spice girls

Recap: #851 – #900

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To recap, then…

First thing to note here is that, despite changing my recaps from every thirty to every fifty, we have still covered barely a year’s worth of number ones. March 2000 to June 2001. We have been through the longest stretch of one-weekers in chart history (twelve), with another run of ten for good measure. In total, an amazing thirty-eight of the past fifty #1s stayed on top for just one week. (And, fittingly, one of those was called ‘7 Days’.)

What treats has this hectic turnover brought us, though? What have been the main themes of the past fifty? Well, I’ll start by saying that while I hated the fast turnover at the time, I’ve enjoyed covering it in blog terms. There was a lot of variety – some good, some bad, some so-so – and variety is, as they say, the spice of life. And I’d say that the two main themes have been 2-step garage, and nu-disco.

Garage has been the most pervasive, probably, with that 2-step beat appearing on fairly hardcore rap numbers by Oxide & Neutrino and DJ Pied Piper, as well as poppier offerings from Craig David, and even Bob the Builder’s Christmas #1. While many of my favourite recent #1s have owed a debt to disco: Madison Avenue, Spiller, even S Club 7. While Steps, God love ‘em, scored their second chart-topper with a full-on disco extravaganza. In fact, I think Barry White and Chic have appeared on at least four recent #1s between them, all sadly uncredited.

In pop terms, we’ve slowly been moving away from that Max Martin, uber-pop sound that typified the turn of the millennium to the lighter, more R&B inflected stylings of Destiny’s Child and Jennifer Lopez. Still, there has been plenty of the former too: Britney, and LeAnn Rimes, and some decent British attempts to keep up from Billie Piper and A1.

There’s been some very modern hip-hop, not least the introduction of the biggest rap artist of all time. ‘The Real Slim Shady’ felt like a game changing arrival, with precision delivery, cutting insults, and the most swears ever heard in a number one to date. Then came ‘Stan’, and proof that Marshall Mathers wasn’t just here to piss your parents off.

What of rock music? Well, it still has a pulse, just about. If you consider Limp Bizkit – our first and only nu-metal #1 – worthy of following in the tradition of earlier rock chart-toppers. Or U2, who made a grab for stadium-filling ubiquity with ‘Beautiful Day’, selling a lot of records but leaving me cold. Apart from that, the next most rocking chart-toppers were probably from the Corrs and Emma Bunton, and (as good as those two records are) if they’re representing the rock faction then the genre is probably on life-support…

In other news, we’ve bid farewell to the Spice Girls, both as a group (with the dull ‘Holler’) and as a solo concern. Their recent solo #1s have been eclectic, from Geri’s camp fluff to Mel C’s trance banger. We’ve also welcomed back the icon that is Ms Kylie Minogue for her huge second act, and while ‘Spinning Around’ isn’t a favourite of mine it is always good to have her in the conversation. There’s also been a second (or is it third?) act for Shaggy, with the highest-selling single out of the past fifty, and the last appearance of Queen on this countdown. Though the less said about that the better… And, of course, there’s been a lot of Westlife. Four out of the past fifty to be exact. And I will hold my hands up and admit to enjoying at least one of them.

Before we get to the awards, we have to mention possibly the most significant of all the recent chart-toppers: the first reality TV #1, from Hear’Say. ‘Pure and Simple’ was an okay pop song, but what it represents is actually quite terrifying. The first tremor from a fifty-plus chart-topper mega-quake…

To the latest awards, then. The 28th edition. And it’s the Meh Award that we grapple with first. What has been the least memorable of the past fifty? My shortlist includes a couple of low-key house #1s from Chicane and Rui Da Silva, as well as whichever of the four Westlife hits took my fancy. But instead I’m going to betray ten-year-old me and give it to the Spice Girls, for the double-dullness that was ‘Holler’ / ‘Let Love Lead the Way’. From the zany fun of ‘Wannabe’ to carbon-copy R&B. How the mighty fell.

There are a decent bunch of candidates for this WTAF Award too. The ‘Casualty’ and Guy Ritchie sampling ‘Bound 4 da Reload’. Or the fake Barry White on ‘You See the Trouble With Me’? Or the incongruity of Five and Queen sharing a stage (with the background stylings of Freddie Mercury slowly rotating in his grave)? Or should I give it to the nu-metal #1? I’m probably going to reveal my struggle with garage as a genre over the next couple of awards, but I’m giving this one to Oxide & Neutrino.

Which means that The 28th Very Worst Chart-Topper must be the truly execrable ‘Do You Really Like It?’ (no we really do-on’t) by DJ Pied Piper and his Masters of Ceremonies. Worse even than A1’s borderline criminal cover of ‘Take on Me’. I did briefly consider giving this to ‘Beautiful Day’, just to really put the cat among the pigeons, but that would have just been petty. Plus I’m fairly sure Bono doesn’t actually read this blog.

We end, as per tradition, with The Very Best Chart-Topper Award. I have a shortlist of five. That’s probably more of a longlist, to be fair, but they are… ‘Oops!… I Did It Again’, by Britney. ‘Groovejet’, by Spiller and the delectable Sophie E-B. All Saint’s ‘Black Coffee’, which I’ve always rated higher than the better-remembered ‘Pure Shores’. ‘Stan’, by Eminem. And the irresistible ‘Don’t Stop Movin’’.

‘Oops!…’ for the nostalgia factor. ‘Spiller’ because no other #1 sums up the turn of the millennium better. ‘Black Coffee’ because All Saints are just generally underrated. And ‘Don’t Stop Movin’’ because it’s great pop. So, by that barometer, I should give it to S Club, as the most lacking in ulterior motive. But over them all looms ‘Stan’. Not a particularly enjoyable number one. Not one I long to hear very often. By an artist that I have my moral struggles with. But it’s a towering work of art, not something you can say about many pop songs; and art should sometimes by unpleasant and confronting. So I think I’m going to go with my head here, and name ‘Stan’ as the latest Very Best number one.

