number one singles

998. ‘Against All Odds’, by Steve Brookstein

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2005 begins with what should have been the final chart-topper of 2004, and that year’s Christmas #1…

Against All Odds, by Steve Brookstein (his 1st and only #1)

1 week, from 2nd – 9th January 2005

On the one hand you can feel a teensy bit sorry for Steve Brookstein, because a couple of years later winning X Factor would be a sure-fire way to have a genuinely massive million-seller, a Christmas number one, and at least one or two follow-up hits. But since he was the winner of the first series, before it was pulling in huge viewing figures, and because he came up against a juggernaut of a single in Band Aid 20’s ‘Do They Know It’s Christmas?’ reboot, none of this came true. Instead he belatedly limped to #1 for a week, when nobody was watching, on a technicality.

At the same time, any sympathy for him evaporates when you hear this dull and predictable winner’s single. Did we really need another cover of ‘Against All Odds’? Mariah Carey and Westlife had taken their version to the top barely four years earlier. Phil Collins’ original was only two decades old. (Worryingly, Brookstein’s cover is now closer to 1984 than the present day…)

Of course, Brookstein isn’t a bad vocalist. But he is a glorified pub singer. Judge Sharon Osbourne didn’t like him, and I don’t think the X Factor producers were thrilled to have a thirty-six year old with a pretty limited appeal as their inaugural winner. The subsequent champions were all young, and pretty, with potential for real pop stardom. Some even came close to managing it.

The one person who did argue for Steve Brookstein was, inevitably, Simon Cowell. Cowell looks at a granny-baiting, middle-aged crooner as hungry kids look at chocolate ice cream. He lapped him up. For a while, at least. Following a debut, chart-topping album, Cowell and Brookstein feuded. Eight months after winning X Factor, he was dropped by BMG Records. According to Brookstein it was because he refused to record another LP of safe covers.

And so he faded into obscurity, popping up every now and then to rant about Cowell. He did a bit of musical theatre, a bit of TV, and a lot of provincial touring. Looking at his Wiki, has there been a more depressing sentence in a pop star’s bio than: “In June 2007, Brookstein appeared on the P&O Portsmouth to Bilbao car ferry, alongside X Factor alumni Chico Slimani and Journey South”? (More on Chico soon, btw.)

This would be the last X Factor winner’s single not to make Christmas #1 for five years, as the series dominated British pop culture in the latter half of the decade. So that’s something to look forward to covering… This also came dangerously close to being Britain’s 1000th number one single. Which feels like a close escape, but maybe it would have been fitting. Maybe it is the ultimate #1 single? Cheap, disposable, forgotten…

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997. ‘Do They Know It’s Christmas?’, by Band Aid 20

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Twenty years on from the original, and fifteen years on from the SAW spin-off, comes the long-awaited Band Aid III: Band Aid with a Vengeance…

‘Do They Know It’s Christmas?’, by Band Aid 20

4 weeks, from 5th December 2004 – 2nd January 2005

It was still helmed by Geldof and Ure, with the same aim of raising money for the world’s destitute, but they sensibly updated the collective’s name to Band Aid 20, and that sounds a bit more impressive than Band Aid 3. They also updated the sound of the record, and the singers involved, with more mixed results.

The original famously opened with Paul Young, then Boy George. This one opens with Coldplay’s Chris Martin, then Dido. (Insert opinion on the direction pop music had gone in during the past two decades…) It takes Robbie Williams, the third voice heard, to really get this record going. We then hear the Sugababes, Travis’s Fran Healy, the Bedingfields, Will Young, Jamelia, Busted (technically making ‘Thunderbirds’ not their final #1), Joss Stone, and many other gilded names of the time.

In fairness, this version features a lot more ‘real’ instruments than the previous two, more synthy versions. The Darkness contribute a guitar solo – getting their Xmas #1 a year late – while Radiohead’s Thom Yorke and Johnny Greenwood, alongside Sir Paul McCartney, form a backing band of some distinction. But the biggest nod to the 21st century is the rap from Dizzee Rascal, then a fairly niche British rapper, but who would go on to become one of the decade’s biggest chart stars. You ain’t gotta feel guilt just selfless, Give a little help to the helpless… is a rhyme for the ages.

