noughties pop music

1005. ‘Get Right’, by Jennifer Lopez

/ UK #1s blog / 4 Comments

Like ‘Goodies’ a few weeks earlier, this is a song I remember from the time, but that I haven’t properly heard since it left the charts…

Get Right, by Jennifer Lopez (her 2nd of three #1s)

1 week, from 20th – 27th February 2005

Unlike ‘Goodies’ however, it is not with fondness that I remember ‘Get Right’. I remember it being distinctly irritating. Perhaps, more than twenty years on, it is time to reassess?

But the high-pitched, looped horn riff is just as confronting as I remember it. It sounds like the mating call of an exotic bird. Not being nineteen, and not being determined to have strong opinions on anything and everything, I can sort of admit that it has a wonderful funkiness to it. It makes you move. Though it could have done with occasionally changing key, or varying notes slightly. Especially by the time the ‘solo’ comes along, and just it’s twenty seconds straight of the same bloody horns.

Not that the horns don’t have an illustrious history to them, as a sample from ‘Soul Power ‘74’, by Maceo & the Macks, AKA James Brown’s backing band. But the riff that makes up the entirety of ‘Get Right’ is a tiny fraction of the free-styling saxophone on that record, which had been trimmed to the sample used here by Usher, in an unreleased track named ‘Ride’.

What of J-Lo, belatedly appearing on her second UK number one, after so many of her classic early ‘00s hits had failed to make top spot? I’d say this song could be sung by anyone, really. While not a spectacular vocalist, I think Lopez is someone whose voice can be easily recognised. But not on this one, for some reason. She even sounds a little strained, as if maintaining this sort of intense funk for four minutes is beyond her.

So, consider this record reassessed. Partly, at least. I like it more than my teenage self did, though would still label it as something I’d have to be in the mood for. And there are certainly better J-Lo tunes that didn’t make it to #1. But her longevity is impressive, with three chart-toppers stretched out over a decade or more.

As I mentioned, this isn’t the first forgotten number one of 2005, and we’ve barely made it to spring. ‘Goodies’ was a nice rediscovery, as was ‘Sometimes You Can’t Make It on Your Own’, which would surely be a great Pointless answer when listing U2 #1s. Once again we have to recognise that poor record sales were allowing for some interesting chart-toppers. Is this the most forgotten period in UK chart history? In fact we’re in the middle of a run of eleven one-weekers – the second longest such run in chart history – and I’d also challenge anyone to hum the chorus of our next number one…

Advertisements

998. ‘Against All Odds’, by Steve Brookstein

/ UK #1s blog / 5 Comments

2005 begins with what should have been the final chart-topper of 2004, and that year’s Christmas #1…

Against All Odds, by Steve Brookstein (his 1st and only #1)

1 week, from 2nd – 9th January 2005

On the one hand you can feel a teensy bit sorry for Steve Brookstein, because a couple of years later winning X Factor would be a sure-fire way to have a genuinely massive million-seller, a Christmas number one, and at least one or two follow-up hits. But since he was the winner of the first series, before it was pulling in huge viewing figures, and because he came up against a juggernaut of a single in Band Aid 20’s ‘Do They Know It’s Christmas?’ reboot, none of this came true. Instead he belatedly limped to #1 for a week, when nobody was watching, on a technicality.

At the same time, any sympathy for him evaporates when you hear this dull and predictable winner’s single. Did we really need another cover of ‘Against All Odds’? Mariah Carey and Westlife had taken their version to the top barely four years earlier. Phil Collins’ original was only two decades old. (Worryingly, Brookstein’s cover is now closer to 1984 than the present day…)

Of course, Brookstein isn’t a bad vocalist. But he is a glorified pub singer. Judge Sharon Osbourne didn’t like him, and I don’t think the X Factor producers were thrilled to have a thirty-six year old with a pretty limited appeal as their inaugural winner. The subsequent champions were all young, and pretty, with potential for real pop stardom. Some even came close to managing it.