To recap the recaps:

The ‘Meh’ Award for Forgettability

  1. ‘Hold My Hand’, by Don Cornell.
  2. ‘It’s Almost Tomorrow’, by The Dream Weavers.
  3. ‘On the Street Where You Live’, by Vic Damone.
  4. ‘Why’, by Anthony Newley.
  5. ‘The Next Time’ / ‘Bachelor Boy’, by Cliff Richard & The Shadows.
  6. ‘Juliet’, by The Four Pennies.
  7. ‘The Carnival Is Over’, by The Seekers.
  8. ‘Silence Is Golden’, by The Tremeloes.
  9. ‘I Pretend’, by Des O’Connor.
  10. ‘Woodstock’, by Matthews’ Southern Comfort.
  11. ‘How Can I Be Sure’, by David Cassidy.
  12. ‘Annie’s Song’, by John Denver.
  13. ‘I Only Have Eyes For You’, by Art Garfunkel.
  14. ‘I Don’t Want to Talk About It’ / ‘The First Cut Is the Deepest’, by Rod Stewart.
  15. ‘Three Times a Lady’, by The Commodores.
  16. ‘What’s Another Year’, by Johnny Logan.
  17. ‘A Little Peace’, by Nicole.
  18. ‘Every Breath You Take’, by The Police.
  19. ‘I Got You Babe’, by UB40 with Chrissie Hynde.
  20. ‘Who’s That Girl’, by Madonna.
  21. ‘A Groovy Kind of Love’, by Phil Collins.
  22. ‘Do They Know It’s Christmas?’, by Band Aid II.
  23. ‘Please Don’t Go’ / ‘Game Boy’, by KWS.
  24. ‘Dreams’, by Gabrielle.
  25. ‘Forever Love’, by Gary Barlow.
  26. ‘I Feel You’, by Peter Andre.
  27. ‘You Needed Me’, by Boyzone.
  28. ‘Holler’ / ‘Let Love Lead the Way’, by The Spice Girls.

The WTAF Award for Being Interesting if Nothing Else

  1. ‘I See the Moon’, by The Stargazers.
  2. ‘Lay Down Your Arms’, by Anne Shelton.
  3. ‘Hoots Mon’, by Lord Rockingham’s XI.
  4. ‘You’re Driving Me Crazy’, by The Temperance Seven.
  5. ‘Nut Rocker’, by B. Bumble & The Stingers.
  6. ‘You’ll Never Walk Alone’, by Gerry & The Pacemakers.
  7. ‘Little Red Rooster’, by The Rolling Stones.
  8. ‘Puppet on a String’, by Sandie Shaw.
  9. ‘Fire’, by The Crazy World of Arthur Brown.
  10. ‘In the Year 2525 (Exordium and Terminus)’, by Zager & Evans.
  11. ‘Amazing Grace’, The Pipes & Drums & Military Band of the Royal Scots Dragoon Guard.
  12. ‘Kung Fu Fighting’, by Carl Douglas.
  13. ‘If’, by Telly Savalas.
  14. ‘Wuthering Heights’, by Kate Bush.
  15. ‘Hit Me With Your Rhythm Stick’, by Ian Dury & The Blockheads.
  16. ‘Shaddap You Face’, by Joe Dolce Music Theatre.
  17. ‘It’s My Party’, by Dave Stewart & Barbara Gaskin.
  18. ‘Save Your Love’ by Renée & Renato.
  19. ‘Rock Me Amadeus’, by Falco.
  20. ‘Pump Up the Volume’ / ‘Anitina (The First Time I See She Dance)’, by M/A/R/R/S.
  21. ‘Doctorin’ the Tardis’, by The Timelords.
  22. ‘Sadeness Part 1’, by Enigma.
  23. ‘Ebeneezer Goode’, by The Shamen.
  24. ‘I Would Do Anything for Love (But I Won’t Do That)’, by Meat Loaf.
  25. ‘Spaceman’, by Babylon Zoo.
  26. ‘All Around the World’, by Oasis.
  27. ‘Everybody’s Free (To Wear Sunscreen)’, by Baz Luhrmann.
  28. ‘Bound 4 da Reload (Casualty)’, by Oxide & Neutrino.

The Very Worst Chart-Toppers

  1. ‘Cara Mia’, by David Whitfield with Mantovani & His Orchestra.
  2. ‘The Man From Laramie’, by Jimmy Young.
  3. ‘Roulette’, by Russ Conway.
  4. ‘Wooden Heart’, by Elvis Presley.
  5. ‘Lovesick Blues’, by Frank Ifield.
  6. ‘Diane’, by The Bachelors.
  7. ‘The Minute You’re Gone’, by Cliff Richard.
  8. ‘Release Me’, by Engelbert Humperdinck.
  9. ‘Lily the Pink’, by The Scaffold.
  10. ‘All Kinds of Everything’, by Dana.
  11. ‘The Twelfth of Never’, by Donny Osmond.
  12. ‘The Streak’, by Ray Stevens.
  13. ‘No Charge’, by J. J. Barrie
  14. ‘Don’t Give Up On Us’, by David Soul
  15. ‘One Day at a Time’, by Lena Martell.
  16. ‘There’s No One Quite Like Grandma’, by St. Winifred’s School Choir.
  17. ‘I’ve Never Been to Me’, by Charlene.
  18. ‘Hello’, by Lionel Richie.
  19. ‘I Want to Know What Love Is’, by Foreigner.
  20. ‘Star Trekkin’’, by The Firm.
  21. ‘Nothing’s Gonna Change My Love for You’, by Glenn Medeiros.
  22. ‘Let’s Party’, by Jive Bunny & The Mastermixers.
  23. ‘(Everything I Do) I Do It for You’, by Bryan Adams.
  24. ‘Don’t Stop (Wiggle Wiggle)’, by The Outhere Brothers.
  25. ‘Unchained Melody’ / ‘White Cliffs of Dover’, by Robson & Jerome.
  26. ‘C’est la Vie’, by B*Witched.
  27. ‘I Have a Dream’ / ‘Seasons in the Sun’, by Westlife.
  28. ‘Do You Really Like It?’, by DJ Pied Piper & Masters of Ceremonies.