Stealing the show though, is the one returnee from the original: Bono. He had to fight to keep his line, as Robbie and Justin Hawkins each recorded a take, but honestly, nobody can self-righteously proclaim Well tonight thank God it’s them instead of you… like Bono. It’s a line that gets a lot of stick, but to me it’s the one line in this festival of virtue signalling, about there not being snow in Africa and Christmas bells that are clanging chimes of doom, which actually rings true. We feel sorry for victims of war and famine, of course we do; but we also feel relief, and disgust.

I like a lot of the touches on this version, including the way it descends into an extended hard rock wig-out, then into a coda of semi-African sounding banging and shaking; but it lacks something. And that something is the driving synth riff from the original. So, yes, this is a version with ‘real’ instruments; but said riff, that is devoid of sleigh bells and snowy tinkles, but that gives the song a sense of urgency, a sense of hurry up, donate, save these poor souls! Plus, there must be a reason why neither this, nor Band Aid II, have replaced the original in the yearly Xmas onslaught.

Band Aid 20 was still a huge success, selling 72,000 copies in its first day, and almost 300,000 in its first week. It was the last CD single to sell a million copies, and was really a last hurrah for the format, with sales slumping to new lows by the early weeks of 2005. Downloads would be incorporated into the charts by the following spring.

I remember Band Aid 20 being a very newsworthy deal at the time, and listening to it now I can still identify many of the singers as their lines come up. There is one more chart-topping version of ‘Do They Know It’s Christmas?’ to come, in another decade, but the attitudes towards that one, and its subsequent reduced chart performance, are an interesting marker of how society had shifted in the social media age.

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996. ‘I’ll Stand By You’, by Girls Aloud

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Girls Aloud – the pop group of the noughties – finally score a second chart-topper, slaying the curse of the reality TV show winner…

I’ll Stand By You, by Girls Aloud (their 2nd of four #1s)

2 weeks, from 21st November – 5th December 2004

Of course, the fact that bangers like ‘The Show’, ‘Love Machine’, and ‘No Good Advice’ had all stalled at #2 in between their debut and this #1 was a travesty. It is a perfectly serviceable cover of the Pretenders’ 1994 #10 hit, recorded for the BBC’s annual ‘Children in Need’ telethon – which has already brought us number ones from S Club 7, and the all-star collective with ‘Perfect Day’ – but it is the dictionary definition of “nothing special”.

For a girl group, Girls Aloud were thankfully not very ballad-heavy. But this was proof that they could indeed handle some balladry, and that they could properly sing. That’s probably the best thing you can say about this record, though, as it goes down the bells and tinkles, over-produced route that so many songs of this ilk do. I prefer the opening verse, which is nicely stripped-back. After that it drowns in schmaltz. (Some might also call the original schmaltzy – and Chrissie Hynde certainly isn’t the song’s biggest fan, claiming that it sounded too desperate to be a hit – but it still has far more edge than this cover.)

Making this sound even worse is the knowledge that Girls Aloud’s chart-topping fortunes wouldn’t improve after this second #1 either. Further classics like ‘Biology’, ‘Something Kinda Ooh’ and ‘Long Hot Summer’ would stumble before their next chart-topper – another charity effort – over two years away…

But charity records always buck trends and do well, especially in the run-up to Christmas. For confirmation of this, just take a look at what’s up next…

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995. ‘Vertigo’, by U2

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Lo! What is that I hear on the horizon? Rock…? Music…?

Vertigo, by U2 (their 6th of seven #1s)

1 week, from 14th – 21st November 2004

I am a confirmed U2 sceptic. I think they can be too clever for their own good, too preachy, too glossy… But I’ve also enjoyed most of their earlier chart-toppers, from the bluesy ‘Desire’, to the arty ‘The Fly’, to the danceable ‘Discotheque’. I am also ready to forgive U2 anything, now that they’ve restored rock and roll to the top of the charts.

And ‘Vertigo’ does rock. The riff is brutally simple, and the chorus’s hook-line (Hello, Hello, I’m at a place called vertigo…) is brutally catchy. I especially like the verses, where the Edge’s guitar chirps and cheeps like a wildcat ready to pounce, and a filthy bassline is brought to the fore.