The one person who did argue for Steve Brookstein was, inevitably, Simon Cowell. Cowell looks at a granny-baiting, middle-aged crooner as hungry kids look at chocolate ice cream. He lapped him up. For a while, at least. Following a debut, chart-topping album, Cowell and Brookstein feuded. Eight months after winning X Factor, he was dropped by BMG Records. According to Brookstein it was because he refused to record another LP of safe covers.

And so he faded into obscurity, popping up every now and then to rant about Cowell. He did a bit of musical theatre, a bit of TV, and a lot of provincial touring. Looking at his Wiki, has there been a more depressing sentence in a pop star’s bio than: “In June 2007, Brookstein appeared on the P&O Portsmouth to Bilbao car ferry, alongside X Factor alumni Chico Slimani and Journey South”? (More on Chico soon, btw.)

This would be the last X Factor winner’s single not to make Christmas #1 for five years, as the series dominated British pop culture in the latter half of the decade. So that’s something to look forward to covering… This also came dangerously close to being Britain’s 1000th number one single. Which feels like a close escape, but maybe it would have been fitting. Maybe it is the ultimate #1 single? Cheap, disposable, forgotten…

Advertisements

992. ‘Radio’, by Robbie Williams

/ UK #1s blog / 3 Comments

Turn-of-the-century Britain’s biggest pop star Robbie Williams scores his first #1 in almost three years. Right at the moment when he stopped chasing hits.

Radio, by Robbie Williams (his 6th of seven #1s)

1 week, from 10th – 17th October

He’s gone full-on new-wave electro with this clanking, blurping track. Vocally I get both Gary Numan, and Neil Hannon from the Divine Comedy. You’d probably struggle to identify this as Robbie Williams, until he reveals a slightly more trademark voice on the Jumping, Thumping, Shout out something… line.

It’s a strange record, and I don’t just mean strange sounding. I remember it catching people by surprise; and yet it’s hardly a very original song. It set the tone for Robbie as he moved further from away his imperial phase, releasing less successful but pretty cool songs like 2006’s ‘Rudebox’, and 2009’s ‘Bodies’. Plus, in 2004, such an eighties-chasing song was very zeitgeisty, as most of the era’s big rock bands were doing the same.

In fact, I’d say that this period is when Robbie cemented himself as a legendary pop star. Yes, Take That were huge, and he enjoyed massive hits from his first few solo albums, but a track like ‘Radio’ is really not what an ex-boyband star should be releasing. Cast your mind back two chart-toppers, to Brian McFadden’s fairly plodding ‘Real to Me’, to see the level of many ex-boybanders.

‘Real to Me’ was written by Guy Chambers, while ‘Radio’ was Robbie William’s first solo single not to be co-written with his regular partner. Lyrically it’s interesting (by that I mean ridiculous), and if that’s down to the departure of Chambers I don’t know. Although some of the lines are brilliant in their ridiculousness. He puts an ‘e’ in the Arsenal, A comb in my ‘fro, Divine retribution and away we go… being a particular favourite.

‘Radio’ was one of two new songs on Williams’ first greatest hits record, another way in which this was something of a line in the sand after his huge hit-making days. Though to claim that this was the end of him as a chart force is highly misguided, with eight further Top 10 hits to come before his final chart-topper in eight years’ time. I’d class this along with something like Kylie’s ‘Slow’, a song that only made #1 because of a huge star’s fanbase, but that made the charts a more interesting place for doing so.

Advertisements

990. ‘Real to Me’, by Brian McFadden

/ UK #1s blog / 4 Comments

In which former Westlifer Brian McFadden goes solo, with a classic ‘I’m not in a boyband any more’ record…

Real to Me, by Brian McFadden (his 1st and only solo #1)

1 week, from 12th – 19th September 2004

I must admit I have no recollection of 10th March 2004, the day that McFadden announced his departure from Westlife. I remember the hysteria around Take That splitting, and I know exactly where I was when I heard that Geri was leaving the Spice Girls. I even remember finding out that Zayn was leaving One Direction, though that was more to do with a class of twelve-year-old girls I was teaching at the time. Brian quitting Westlife, though? Nope. Were there headlines? Helplines? Probably not. Still, off he went, making his intentions clear by hiring Robbie Williams’ long-time songwriting partner, Guy Chambers.