The Very Best Chart-Toppers

  1. ‘Such a Night’, by Johnnie Ray.
  2. ‘Cherry Pink and Apple Blossom White’, by Perez ‘Prez’ Prado & His Orchestra.
  3. ‘Great Balls of Fire’, by Jerry Lee Lewis.
  4. ‘Cathy’s Clown’, by The Everly Brothers.
  5. ‘Telstar’, by The Tornadoes.
  6. ‘She Loves You’ by The Beatles.
  7. ‘(I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction’, by The Rolling Stones.
  8. ‘A Whiter Shade of Pale’, by Procol Harum.
  9. ‘I Heard It Through the Grapevine’, by Marvin Gaye.
  10. ‘Baby Jump’, by Mungo Jerry.
  11. ‘Metal Guru’, by T. Rex.
  12. ‘Tiger Feet’, by Mud.
  13. ‘Space Oddity’, by David Bowie.
  14. ‘I Feel Love’, by Donna Summer.
  15. ‘Heart of Glass’, by Blondie.
  16. ‘The Winner Takes It All’, by ABBA.
  17. ‘My Camera Never Lies’, by Bucks Fizz.
  18. ‘Relax’ by Frankie Goes to Hollywood.
  19. ‘You Spin Me Round (Like a Record)’, by Dead or Alive.
  20. ‘Stand by Me’, by Ben E. King (Honorary Award)
  21. ‘It’s a Sin’, by Pet Shop Boys.
  22. ‘Theme from S-Express’, by S’Express.
  23. ‘Nothing Compares 2 U’, by Sinéad O’Connor.
  24. ‘Would I Lie to You?’, by Charles & Eddie.
  25. ‘Stay Another Day’, by East 17.
  26. ‘Setting Sun’, by The Chemical Brothers.
  27. ‘Your Woman’, by White Town.
  28. ‘Believe’, by Cher.
  29. ‘Stan’, by Eminem.

894. ‘What Took You So Long?’, by Emma Bunton

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Finally! Ten-year-old me’s OG favourite Spice Girl gets her solo number one…

What Took You So Long?, by Emma Bunton (her 1st and only solo #1)

2 weeks, from 8th – 22nd April 2001

We’ve had rapping Spices, banging trance Spices, Latina Spices… Emma meanwhile goes down a very nice, very drive-time radio, soft-rock route. This is classy, grown-up pop.

There are lots of digital swishes and swirls, especially in the dream-pop middle eight (where the producers were reaching for a ‘Pure Shores’ feel), but at its heart this is an acoustic guitar led song, accompanied by tambourines and handclaps and what a middle-class mum might think of as a hippyish atmosphere. It sounds like it was recorded on real instruments at least, and isn’t the sort of thing that we’ve heard on top of the charts recently.

Is it an exaggeration to say that I could hear Sheryl Crow releasing something not a million miles away from this? Or maybe Natalie Imbruglia. The bridge in particular is lovely, with Emma’s vocals coming through pure and clear. If Mel C was the Spice who could sing, Emma was the one who could give her a run for her money.

Compared to her bandmates, Baby was slow to launch a solo career. She’d featured on the one-off #2 hit ‘What I Am’ with Tin Tin Out in 1999, but this was her official solo launch. And it is to her – and the Spice Girls’ – credit that there was still enough interest in them as artists for her to make the top of the charts. And, impressively, to become the first Solo Spice to remain at #1 for a second week.

It is also to their credit that across their eight solo number ones (there’s still one more from Geri to come) there has been such a variety of styles. They’ve been of varying quality, but there have been no real clunkers. You can argue that they would have had the very best producers and songwriters queuing up to work with them, but I think the Girls also had some musical nous about them. They wouldn’t have become such global superstars otherwise.

Although this is her only solo number one, Emma Bunton managed seven Top 10 hits in total, one behind Geri’s eight, making her the second most successful Solo Spice. She can also claim the most recent Top 10 of any of the Girls, with her 2006 cover of ‘Downtown’ which made #3.

879. ‘Holler’ / ‘Let Love Lead the Way’, by The Spice Girls

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Almost two years earlier, the Spice Girls had scored their eighth and, we assumed, final chart-topper – their third Christmas number one in a row. It was called ‘Goodbye’, for heaven’s sake. But no, we have to reckon with this strange footnote to their discography…

Holler / Let Love Lead the Way, by The Spice Girls (their 9th and final #1)

1 week, from 29th October – 5th November 2000

‘Holler’ is a huge departure from the original Spice Girls’ sound, if they ever had a ‘sound’. It’s a clear attempt to sound street, to be Destiny’s Child, or TLC – the opening riff is literally ‘No Scrubs’ – to be a bit garage, a bit R&B, and resolutely not a pop group.

They are going to take a boy to their ‘fantasy room’, treat him right all through the night… Things will presumably involve a bit of zig-a-zig-ah. And it feels right to cast our minds back to their debut hit here, and all the jokes about what that phrase might have meant. It was silly innuendo, because the Spice Girls weren’t really about sex; they were about fun, and female friendship. Girl Power, as they put it. So to see hear them singing about making a guy holler feels almost like a betrayal of what made them so special in the first place.

Plus, the song itself is a big pile of average. There’s the most generic, and uncredited, guest rapper; and a genuinely tortured attempt to rhyme ‘holler’ with ‘follow’ (folla? foller?) We don’t need the Spice Girls to sound like Destiny’s Child or TLC, because we already have Destiny’s Child and TLC, and they are great. We want the Spice Girls to sound like the Spice Girls.