I wouldn’t go so far as describing it as ‘punk’, as some outlets did at the time. Yes it’s simple, and blisteringly fast. But it’s U2, in 2004. ‘Vertigo’ lent its name to one of the biggest tours of all time. It was used to advertise the iPod. And it’s still very glossy. The chorus, as effective as it is, is polished to an edge-less (pardon the pun) gleam. While the middle-eight, which is very U2 with Bono intoning All of this can be yours… in a chiming break, breaks any punk-y aspirations once and for all.

I’d also suggest that ‘Vertigo’ is a slight rip off of ‘Elevation’, from their previous album, which had a similarly dumb, sledgehammer riff. 21st Century U2 always had one rocking single per album, and at least one ballad (see their soon to follow final #1). Which could also be seen as a slightly cynical, commercial approach to album-making when compared to their ‘90s concept albums. Then again, like I said, I am a big old U2 sceptic.

But, really. This is a great song. And it ensures that U2 can claim a chart-topping career spanning over sixteen years, an impressive feat for any act. And, alongside their feature on LMC’s ‘Take Me to the Clouds Above’, it means that 2004 was their most successful chart-topping year. The album ‘Vertigo’ came from, ‘How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb’, was also one of their most commercially successful. It was also a bit of a swansong, as by the time of their following LP, in 2009, pop music seemed to have finally moved on from them.

994. ‘Just Lose It’, by Eminem

/ UK #1s blog / 6 Comments

That sound? Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah-Ahrgh! Eminem dramatically falling from grace…

Just Lose It, by Eminem (his 5th of eleven #1s)

1 week, from 7th – 14th November 2004

After a trio of chart-toppers – ‘Stan’, ‘Without Me’ and ‘Lose Yourself’ – that not only hugely advanced the critical reputation and lyrical potential of hip-hop, but what pop music as a whole could be capable of, Slim Shady returns with an Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah-Ahrgh!

It’s so bad it could be viewed as a parody, and Eminem such a contrarian that it could be seen as an attempt to destroy his own legacy. The fact that it interpolates aspects of both ‘Without Me’ and ‘Lose Yourself’ backs this up. Or, it might just mean that Eminem had run out of steam. Apparently at the time of recording he was taking thirty to forty Valium a day, which might go a long way to explaining this record’s grotesqueness.

In the previous trio of #1s Eminem was in turns scary, hilarious, and charismatic. On ‘Just Lose It’ he sounds bored, a deadpan delivery making the predictable and unfunny lines sound worse. The video doesn’t help either, with Slim farting, vomiting, and for some reason dressing as Madonna, in a bid to ramp up some shock value.

He also takes a pop at Michael Jackson, in the video, and in the song’s one good line. What else could I possibly do to make noise, I’ve done touched on everything but little boys…? It’s especially interesting to hear this today, with MJ back in the charts and apparently fully un-cancelled following his successful biopic. At the time Jackson was pretty pissed off with this record. A couple of years later he had bought most of Eminem’s back catalogue.

Other than gleefully annoying Jackson and his unhinged fanbase, this record is largely irredeemable. And has there been a more confronting hook in a chart-topper than those bloody Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah-Ahrghs? They are genuinely jarring.

Regardless of quality, the lead single from a new Eminem album is always going to be a big deal. Straight in at number one. And the low sales climate will mean that Eminem soon benefits from a second, slightly random #1 too. Much better than this one, though, thank God.

Explicit version:

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993. ‘Wonderful’, by Ja Rule ft. R. Kelly & Ashanti

/ UK #1s blog / 3 Comments

Yet another US-based R&B number one, to add to 2004’s increasingly long list…

Wonderful, by Ja Rule (his 1st and only #1) ft. R. Kelly (his 3rd and final #1) & Ashanti (her 1st and only #1)

1 week, from 31st October – 7th November 2004

Making this track even harder to enjoy, aside from its averageness, is the appearance of R Kelly for his final UK chart-topper. Your enjoyment of this song will depend on how well you can stomach Kels singing about how life is a pussy buffet…

Though to give him his due, this feels like an R Kelly record rather than one led by Ja Rule, given that he gets around fifty percent of the airtime, including the chorus, which is the catchiest part of the song (I quite like the Morse Code-y, buzzing riff that holds it together too). Ja Rule contributes a couple of verses about gangstas and hos, and other rap cliches that make me roll my eyes. It’s always been a feature of the genre, that sort of aggrandisement, but one that started to dominate in the 21st century. Y’all bitches don’t know… Niggas can’t walk a mile in my shoes… That sort of thing.

