFly number one that I’m not so keen on…

I’ll Be OK, by McFly (their 4th of seven #1s)

1 week, from 21st – 28th August 2005

But woah! Hold on. It’s not bad. It’s slightly heavier than anything from their debut album, and more adult in content. It’s a musical pep talk, an encouragement that however difficult life may be, you’ll be okay. Perhaps this was a sign that the sudden catapulting to Britain’s biggest pop act status had been tough on what was still a group of teenage boys. Keen McFly watchers will note that it’s their first #1 where Danny has taken lead vocals, which means they were definitely going for something heavier.

The musical references are more grown up too, with lots of classic rock touches, from the chiming U2 intro, to the Beatlesy guitar licks, and some seventies-Who synth lines in the middle eight. It actually is, in songwriting terms, a good piece of music. I particularly like the little bridge before the second verse, and the drum fill on the try a little harder… in the final verse. It’s attention to detail like this that elevates McFly from boyband to proper band.

So why don’t I like it that much? Well first I must admit that I am liking it more now, listening to it intently for this post. It’s a very solid pop-rock song. But it’s McFly trying to sound like someone else. When writing on ‘All About You’, I mentioned that their second album ‘Wonderland’ – from which ‘I’ll Be OK’ was the lead single proper – is my least favourite of all their LPs. Because they seemed to be trying too hard to prove themselves as proper musicians, cramming their songs with references from the greats, and worthy lyrics about depression (this song), midlife crises (‘The Ballad of Paul K’) and teen suicide (‘She Falls Asleep’, the first part of which is fully orchestral).

Having said all that, looking at the album’s track list now, I’m also remembering that the three subsequent singles were all great, and were all Top 10 hits (especially the rocking ‘I Wanna Hold You’, all about a final shag before the end of the world). Plus it has one of their all-time great album tracks, the emo ‘Too Close for Comfort’.

So, there it was. The McFly song I’m not too keen, but that is still a fine record. From my least favourite of their albums, which is apparently still packed with great tunes. Maybe I’m just fussy…

1014. ‘You’re Beautiful’, by James Blunt

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My reflex reaction to this next number one is to wince and think ‘Oh God, no…’

You’re Beautiful, by James Blunt (his 1st and only #1)

5 weeks, from 17th July – 21st August 2005

Such a kicking has this song, and its singer, taken in the public imagination. It is an uncool song – I’ve always viewed it as a ‘Lady in Red’ for the 21st century – by an uncool (and rather posh) singer-songwriter. It is the softest of soft rock. It is middle-class mum rock. It is music for people who don’t actually like music…

But is any of that really fair? Once I get over myself, can I enjoy ‘You’re Beautiful’? Let’s see. The languorous acoustic guitar riff is on-hold muzak. James Blunt’s voice is reedy (and, yes, very posh), and the way he trills the title line is highly annoying. The lyrics are creepy, all about stalking a girl on the underground… She smiled at me on the subway, She was with another man, But I won’t lose, Won’t sleep all night, ‘Cause I’ve got a plan… And in the second verse there is the most incongruous example of swearing in a number one single, ever. Why did he have to be fucking high? It’s so out of place in a song this gentle, that it’s either terrible writing, or a terribly misguided attempt to add some ‘edge’, or both.

So, yes. Or I mean, no. This is crap. Still. It was crap then, and it is crap now. Bland, limp, lifeless sludge with lyrics that either creep you out, or that don’t make sense. I do think that the melody is nice, and that with different words, different production, and a different singer, this could be a decent song. But that it is a lot of ‘differents’… And then Blunt went and followed this up with the even drippier, and even more annoying, ‘Goodbye My Lover’.

But, here’s the thing. I really like James Blunt. He comes across as a down-to-earth, engaging person. He’s an ex-Army captain, who saw active duty in Kosovo, and seems to have his singing career fully in perspective. Once he’d made millions from this song, and the accompanying ‘Back to Bedlam’ album, he moved to Ibiza and started dating supermodels. He is well aware of his luck, and forms part of an interesting phenomenon involving British artists who record generally dull music but who are funny, engaging, and down to earth when not singing (see also Adele and Lewis Capaldi). 

