noughties hip hop

960. ‘Where Is the Love?’, by The Black Eyed Peas

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Straight after asking if we’re ready for love, we’re asking where it’s gone already…

Where Is the Love?, by Black Eyed Peas (their 1st of five #1s)

6 weeks, 7th September – 19th October 2003

A song called ‘Where Is the Love?’, that opens with the line What’s wrong with the world mama, People livin’ like they ain’t got no mamas… might come across a little preachy. But I’ve never found this record insufferable, even after living through its six weeks at number one (more on that later). It is of its time, post 9/11 and Iraq, and at a remove of twenty-three years it feels impossibly idealistic that a band would record a song like this, or that it would be a massive hit.

Also, I do like that within the first thirty seconds the Black Eyed Peas have called the CIA ‘terrorists’, and compared them to the KKK. So this is immediately very different from the flood of patriotic guff that came (mainly in the US) straight after the September 11th attacks. It hasn’t really got a political bent; instead asking simply why we can’t be kinder to one another. A sentiment hopefully most of us can agree with.

Sure, some it comes across a bit like something you might hear at a school assembly, especially the chorus begging for divine intervention. But other bits still ring very true today, in lines like a war’s goin’ on but the reason’s undercover… and wrong information always shown by the media, negative images is the main criteria… The difference between 2003 and 2026 is that no pop stars today would dare make a record this ‘political’, much less have a big hit with it, as they’d get sucked into the culture wars meat-grinder and get cancelled, by one side or the other.

I try to keep my politics out of this blog but, when a #1 like this comes along it can be hard not to. Let’s get back to the music. Black Eyed Peas were a hip-hop trio throughout much of the nineties, and added the vocal talents of Stacy Ferguson AKA Fergie in 2002 to aid in a move to a more pop-leaning sound. It clearly worked, although the real vocal star on ‘Where Is the Love?’ is an uncredited Justin Timberlake, singing the chorus. His record company allowed his vocals to be used, but insisted he be uncredited as they feared over-exposure with his debut solo album having been launched a few months earlier. It meant that, after two #2 hits, he was denied a first chart-topper on a technicality, like Jay-Z a few weeks earlier. He’d have to wait three more years.

Apparently will.i.am, founder member of Black Eyed Peas, worried that ‘Where Is the Love?’ was a sell-out after their straight-up hip-hop albums in the ‘90s. The success of this track clearly turned his head, because within two years BEPs were releasing songs like ‘My Humps’. Then there are the group’s moronic late ‘00s hits, and will.i.am’s even more moronic solo career to come…

On a personal level, this song was #1 when I started university. In fact it was on top of the charts for the first month and a half of my living (and ‘studying’) away from home for the first time. The six weeks this record spent at number one was the longest stretch since Cher’s ‘Believe’ five years earlier, and no song had spent more than four weeks on top in-between. It is the fifth-longest stay at #1 of the decade, and so naturally this record went on to be 2003’s biggest-selling hit. However, the fact that it is only the decade’s twenty-fifth highest seller goes some way to showing how low sales had fallen by the autumn of 2003.

958. ‘Breathe’, by Blu Cantrell ft. Sean Paul

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Another 2003 #1 that seemed to appear out of nowhere at the time…

Breathe, by Blu Cantrell (her 1st and only #1) ft. Sean Paul (his 1st of two #1s)

4 weeks, 3rd – 31st August 2003

And another remix. Shall we dub this the summer of the remix, after ‘Ignition’, this, and the chart-topper up next? Compared to R. Kelly’s re-tuned hit, the differences between the original ‘Breathe’ and this chart-topping version are minor: a mix that brings the distinctive horns more to the front, and Sean Paul. (The best part of this ‘summer of the remix’ is that the fact they are remixes is introduced to the listener at the start of each track: Sean Paul and Blu Cantrell, Remix that gonna make yo’ head swell…)

It’s a pretty simple song. There are the big, brassy horns – a sample from Dr Dre’s 1999 hit ‘What’s the Difference’, which in turn had been borrowed, and slowed down, from a 1966 Charles Aznavour hit called ‘Parce Que Tu Crois’ (who thus features on an unlikely second #1) – and Cantrell’s big, brassy vocals. She has a very mid-nineties diva, why use one note per syllable when you can use ten, sort of voice. It’s impressive, and makes you wonder why she didn’t become a bigger star.