But at least I was vaguely familiar with ‘Holler’. I have genuinely never heard the song on the flip-side of this double-A, ‘Let Love Lead the Way’. (Four years earlier, in the midst of my Spice Girls obsession, I couldn’t have imagined not hearing one of their singles.) And if you thought ‘Holler’ was average…

It’s a ballad, a sort of sisterly message to a young girl. Why is there joy, Why is there pain? Why is there sunshine and the rain? But compare it to some of their earlier ballads, ‘2 Become 1’, or ‘Viva Forever’, and it pales in comparison. It’s not truly terrible, it just sounds like it belongs on the soundtrack of a straight-to-VHS Disney animation.

You have to wonder how much the girls’ hearts were in this third album. Geri of course was long gone, but all four remaining members had also launched solo careers. Mels B and C had made #1, and Emma’s solo moment in the sun wasn’t far away. Victoria had come as close as it’s possible to come a few weeks earlier. ‘Forever’ wasn’t a flop – it made #2 behind Westlife – but it sold a fraction of the Girls’ two earlier, multi-million selling LPs. No further singles were released from it.

Strange footnote it may be, but ‘Holler’ and ‘Let Love Lead the Way’ give the Spice Girls’ a ninth number one, drawing them level with ABBA. In chart geek terms it is also significant, for this was the year 2000’s thirty fifth number one. The following week’s chart-topper would confirm this year as having the most number one singles ever…

870. ‘I Turn to You’, by Melanie C

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When Mel C scored her first number one, the hip-hop leaning ‘Never Be the Same Again’ featuring Lisa Lopes, I mentioned the impressive scope of her first few solo singles. Pop rock, alt-rock, rap… And now she achieves her second chart-topper, with some pretty hardcore trance.

I Turn to You, by Melanie C (her 2nd and final solo #1)

1 week, from 13th – 20th August 2000

I used to look at the number ones of 2000 with scorn: there are so many of them, such a high turnover that the idea of being ‘top of the pops’ seemed cheapened. But actually now, in the midst of listening to all of them, it’s turning out quite fun. Variety is, after all, the spice of life (no pun intended).

The same could be said about Mel C’s discography. The album version of ‘I Turn to You’ was a slower, longer, more atmospheric piece of music. And as it was chosen to be the LP’s fourth single, it needed something new to appeal to fans. That something was an absolutely banging remix. As regular readers know, I’m neither a dance music expert nor an aficionado. What stands out here is the beefy bass, and the buzzy synth riff. It reminds me of the dance hits of the early nineties, before Balearic beats and garage slowed things down.

There’s a subtle piano in the chorus that complements her vocals, and the exotic strings in the second verse keep things interesting just when the beat might have become tiring. Overall, though, this song works because it’s exciting. It has a power that makes you pay attention. The remix was the work of Hex Hector, an American producer who won a Grammy for this record in 2001.

Most importantly of all, Mel C’s vocal chords get a proper workout here, unlike on ‘Never Be the Same Again’. I turn to you, Like a flower leaning towards the sun… It’s left ambiguous whether Mel is singing about turning to a lover to help her through dark days, or a higher power. But in dance music, it never hurts to keep things vaguely spiritual.

She never managed any further solo #1s (though the Spice Girls have one more to come), but Melanie C has released eight solo albums to date, while also moving into musical theatre. In terms of #1s she is the second most successful solo Spice (behind Geri), and in terms of Top 10 hits she’s third (behind Geri and Emma Bunton). If we can crown a ‘most interesting solo Spice’ however, then Mel C’s got that award in the bag.

852. ‘Bag It Up’, by Geri Halliwell

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Fresh from not giving up, we’re now bagging it up…

Bag It Up, by Geri Halliwell (her 3rd of four solo #1s)

1 week, from 19th – 26th March 2000

I overused the c-word in my post on Geri’s previous number one ‘Lift Me Up’, so I will endeavour to describe this record as anything but ‘camp’. Problem is, ‘Bag It Up’ opens with what may be the gayest line ever recorded: I like chocolate and controversy… Don’t we all, Geri.

What is this silly slice of disco-cheese about? Why is she treating her man ‘like a lady’? What the hell does I don’t take sugar on my colour TV mean?? It’s clearly some extension of the ‘Girl Power’ message, about how women don’t have to take crap from men. But like ‘Girl Power’ it falls apart under close inspection, and turns into the aural equivalent of a rowdy hen party entering a pub, even if the line Just a bad case of opposite sex… is wonderful.

Not that this record was ever meant to be closely inspected. It’s complete fluff. The video is even gayer, if such a thing was possible, as Geri advertises ‘Girl Powder’, which she uses to spike her boyfriend’s drink and turn him into a topless servant. She then dances around her factory with lots of pink-haired, six-packed oompah loompahs. Meanwhile, at that year’s Brit Awards, she performed the song after emerging from between a giant pair of legs.

Musically it sounds much like the Spice Girls’ ‘Who Do You Think You Are?’, in its poppy, nu-disco beats. In fairness, all three #1s from Geri’s debut solo album have brought something a bit different to the party, while remaining utterly disposable pop. I don’t mean that to be rude, either: I love Geri, and I love disposable pop.

What I might have questioned, had I been a bit older in 2000, was Geri’s relentless pursuit of gay icon status. It’s fun and all, but if anything it’s a little too much. She’d secured it anyway, what with being a literal Spice Girl, and so didn’t have to try so hard. I wonder if in the end it cost her some longevity. (As I write this I’m just remembering that her final chart-topper will be a cover of ‘It’s Raining Men’…)

Still, ‘Bag It Up’ is fun, and Geri was admirably serious about not taking herself seriously. Compared to self-obsessed modern pop, it’s been very refreshing to revisit the time when she was the biggest female pop star in the land.

