If you’ve been following this blog over the past few weeks, you’ll have seen that I claimed December 2002, and Blue’s cover of ‘Sorry Seems to Be the Hardest Word’, featuring Elton himself, as marking the end of the Golden Age of the Boyband…

I’ve gone into discussions, and answered questions on: what makes a boyband (dance routines, key changes), who the first boyband were (NKOTB), and whether or not Blazin’ Squad were a boyband (they weren’t, it’s official). In total, we’ve covered, enjoyed and/or endured forty boyband #1s over the course of thirteen chart years. Most have been ballads. Many have been garbage. A few have been classics.

So, in this post, I am going to offer you an alternative history. A ‘what might have been’. Six non-charttopping hits from six charttopping boybands. Six choons. Not a ballad in sight.

Color Me Badd – ‘All 4 Love’ (reached #5 in 1991)

Color Me Badd made #1 with the icky ‘I Wanna Sex You Up’. But, later in 1991, they returned with the genuinely catchy ‘All 4 Love’. It’s a cheesily soulful love song, with a looped piano riff and a funky horn section. Knight in shining armour, I’ll be your fairytale… are lyrics that in a ballad would have you swallowing back vomit; but that in an uptempo number like this are forgiveable. This record made top spot in the US (bravo America), but was their final Top 10 pretty much everywhere.

East 17 – ‘Deep’ (reached #5 in 1993)

To be honest, East 17 have nothing to prove. Their one chart-topper is probably the best boyband single ever released. On the one hand, this is quite an experimental boyband single, with an ominous squelchy bass, a floaty piano line, and a strange operatic vocal loop, mingling to make an atmospheric backing track. On the other, this is preposterously horny nonsense. East 17 were almost instantly cast as the Stones to Take That’s Beatles, and it is impossible to imagine Gary Barlow uttering lines like I wanna do it ’till my belly rumbles... or I’ll butter the toast if you lick the knife…

911 – ‘Bodyshakin’‘ (reached #3 in 1997)

911 had to wait a long time (by boyband standards) for a #1. Eleven singles over three years until their cover of Dr. Hook’s ‘A Little Bit More’ finally made it all the way. But what a damp squib that was. Especially when a banger such as ‘Bodyshakin” stalled at #3. In 1997, this was very a modern sounding pop song, something that Max Martin and Backstreet Boys would be churning out to great a success by the end of the decade. (Dare I say that 911 managed this because they completely ripped off ‘We’ve Got It Goin’ On’?) I struggled between this and ‘Party People… Friday Night’, which is a much cheesier disco number, so I attach that here for your pleasure.

Five – ‘Everybody Get Up’ (reached #2 in 1998)

‘Keep on Movin” aside, I found Five’s (sorry, 5ive’s) number ones underwhelming. Especially when earlier in their career they were releasing singles like this ‘I Love Rock n Roll’ sampling 1998 smash. I think, having slogged through all these boybands, Five were probably the most fun, and the most light on ballads. In classic ’90s music video fashion, the boys disrupt a school exam, tossing test papers willy-nilly, and deliver era-defining lines like I’m the bad boy that you invite for dinner, Ain’t got no manners ’cause I eat with my fingers…

Blue – ‘All Rise’ (reached #4 in 2001)

In a way, for Blue to wrap the Golden Era of the Boyband up was fitting, as they had offered a vision of the future of the genre. They were less concerned with dance routines and key changes, and more with slick R&B production and more mature lyrics. When boybands returned to the charts in the late ’00s, quite a few of them looked and sounded like Blue. Their second single (and first #1) ‘Too Close’ told a tale of trying to hide an erection, while their debut single ‘All Rise’ presented a breakup as a court case: I’m gonna tell it to your face, I rest my case... Less a boyband, more a young adultband.

A1 – ‘Caught in the Middle’ (reached #2 in 2002)

For their 3rd and final album, A1 also went for a more grown-up sound, a world away from their pointless cover of ‘Take on Me’. This was another way in which boybands adapted for the 2000s, incorporating guitars and moodier themes, and sheepskin jackets. By the middle of the decade, as Take That returned and Westlife kept plodding on, we’d be talking about ‘manbands’. Anyway, this is a catchy, minor key number. I think it would be fair to suggest it owes a certain debt to Natalie Imbruglia’s ‘Torn’, but imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, and A1 were hardly the first boyband to borrow a sound.

Up soon, we’ll be launching into our next fifty chart-toppers, which will take us from spring 2003 to early 2005. It will also take us to the 1000th UK number one, and I have some special posts planned when we get to that milestone. It will all be boyband-less, however. Celebrate or mourn as you see fit. Unless you count Busted and McFly as boybands… but let’s not go there just yet!