I always quite liked Ja Rule, however. Usually in a supporting role, as on his two hits with J-Lo (‘Ain’t It Funny’ and ‘I’m Real’) and ‘Always on Time’ with Ashanti. Those songs felt much bigger, much more part of the fabric of the early ‘00s, than ‘Wonderful’. So in one sense it’s good that the dulcet tones of Ja Rule, and the much sweeter-voiced Ashanti, managed a British chart-topper. Just preferably not with this.

I’d even go so far as to claim that songs like this don’t belong on top of the UK singles charts. It’s not our music. It’s US cultural imperialism! Bring back Lonnie Donegan! Yes that sounds a bit Reform-ish, but – unlike other nationalities – we can be rude about Americans and not get into trouble. I do wonder which sections of the British public this record spoke to. Give me So Solid Crew over this: at least they spoke about the lives of British kids, and came from British council estates.

Of course, in late 2004, ‘Wonderful’ sold a fraction of what Ja Rule and Ashanti’s non chart-topping, earlier hits had sold. While it just about cleared the record set by ‘Call on Me’s final fortnight on top, the 23k copies it sold in its first week set its own record for the lowest selling record to debut at #1. Has anyone listened to this in twenty years? I doubt it. Not the most ‘Wonderful’ legacy to leave.

Censored and uncensored versions:

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992. ‘Radio’, by Robbie Williams

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Turn-of-the-century Britain’s biggest pop star Robbie Williams scores his first #1 in almost three years. Right at the moment when he stopped chasing hits.

Radio, by Robbie Williams (his 6th of seven #1s)

1 week, from 10th – 17th October

He’s gone full-on new-wave electro with this clanking, blurping track. Vocally I get both Gary Numan, and Neil Hannon from the Divine Comedy. You’d probably struggle to identify this as Robbie Williams, until he reveals a slightly more trademark voice on the Jumping, Thumping, Shout out something… line.

It’s a strange record, and I don’t just mean strange sounding. I remember it catching people by surprise; and yet it’s hardly a very original song. It set the tone for Robbie as he moved further from away his imperial phase, releasing less successful but pretty cool songs like 2006’s ‘Rudebox’, and 2009’s ‘Bodies’. Plus, in 2004, such an eighties-chasing song was very zeitgeisty, as most of the era’s big rock bands were doing the same.

In fact, I’d say that this period is when Robbie cemented himself as a legendary pop star. Yes, Take That were huge, and he enjoyed massive hits from his first few solo albums, but a track like ‘Radio’ is really not what an ex-boyband star should be releasing. Cast your mind back two chart-toppers, to Brian McFadden’s fairly plodding ‘Real to Me’, to see the level of many ex-boybanders.

‘Real to Me’ was written by Guy Chambers, while ‘Radio’ was Robbie William’s first solo single not to be co-written with his regular partner. Lyrically it’s interesting (by that I mean ridiculous), and if that’s down to the departure of Chambers I don’t know. Although some of the lines are brilliant in their ridiculousness. He puts an ‘e’ in the Arsenal, A comb in my ‘fro, Divine retribution and away we go… being a particular favourite.

‘Radio’ was one of two new songs on Williams’ first greatest hits record, another way in which this was something of a line in the sand after his huge hit-making days. Though to claim that this was the end of him as a chart force is highly misguided, with eight further Top 10 hits to come before his final chart-topper in eight years’ time. I’d class this along with something like Kylie’s ‘Slow’, a song that only made #1 because of a huge star’s fanbase, but that made the charts a more interesting place for doing so.