840. ‘Lift Me Up’, by Geri Halliwell

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The artist formerly known as Ginger returns, with further camp silliness…

Lift Me Up, by Geri Halliwell (her 2nd of four solo #1s)

1 week, from 7th – 14th November 1999

Maybe you think I’m overstating just how camp solo Geri could be. If so, then I would nod you in the direction of the birdsong and Disney princess tinkles that open ‘Lift Me Up’. You half expect her to burst into a chorus of ‘Bibbity Bobbity Boo’. But no, we soon settle into a perky pop-ballad, with a suitably uplifting chorus. Lift me up, When the lights are fading… I will be your angel for life…

It’s hard to overstate just how of its time, just how drenched in little late-nineties flourishes this song is. The drumbeat, the guitar-lite backing, the warm synthy organ line, and the key change. We are truly entering the age of the key change, when pop music was so cheesy, so unashamedly bubblegum, so – yes – camp, that a pop song with any modicum of ambition needed one.

I might suggest, however, that a slower number such as this shows off Geri’s vocal limitations. The lower-key verses certainly back this idea up. I will say, though, that she acquits herself well in the choruses, sensibly aided by some backing singers, which she commits to without letting things get too cloying. And I notice a theme between this – a song in which the singer is asking a lover, or friend, to help keep her upbeat and positive – and the previous #1, Five’s ‘Keep on Movin’.

The video is also… I’ll try and not use the c-word… Pretty theatrical. Geri is driving alone along a dusty road when she comes across some aliens whose spaceship has broken down. She befriends them and they have a jolly day together, trying on her underwear and watching the ‘Mi Chico Latino’ music video… Actually, no. If there were a better word then I’d use it, but I don’t think there is. It’s just plain camp.

‘Lift Me Up’ was Geri’s third single and her second chart-topper, making her the most successful solo Spice (a title that she has never relinquished and that will, we can assume, now be hers for eternity). But it was released on the same day as Emma Bunton’s ‘What I Am’, a collaboration with electronic duo Tin Tin Out – a far cooler piece of music. A publicity battle ensued, which Geri was critical of at the time. In the end she won, fairly comfortably, by 140,000 copies to Emma’s 110,000. Baby would have to wait a couple more years to finally get a solo #1.

833. ‘Mi Chico Latino’, by Geri Halliwell

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After a slightly disappointing start to her solo career, missing out on #1 by a few hundred copies to Boyzone, Ginger becomes the second Spice Girl to make top spot away from the band, and the first to do so completely on her own…

Mi Chico Latino, by Geri Halliwell (her 1st of four solo #1s)

1 week, from 22nd – 29th August 1999

Just a few weeks on from ‘Livin’ la Vida Loca’, Geri Halliwell hops aboard the Latin-revival bandwagon. Or is it the mid-80s Madonna bandwagon? For this slice of Spanish silliness owes quite a large debt to Madge’s 1987 chart-topper ‘La Isla Bonita’. It also reminds me of holiday classic ‘Lambada’ in the melancholy chord progressions, not to mention ‘Viva Forever’s flamenco guitars, and even ‘Spice Up Your Life’ in the propulsive beat.

But what ‘Mi Chico Latino’ lacks in originality, it makes up for in camp charm. From the start, Geri clearly knew that her core fanbase were gay men, and she had no illusions of much wider appeal. (The video features a liberal amount of men in trunks, while the ‘B’-side was literally titled ‘G.A.Y.’) And she is, as has been well documented, no great vocalist. But she carries this tune along with a likeable purr in her voice.

Geri has, I have just discovered, a Spanish mother, which gives the lyrics a little more respectability. She chucks around some GCSE-level stuff like confetti – Donde esta… Yo no se… – but I’m fairly sure there was no mention of el hombre con fuego en la sangre in the textbooks my school used… I might have studied a bit harder if there had been.

Like the Westlife song it replaced at number one, nobody is going to argue that ‘Mi Chico Latino’ is a classic. But at the same time, it is. Sort of. A classic of the summer of ’99, when Latin pop was having a resurgence, and a one-time Spice Girl was on her way to becoming the country’s biggest female star, for a year or two at least. There’s something quite appealing in the way this record barrels along, on the castanets and the ayayays. ‘Loveably crap’ might be a good way to sum it up. That might also be a good way to sum up the entire solo career Geri Halliwell, my now-favourite Spice Girl.

808. ‘Goodbye’, by The Spice Girls

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Managing a Beatles-matching three Christmas number ones in a row, it’s the Spice Girls…

Goodbye, by The Spice Girls (their 8th of nine #1s)

1 week, from 20th – 27th December 1998

Could we argue that this is a more impressive feat than that managed by The Beatles, as the Fab Four’s three festive chart-toppers came before the Christmas Number One © became a thing? Perhaps. But that’s a discussion for another day. On to the ballad at hand.

For it is, of course, a ballad. My favourite of their three Xmas #1s, by far, is ‘Too Much’, because it desperately didn’t want to be a ballad. But this is much more traditional fare. Listen little child, There will come a day… To be honest, I’m not sure what this is about. A break-up, I guess? With children involved?

Of course, with lines like Goodbye my friend… and I never dreamt you’d go your own sweet way… many at the time saw this as the remaining Spice Girls making their peace with Geri, after she’d abandoned them several months before. It was, after all, the first song they recorded as a four-piece, and wouldn’t appear on an album until two years later. Others saw it as the Girls bowing out entirely, which wasn’t a strange assumption given that Mel B had already enjoyed a solo chart-topper.

Musically this is lush and atmospheric, though perhaps a little more predictable sounding. coming straight after B*Witched’s Celtic-influenced ‘To You I Belong’. I like the squelchy bass – a little out place at first – while the beat is very American R&B, very Destiny’s Child. I can’t find too much to love, though. And coming two years after I’d outgrown my tweenage passion for the Spice Girls, I’m not sure I’ve ever properly listened to ‘Goodbye’.

It’s not as good a ballad as ‘Viva Forever’, that’s for sure. But you can tell that they had access to the best songwriters of the day, as evidenced by Mel C’s genuinely memorable chorus-within-a-chorus: So glad we made it, Time’s never, ever gonna change it… She always did get the best parts… I also like the fact that none of their Xmas number ones have gone down the cliched sleigh bells and choirs route (although the video to ‘Goodbye’ does involve a lot of snow, and people frozen like ice sculptures).