‘Real to Me’ has a self-important title that doesn’t bode well, and opens with a piano line that suggests we’re in a for a tortured ballad; yet in all honesty isn’t as bad a record as I remembered/expected. It’s basically an upbeat Westlife song, with a vaguely Britpop-ish, ‘90s alt-rock production. And a guitar solo! Which is always welcome these days.

I have a harder time getting on board with the lyrics, although I do like the opening line: Bullshit dinners and the free champagne… It’s such a stroppy, ‘look at me I’m swearing’ protest against Louis Walsh, Westlife, and all the granny-baiting ballads. (And he chickened out by changing it to ‘showbiz dinners’ for the single release.) The rest of the song is a list of complaints about how life in a boyband, with all the hotels, aeroplanes and dressing rooms, isn’t as fun as it looks. Well, duh. I don’t doubt he had his demons, but ‘successful pop star complains about being a successful pop star’ is a tricky genre to make palatable. Maybe just save it for your therapist?

And then there’s the middle-eight, which almost obliterates any goodwill I have for this song. Brian lists all the things he plans to do now he’s broken free of the boyband rat race. Picnics in the garden… Drink some English tea, Then I raise up my finger, And watch football on TV… Sheesh.

It’s cruel (though perhaps accurate) to suggest that the bullshit dinners and free champagne wouldn’t be a problem Brian had to wrestle with for long in his post-Westlife career. Robbie Williams he was not. ‘Real to Me’ squeaked a week at #1 with one of the year’s lowest sales, and he managed two more Top 10s from his debut album. After that zilch, though he’s fared slightly better in his native Ireland. Since 2016 he has been a sometime member of Boyzlife, with Boyzone alum Keith Duffy. To his credit, McFadden has never rejoined his band, as so many boyband quitters eventually do, and hopefully he is enjoying a quiet life, and a peaceful level of anonymity.

Advertisements

988. ‘These Words’, by Natasha Bedingfield

/ UK #1s blog / 13 Comments

Just when we thought the Bedingfield-era had drawn to a close with the last of Daniel’s three #1s, here comes little sister Natasha.

These Words, by Natasha Bedingfield (her 1st and only #1)

2 weeks, from 22nd August – 5th September 2004

Posh Girl Pop became a big thing in the mid-00s chart landscape – think Dido, Katie Melua, KT Tunstall, Sandie Thom – and Natasha Bedingfield is perhaps the first time we’ve met one of them on top of the charts. You know the type: hippy(ish), flowy skirts, a couple of Chinese tattoos, a copy of ‘Eat, Pray, Love’, Manic Pixie Dream Girl energy…

I don’t hate ‘These Words’. It’s catchy and upbeat. It’s definitely more enjoyable than Daniel’s snoozy ballads, despite the jolly hockey sticks energy. (Natasha Bedingfield doesn’t so much sing the song as grab it by the shoulders and drag it to majorettes practice.) Has it ever featured in a rom-com? It must have.

But just when I think I might be sounding a little snide, a little bitchy, I actually listen to the lyrics of ‘These Words’. Threw some chords together, The combination DEF, It’s who I am , It’s what I do, And I was gonna lay it down for you… It’s what she is. It’s what she does. It’s just sooo Natasha. She claims she has ADD. She namechecks Byron, Shelly and Keats. She pronounces ‘hyperbole’ as ‘hyper-bowl’. What is she like? Kooky or what?

It doesn’t help that this record doesn’t quite know what it is, musically speaking. Is she singing or rapping? Is it pop, hip-hop, or R&B? Sometimes these genres can be ambiguous, and blending them can create great pop. But that’s not what happens here. It sounds choppy, clunky, and forced. And when Natasha started going on Christina Aguilera-esque runs in the middle-eight someone should have had a quiet word.