Plus we do have to recognise that Blunt almost completely redeemed himself for inflicting ‘You’re Beautiful’ on us, by releasing the wonderful ‘1973’ a couple of years later. Since then he has only had one further UK Top 10, and that’s probably for the best, but I wish him nothing but happiness.

One final thing to mention about ‘You’re Beautiful’, and one of the reasons why it felt like it hung around for forever and a day, is its six week climb to #1. It was the slowest ascent to the top for over six years (since Steps’ ‘Tragedy’), and a sign that download sales – introduced three months or so earlier – were changing the way that the charts moved. During the remainder of the 2000s, records climbing to number one became much more common, in a huge shift from the ‘airplay for months then enter at the top’ days of the previous decade.

1013. ‘Ghetto Gospel’, by 2Pac ft. Elton John

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It’s an interesting chart sub-sub genre: the unlikely duet. A few weeks on from Tony Christie and Peter Kay, and in a grand tradition including Robbie and Nicole Kidman, Take That and Lulu, Five and Queen, and even Frank and Nancy, we come to perhaps the oddest duet of all.

Ghetto Gospel, by 2Pac (his 1st and only #1) ft. Elton John (his 7th of ten #1s)

3 weeks, from 26th June – 17th July 2005

Sir Elton John, British pop royalty, and a gangsta rap legend. A long-dead gangsta rap legend. 2Pac’s original ‘Ghetto Gospel’ verses had been recorded in 1992, though never released, while Elton’s chorus comes from his 1971 track ‘Indian Summer’. So, rather than a duet, this is basically two samples stitched together. Most of the credit should go then to the producer, one Marshall Mathers. For shortly after claiming that ‘Like Toy Soldiers’ would be Eminem’s last chart-topper for a while, I hadn’t reckoned with this record, which is better than his previous two number ones combined.

The two very different tracks, recorded two decades apart, are meshed together quite artfully, sounding like they were always supposed to be. And it is interesting to finally hear a rapper as influential as Tupac Shakur on top of the charts, nine years after his death. His rap style is much more deliberate, a little slower and more tied to the beat than 21stcentury hip-hop. The genre wasn’t such a chart-topping force in the opening half of the nineties, but the one obvious comparison to my ears is Coolio’s ‘Gangsta’s Paradise’.

The lyrics of ‘Ghetto Gospel’ focus on gang warfare and social inequality, and are perhaps surprisingly clean. I do feel that, in the UK at least, where 2Pac’s biggest hits were this and ‘Changes’, he might have a reputation for being more of a conscientious rapper. Which he was, but he also recorded plenty of songs with more earthy themes, like ‘How Do U Want It’, which was one half of his only US chart-topper.

Prior to his death by shooting in September 1996, 2Pac had scored one UK Top 10 (‘California Love’). Posthumously he managed four more, of which ‘Ghetto Gospel’ was the last. His estate was famously keen on making lots of money from his name making sure the world got to hear his music, releasing seven albums under his name in the decade following his murder.

Meanwhile, Elton John scores his third #1 of the 2000s, making this his joint most successful chart decade. And perhaps it is time to crown him King of the chart-topping duet, as this is his fourth (of seven total), following on from Kiki Dee, George Michael, and Blue. And he’s not done with the odd chart-topping duets either, though we’ll have to wait a while for his final run of number ones.

1011. ‘Lyla’, by Oasis

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I’m sure I preface every Oasis chart-topper by saying this, but they really were good at choosing their comeback singles. The first singles from each new album: ‘Some Might Say’, ‘D’You Know What I Mean’, ‘Go Let It Out’, ‘The Hindu Times’, all big, banging statements of intent, and all number one hits.

Lyla, by Oasis (their 7th of eight #1s)

1 week, from 22nd – 29th May 2005

As it is with ‘Lyla’, lead single from their sixth studio album ‘Don’t Believe the Truth’, which was released almost exactly a decade on from their first #1. It is not particularly clever, or subtle; but it is big. It’s a grandiose grower, too, taking well over a minute of layered drums, droning guitars and vocals before we arrive at the chorus.

