Boybands

Top 10s – The 1990s

/ UK #1s blog / 12 Comments

Now that my most recent recap has drawn the ’90s to a close, it’s time to announce what are officially my 10 Best Number Ones of the Decade. Conclusively, ultimately, unarguably….

I’ve done this for all the previous charts decades – follow the links if you’d like to catch up (the ’50s, the ’60s, the ’70s, the ’80s) – and it works like this. Every recap I’ve named a Very Best Chart-Topper, plus some other #1s that came close. This isn’t me retrospectively choosing my ten best, this is what I chose as I went. No changing of mind allowed, for better or worse. For the previous Top 10s this method threw up some interesting choices, and the 1990s is no different…

‘Nothing Compares 2 U’, by Sinéad O’Connor – #1 for 4 weeks in January/February 1990

I think the records at the very top and bottom of this list are perhaps the two songs people can have the fewest complaints about. For who can dispute ‘Nothing Compares 2 U’s haunting beauty? It was only the 3rd #1 of the nineties, but remains one of the decade’s strongest, and was the Very Best Chart-Topper in my end of the 80s/early 90s recap. Plus the stories around it have passed into legend: Prince’s reaction, Sinéad’s solitary tear… Read my original post here.

‘Would I Lie to You?’, by Charles & Eddie – #1 for 2 weeks in November 1992

1991 provides no number ones for this list, probably because Bryan Adams was on top of the charts for roughly half that year. So the next winner of my ‘Very Best Chart-Topper’ award was this retro-soul number from Charles and Eddie, a #1 in November 1992. It’s not a song I had thought much about before writing my post on it, but it charmed me, standing out in unashamedly old-fashioned style in the charts of the time.

‘No Limit’, by 2 Unlimited – #1 for 5 weeks in February/March 1993

Okay, here’s where things get a little silly. I actually named ‘No Limit’ as runner-up to ‘Would I Lie to You?’. Whether this is a reflection of the poor quality of competition at the time (the early-to-mid nineties were a weird no-man’s land of cheap dance, reggae revival, and power ballads), nostalgia blinding my eyes (‘No Limit’ is one of the first pop songs I can remember in ‘real time’), or me being on the wine while writing that recap, I don’t know. Of course, ‘No Limit’ has no right being on any ‘Best Of’ list. But at the same time… It’s a banger. I regret nothing. Techno, techno, techno, techno…

‘Stay Another Day’, by East 17 – #1 for 5 weeks in December 1994/January 1995

The undisputed winner of my ’93-’95 recap, East 17’s stately ballad remains one of, if not the, best boyband number one of all time. Written about a brother’s suicide, the timely additional of church bells turned this into a festive classic, with most people assuming its about the singer begging a lover to remain around at Christmas time. Whether or not it’s a Christmas hit is up for debate; what’s not up for debate is the record’s undoubted quality. Read my original post here.

‘Firestarter’, by The Prodigy – #1 for 3 weeks in March/April 1996

Runner-up in the following recap, it’s one of the decade’s most controversial number ones. I’m the bitch you hated, Filth infatuated… With the ‘Fat of the Land’ album, the Prodigy rebranded themselves from cool dance act to public enemy number one, and ‘Firestarter’ was only the beginning. It’s an acquired taste, but an era-defining chart-topper. This also means that 1995 becomes the decade’s other year not to place a song on this list, and that’s because, looking back, 1995 could well be the worst year on record for number one singles… (Robson and Jerome…. The Outhere Brothers… Cotton Eyed Joe… shudder…)

‘Setting Sun’, by The Chemical Brothers – #1 for 1 week in October 1996

Just edging the Prodigy out to win a ‘Very Best’ award, with a track carved from very much the same block of stone as ‘Firestarter’, it’s the Chemical Brothers. Well, it’s two for the price of one, as an uncredited Noel Gallagher also features (I had to squeeze Oasis in here somehow, even if none of their own songs feature on this list). Original post this way.

‘Your Woman’, by White Town – #1 for 1 week in January 1997

The decade’s 5th ‘Very Best’ number one, and one of its strangest. Recorded by a fairly nerdy man in his bedroom, and based around a trumpet sample from 1932, it has an eerie, yet goofy, oddness to it which you don’t often find at the top of the charts. I debated long and hard about choosing this, or the record below (which is also the record that knocked it off the top of the charts), as The Best. But in the end, they both get to feature on this list. Original post here.