So, after two and a half years, two albums, eight singles yielding seven number ones, the Spice Girls… went on a break. There was still a tour, and solo projects to invest in. But there were also still plans for a third album, that will come about eventually, and give them a final footnote of a number one. It would have been cleaner, somehow, if they’d just bowed out with ‘Goodbye’, their record-matching third consecutive Christmas #1. Pushing them all the way in the charts that week was an animated chef, voiced by a soul legend, who would have his moment in the sun soon enough…

802. ‘I Want You Back’, by Melanie B ft. Missy Elliott

/ UK #1s blog / 9 Comments

Straight on the back of Robbie Williams first solo #1, we have our first Solo Spice…

I Want You Back, by Melanie B ft. Missy Elliott (their 1st and only #1s)

1 week, from 20th – 27th September 1998

I’m not sure Mel B would have been many peoples’ choice for the Spice Girls most likely breakout star and, in truth, though she struck early she wasn’t the most successful of the five. But this is in fact the perfect solo Spice Girl number one: cool, edgy, and unlike anything the group had released in their two album career…

I’m the M to the E, L, B… Melanie Brown announces. As iconic raps go, it is not on the same level as her Now here’s the story from A to Z… moment in ‘Wannabe’, but it does the job. She tells the story of how she may think her ex is a bit of a dick, how he’s driven her to drink and distraction, but how she still wants him back…

The sharp strings and the ominous guitars over a hip-hop beat do sound pretty cutting edge for 1998, and a huge step away from what we’ve heard so far from the Spice Girls. But what roots this record in the late nineties is the very dated rap lingo. I admire the use of the term ‘wack’ in the chorus, but can’t help grimacing at lines like I know I talk mad junk, But I know what I want… And even though you’re a mack true dat, I want you back…

Still, bringing true street cred we have Missy ‘Misdemeanour’ Elliott on board, for her only credited appearance on a UK #1 single. (She will also feature, uncredited, on ‘Lady Marmalade’ in a few years time.) She does little more than spell out her name and then go ‘uh uh uh’, but hey. I think this might be the very first example of a pop star A ft. a rapper B record to make number one, with many to follow in the coming decades. To reduce Missy Elliott, a hip-hop pioneer, to the status of rent-a-rapper feels wrong though, and I do wish she’d been given more to do.

According to Mel B, this was Missy Elliott’s song, and she the one who invited the Spice Girl to duet on it. Incongruously, it also featured on the soundtrack to the Frankie Lymon biopic ‘Why Do Fools Fall in Love’. Elliott was far from a household name in Britain at this point, and wouldn’t make the Top 10 under her own steam until 2001’s ‘Get Ur Freak On’.

Mel B meanwhile peaked early in her solo career, and while she would go on to score two more Top 10 hits she will not be returning to the number one position without the help of her bandmates. ‘I Want You Back’ may not be the best remembered of the Spice Girls’ solo efforts, but I’d go as far as to say that it is not the wackest piece of music any of them have put their name to.

Recap: #751 – #800

/ UK #1s blog / 8 Comments

And so to recap, for the twenty-sixth time (you can explore all the previous recaps by clicking on the handily titled ‘Recaps’ folder in my Categories section).

Instead of the usual thirty chart-toppers, this time I held off until we had gone through fifty, because of the rapid late-nineties turnover at the top of the charts. This latest period covers almost two years, from November 1996 to September 1998, and of the fifty number ones an amazing twenty-eight managed just a single week at the top. Plus, forty-five of them entered at number one, a feat that was almost unheard of until the mid-nineties, but is now the norm.

As in every recap, I like to pick out the themes that have been running through our latest chart-toppers. And for this recap the theme is POP! With one obvious name to start with: The Spice Girls. They’ve racked up five number ones in the past couple of years, including two festive chart-toppers. However, their most recent #1 – ‘Viva Forever’ – saw them cut down to a four-piece after Geri’s departure. And in the next recap, despite them still having two number ones to come, we’ll be talking more about the girls’ solo ventures.

But they’ve opened the floodgates for a poptastic turn of the century, and in recent weeks we’ve seen the charts flooded with a some cheap imitations of Girl Power (B*Witched and Billie). 1998 even saw the Spiceys usurped as Britain’s biggest girl group, as All Saints took over with two sexy, sassy number ones, and a couple of interesting covers. The boys haven’t been left out either: Boyzone have taken Take That’s crown as the biggest boyband in the land, scoring three largely insipid #1s, while Peter Andre and Another Level tried their best to sound sexy. By far the best pure-pop record of the last couple of years, though, was Hanson’s way too catchy ‘MMMBop’.

So, pop music is back in. Britpop is… out? We’ve mentioned before that, despite Britpop being the musical movement that the 1990s are remembered for, it was never very well represented on top of the singles charts. Yet there have still been moments as the scene started to go through its death throes: Oasis doubled-down, pretending nothing was wrong, with two preposterously overblown singles from ‘Be Here Now’ (played together ‘D’You Know What I Mean?’ and ‘All Around the World’ would take up almost twenty minutes of your time). Blur meanwhile kicked off the comedown with ‘Beetlebum’, the Verve went even more melancholy on ‘The Drugs Don’t Work’, and the Manics just did their own thing, as they usually do, singing about shooting fascists. And we should also mention ‘3 Lions ‘98’, the World Cup reworking of the 1996 original cementing that tune’s place as ultimately the biggest Britpop song of all.

In the second-half of 1997, single sales reached their all-time peak, meaning that we have also met some of the biggest-selling hits ever in this past bunch. ‘I’ll Be Missing You’, ‘Barbie Girl’ and ‘Perfect Day’ are in the Top 50, while reigning supreme over everything is Elton John’s Diana tribute. That record, and the cover of ‘Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door’ marking the Dunblane school shooting, means that two tragic events in modern British history have made an impression on the hit parade.