Would this have been a hit without big bro’s success? What’s the sibling version of nepotism? Fraternism…? This does mean that Daniel and Natasha are the only siblings to achieve separate solo #1s. There have been plenty of chart-topping brothers (the Davies and Gallaghers foremost among them), and Shane and Keavy Lynch made it with Boyzone and B*Witched respectively, but this technically makes the Bedingfields the most successful chart family…

On that note, we can properly draw the Bedingfield-era to a close. Happily so, though I appear to be in the minority when it comes to ‘These Words’. It was well-received at the time, and remains well-liked. I just don’t hear it. And don’t get me started on Natasha’s follow-up hit, the ‘millennial classic’ ‘Unwritten’. I really can’t stand that one, and don’t know why it seems to have taken on a life of its own in recent years.

Advertisements

987. ‘Babycakes’, by 3 of a Kind

/ UK #1s blog / 2 Comments

Though I’m not sure that anybody asked for it, UK garage is suddenly back on top of the charts…

Baby Cakes, by 3 Of A Kind (their 1st and only #1)

1 week, from 15th – 22nd August 2004

This was one of the dominant sounds in 2000-01, but having made it to 2004 I’ve just noticed how long it’s been since we had a garage chart-topper. Which probably means I haven’t missed it.

‘Baby Cakes’ has got all the classic 2-step garage touches: a staccato beat, flat singing, an MC rapping, an annoyingly repetitive hook, and – best of all – a very tacky rewinding sound effect. Although it’s a much cheesier, and lighter (and fluffier, get it…), record I can’t help thinking of So Solid Crew’s ‘21 Seconds’ in the I just want you to know-oh-oh refrain.

I detested this record at the time, in that way all eighteen year olds have very strong opinions on things that aren’t very important at all. I will say that my feelings for ‘Baby Cakes’ have softened in the intervening years, especially because I don’t think I’ve actually heard it once in that time. It’s catchy nonsense, really, one beat away from being a novelty record. Plus, with a 2:30 runtime it is short and – appropriately given the subject matter and the innuendo-laden, sexy bakers video – sweet.

It’s also a nice, momentary change of pace for 2004, a year that has been dominated by very American, and often very slushy, R&B ballads. A blast of a very British genre, and some very British accents.

3 of a Kind were a trio, two of whom met for the first time the day that they recorded ‘Baby Cakes’. If that doesn’t sound like it bodes well for long-term success, then you’d be right. They never even released a follow-up single, and remain gold-star one-hit wonders. Details on what the members are up to now appear hard to come by, though one of them seems to be working as a party planner, while another made a living from poker.

Advertisements

986. ‘Thunderbirds’ / ‘3am’, by Busted

/ UK #1s blog / 4 Comments

They leave it late, but Busted finally score a good chart-topper…

Thunderbirds / 3am, by Busted (their 4th and final #1)

2 weeks, 1st – 15th August 2004

They are helped by having the classic ‘Thunderbirds’ theme at their disposal for a bombastic intro, before slamming into a catchy as hell pop-rock riff. The verses have a timeless pop chord progression, and there’s a zippy pop-punk energy to it. It’s fun, even if James Bourne’s insistence on singing in a nasal Californian accent is getting very tiring.

Most of all, though, I like how phoned-in the lyrics are. Busted clearly hadn’t seen the film, or potentially a single episode of the show, and had just googled some buzzwords. Kids are learning fast, They know that T-birds kick some ass, Be sure that there’s no coming last if you’re on their side… The one thing they did know is that the Thunderbirds were puppets, and the no strings to keep them down line is quite clever, given that reboot was almost entirely CGI.

To be honest, if this track didn’t exist then I would have no recollection of there ever having been a ‘Thunderbirds’ movie in 2004 (19% on Rotten Tomatoes; Gerry Anderson: ‘The biggest load of crap I’ve ever seen in my entire life’). But it wouldn’t be the first soundtrack to do better than the movie. Compare the film ‘Unchained’ with it’s much more famous ‘melody’.