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991. ‘Call on Me’, by Eric Prydz

/ UK #1s blog / 4 Comments

Two sounds have dominated the charts of 2004: gloopy US R&B, and tacky dance records. Here we have the apogee of the latter genre.

Call on Me, by Eric Prydz (his 1st and only #1)

3 weeks, from 19th September – 10th October / 2 weeks, from 17th – 31st October 2004 (5 weeks total)

I’ve explained in earlier posts of what tacky dance consists. Basically it involves a sample from the ‘80s, and a trance-light beat. Basically, it’s basic. And catchy. And guaranteed to fill a provincial dancefloor. (That’s not me being snobby – I came of age on provincial dancefloors.)

‘Call on Me’ takes two lines from Steve Winwood’s 1982 #51 (and 1987 #19) hit ‘Valerie’, and adds a beat that alternately thumps then swirls. That’s about it. It does have a fill your ears, wall-of-sound quality to it, and I do remember it sounding very good in a dark and sweaty nightclub when you were five Apple VKs in. Earlier tacky dance chart-toppers, like ‘Take Me to the Clouds Above’ and ‘Lola’s Theme’, sound lightweight in comparison.

But like all songs of its ilk, it is repetitive, and ephemeral. Why was ‘Call on Me’ such a big hit, compared to the year’s other dance records? Why did it become, at the time, the second-longest running chart topper of the decade? I can’t hear any particular reason… Oh no, wait. Now I remember. The reason for this song’s success wasn’t just to do with the audio…

The video was set in a dance studio, and featured a bevy of beauties in skimpy swimwear doing a sexy aerobics routine (which must have chafed, looking back). A DVD single was available, that included a ‘late night’ version of the video. God knows what that involved. Opinion has been torn ever since. It won Best Video at a dance music awards, but was named 5th worst video of all time by NME. Eric Prydz himself refused to play the song for many years, apparently embarrassed by its success, and was once bottled on stage in Canada for not doing so. The final word on the video has to go to Tony Blair, Prime Minister: ‘The first time it came on, I nearly fell off my rowing machine’… These days, with all the filth we require at our digital fingertips, it feels quaint to think that randy teenage boys rushed in their droves to buy a DVD single. A relic of a simpler time.

Winwood’s ‘Valerie’ had been used in an earlier dance song by French duo Together (one of whom was Daft Punk’s Thomas Bangalter). They didn’t want to release it, and so Prydz – a Swedish DJ – recreated it with re-recorded vocals from Winwood himself. He scored his debut, and breakthrough, hit with it. While – correct me if I’m wrong, because he’s had a wide and varied career – I think this restored Steve Winwood to the UK Top 10 for the first time since his Spencer Davis Group and Traffic days. It’s bizarre to think that the last time the vocalist from ‘Call on Me’ was at #1, it was with the bluesy-garage rock of ‘Somebody Help Me’ in 1966.

Another reason for ‘Call on Me’s extended run at the top, other than the smut and its crowd-pleasing sound, was the lack of competition. When it returned to number one in October, it did so with the lowest sales ever recorded, scraping only 21,749 in its final week as a chart-topper. That’s very low. But sales will drop even lower in the next couple of years, before downloads finally fill the void.

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990. ‘Real to Me’, by Brian McFadden

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In which former Westlifer Brian McFadden goes solo, with a classic ‘I’m not in a boyband any more’ record…

Real to Me, by Brian McFadden (his 1st and only solo #1)

1 week, from 12th – 19th September 2004

I must admit I have no recollection of 10th March 2004, the day that McFadden announced his departure from Westlife. I remember the hysteria around Take That splitting, and I know exactly where I was when I heard that Geri was leaving the Spice Girls. I even remember finding out that Zayn was leaving One Direction, though that was more to do with a class of twelve-year-old girls I was teaching at the time. Brian quitting Westlife, though? Nope. Were there headlines? Helplines? Probably not. Still, off he went, making his intentions clear by hiring Robbie Williams’ long-time songwriting partner, Guy Chambers.

‘Real to Me’ has a self-important title that doesn’t bode well, and opens with a piano line that suggests we’re in a for a tortured ballad; yet in all honesty isn’t as bad a record as I remembered/expected. It’s basically an upbeat Westlife song, with a vaguely Britpop-ish, ‘90s alt-rock production. And a guitar solo! Which is always welcome these days.