‘Beetlebum’, by Blur – #1 for 1 week in January/February 1997

Replacing ‘Your Woman’ at the top, (which makes that fortnight in January 1997 officially the best two weeks of chart music, ever…) here’s Blur. It’s the ’90s, so we really had to have one Britpop song on this list. Problem is, most of the truly great Britpop anthems famously failed to make it to #1. So we’re left with this fuzzy dirge, and Damon Albarn slurring some lyrics about being on heroin, that many now claim marked the beginning of the end of Britpop…

‘Believe’, by Cher – #1 for 7 weeks from October-December 1998

We seem to have become side-tracked. The past few songs are great pieces of music – I mean, that’s why I chose them – but they’re hardly the first tunes people remember when they think of ‘the nineties’. Luckily, we finish on a gigantic pop big-bang. Starting with Cher’s biggest-selling record. In fact, the best-selling single ever released by a member of the female race. It was my final ‘Very Best’ record of the decade, it introduced the world to autotune, and it remains a stone-cold, classic floorfiller to this day.

‘…Baby One More Time’, by Britney Spears – #1 for 2 weeks in February/March 1999

But is ‘Believe’ better than this…? I still don’t know. They’re both great, they both bring this rundown to a close, and both represent the best of the nineties’ poppy final years. In my mind, though, ‘Believe’ is ’90s through and through, whereas ‘…Baby One More Time’ feels much more of the 21st Century. Which means it’s the prefect record to end on, really.

Since this officially closes both the 1990s, and the 20th century, as far as this blog is concerned, here are the fifty best number one singles of the singles chart’s first five decades, according to me. Deep breath…

‘Look at that Girl’, by Guy Mitchell (1953)
‘Such a Night’, by Johnnie Ray (1954)
‘Mambo Italiano’ by Rosemary Clooney (1955)
‘Cherry Pink and Apple Blossom White’, by Perez Prado & his Orchestra (1955)
‘Dreamboat’, by Alma Cogan (1955)
‘Why Do Fools Fall in Love’, by Frankie Lymon & the Teenagers (1956)
‘That’ll Be the Day’, by The Crickets (1957)
‘Great Balls of Fire’, by Jerry Lee Lewis (1958)
‘Who’s Sorry Now’, by Connie Francis (1958)
‘Dream Lover’, by Bobby Darin (1959)
‘Cathy’s Clown’, by The Everly Brothers (1960)
‘Shakin’ All Over’, by Johnny Kidd & the Pirates (1960)
‘Telstar’, by the Tornadoes (1962)
‘She Loves You’, by The Beatles (1963)
‘Needles and Pins’, by The Searchers (1964)
‘You’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feelin”, by The Righteous Brothers (1965)
‘(I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction’, by The Rolling Stones (1965)
‘Good Vibrations’, by The Beach Boys (1966)
‘A Whiter Shade of Pale’, by Procol Harum (1967)
‘I Heard It Through the Grapevine’, by Marvin Gaye (1969)
‘Bridge Over Troubled Water’, by Simon & Garfunkel (1970)
‘Baby Jump’, by Mungo Jerry (1971)
‘Metal Guru’, by T Rex (1972)
‘See My Baby Jive’, by Wizzard (1973)
‘Tiger Feet’, by Mud (1974)
‘Can’t Give You Anything (But My Love)’, by The Stylistics (1975)
‘Space Oddity’, by David Bowie (1975)
‘Dancing Queen’, by ABBA (1976)
‘I Feel Love’, by Donna Summer (1977)
‘Heart of Glass’, by Blondie (1979)
‘Atomic’, by Blondie (1980)
‘The Winner Takes It All’, by ABBA (1980)
‘My Camera Never Lies’, by Bucks Fizz (1982)
‘Total Eclipse of the Heart’, by Bonnie Tyler (1983)
‘Relax’, by Frankie Goes to Hollywood (1984)
‘You Spin Me Round (Like a Record)’, by Dead or Alive (1985)
‘The Power of Love’, by Jennifer Rush (1985)
‘It’s a Sin’, by Pet Shop Boys (1987)
‘Theme from S-Express’, by S’Express (1988)
‘Ride on Time’, by Black Box (1989)
‘Nothing Compares 2 U’,  by Sinéad O’Connor (1990)
‘Would I Lie to You?’, by Charles & Eddie (1992)
‘No Limit’, by 2 Unlimited (1993)
‘Stay Another Day’, by East 17 (1994)
‘Firestarter’, by The Prodigy (1996)
‘Setting Sun’, by The Chemical Brothers (1996)
‘Your Woman’, by White Town (1997)
‘Beetlebum’, by Blur (1997)
‘Believe’, by Cher (1998)
‘…Baby One More Time’, by Britney Spears (1999)

*Abba and Blondie get around my ‘1 song per artist’ rule by cleverly releasing two brilliant number one singles in two different decades… And 1955 emerges as officially the best year for chart-toppers! Though the ’50s had an obvious advantage in the fact that I was choosing ten #1s out of seven (and a bit) years instead of a full decade. Maybe I should trim it down to eight ’50s number ones… But that would spoil my nice round fifty.