Finally, one more theme that we should mention is how we’ve quietly entered the age of the remix. Armand van Helden had his way with Tori Amos’ ‘Professional Widow’, Norman Cook with Cornershop’s ‘Brimful of Asha’, and it was Jason Nevins VS Run–D.M.C. on ‘It’s Like That’.

Other subplots to mention before we get on with dishing out awards… We bade farewell to MJ, and welcomed Madonna back for her first #1 in almost eight years. Hip-hop continued to tighten its grip, with chart-toppers from LL Cool J, Puff Daddy, Will Smith and, as above, Run-D.M.C. And that perennial nineties genre, the soundtrack hit, maintained its relevance with #1s from ‘Space Jam’, ‘Men in Black’, ‘Titanic’, ‘Godzilla’, ‘Sliding Doors’ and, um, ‘Beavis and Butt-Head Do America’.

To the awards then. As is traditional, we start with The ‘Meh’ Award for Forgettability. Three tunes left my pulse truly flatlining, and they were: Peter Andre’s ‘I Feel You’, Usher’s ‘You Make Me Wanna…’, and Boyzone’s ‘All That I Need’. And of those three, I genuinely cannot remember a note of ‘I Feel You’. This may be because I wrote my post on it in way back in March, but sod it. Peter Andre ‘wins’.

The WTAF Award for being interesting if nothing else appears much harder this time around. There have been plenty of bad records, but not many ‘so bad they’re good’ records. ‘Barbie Girl’…? Genuinely decent. The Teletubbies…? Genuinely awful, and a contender for the very worst. So I’m going to take a different approach. Musically it’s enjoyable, perhaps one of their better singles; but the fact that it runs for a record-breaking ten minutes, seven of which are nanananas, means that Oasis take this one with ‘All Around the World’.

On to The Very Worst Award. I had five contenders, but I’ve already talked myself out of three of them. Puff Daddy’s tribute to the Notorious BIG is crass, but I have residual affection for that from when I was the perfect age to fall for its mawkish rhymes. Speaking of mawkish, if I chose Elton’s Diana tribute then it would feel deliberately edgy of me (plus, ‘Something About the Way You Look Tonight’ is a decent enough song). ‘Teletubbies Say ‘Eh-Oh’’ is garbage but, really, what’s the point in getting angry about nonsense like that?

No, the two left standing are Celine Dion’s iceberg shaped blockbuster ‘My Heart Will Go On’, and B*Witched’s Paddy’s Day anthem ‘C’est la Vie’. Both are records I would happily ban on pain of death, but if I had to choose one to be used on me as a method of torture it would be Celine Dion. Which means B*Witched take the crown. What are they like?

The Very Best Award is tough, tough, tough this time. As I write this I still haven’t made my mind up. For the first time we’re contending not only with songs I love, but songs I grew up with in real time. The feelings are real, people. I have a shortlist of eight… Okay, more of a longlist. I’ll list them, with one pro and one con for each…

‘Breathe’, by The Prodigy (pro – better than ‘Firestarter’/con – very similar to ‘Setting Sun’, our last Very Best winner).

‘Your Woman’ by White Town (pro – one of the quirkiest ever #1s/con – too quirky…?)

Blur’s ‘Beetlebum’ (pro – I love Blur!/con – am I being objective?)

‘I Wanna Be the Only One’, by Eternal ft. BeBe Winans (pro – the key changes/con – is it actually a hymn…?)

‘The Drugs Don’t Work’, by the Verve (pro – majestic melancholy/con – or is it too depressing?)

All Saint’s ‘Never Ever’ (pro – iconic spoken word intro/con – they have even better songs to come).

Aqua’s ‘Turn Back Time’ (pro – classy pop/con – does it just benefit from comparison with their earlier #1s…?)

‘Feel It’, by The Tamperer ft. Maya (pro – a banger/ con – a bit basic).

Thanks for bearing with me. Based on these pros and cons, I am ruthlessly eliminating six records. The two remaining contenders are: ‘Your Woman’ and ‘Beetlebum’, back to back number ones in January 1997, and both at the time on my beloved four-cassette doorstopper ‘Now 36’ album. I’ve never been more tempted to announce a tie, but no. Rules are rules. Both are great, but only one uses a trumpet sample from the 1930s. There’s no such thing as too quirky: ‘Your Woman’ wins.

To recap the recaps, then:

The ‘Meh’ Award for Forgettability

  1. ‘Hold My Hand’, by Don Cornell.
  2. ‘It’s Almost Tomorrow’, by The Dream Weavers.
  3. ‘On the Street Where You Live’, by Vic Damone.
  4. ‘Why’, by Anthony Newley.
  5. ‘The Next Time’ / ‘Bachelor Boy’, by Cliff Richard & The Shadows.
  6. ‘Juliet’, by The Four Pennies.
  7. ‘The Carnival Is Over’, by The Seekers.
  8. ‘Silence Is Golden’, by The Tremeloes.
  9. ‘I Pretend’, by Des O’Connor.
  10. ‘Woodstock’, by Matthews’ Southern Comfort.
  11. ‘How Can I Be Sure’, by David Cassidy.
  12. ‘Annie’s Song’, by John Denver.
  13. ‘I Only Have Eyes For You’, by Art Garfunkel.
  14. ‘I Don’t Want to Talk About It’ / ‘The First Cut Is the Deepest’, by Rod Stewart.
  15. ‘Three Times a Lady’, by The Commodores.
  16. ‘What’s Another Year’, by Johnny Logan.
  17. ‘A Little Peace’, by Nicole.
  18. ‘Every Breath You Take’, by The Police.
  19. ‘I Got You Babe’, by UB40 with Chrissie Hynde.
  20. ‘Who’s That Girl’, by Madonna.
  21. ‘A Groovy Kind of Love’, by Phil Collins.
  22. ‘Do They Know It’s Christmas?’, by Band Aid II.
  23. ‘Please Don’t Go’ / ‘Game Boy’, by KWS.
  24. ‘Dreams’, by Gabrielle.
  25. ‘Forever Love’, by Gary Barlow.
  26. ‘I Feel You’, by Peter Andre.