I have a harder time getting on board with the lyrics, although I do like the opening line: Bullshit dinners and the free champagne… It’s such a stroppy, ‘look at me I’m swearing’ protest against Louis Walsh, Westlife, and all the granny-baiting ballads. (And he chickened out by changing it to ‘showbiz dinners’ for the single release.) The rest of the song is a list of complaints about how life in a boyband, with all the hotels, aeroplanes and dressing rooms, isn’t as fun as it looks. Well, duh. I don’t doubt he had his demons, but ‘successful pop star complains about being a successful pop star’ is a tricky genre to make palatable. Maybe just save it for your therapist?

And then there’s the middle-eight, which almost obliterates any goodwill I have for this song. Brian lists all the things he plans to do now he’s broken free of the boyband rat race. Picnics in the garden… Drink some English tea, Then I raise up my finger, And watch football on TV… Sheesh.

It’s cruel (though perhaps accurate) to suggest that the bullshit dinners and free champagne wouldn’t be a problem Brian had to wrestle with for long in his post-Westlife career. Robbie Williams he was not. ‘Real to Me’ squeaked a week at #1 with one of the year’s lowest sales, and he managed two more Top 10s from his debut album. After that zilch, though he’s fared slightly better in his native Ireland. Since 2016 he has been a sometime member of Boyzlife, with Boyzone alum Keith Duffy. To his credit, McFadden has never rejoined his band, as so many boyband quitters eventually do, and hopefully he is enjoying a quiet life, and a peaceful level of anonymity.

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Cover Versions of #1s… Motown Special

/ UK #1s blog / 6 Comments

For our next cover versions interlude, here are three covers of chart-topping hits with a little Motown flavouring.

Starting with possibly Motown’s biggest star, Stevie Wonder…

Wonder covered ‘We Can Work it Out’ for his 1971 album ‘Signed, Sealed, Delivered’, and it made #13 on the Billboard 100 when released as a single. He was still only twenty-one, though already a full decade into his recording career. Of course, Stevie Wonder’s career would cross paths with a Beatle again in the eighties, with the not-quite-as-classic ‘Ebony and Ivory’ hitting #1. Wonder then performed for Paul McCartney’s Grammy Lifetime Achievement Award ceremony a few years later, singing this very tune.

Sonically, this is very early-seventies Stevie, with a brilliant fried-funk bassline, and a harmonica solo. It’s also a much more positive sounding record than the baroque pop original, with the soaring vocals and backing leaving us in no doubt that whatever is wrong will indeed be worked out.

And if Stevie Wonder is Motown’s biggest star, then Smokey Robinson can’t be far behind…

He scored a belated number one with the Miracles in 1970 with the classic ‘The Tears of a Clown’, which was also co-written by Wonder. A decade later, in that incredibly fertile post-punk/new-wave landscape, the Beat (or English Beat, or British Beat, depending on where you’re from) took this ska cover version to #6 in the opening weeks of the 1980s.

I wouldn’t count myself as the biggest fan of ska, but I am a fan of hearing great songs that work in very different arrangements, and the staccato riff, played like a circus theme in the original, sounds great in a two-tone style.

My third cover is bending the rules a little. Or completely…

For years I assumed the Foundations were a Motown act, or at the very least Americans from somewhere near Detroit. But of course they were British, and released their music on Pye Records. I’ll class them as honourary Motown stars, though, as hits like ‘Build Me Up Buttercup’ and ‘Baby, Now That I’ve Found You’ are so very indebted to the Tamla sound.

Not that Alison Krauss’s bluegrass inflected version sounds anything like that. It is stripped back, richly smooth, almost haunting. It was recorded in 1995, and didn’t do much on the charts, but won a Grammy for Female Country Vocal Performance and has featured on Best Country Songs lists. Despite this, I like it because it’s not too country, if you know what I mean.

Hope you enjoyed these not too oft-heard cover versions of three sixties classics. Back to the regular countdown next, and we are only ten chart-toppers away from a very special anniversary!