Even better than ‘Thunderbirds’ – many sources call it ‘Thunderbirds Are Go’ but I’m sticking with what the OCC say – is the double-A, ‘3am’, in which Busted prove they can write a sad song without coming across as dicks. Yes, it’s another break-up song in a year full of them, but this one works nicely. Dramatic strings, a great chorus, an even better, layered middle-eight, not calling the girl a ‘stupid lying bitch’… Brilliant. (I do wish they had been allowed to say ‘shit’ though, rather than self-censor with a ‘shhhhh’.)

There’s finally a self-awareness in the lyrics, mixed with just enough teenage boy arrogance. They thought they were over her, until those middle-of-the-night terrors came along. Okay yes, they are calling her at 3 a.m. while standing outside her door, which may be a criminal offence, and the line about her car not getting very far makes me wonder if they’ve cut her brakes, but let’s gloss over that. The rest of the song – lyrically and musically – hints at a maturity that had been lacking in their earlier #1s, and makes us look forward to what they might produce for their third album…

Except this was Busted’s last single for twelve years. On Christmas Eve 2004, Charlie Simpson announced he was leaving to concentrate on side-project Fightstar. Two weeks later Busted officially broke up. As lightweight as they were, Busted were still the biggest pop group in the country, so to split so acrimoniously at the height of their fame was a shock.

Various side-projects and stints in rehab followed, before they reformed in 2015. They remain together, which means Busted 2.0 have lasted three times as long as their original iteration managed. They also spent a year or so as part of McBusted, in which the two pre-eminent British pop-punk bands of the ‘00s toured and released an album together. I might call that Busted riding on a more talented band’s coat-tails, but then I am a biased McFly stan…

985. ‘Dry Your Eyes’, by The Streets

/ UK #1s blog / 3 Comments

It’s still July, but can we already declare 2004 as the year of the break-up song?

Dry Your Eyes, by The Streets (their 1st and only #1)

1 week, 25th July – 1st August 2004

We’ve had spiky break-up #1s from Busted, and the dreaded Eamon and Frankee, as well as maudlin break-up songs from Mario Winans and Usher. What’s interesting about ‘Dry Your Eyes’ is that it manages to straddle the two moods.

In fact, Mike Skinner seems to be going through the seven stages of grief during this three or four minute (depending which mix you listen to) track. There’s sadness, denial, pleading, and anger. We go from Everything’s just gone, I’ve got nothing, Absolutely nothing… to I’m not gonna fucking just fucking leave it all now… and various stop-offs in between. It also goes into a lot of strangely specific detail about where and how he and his girlfriend are placing their hands.

I remember this song getting a lot of critical attention at the time. It is a unique track, half-rap/half-spoken word, from an influential act in British hip-hop, grime, garage… you name it. Yet it doesn’t make me care. It doesn’t move me. And I know I complained about the nastiness in Busted and Eamon’s break-up songs, but at the same time I’m not convinced that just because a confirmed lad like Mike Skinner wrote an apparently touching and vulnerable track about being dumped that it’s any better. (This was the follow-up to the far more degenerate – and better, in my eyes – ‘Fit But You Know It’.)

(…getting personal for a second, I don’t think my aversion to break-up songs stems from any personal trauma. Nor does it stem from a lack of experience. When a relationship of ten and a half years ended, I did turn to music. I turned to Dusty Springfield. ‘All I See Is You’ is the ultimate break-up song. It renders a tune like ‘Dry Your Eyes’ completely and utterly insignificant…)

Another downside to ‘Dry Your Eyes’ is that I remember my mum liking it. Which means it must have been getting played on Radio 2. Which means that The Streets had officially lost their street-cred. Not that I am snobby against my mum’s taste in music – we have lots of favourite acts in common – but when middle-class, middle-aged mums are citing your song to show they are still ‘with it’, then I’d be tempted to utter the words ‘sell-out’. For context, the one other 21st century artist my mum has claimed to like is Ed Sheeran…

The Streets, a musical project of up to seven members and led by the already mentioned Mike Skinner, had been around since the early nineties. They released their first music in the early ‘00s, and their first two albums (‘Dry Your Eyes’ was from the second) were hugely popular, influential, and critically acclaimed. And yes, this is an interesting, innovative – even unique – number one. It just doesn’t do much for me.