The WTAF Award for being interesting if nothing else

  1. ‘I See the Moon’, by The Stargazers.
  2. ‘Lay Down Your Arms’, by Anne Shelton.
  3. ‘Hoots Mon’, by Lord Rockingham’s XI.
  4. ‘You’re Driving Me Crazy’, by The Temperance Seven.
  5. ‘Nut Rocker’, by B. Bumble & The Stingers.
  6. ‘You’ll Never Walk Alone’, by Gerry & The Pacemakers.
  7. ‘Little Red Rooster’, by The Rolling Stones.
  8. ‘Puppet on a String’, by Sandie Shaw.
  9. ‘Fire’, by The Crazy World of Arthur Brown.
  10. ‘In the Year 2525 (Exordium and Terminus)’, by Zager & Evans.
  11. ‘Amazing Grace’, The Pipes & Drums & Military Band of the Royal Scots Dragoon Guard.
  12. ‘Kung Fu Fighting’, by Carl Douglas.
  13. ‘If’, by Telly Savalas.
  14. ‘Wuthering Heights’, by Kate Bush.
  15. ‘Hit Me With Your Rhythm Stick’, by Ian Dury & The Blockheads.
  16. ‘Shaddap You Face’, by Joe Dolce Music Theatre.
  17. ‘It’s My Party’, by Dave Stewart & Barbara Gaskin.
  18. ‘Save Your Love’ by Renée & Renato.
  19. ‘Rock Me Amadeus’, by Falco.
  20. ‘Pump Up the Volume’ / ‘Anitina (The First Time I See She Dance)’, by M/A/R/R/S.
  21. ‘Doctorin’ the Tardis’, by The Timelords.
  22. ‘Sadeness Part 1’, by Enigma.
  23. ‘Ebeneezer Goode’, by The Shamen.
  24. ‘I Would Do Anything for Love (But I Won’t Do That)’, by Meat Loaf.
  25. ‘Spaceman’, by Babylon Zoo.
  26. ‘All Around the World’, by Oasis.

The Very Worst Chart-Toppers

  1. ‘Cara Mia’, by David Whitfield with Mantovani & His Orchestra.
  2. ‘The Man From Laramie’, by Jimmy Young.
  3. ‘Roulette’, by Russ Conway.
  4. ‘Wooden Heart’, by Elvis Presley.
  5. ‘Lovesick Blues’, by Frank Ifield.
  6. ‘Diane’, by The Bachelors.
  7. ‘The Minute You’re Gone’, by Cliff Richard.
  8. ‘Release Me’, by Engelbert Humperdinck.
  9. ‘Lily the Pink’, by The Scaffold.
  10. ‘All Kinds of Everything’, by Dana.
  11. ‘The Twelfth of Never’, by Donny Osmond.
  12. ‘The Streak’, by Ray Stevens.
  13. ‘No Charge’, by J. J. Barrie
  14. ‘Don’t Give Up On Us’, by David Soul
  15. ‘One Day at a Time’, by Lena Martell.
  16. ‘There’s No One Quite Like Grandma’, by St. Winifred’s School Choir.
  17. ‘I’ve Never Been to Me’, by Charlene.
  18. ‘Hello’, by Lionel Richie.
  19. ‘I Want to Know What Love Is’, by Foreigner.
  20. ‘Star Trekkin’’, by The Firm.
  21. ‘Nothing’s Gonna Change My Love for You’, by Glenn Medeiros.
  22. ‘Let’s Party’, by Jive Bunny & The Mastermixers.
  23. ‘(Everything I Do) I Do It for You’, by Bryan Adams.
  24. ‘Don’t Stop (Wiggle Wiggle)’, by The Outhere Brothers.
  25. ‘Unchained Melody’ / ‘White Cliffs of Dover’, by Robson & Jerome.
  26. ‘C’est la Vie’, by B*Witched

The Very Best Chart-Toppers

  1. ‘Such a Night’, by Johnnie Ray.
  2. ‘Cherry Pink and Apple Blossom White’, by Perez ‘Prez’ Prado & His Orchestra.
  3. ‘Great Balls of Fire’, by Jerry Lee Lewis.
  4. ‘Cathy’s Clown’, by The Everly Brothers.
  5. ‘Telstar’, by The Tornadoes.
  6. ‘She Loves You’ by The Beatles.
  7. ‘(I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction’, by The Rolling Stones.
  8. ‘A Whiter Shade of Pale’, by Procol Harum.
  9. ‘I Heard It Through the Grapevine’, by Marvin Gaye.
  10. ‘Baby Jump’, by Mungo Jerry.
  11. ‘Metal Guru’, by T. Rex.
  12. ‘Tiger Feet’, by Mud.
  13. ‘Space Oddity’, by David Bowie.
  14. ‘I Feel Love’, by Donna Summer.
  15. ‘Heart of Glass’, by Blondie.
  16. ‘The Winner Takes It All’, by ABBA.
  17. ‘My Camera Never Lies’, by Bucks Fizz.
  18. ‘Relax’ by Frankie Goes to Hollywood.
  19. ‘You Spin Me Round (Like a Record)’, by Dead or Alive
  20. ‘Stand by Me’, by Ben E. King (Honorary Award)
  21. ‘It’s a Sin’, by Pet Shop Boys.
  22. ‘Theme from S-Express’, by S’Express.
  23. ‘Nothing Compares 2 U’, by Sinéad O’Connor.
  24. ‘Would I Lie to You?’, by Charles & Eddie.
  25. ‘Stay Another Day’, by East 17.
  26. ‘Setting Sun’, by The Chemical Brothers.
  27. ‘Your Woman’, by White Town

Our next run of fifty chart-toppers will take us, just, into the new millennium. Before that, we’ll take a break and have a week of records that never quite made it to the top. Random Runners-Up is back!