It is in direct contrast with Sean Paul’s deadpan rapped intro and verse. If Blu Cantrell felt like she’d appeared out of nowhere, then Sean Paul was already one of the breakout stars of the year, with three Top 10 hits of his own and a #2 alongside Beyoncé to come. I always think of him as the successor to Shaggy, in terms of his indecipherable patois and throaty delivery (though Shaggy always seemed to be having a bit more fun with it).

So, I like this song. It breezes by, and it has a wonderfully swinging hook. (Any song that brings Dr Dre and Charles Aznavour into the same room has to be worth something.) I do wonder if I am more disposed towards this song because, like the remix to ‘Ignition’, it was one of the songs of the summer between high school and university. I have a clear memory of this playing in a friend’s garden as we had a barbecue… But I also wonder if that matters. What is the point of music if we take memory out of the equation and dissect it on a cold, emotionless slab?

Sean Paul would go on to have a career of some longevity, though his next number one is a decade off and his biggest hit won’t come until 2016 (and whether or not he’s even credited on it is a bone of contention). Blu Cantrell meanwhile would release one more album, and enjoy one more Top 40 hit. Interestingly, her biggest hit in her native US (2001’s ‘Hit ‘Em Up Style (Oops)’) was a much smaller hit in the UK, as ‘Breathe’ was in the States. At the time there were rumours about her having had a career in porn prior to the musical success – to the point that I instantly remembered this fact twenty three years on – but it turns out she had had nothing of the sort. A photoshoot aged eighteen was as raunchy as she got. Maybe that counted as ‘porn’ in the more innocent days of 2003, or maybe it all stemmed from the fact her name was ‘Blu’…

954. ‘Ignition (Remix)’, by R. Kelly

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Okay. This is not the first time we’ve met a sex offender at the top of the charts, and it won’t be the last. As with Rolf Harris, Gary Glitter, P Diddy, and Michael Jackson, and probably every rockstar active in the 1960s and 70s, we take a moment to acknowledge the crimes…

Ignition (Remix), by R. Kelly (his 2nd of three #1s)

4 weeks, 11th May – 8th June 2003

We also take a moment to acknowledge that this is a proper old school jam. It’s the freakin’ weekend baby I’m about to have me some fun… R. Kelly would like us to leave our credibility, and our clothes too, before entering the Stretch Navigator, for three minutes of soulful R&B silliness. There’s crystal poppin’, there’s coke and rum, there’s an after party, there are toot toots and beep beeps… If you’ve ever seen an episode of ‘Trapped in the Closet’, R. Kelly’s hip-hopera, this record is much the same vibe.

The original ‘Ignition’ had been recorded a year previously, but had existed for several years before that, perhaps explaining its retro sound. Due to an album leak, Kelly decided to remix several of its tracks. It was a good decision, as the original ‘Ignition’ is dull and treacly. It also adds to the feel of 2003 as a retrospective year, with big hits like ‘Make Luv’, ‘Loneliness’, and ‘Beautiful’ harking back to various different eras (plus a cover of ‘Spirit in the Sky’ for good measure).

So yes, this song is fun and goofy. I am nostalgically attached to it as it was number one when I finished high school, and was one of the songs of that long summer before I went to university. However, it has to be said that a song about getting a girl drunk and taking her back to a hotel, as well as select lines – I’m about to take my key and stick it in the ignition – leave a certain ickiness knowing what we now know.

Although, Kelly’s crimes were already well known in 2003. Rumours had been around since he’d ‘discovered’ fifteen-year-old Aaliyah in the mid-nineties, even before his 1st chart-topper ‘I Believe I Can Fly’ and in 2002 he was prosecuted on child pornography charges. Thus, the remix to ‘Ignition’ made #1 with the public in full knowledge of Kelly being a wrong ‘un. There’s no way that would happen today. (I am going to cast no moral judgement on this. Listening to a criminal’s songs does not mean you endorse the crimes, but I respect those who refuse to.)

Before we finish, note how this is already the fourth number of the year to stay at the top for a full month, with another four-weeker along straight after this. In my last post I mentioned plummeting sales, which might have contributed to these longer-running #1s (the early ‘90s was another time of low sales and long stretches at the top). But compared to a few years ago, when the year 2000’s fifty-two weeks gave us forty-two number ones, it’s another big shift.

