And so to recap, for the twenty-sixth time (you can explore all the previous recaps by clicking on the handily titled ‘Recaps’ folder in my Categories section).

Instead of the usual thirty chart-toppers, this time I held off until we had gone through fifty, because of the rapid late-nineties turnover at the top of the charts. This latest period covers almost two years, from November 1996 to September 1998, and of the fifty number ones an amazing twenty-eight managed just a single week at the top. Plus, forty-five of them entered at number one, a feat that was almost unheard of until the mid-nineties, but is now the norm.

As in every recap, I like to pick out the themes that have been running through our latest chart-toppers. And for this recap the theme is POP! With one obvious name to start with: The Spice Girls. They’ve racked up five number ones in the past couple of years, including two festive chart-toppers. However, their most recent #1 – ‘Viva Forever’ – saw them cut down to a four-piece after Geri’s departure. And in the next recap, despite them still having two number ones to come, we’ll be talking more about the girls’ solo ventures.

But they’ve opened the floodgates for a poptastic turn of the century, and in recent weeks we’ve seen the charts flooded with a some cheap imitations of Girl Power (B*Witched and Billie). 1998 even saw the Spiceys usurped as Britain’s biggest girl group, as All Saints took over with two sexy, sassy number ones, and a couple of interesting covers. The boys haven’t been left out either: Boyzone have taken Take That’s crown as the biggest boyband in the land, scoring three largely insipid #1s, while Peter Andre and Another Level tried their best to sound sexy. By far the best pure-pop record of the last couple of years, though, was Hanson’s way too catchy ‘MMMBop’.

So, pop music is back in. Britpop is… out? We’ve mentioned before that, despite Britpop being the musical movement that the 1990s are remembered for, it was never very well represented on top of the singles charts. Yet there have still been moments as the scene started to go through its death throes: Oasis doubled-down, pretending nothing was wrong, with two preposterously overblown singles from ‘Be Here Now’ (played together ‘D’You Know What I Mean?’ and ‘All Around the World’ would take up almost twenty minutes of your time). Blur meanwhile kicked off the comedown with ‘Beetlebum’, the Verve went even more melancholy on ‘The Drugs Don’t Work’, and the Manics just did their own thing, as they usually do, singing about shooting fascists. And we should also mention ‘3 Lions ‘98’, the World Cup reworking of the 1996 original cementing that tune’s place as ultimately the biggest Britpop song of all.

In the second-half of 1997, single sales reached their all-time peak, meaning that we have also met some of the biggest-selling hits ever in this past bunch. ‘I’ll Be Missing You’, ‘Barbie Girl’ and ‘Perfect Day’ are in the Top 50, while reigning supreme over everything is Elton John’s Diana tribute. That record, and the cover of ‘Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door’ marking the Dunblane school shooting, means that two tragic events in modern British history have made an impression on the hit parade.

Finally, one more theme that we should mention is how we’ve quietly entered the age of the remix. Armand van Helden had his way with Tori Amos’ ‘Professional Widow’, Norman Cook with Cornershop’s ‘Brimful of Asha’, and it was Jason Nevins VS Run–D.M.C. on ‘It’s Like That’.

Other subplots to mention before we get on with dishing out awards… We bade farewell to MJ, and welcomed Madonna back for her first #1 in almost eight years. Hip-hop continued to tighten its grip, with chart-toppers from LL Cool J, Puff Daddy, Will Smith and, as above, Run-D.M.C. And that perennial nineties genre, the soundtrack hit, maintained its relevance with #1s from ‘Space Jam’, ‘Men in Black’, ‘Titanic’, ‘Godzilla’, ‘Sliding Doors’ and, um, ‘Beavis and Butt-Head Do America’.

To the awards then. As is traditional, we start with The ‘Meh’ Award for Forgettability. Three tunes left my pulse truly flatlining, and they were: Peter Andre’s ‘I Feel You’, Usher’s ‘You Make Me Wanna…’, and Boyzone’s ‘All That I Need’. And of those three, I genuinely cannot remember a note of ‘I Feel You’. This may be because I wrote my post on it in way back in March, but sod it. Peter Andre ‘wins’.

The WTAF Award for being interesting if nothing else appears much harder this time around. There have been plenty of bad records, but not many ‘so bad they’re good’ records. ‘Barbie Girl’…? Genuinely decent. The Teletubbies…? Genuinely awful, and a contender for the very worst. So I’m going to take a different approach. Musically it’s enjoyable, perhaps one of their better singles; but the fact that it runs for a record-breaking ten minutes, seven of which are nanananas, means that Oasis take this one with ‘All Around the World’.