Speaking of vocals, I’m not sure Liam has sounded better on any of their previous six chart-toppers. He sounds refreshed and upbeat, yet still snarly and full of attitude. In the video too he looks resplendent in a cravat, confirming once again that he was Britain’s last true rock star. 

Musically this also feels like a band revitalised. It’s widely accepted that the addition of Gem Archer and Andy Bell to the band allowed Oasis to develop musically (Noel is a good songwriter, but not an amazing guitarist), and the album was the band’s most democratically written, with even Liam contributing three tracks. ‘Lyla’ sounds more classic rock than Britpop, the instruments coming through clearer in the mix, with a nice, twangy solo. It isn’t smothered in layers of over-production like some of their turn of the century singles. There’s a lyrical backstory too, with Lyla apparently the sister of Sally from ‘Don’t Look Back in Anger’. My biggest complaint about it is that, with the extended intro and the long coda, the actual song is much shorter than the record’s 5:12 runtime. But it’s far from the first time that Oasis have dragged the arse out of a record unnecessarily. 

Some people at the time commented on how this sounds somewhat indebted to the Rolling Stones’ ‘Street Fighting Man’. Which is perhaps true, and is most evident on the extended fade-out; but I also think it’s harsh, and nothing compared to Oasis’s other musical borrowings (see also: this LP’s second single…) At this point some people were determined to criticise what they saw as a bloated legacy act in any way possible. 

Oasis sort of were a bloated legacy act, even in 2005. And yet, they were the ones still sitting at number one, while the cooler, younger indie acts of the day could only gaze up in envy. During the promo for the album, the Gallaghers had a field day passing judgement on these up and comers. Franz Ferdinand were ‘Right Said Fred’, Kaiser Chiefs ‘a bad Blur’, and the Libertines ‘smackheads needing a slap’. Twats they may be, but the brothers always give good copy.

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1010. ‘Lonely’, by Akon

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In which we meet one of the 21st century’s annoying contributions to popular music: the sped-up sample…

Lonely, by Akon (his 1st of three #1s)

2 weeks, from 8th – 22nd May 2005

Also known as chipmunk soul, it usually involves a sample of an older song sped or pitched way up. Kanye West is seen by most as the inventor of this genre, on his debut album in 2004, most famously in his use of Chaka Khan on ‘Through the Wire’. In Akon’s case it was Bobby Vinton’s 1962 hit ‘Mr. Lonely’. Unless we count Eminem’s use of ‘Toy Soldiers’, which is debatable as the sample is nowhere as squeaky and distorted as it is here, this is the first chart-topping single to employ the technique, and one of the worst.

It’s funny, because not for the first time in recent posts, I am reconciling the feelings I had about a 2005 #1 at the time with the feelings I have now. And I’m sure I remember liking ‘Lonely’ at the time… Liking the novelty of it. Liking the retro vibes of it. But listening now, it’s garbage.

Not only is the sample irritating, but the lyrics are pedestrian and whiny. Plus, Akon’s voice sounds flat for much of the song. He’s cheated on his girl, she’s got tired of his bullshit, and she’s left him. Been all around the world, Ain’t never met a girl that could take the things that you’ve been through, Never thought the day would come when you would get up and run… No admission of guilt, no reflecting on his actions. He just doesn’t like being lonely. It’s Shaggy’s ‘It Wasn’t Me’ without the silliness, or Eamon’s ‘Fuck It (I Don’t Want You Back)’ without the swearing. 

In fact, the spectre of ho-wop lingers heavily over this record. Maybe if this song had come first it would be more palatable, but Eamon really had ruined the doo-wop/hip-hop crossover movement for all involved. Yet… I do think, in the long run, songs like this made it more acceptable for modern pop songs to borrow pre-Beatles melodies and sounds. Without this, maybe there’s no Meghan Trainor, or Doja Cat Vs Paul Anka, or Connie Francis going viral with ‘Pretty Little Baby’.