944. ‘Lose Yourself’, by Eminem

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The third and final part of Eminem’s era-defining triptych. Scary Eminem, Funny Eminem, Motivational Eminem…

Lose Yourself, by Eminem (his 4th of eleven #1s)

1 week, 8th – 15th December 2002

‘Lose Yourself’ was probably Eminem at the peak of his fame and success, as not only was it a huge hit record, it also came from the soundtrack to ‘8 Mile’, a huge hit movie in which Eminem played a character loosely based on himself. If he has a signature song, then it’s probably this.

Before we get to the lyrics, I’d also say that this is Eminem’s strongest number one musically. The slow building intro, the heavy, dramatic chords, the piano line that slinks around the beat (and I’ve just realised the ‘Succession’ theme writers totally nicked a trick here). Some of his other, funnier chart-toppers tend towards cheap, rinky-dink beats. Not this one. It’s lush, and cinematic.

Lyrically, ‘Lose Yourself’ is about taking chances, with the movie’s protagonist about to take part in a rap battle that could lead to a way out of poverty. You only get one shot, Do not miss your chance to blow, This opportunity comes once in a lifetime… I am usually immune to the charms of anything that could be labelled as ‘motivational’, but this works because it focuses on the fear of failure rather than on the glory of winning, as the delivery grows more intense verse by verse. No ‘search for the hero inside yourself’ here. Instead it’s: I’ve got to formulate a plot, Or end up in jail or shot, Success is my only motherfucking option, Failure’s not…

Surprisingly, that ‘motherfucker’ is one of very few curse words in the song, making this surely Eminem’s cleanest chart-topper. For the first time in four we also do not need to sound the homophobia klaxon, as this track also features zero gay slurs. This is basically a hymn by Eminem’s standards…

I also think, as it’s not about murdering your girlfriend, and features no puerile humour, that this was the song which convinced most anti-rap types of Eminem’s talent. I think it comes across as a little bit ‘newly graduated English teacher desperate to look cool’ when one compares Eminem’s lyrics to poetry, but the opening lines – His palms are sweaty, Knees weak, Arms are heavy, There’s vomit on his sweater already, Mom’s spaghetti – set a scene in less than twenty words that most writers could only dream of. In the third verse, he sets off on a staccato flow that very few, if any, other rappers could pull off.

Having said that, of his three peerless #1s, I enjoy ‘Lose Yourself’ the least. It’s great, impressive; but it’s also very earnest. What it says about me, that I prefer the song about murdering your girlfriend, or the one with the video in which Eminem surfs on a turd, I don’t want to explore. What’s for sure is that this was the end of Eminem’s imperial phase. ‘Lose Yourself’ might have been the first rap song to win the Oscar for Best Original Song, a genuine cultural moment, but he certainly did ‘lose it’ with his fifth number one…

This will be my last regular post for the year. I’ll do a couple of festive posts over Christmas and New Year, and resume with the number ones in early January.

939. ‘Dilemma’, by Nelly ft. Kelly Rowland

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Our next number one was a huge hit, a very popular song then that remains so now. Many of its lyrics and hooks are familiar to me, despite not listening to the song very often in the intervening twenty years or so. And yet…

Dilemma, by Nelly (his 1st of four #1s) ft. Kelly Rowland (her 1st of two solo #1s)

2 weeks, 20th October – 3rd November 2002

And yet, I can’t quite figure out why this was such a big song. And I don’t really know how to approach it. Is it cheesy? It is an unabashed love song… Or is it cool? One third of Destiny’s Child and the year’s big breakout rapper should equal pretty cool… Or is it a novelty? Any song that rhymes ‘boo’ with ‘you’ could be filed under that category… None of this is to say I dislike it. It’s smooth, it’s memorable, it’s so very rooted in my memories of my final year at high school. I just struggle to place it.

Maybe the best way to view is as classic hip-hop, an old-school slow jam in the tradition of LL Cool J. The crackly vinyl in the intro, the record scratches, the nursery rhyme melody, the cheesy lyrics, all become acceptable if this is a loving nod back to the hip hop of the eighties and the nineties. It’s strange though. Tracks like this were ten-a penny on top of the Billboard charts, but in the UK this type of hip-hop rarely had as big an impact as this.