On to The Very Worst Award. I had five contenders, but I’ve already talked myself out of three of them. Puff Daddy’s tribute to the Notorious BIG is crass, but I have residual affection for that from when I was the perfect age to fall for its mawkish rhymes. Speaking of mawkish, if I chose Elton’s Diana tribute then it would feel deliberately edgy of me (plus, ‘Something About the Way You Look Tonight’ is a decent enough song). ‘Teletubbies Say ‘Eh-Oh’’ is garbage but, really, what’s the point in getting angry about nonsense like that?

No, the two left standing are Celine Dion’s iceberg shaped blockbuster ‘My Heart Will Go On’, and B*Witched’s Paddy’s Day anthem ‘C’est la Vie’. Both are records I would happily ban on pain of death, but if I had to choose one to be used on me as a method of torture it would be Celine Dion. Which means B*Witched take the crown. What are they like?

The Very Best Award is tough, tough, tough this time. As I write this I still haven’t made my mind up. For the first time we’re contending not only with songs I love, but songs I grew up with in real time. The feelings are real, people. I have a shortlist of eight… Okay, more of a longlist. I’ll list them, with one pro and one con for each…

‘Breathe’, by The Prodigy (pro – better than ‘Firestarter’/con – very similar to ‘Setting Sun’, our last Very Best winner).

‘Your Woman’ by White Town (pro – one of the quirkiest ever #1s/con – too quirky…?)

Blur’s ‘Beetlebum’ (pro – I love Blur!/con – am I being objective?)

‘I Wanna Be the Only One’, by Eternal ft. BeBe Winans (pro – the key changes/con – is it actually a hymn…?)

‘The Drugs Don’t Work’, by the Verve (pro – majestic melancholy/con – or is it too depressing?)

All Saint’s ‘Never Ever’ (pro – iconic spoken word intro/con – they have even better songs to come).

Aqua’s ‘Turn Back Time’ (pro – classy pop/con – does it just benefit from comparison with their earlier #1s…?)

‘Feel It’, by The Tamperer ft. Maya (pro – a banger/ con – a bit basic).

Thanks for bearing with me. Based on these pros and cons, I am ruthlessly eliminating six records. The two remaining contenders are: ‘Your Woman’ and ‘Beetlebum’, back to back number ones in January 1997, and both at the time on my beloved four-cassette doorstopper ‘Now 36’ album. I’ve never been more tempted to announce a tie, but no. Rules are rules. Both are great, but only one uses a trumpet sample from the 1930s. There’s no such thing as too quirky: ‘Your Woman’ wins.

To recap the recaps, then:

The ‘Meh’ Award for Forgettability

1. ‘Hold My Hand’, by Don Cornell.
2. ‘It’s Almost Tomorrow’, by The Dream Weavers.
3. ‘On the Street Where You Live’, by Vic Damone.
4. ‘Why’, by Anthony Newley.
5. ‘The Next Time’ / ‘Bachelor Boy’, by Cliff Richard & The Shadows.
6. ‘Juliet’, by The Four Pennies.
7. ‘The Carnival Is Over’, by The Seekers.
8. ‘Silence Is Golden’, by The Tremeloes.
9. ‘I Pretend’, by Des O’Connor.
10. ‘Woodstock’, by Matthews’ Southern Comfort.
11. ‘How Can I Be Sure’, by David Cassidy.
12. ‘Annie’s Song’, by John Denver.
13. ‘I Only Have Eyes For You’, by Art Garfunkel.
14. ‘I Don’t Want to Talk About It’ / ‘The First Cut Is the Deepest’, by Rod Stewart.
15. ‘Three Times a Lady’, by The Commodores.
16. ‘What’s Another Year’, by Johnny Logan.
17. ‘A Little Peace’, by Nicole.
18. ‘Every Breath You Take’, by The Police.
19. ‘I Got You Babe’, by UB40 with Chrissie Hynde.
20. ‘Who’s That Girl’, by Madonna.
21. ‘A Groovy Kind of Love’, by Phil Collins.
22. ‘Do They Know It’s Christmas?’, by Band Aid II.
23. ‘Please Don’t Go’ / ‘Game Boy’, by KWS.
24. ‘Dreams’, by Gabrielle.
25. ‘Forever Love’, by Gary Barlow.
26. ‘I Feel You’, by Peter Andre.