Akon is a Senegalese-American singer and producer, who would go on to be one of the biggest pop stars of the ‘00s (‘Lonely’ was his second hit), with two further chart-toppers to come before the decade is out. My favourite fact about Akon is that despite claiming he’d done three years in jail, despite his debut single being called ‘Locked Up’, despite starting at least half his records by shouting ‘Kon-vict’ and adding a ‘jail door slamming shut’ sound effect, he has never actually served a prison sentence. Once you learn that about Akon, him releasing a record this slickly insincere makes much more sense.

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1009. ‘(Is This the Way To) Amarillo’, by Tony Christie ft. Peter Kay

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So… You should know by now that the charts don’t follow the rules. That they don’t play fair. That they don’t bend for tastes and trends. That they only respond to cold, hard sales (or, nowadays, streams). So it is that the longest-running #1 of the ‘00s so far, and the 4th highest-seller of the entire decade, is a re-released #18 hit from 1971.

(Is This the Way To) Amarillo, by Tony Christie (his 1st and only #1) ft. Peter Kay (his 1st of two #1s)

7 weeks, from 20th March – 8th May 2005

Back in 2005, I don’t think I’d ever heard ‘(Is This the Way To) Amarillo’, but it felt familiar. In that sense, it was probably a good choice for this project. Known enough to evoke nostalgia in the middle-aged, and insistently silly enough for us young ‘uns who were fresh to it. I’m not sure that this reason alone should add up to colossal sales, and seven weeks at the top, but perhaps that can be explained by the charity factor, and the involvement of the immensely popular Peter Kay. He had used the song in a 2002 episode of his sitcom ‘Phoenix Nights’, and the feel of it fits in perfectly with his old-school, working men’s club schtick.

I was never quite taken with the song, though. And I’m not just saying that retrospectively; it annoyed me with all its sha-la-la-las and perky horns. (This is me speaking as someone who is not usually put off by sha-la-la-las and perky horns.) Plus, it seriously did overstay its welcome. Maybe it’s because I was an avid chart-watcher at the time – and despite modern chart-runs making this one look positively brief – but I felt every moment of its forty-nine days at number one. Or maybe I was just annoyed that it kicked McFly prematurely off top.

Tony Christie was a crooner in the Tony Orlando, Tom Jones sort of mould, and had scored a #2 in the early ‘70s with ‘I Did What I Did for Maria’, about a condemned man who had blah blah blah you can guess the rest. He hadn’t been near the singles charts for thirty years, except for a bizarre cameo on electronic-indie act The All Seeing I’s 1999, Jarvis Cocker-penned #10 hit ‘Walk Like a Panther’. Despite the ‘ft.’ credit, this was not a remix, or a re-recording. How or why Peter Kay got a credit, when Jay-Z and Justin Timberlake have sung actual verses and choruses on recent chart-toppers without mention, I do not know.

The video was all Kay’s work, though, in which he marches to the song’s oompah beat alongside some particularly British celebrities. Parky, Ronnie Corbett, Tracy and Ken Barlow, Keith Harris and Orville, Sooty and Sweep, and more. Plus some slightly more dubious appearances from a football team with dwarfism, a Mahatma Ghandi lookalike who may or not have really been Indian, and a cigar-toting, shiny tracksuit wearing DJ and TV presenter who has been erased from more recent edits… It may only be twenty-one years old, but watching the video reminds you that the past really is a foreign country.

(If we follow the rule that says Peter Kay can get his name on a #1 single for mugging his way through the video, we should also be awarding a second chart-topper to Mr Blobby, a fifth to Shakin’ Stevens, and a seventh to Queen’s Brian May and Roger Taylor. And a first but by no means last number one of the year for Shaun Ryder.)

Peter Kay is the king of the strange credit on number one singles. He doesn’t sing on his one other official chart-topper (another charity effort coming up in 2009) but contributes vocals to a 2007 #1 in character, though he’s not credited as Peter Kay. All very complicated. Suffice to say, of the three number ones he’s been involved in, ‘Amarillo’ is the best. Make of that what you will.