In fact, still, even in 2002, the number of hip-hop chart-toppers has been limited. Eminem, sure, and some rapped verses in pop songs. Was Afroman rap? Shaggy? There’s UK garage too, like So Solid Crew, but that’s slightly different. The last pure US hip-hop #1 was arguably Run-D.M.C, way back in 1998, and that was a remix of an old tune. Beyond that there was Puff Daddy, and LL himself, in 1997.

And yes, the number one is only one record out of a whole chart, and rap songs had been featuring in the Top 40 for decades by this point, but still. If this was a blog on the US charts (where it was #1 for ten weeks) then ‘Dilemma’ wouldn’t stand out at all. But in the UK it does feel like a slight outlier among the talent show pop, the boybands and the dance. A nice outlier, though. A smooth palate cleanser after our usual fare.

‘Dilemma’ probably did better than your average rap single because of the first appearance of a solo Destiny’s Child star (although Beyoncé had released a song for an ‘Austin Powers’ soundtrack a few months before, this song’s success caused her to push back the release date of her debut album so as not to have to compete with her bandmate). Nelly too had just been responsible for one of the songs of that summer, the funky ‘Hot in Herre’. So momentum was behind both of them, leading to the biggest non-Pop Idol opening sales of the year, and 2002’s fourth highest-selling single.

It also seems to live on to this day, or has been rediscovered by Gen Z, as I see it crop up in reels where the ‘ahhs’ are synced with a variety of weird and wonderful things. And then there’s the now-infamous scene in the video, where Kelly appears to be using an Excel spreadsheet to write a text message, which has been doing the rounds online for years. As a songwriter you presumably want your songs to live on, but you have no control over the reasons for why they do…

928. ‘Without Me’, by Eminem

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Guess who’s back? Back again? Shady’s back with his third album, and his third British number one single.

Without Me, by Eminem (his 3rd of eleven #1s)

1 week, from 26th May – 2nd June 2002

My usual moral quandaries over his lyrical themes aside, this is my favourite Eminem #1. I even used to know all the words. It’s an elevated version of ‘The Real Slim Shady’, in which Eminem contrasted his vulgarity with his popularity, and took swipes at various famous figures. Here he plays up to his pantomime villain image again, seemingly more at peace with it than on his angrier, earlier chart-topper, and the fact that everyone wants the character of Slim over the real-life Marshall Mathers: I created a monster, ‘Cos nobody wants to see Marshall no more, They want Shady, I’m chopped liver…

In the video, and in the short Batman-theme interpolation, he positions himself as an inept superhero, Rap Boy, who snatches his own CDs from children’s hands, lest they hear his inappropriate rapping. Elsewhere the rhymes are airtight, the delivery precise, and all the right/wrong buttons pressed (choose depending on your tolerance for Eminem). Two people who might have been disapproving were Liz Cheney and her husband, and Vice-President, Dick, whom Eminem kills with a defibrillator in the video. Shots are also fired at NSYNC, Limp Bizkit, Moby, Prince, and his mum: Fuck you Debbie!

The second verse is a highlight, with one of Eminem’s best lyrics: Little hellions, Kids feelin’ rebellious, Embarrassed their parents still listen to Elvis, They start feelin’ like prisoners helpless, Until someone comes along on a mission and yells ‘Bitch!’ In ten seconds it goes from making an interesting comparison between the controversies around himself, and Elvis forty-five years earlier, to him yelling a rude word. Eminem in a nutshell.

Elvis reappears later, in another astute line: I not the first king of controversy, I am the worst thing since Elvis Presley, To do black music so selfishly, And use it to get myself wealthy… Much was, and still is, made of the fact that the biggest selling hip-hop artist of all time is white. But again, just as the casual listener is starting to think Marshall Mathers might be more intelligent than he looks, the same lines are delivered in the video while a mini-Eminem balances on a giant turd that the King has just delivered into his famous toilet bowl.

In some ways, this record is typical Eminem. It wasn’t going to win him any news fans, unlike ‘Stan’, but he’s also at the peak of his powers. Many times over the years he has tried to release a ‘Without Me’ style caustically-comic single, and while many have been commercially successful, none have managed to come close to this. It’s also musically quite fun, with a grinding disco beat, and it may be the one Eminem song that you can actually dance to.