The WTAF Award for being interesting if nothing else

1. ‘I See the Moon’, by The Stargazers.
2. ‘Lay Down Your Arms’, by Anne Shelton.
3. ‘Hoots Mon’, by Lord Rockingham’s XI.
4. ‘You’re Driving Me Crazy’, by The Temperance Seven.
5. ‘Nut Rocker’, by B. Bumble & The Stingers.
6. ‘You’ll Never Walk Alone’, by Gerry & The Pacemakers.
7. ‘Little Red Rooster’, by The Rolling Stones.
8. ‘Puppet on a String’, by Sandie Shaw.
9. ‘Fire’, by The Crazy World of Arthur Brown.
10. ‘In the Year 2525 (Exordium and Terminus)’, by Zager & Evans.
11. ‘Amazing Grace’, The Pipes & Drums & Military Band of the Royal Scots Dragoon Guard.
12. ‘Kung Fu Fighting’, by Carl Douglas.
13. ‘If’, by Telly Savalas.
14. ‘Wuthering Heights’, by Kate Bush.
15. ‘Hit Me With Your Rhythm Stick’, by Ian Dury & The Blockheads.
16. ‘Shaddap You Face’, by Joe Dolce Music Theatre.
17. ‘It’s My Party’, by Dave Stewart & Barbara Gaskin.
18. ‘Save Your Love’ by Renée & Renato.
19. ‘Rock Me Amadeus’, by Falco.
20. ‘Pump Up the Volume’ / ‘Anitina (The First Time I See She Dance)’, by M/A/R/R/S.
21. ‘Doctorin’ the Tardis’, by The Timelords.
22. ‘Sadeness Part 1’, by Enigma.
23. ‘Ebeneezer Goode’, by The Shamen.
24. ‘I Would Do Anything for Love (But I Won’t Do That)’, by Meat Loaf.
25. ‘Spaceman’, by Babylon Zoo.
26. ‘All Around the World’, by Oasis.

The Very Worst Chart-Toppers

1. ‘Cara Mia’, by David Whitfield with Mantovani & His Orchestra.
2. ‘The Man From Laramie’, by Jimmy Young.
3. ‘Roulette’, by Russ Conway.
4. ‘Wooden Heart’, by Elvis Presley.
5. ‘Lovesick Blues’, by Frank Ifield.
6. ‘Diane’, by The Bachelors.
7. ‘The Minute You’re Gone’, by Cliff Richard.
8. ‘Release Me’, by Engelbert Humperdinck.
9. ‘Lily the Pink’, by The Scaffold.
10. ‘All Kinds of Everything’, by Dana.
11. ‘The Twelfth of Never’, by Donny Osmond.
12. ‘The Streak’, by Ray Stevens.
13. ‘No Charge’, by J. J. Barrie
14. ‘Don’t Give Up On Us’, by David Soul
15. ‘One Day at a Time’, by Lena Martell.
16. ‘There’s No One Quite Like Grandma’, by St. Winifred’s School Choir.
17. ‘I’ve Never Been to Me’, by Charlene.
18. ‘Hello’, by Lionel Richie.
19. ‘I Want to Know What Love Is’, by Foreigner.
20. ‘Star Trekkin’’, by The Firm.
21. ‘Nothing’s Gonna Change My Love for You’, by Glenn Medeiros.
22. ‘Let’s Party’, by Jive Bunny & The Mastermixers.
23. ‘(Everything I Do) I Do It for You’, by Bryan Adams.
24. ‘Don’t Stop (Wiggle Wiggle)’, by The Outhere Brothers.
25. ‘Unchained Melody’ / ‘White Cliffs of Dover’, by Robson & Jerome.
26. ‘C’est la Vie’, by B*Witched

The Very Best Chart-Toppers

1. ‘Such a Night’, by Johnnie Ray.
2. ‘Cherry Pink and Apple Blossom White’, by Perez ‘Prez’ Prado & His Orchestra.
3. ‘Great Balls of Fire’, by Jerry Lee Lewis.
4. ‘Cathy’s Clown’, by The Everly Brothers.
5. ‘Telstar’, by The Tornadoes.
6. ‘She Loves You’ by The Beatles.
7. ‘(I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction’, by The Rolling Stones.
8. ‘A Whiter Shade of Pale’, by Procol Harum.
9. ‘I Heard It Through the Grapevine’, by Marvin Gaye.
10. ‘Baby Jump’, by Mungo Jerry.
11. ‘Metal Guru’, by T. Rex.
12. ‘Tiger Feet’, by Mud.
13. ‘Space Oddity’, by David Bowie.
14. ‘I Feel Love’, by Donna Summer.
15. ‘Heart of Glass’, by Blondie.
16. ‘The Winner Takes It All’, by ABBA.
17. ‘My Camera Never Lies’, by Bucks Fizz.
18. ‘Relax’ by Frankie Goes to Hollywood.
19. ‘You Spin Me Round (Like a Record)’, by Dead or Alive
20. ‘Stand by Me’, by Ben E. King (Honorary Award)
21. ‘It’s a Sin’, by Pet Shop Boys.
22. ‘Theme from S-Express’, by S’Express.
23. ‘Nothing Compares 2 U’, by Sinéad O’Connor.
24. ‘Would I Lie to You?’, by Charles & Eddie.
25. ‘Stay Another Day’, by East 17.
26. ‘Setting Sun’, by The Chemical Brothers.
27. ‘Your Woman’, by White Town

Our next run of fifty chart-toppers will take us, just, into the new millennium. Before that, we’ll take a break and have a week of records that never quite made it to the top. Random Runners-Up is back!