This also gave Christie a brief chart renaissance, with a rerelease of his 1972 hit ‘Avenues and Alleyways’ making #26, eleven places higher than it had originally charted. He also returned to the Top 10 the following summer with ‘(Is This the Way To) The World Cup’, a classic example of why other parts of the UK take such pleasure in England not winning things…

A final thing to note is that one of the biggest ever changes to chart rules occurred right in the middle of this record’s run at the top: the incorporation of download sales. Not that it made a huge impact, as only songs with a current physical release had their downloads counted, and ‘Amarillo’s run at the top continued unabated. Nor did it mean a huge improvement in sales in general, with chart-topping singles still regularly struggling to sell more than 30,000 in a week for the next several years.

*Just a note to say that I’ll be slowing down the number of posts over the next month, as I will be travelling. I may take a while replying to comments as well. We should be back up to speed by mid September*

A shorter, sex-offender free version of the video:

The 2005 original video, if you don’t mind you-know-who…

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Never Had a #1… Part 5

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It’s been a while, so here is the next instalment of our look through the Top 40 biggest-selling global acts never to have had a UK #1 single.

We’re into the Top 20 today, counting down acts twenty through sixteen. Before we get going though, why not recap with Parts 1, 2, 3, and 4.

20. Carpenters

Biggest hits: ‘Yesterday Once More’ (#2 in 1973) & ‘Please Mr. Postman’ (#2 in 1975)

The Carpenters are possibly the most surprising name on this list. They weren’t a rock act that sold more albums than singles; they were a singles act that produced some of the best pop music of the seventies. It’s amazing that they didn’t manage a chart-topper in Britain, despite scoring three in the USA.

‘Yesterday Once More’ has one of their best melodies, and one of their catchiest hooks. Every shalalala, Every whoa-oh-oh… It was a very ’70s phenomenon, songs about how the old songs were the best, when the ‘old songs’ had barely come of age. And I’m sure I mentioned this in my post on how the Carpenters had never had a number one, but having traveled widely across Asia I can confirm that ‘Yesterday Once More’, and ‘Top of the World’, are two of the best-known English language songs every recorded.

‘Please Mr. Postman’, one of their American chart-toppers, is a decent enough cover. It was once voted as the duo’s best song by ITV viewers, which is just silly.

19. Bob Dylan

Biggest hit: ‘Like a Rolling Stone’ (#4 in 1965)

A man who needs little to no introduction from me, and another about whom I have previously done a ‘Never Had a #1’ post on.

What I will say specifically about Dylan’s biggest hit, is I think it quite fun that following worthy folk anthems like ‘Blowin’ in the Wind’ and ‘The Times They Are A-Changing’, it took a six-minute, sneering bitchfest to bring about his biggest British hit. He then followed it up with the even nastier ‘Positively 4th Street’, one of the great ‘haters gonna hate’ records, proving that he truly was the Taylor Swift of his day.

18. Dire Straits

Biggest hits: ‘Private Investigations’ (#2 in 1982) & ‘Walk of Life’ (#2 in 1986)

Only the third British act in this Top 40, after Genesis (#23) and Def Leppard (#22), and the second highest. (I won’t give the game away, but I’m sure most of you can work out the final British band left to appear…) Anyway, Dire Straits have made number two twice. Once with the languorous Spanish guitars and spoken word combo of ‘Private Investigations’, which really doesn’t sound much like a Top 40, let alone a #2, hit. And then with the far catchier and more immediate ‘Walk of Life’, from their fourteen-times-platinum monster album ‘Brothers in Arms’.

17. The Doors

Biggest hit: ‘Light My Fire’ (#7 in 1967)

Back to the usual ‘bigger in the US’ type of acts that have populated this rundown so far, and it’s The Doors. Despite having two number ones to their name back home, ‘Light My Fire’ was their only Top 10 hit in the British Isles. And while the seven-minute organ solo version is great (the solo now has it’s own ‘chapter’ on this YouTube video), I have included the band’s shorter but much more controversial performance on the Ed Sullivan show, in which Jim Morrison reneged on a promise not to sing the girl we couldn’t get much higher… line. Sullivan refused to shake their hands, and banned them from the show indefinitely.