854. ‘Fool Again’, by Westlife

/ UK #1s blog / 14 Comments

A fifth number one single in less than twelve months, with the fifth and final single from their debut album, it’s…

Fool Again, by Westlife (their 5th of fourteen #1s)

1 week, from 2nd – 9th April 2000

…we know perfectly well who it is (the picture above probably helped). And there’s a reason why ‘Fool Again’ was the fifth single from the album. It’s average, and not just in a wider musical sense (which it obviously is). It’s average in a Westlife sense: not as good a pop song as ‘If I Let You Go’, but not guilty of the same musical crimes as their recent Christmas #1.

This was marketed as the ‘2000 remix’ of ‘Fool Again, as opposed to the 1999 original, and that probably eked out a few extra purchases from fans who already had the album. The only change I can make out, though, is the beefed up intro. The bridge really, really reminds me of a song that I just can’t quite put my finger on. The key change is massive, even by Westlife standards. The rest of the song descends quickly and happily into boyband schmaltz, rolling around in said schmaltz like a pig in shit.

Since they’re coming thick and fast, I’m going to keep track of Westlife’s many number one singles with my brand-new feature: Westlife Watch! (Hey, at least it will use up a paragraph every time I have to write about them). After five chart-toppers, the ranking currently stands at:

  1. If I Let You Go
  2. Flying Without Wings
  3. Fool Again
  4. Swear It Again
  5. I Have a Dream / Seasons in the Sun

I feel that bottom song will take some shifting, but I have faith in Westlife’s abilities to serve up something bad enough with their nine remaining number ones.

I think it must be a record, having five number one singles from the same album. I can find no other examples, on the British charts at least. But perhaps here we should discuss Westlife’s management, and their clever release schedule. Louis Walsh had a smart knack of picking quiet weeks for his boys’ singles. ‘Fool Again’ made #1 with sales that would have fallen short in all but nine weeks of this chart year. This doesn’t apply to all of their chart-toppers, as many did debut on top with impressive sales, but they definitely padded their stats with some lucky number ones. ‘Fool Again’ fell to #8 the following week, which says it all.

At the same time, maybe it was also a case of other acts avoiding weeks when Westlife were releasing, especially after five chart-toppers in a row? It would have been a brave act that went up against this Irish juggernaut in 2000, when they were at the peak of their popularity.

Recap: #801 – #850

/ UK #1s blog / 7 Comments

And so to recap…

This past fifty has taken us from September 1998 through to the earliest months of 2000. How to sum up, then, the number one singles that saw out the second millennium?

Boybands, random dance acts, and a whole lot of bubblegum. That should just about do it. Take the boybands first. Five groups of lads, responsible for nine different number ones. The biggest of whom have been Westlife, whose total of four in 1999 matched a record that Elvis had held for almost forty years.

Then there’s been the former boyband members. Ronan Keating launched a solo career, while Robbie Williams scored the first two chart-toppers of his hugely successful post-Take That life. We could also throw Ricky Martin in with this lot too, although most British people wouldn’t have known him as an ex-boyband star.

What of the girl groups? Not quite as successful as the boys, but we’ve had three #1s from B*Witched, the return of All Saints, as well as The Spice Girls’ third Christmas number one in a row. Plus, the launch of two solo Spices: Mel B got in first but was soon eclipsed by Geri. All in all, that’s a lot of pop.

And that’s before we mention the other bubblegum acts, like S Club 7, Vengaboys, Billie, and Steps. For large swathes of this run I’ve been desperate to hear a guitar, rather than that late-nineties pre-set drumbeat and the usual post-production tinkles and record scratches. Rock acts have popped up now and then, more as novelties than anything else. The Offspring, Lenny Kravitz, Manic Street Preachers and Oasis Mk II all tried their best to cut through, but most surprising of all was the return of Blondie, almost twenty years on from their previous number one.

That leaves the random dance acts. They may not technically have all been one-hit wonders, but they all have one hit for which they are best remembered. Spacedust, Mr. Oizo, ATB, Eiffel 65, Wamdue Project… All legends for fifteen minutes. The two dance acts that can lay claim to having much of a chart career beyond 1999 are Fatboy Slim (who finally scored a #1 under his own steam) and Armand Van Helden, who will top the charts again a decade later.