Because I can’t help myself, I have to do the now traditional Eminem Homophobic Lyrics Watch, and there’s just one example here, in which he calls Moby a bald headed fag. But then he asks that he blows him, so who knows. Perhaps the lady doth protest too much? Sixteen-year-old me noticed that lyric, though, never fear. It’s also still noticeable how much more explicit Eminem’s three number ones have been compared to almost everything else that’s made number one. He liked to revel cartoonishly in his status as a corruptor of youth, but he had a point. Few other stars could release chart-topping singles so explicit.

‘Without Me’ is the middle single of a triptych, between ‘Stan’ and his next (more serious) chart-topper, in which Eminem was untouchable. Although he has gone on to have an almost thirty-year career, nothing he’s released since 2004 has come close to these three. Not just three of the best hip-hop singles, but three of the best and most controversial #1s of all time.

911. ‘Because I Got High’, by Afroman

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It’s been noticeable how, as soon as the 21st century began, the top of the singles chart has been home to all manner of depravity. And here is yet more evidence of slipping societal standards…

Because I Got High, by Afroman (his 1st and only #1)

3 weeks, from 21st October – 11th November 2001

We’ve had the rock ‘n’ roll, we’ve had the sex, and now we have the drugs. Of course, this isn’t the first number one song to reference illegal substances, but usually they’ve been protected by innuendo, by a level of plausible deniability. This record, however, opens with someone asking us to roll another blunt. Less than a decade sits between the nudge-wink of ‘Ebeneezer Goode’, and this unabashed celebration of ganja.

But, actually, is this a celebration? Superficially, yes. But then you listen and notice that this song is a list of unfortunate events brought about by smoking too much weed. First verse: I was gonna clean my room, Until I got high… Second verse: I was gonna go to class, Before I got high… It’s not long before he’s being chased by the police, crashing his car, and ending up a paraplegic.

Obviously, all this is tongue in cheek, a fact highlighted by the fact that the paraplegic verse is followed by one about being unable to function sexually: I was gonna eat your pussy too, But then I got high… (Sadly, Afroman is forced to take matters into his own hands, if you catch my drift.) This is no anti-drug song, no inside job to keep the kids on the straight and narrow. But it works as a satire nonetheless, with Afroman and his homies skewering the reasons that those in authority give to warn people off marijuana. By the end, the fourth wall has been broken: Imma stop singing this song, Because I’m high… And if I don’t sell one copy, I’ll know why…

So I like this record on one level. I also like how stripped back it is, just a bassline and vocals. It’s almost a cappella, with some doo-wop backing touches. But the backing vocals, his gang of stoned buddies whooping and hollering, are also the reason that this song grows old, and quickly. Unless you’re actually high when listening, then you might think that this was the greatest song ever recorded. Which I suppose means that ‘Because I Got High’ is doing its job.

Afroman had been rapping since the 8th grade, when he allegedly recorded a diss track about the teacher who had him expelled for wearing sagging jeans. Which seems unlikely, but it’s a fun origin story… ‘Because I Got High’ could be said to have gone viral, by the standards of the time. It had originally been released a year and half earlier, and had slowly grown in popularity on file-sharing websites. This belated major label release came after the track was featured on the soundtrack to ‘Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back’.

Afroman was good for one more Top 10 hit, ‘Crazy Rap’ in early 2002. And if ‘Because I Got High’ is at the limit of your tolerance, or if you’re a Dolly Parton fan, then I’d say best avoid it. After the hits dried up he started releasing his music independently, and remains active to this day, with his beloved Mary Jane still very much a strong lyrical theme (his album titles include ‘Drunk ‘n’ High’, ‘Waiting to Inhale’ and ‘Marijuana Music’).

905. ’21 Seconds’ by So Solid Crew

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Garage music continues on its mission to be as annoying a genre as possible…

21 Seconds, by So Solid Crew (their 1st and only #1)

1 week, from 12th – 19th August 2001

The three hardcore UK garage number ones – ‘Bound 4 da Reload’, ‘Do You Really Like It?’, and now this – feel like the musical equivalent of a teenager playing their music out loud at the back of the bus.

I could argue that I’m just an old fogey; but actually, I was fifteen when this made number one. I could easily have been that twatty teen. And while I’m sure me and my schoolmates were plenty obnoxious, none of us were ever into garage music. It felt very inner-city London; not small-town Scotland.