983. ‘Burn’, by Usher

/ UK #1s blog / 4 Comments

2004: the year in which Britain really went wild for a slushy R&B ballad…

Burn, by Usher (his 3rd of four #1s)

2 weeks, 4th – 18th July 2004

Barely two weeks after Mario Winans was mourning his unfaithful lover, and a couple of months on from Eamon’s whining, Usher ponders an age old dilemma. Man I don’t know what I’m gonna do, Without my boo…

Ballads like this had been the sound of the Billboard Hot 100 since the nineties, usually staying at number one for months on end (‘Burn’ itself was the US #1 for eight weeks, and knocked Usher’s earlier single ‘Yeah!’ from top spot). And while they often charted well in Britain, it feels like 2004 was the year that they belatedly broke through and dominated.

Why? I’m not sure. Slumping sales? A lack of British pop talent? More break-ups than usual? Was the insidious internet forcing American slush into the homes of impressionable British kids…? However it happened, it made for some fairly dull number ones. Usher’s vocals are impressive (though his tendency towards a falsetto is grating), yet the production is slow and treacly. While ‘Yeah!’ was certainly dumb; it was at least cutting edge and upbeat.

Another potential symptom of slumping sales seems to be that acts are scoring multiple chart-toppers, closer together. In 2003 only Busted managed multiple #1s, but we’ve now had three repeaters in a row – Britney, McFly and now Usher. A long time ago I described this phenomenon – lesser follow-ups making number one thanks to a huge smash hit – as ‘shadow number ones’. But I don’t think that’s what’s happening here, and it’s going to keep happening over the next few years, until sales start to pick up.

What’s also going to happen over the next few years is more and more syrupy R&B ballads like this making number one in Britain, beyond their natural habitat of the Hot 100. Think Akon, think Ne-Yo. Even normally upbeat females like Beyonce and Rihanna will try their hand at it. And here am I, scanning the horizon for any sign of a guitar…

982. ‘Obviously’, by McFly

/ UK #1s blog / 7 Comments

In my post on ‘5 Colours in Her Hair’, I called it the perfect song for McFly to launch themselves with. Their second single, then, was the perfect song for McFly to announce that they were here to stay.

Obviously, by McFly (their 2nd of seven #1s)

1 week, 27th June – 4th July 2004

‘5 Colours in Her Hair’ was largely Busted under a different name, with a big nod towards the same pop punk sound; though with a much more melodic, classic rock influence. For ‘Obviously’ they keep the melodies strong, but this is much more of an understated record, balanced somewhere between power and jangle pop.

Can a song be instant, yet understated? If so, then this is that song. This made me a McFly fan, and started me on the path of buying every album, seeing them live three times, and buying each copy of Attitude magazine in which they shamelessly gay-baited us on the cover. It’s got a hell of a chorus, especially when Danny and Tom’s voices soar and intertwine towards the climax.

This is also a cut above Busted in terms of the lyrics, in which McFly prove that teenage boys can write songs about not getting the girl without sounding like spoiled toddlers. They’re in love with a girl, but have quickly come to the realisation that they aren’t good enough for her… Cause obviously, She’s out of my league, I’m wasting my time ‘cause she’ll never be mine…

The rest of the lyrics are either quite funny: the girl’s boyfriend is twenty-three, He’s in the Marines, He’d kill me… Or they’re endearingly clunky: I think the only reason they chose to run off to LA in the second verse is because it rhymes with that’s where I’ll stay… Their debut album, ‘Room on the 3rd Floor’ is full of similarly teenage lyrics, and is an LP I’ll always listen to fondly.

The one thing I’d change about this are the strings, which add strangely grand flourishes that a song this simple doesn’t need. Maybe they were worried the song was too subtle after 5CIHH, and wanted some more oomph, but it’s a bit much. In fact, that’s one of my few complaints with early McFly – an over-egging of the pudding in an attempt to prove themselves as a ‘proper’ band. It was worst on their second album, from which they’ll be scoring two more #1s soon enough.