I have also already done a Doors ‘Never Had a #1…’ post, if you would like to read more.

16. Santana

Biggest hit: ‘Smooth’ ft. Rob Thomas (#3 in 2000)

Carlos Santana had been active since the sixties, both by himself and as leader of his eponymous band, but had never troubled the UK Top 10 until this late nineties classic.

It’s an interesting plot line of the fin de 20th siecle: classic rock acts having a renaissance. Aerosmith had their biggest ever hit in 1998, Blondie made an unexpected chart-topping comeback a few months later, and Santana finally breached the UK Top 10. With a little help from Matchbox 20’s Rob Thomas (who weren’t a British chart force either) they brought about this sexy, Latin-rock groover. (That little Mariachi drumbeat key change that leads to the solo is pop perfection in my book). In my mind this was the sound of the summer of ’99, when the record was initially released, but in reality it reached its chart peak in March 2000, and March is never a particularly hot and steamy time of the year…

So we’re almost into the Top 15, where we have remaining two solo females, three solo males, and ten bands, all of whom rock and/or roll, to varying extents. Until Part VI, then….

1008. ‘All About You’ / ‘You’ve Got a Friend’, by McFly

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And so we arrive at the ultimate love song. The song I will have played at my wedding…

All About You / You’ve Got a Friend, by McFly (their 3rd of seven #1s)

1 week, from 13th – 20th March 2005

Two slight caveats here: you must always allow me room for hyperbole when it comes to McFly, and I have little-to-no plans to ever get married. But still, I do think that ‘All About You’ is a lovely song.

First we have to skip the cheesy harps and strings intro, and imagine they’re being delivered with a knowing wink. Skip straight to the harmonies in the first chorus, and the pretty verses, with their timeless melodies. It is hard to write timeless, hard to write a song that sounds like it might always have existed.

The acoustic guitar solo is more of its time – though that ‘time’ would be a soft-rock song from the eighties – and the second bridge and chorus, when the band finally come in, is pure power-pop. Okay the lyrics are trite – Dancing on the kitchen tiles, Yes you made my life worthwhile, So I told you with a smile… – but eighteen year olds can get away with trite.

McFly songs provide a real chicken vs egg scenario for me. Do I blindly argue their brilliance because I think McFly are a truly underrated band; or are songs like ‘All About You’ truly great and deserve to have me arguing for them? I’ve been a McFly fan for so long now that I can’t judge this clearly.

Actually that’s a lie. The other side of this double-‘A’ will give me a chance to appraise McFly impartially. Since this was the official Red Nose Day single for 2005, the suits presumably needed a song with more of a message (and a music video in which the band could run around with lots of Ugandan orphans…) So they chose Carole King’s classic ‘You’ve Got a Friend’.

It is on the one hand completely unnecessary. It does not improve in any way on King’s original, or on James Taylor’s definitive cover. And I really don’t like all the woodwind. (See, I can write something bad about McFly.) But Tom’s voice sounds nice on the first verse. Plus, I sang this in my primary school choir, and it really does have one of the most heart-string tugging choruses in all of pop history.

The flutes, and the full-blown orchestra in the background of ‘All About You’, bring up one of the reasons why McFly’s second album, ‘Wonderland’, is my least favourite. They threw the kitchen sink at it, production-wise, with string sections and three-part rock operas about teen suicide. I think it was an attempt to prove themselves, to show that they weren’t just a boyband; but it led to bloat, and some boringly worthy music. By their third album, they seemed to have shaken that monkey off their back, and returned to making great pop-rock.

As this was the official Red Nose Day single, it opened with McFly’s highest ever weekly sale. It also meant this record didn’t have the massive second week collapse that they would become synonymous with. And yet, ‘All About You’ was still eclipsed by the unofficial Red Nose Day single, which brought about one of the biggest, and unlikeliest, hits of the entire decade, and which is up next.

Just the audio…

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