Like the two earlier garage #1s, this has lots of MCs spitting rhymes over a minimal 2-step production. The title refers to the fact that each performer gets twenty-one seconds to deliver their verse. Which at least keeps things quite fast-paced, and if one rapper doesn’t grab you then you know they won’t be on for long. Problem is, none of them grab me. And this isn’t me speaking as someone who doesn’t like rap music. There are rap songs I love. I named a rap song as my most recent Very Best Number One. It’s just that none of the rappers involved on this track have anything interesting to say.

What the title doesn’t refer to is there being twenty-one MCs on this track, though it starts to feel like it. There was actually a mathematical formula involved in creating the record. According to Wikipedia: “21 seconds is arrived at as the song’s tempo is approximately 140BPM, has a key of G minor, and each rapper has 12 bars of 4 beats (48 beats at 140BPM, when worked out to the nearest integer, rounds to 21 seconds).”

So Solid Crew had, at any one time, somewhere between nineteen and thirty members. Which makes them by far the biggest group to reach #1, although fewer than ten were involved in this track. The one member of So Solid that I can name with any confidence is Lisa Maffia, who is the only MC who sings her verse. Turns out I also recognise Romeo and Harvey, who had decent-ish solo careers away from the Crew. Interestingly, Oxide & Neutrino (of ‘Bound 4 da Reload’ fame) were So Solid members but didn’t feature on this track.

Of the three garage chart toppers that I mentioned, I would rank this in the middle. It’s not as intentionally annoying as DJ Pied Piper, and there is a lot of cultural relevance here. It’s punk for the new millennium, the sound of rebellious youth. It’s extremely modern, and there’s a clear line from this through to modern UK rap hits from the likes of Stormzy or Central Cee, while the I got twenty-one seconds to go, I got twenty-one seconds to flow chorus went just as viral, by 2001 standards, as Do you really like it, Is it is it wicked... I don’t like this record, but that’s down to personal taste. I must say, when I reviewed ‘Bound 4 da Reload’ I never thought I’d be placing it top of any list, but there was a joie de vivre in its ‘Casualty’ sampling novelty that is lacking in this song’s charmless slog through five minutes’ worth of identikit rapping.

One other thing worth mentioning here is the first appearance of the N-word in a number one single, in Megaman’s opening verse. I’m a big fan of tracking offensive language in chart-topping singles, from Lonnie Donegan’s ‘bloomin’’, to John Lennon’s ‘Christ!’, to Paul Weller’s ‘bullshit’. It feels like a switch was flicked the moment we hit the 21st century, with Oxide & Neutrino, and then of course Eminem, cramming their chart-toppers with vulgarity. All that’s left is the debut appearance of the c-word on top of the charts (and I don’t mean Coldplay…)

898. ‘Do You Really Like It?’ by DJ Pied Piper & the Masters of Ceremonies

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Our next number one poses us a couple of questions… Do you really like it? Is it, is it wicked? And if these questions refer back to said next number one then my answers are no, and NO.

Do You Really Like It?, by DJ Pied Piper & the Masters of Ceremonies (their 1st and only #1)

1 week, from 27th May – 3rd June 2001

It’s hard to underestimate how much, back in 2001, this song’s hook became engrained in the popular conscience. We’re lovin’ it, lovin’ it, lovin’ it… We’re lovin’ it like that… It’s also hard to underestimate how annoying it became. Or maybe it isn’t hard. Maybe all it will take is one listen for the uninitiated to realise how terrible this record is.

At least the Do you really like it? and the Lovin’ it, Lovin’ it sections are memorable. They’ve been living rent free in my mind since I was fifteen. They’re only ten percent of this song, though. And I never realised, or had blanked out, how bad the rest of this record is: repetitive, nonsensical, unlistenable, with ugly, lurching changes in direction and tempo that make it difficult to even call it a song.

I thought that Oxide and Neutrino’s ‘Bound 4 da Reload’ was a low-point for 2-step garage, but I think that ‘Do You Really Like It?’ is even worse. At least the former had a kind of novelty value in the ‘Casualty’ theme sample, and the sweary spoken word bit from ‘Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels’. Not a song I’d ever want to hear again, but sort of amusing at the same time. This though… Yeesh.

Though it is interesting how that 2-step beat has become a sort of early 2000’s shorthand, used by everyone from Craig David, to Bob the Builder, to this. And how garage can be incredibly hardcore, like I suppose this is, and also very poppy. DJ Pied Piper was the main driver behind this song, and was joined by four Masters of Ceremonies: MC DT, Melody, Sharky P and the Unknown MC. Maybe that explains its messiness, with all five members given their slot in which to impress. Sadly none of them do.

They got back together for one further single, ‘We R Here’, later in the year, but that failed to chart completely. And so DJ Pied Piper and the Masters of Ceremonies go down as gold star one-hit wonders. We will, however, have to grapple with further garage records in the near future. We can say with some confidence that none of them will be as bad as this.

885. ‘Stan’, by Eminem

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The end of the longest year in chart-topping history is in sight: here we are at the forty-first and penultimate number one of 2000. And of all the zeitgeist grabbing #1s we’ve met along the way – Craig David’s seven days, Robbie’s rocking DJ, Destiny’s Child and their independent women – we’ve reached the ultimate pop culture reference. For none of those other records’ titles have entered the OED, as both a noun and a verb…

Stan, by Eminem (his 2nd of eleven #1s)

1 week, from 10th – 17th December 2000

With ‘The Real Slim Shady’, Eminem announced himself, for better or worse, as a foul-mouthed, parent-baiting, attention-demanding cartoon character. With ‘Stan’ he announces himself as something else entirely. It’s a study of fame, of fandom, of what we would now call toxic masculinity, much of which is even more pressing today than it was a quarter of a decade ago. And it was almost a Christmas number one.

I don’t love Eminem, and I’m not the biggest fan of hip-hop. But I am a writer, and the way he constructs a character, a backstory, and a narrative with not one but two twists, in four verses is one of pop music’s great feats. One little detail stood out to me on this re-listen: in verse one Stan mentions how sloppy his handwriting is, while in the third he calls back to it and claims he wrote the address on his letters perfectly. That’s some proper plotting.

The tension builds as the letters from Stan pile up, unanswered. (The fact that Eminem manages to make some weirdo writing letters this gripping is another great feat.) The start of the third verse (the best of the four) is my favourite moment: Dear mister I’m too good to call or write my fans…! Stan then launches into a rambling rant about how he’s like the character in Phil Collins’ ‘In the Air Tonight’, with Eminem capturing perfectly how someone on a fistful of downers and a fifth of vodka would sound.

Then there’s the twists. First that Eminem hasn’t been ignoring Stan’s letters, he’s just not had the time to reply. And then Eminem remembering in the final lines that he’d heard about some guy on the news who’d driven off a bridge, killing his pregnant girlfriend. Come to think about it, His name was… It was you… Damn. Thunderclap. It’s an almost theatrically, dare I say camply, abrupt ending. But it works, ending a near seven-minute record in a flash.

The fact that Stan references Eminem having written songs about killing his ex-wife Kim, inspiring him to do the same, is worth mentioning. Eminem knows the controversy he causes, knows the monsters he might create. But he doesn’t apologise, doesn’t judge, doesn’t celebrate. He offers us a glimpse of a life lived, and ended. And it’s art, quite high art, of a level that not many #1s can achieve.

The only thing that feels forced is the P.S. line about Stan wanting ‘to be together’ with Eminem. I covered the homophobic side of Eminem in my last post, and again maybe this is just the repressed fears of fourteen-year-old me, but I don’t think the song needs a gay element to it. Stan is already unhinged enough without wanting to literally fuck his idol. It just feels like an excuse to allow Eminem to reject him in the final verse – That type of shit makes me not want us meet each other… – a chance for him to prove, yet again, that Marshall Mathers is definitely not homosexual.

Beyond Stan’s story, what makes this record stand out is one of the great uses of a sample. Dido’s ‘Thank You’ had existed since 1998, and had been used in the soundtrack to the film ‘Sliding Doors’ (which gave us an earlier chart-topper in Aqua’s ‘Turn Back Time’) A DJ put the chorus to a hip-hop beat, and the demo found its way to Eminem who was inspired by the line got your picture on my wall to write about a deranged fan. In the wake of ‘Stan’s success, both ‘Thank You’ and Dido’s debut album raced up the charts, establishing her as one of the biggest British stars of the new millennium.

But as great as ‘Stan’ is, I am glad it didn’t hold on to become Christmas number one. No, after this tragic tale we all needed some light relief…