These have been the main storylines that the most recent chart-toppers have played out, but in and around them some other fascinating tales have been told. Two pop stars for the 21st century, Britney and Christina, debuted straight at the top, while a pop star from the eighties – Madonna – proved she still had the power to provoke (covering ‘American Pie’) and to succeed (scoring the ninth #1 of her career). Meanwhile a star of the ‘60s, Cher, scored her biggest hit, and became the oldest female artist to the top the charts, with ‘Believe’.

There has been the emergence of garage – another sound that will dominate in the early years of the ‘00s – through Shanks & Bigfoot and, to a lesser extent, Gabrielle’s ‘Rise’, which also brought Bob Dylan as close to a British chart-topper as he’s ever likely to get. And of course there was the Latin summer of ’99, when Spanish briefly became the lingua franca of the charts thanks to Ricky, Geri, and Lou Bega’s horny mambo-ing.

But perhaps the most important chart story of all has been the continued speedy turnover of number ones. This fifty took us a year and a half to get through (the previous fifty took almost two years), while the next fifty will be the quickest of all. Of the past bunch, only five records spent more than a fortnight at the top, and an amazing thirty-two of them only managed a single week.

To the awards, then. Starting with the Meh Award for being completely unmemorable. The two records that I was most neutral on were ‘You Don’t Know Me’ (basic dance) and ‘Rise’ (basic soul-pop). But I’m going to give this to a boyband ballad. I’m choosing Boyzone’s ‘You Needed Me’ cover not because it was any duller than the rest, but because it would feel wrong if Boyzone escaped without earning at least one of my more negative awards.

The WTAF Award for being interesting if nothing else is always a fun one to decide, and this time we aren’t short of candidates. There’s ‘Gym & Tonic’, the aerobics routine as dance track, and Chef from South Park, voiced by soul legend Isaac Hayes. There’s Mr. Oizo and Flat Eric, and Eiffel 65 with their animated blue aliens. All worthy winners at any other time. But when Baz Luhrmann’s fully spoken ‘Everybody’s Free (To Wear Sunscreen)’, based on a fictional graduation speech, is a contender then the others might as well pack up and go home.

On to the big awards, then. The Very Worst Chart-Topper for this recap is a straight shoot-out between two truly rotten songs. ‘The Millennium Prayer’ and Westlife’s festive double-A ‘I Have a Dream’ / ‘Seasons in the Sun’, both of which ensured that the 1990s ended on a very low note. I am aware that I have previously given Cliff Richard a ‘worst’ award way back in 1965 (which seems harsh in hindsight) and so my hand is forced slightly into awarding this to Westlife. Luckily, they are very worthy winners. I am also aware that they have ten more #1s to come, and that I will have to break my own rules if I want to punish them further, but we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.

Finally, The Very Best Chart-Topper Award. I have enjoyed chart-toppers from B*Witched (yes, B*Witched!) with ‘Rollercoaster’, Five with ‘Keep on Movin’ (the best of the boyband #1s by far), and the Manics with the blistering ‘The Masses Against the Classes’. I adore ‘Maria’, and had Blondie not already won for ‘Heart of Glass’ I might have been tempted to argue its case. But no. Instead we have two pop icons: one at the very start of her career, the other three decades deep into it. Britney versus Cher.

‘…Baby One More Time’ is objectively the better song, I think. But for the sheer brilliance of a fifty-two year old woman spending seven weeks at number one, filling the dancefloor, as well as making us ask what the hell she was doing with her voice, then Cher wins. Plus, I have a feeling Britney may well be in contention again a couple of recaps down the line…

To recap the recaps:

The ‘Meh’ Award for Forgettability:

  1. ‘Hold My Hand’, by Don Cornell.
  2. ‘It’s Almost Tomorrow’, by The Dream Weavers.
  3. ‘On the Street Where You Live’, by Vic Damone.
  4. ‘Why’, by Anthony Newley.
  5. ‘The Next Time’ / ‘Bachelor Boy’, by Cliff Richard & The Shadows.
  6. ‘Juliet’, by The Four Pennies.
  7. ‘The Carnival Is Over’, by The Seekers.
  8. ‘Silence Is Golden’, by The Tremeloes.
  9. ‘I Pretend’, by Des O’Connor.
  10. ‘Woodstock’, by Matthews’ Southern Comfort.
  11. ‘How Can I Be Sure’, by David Cassidy.
  12. ‘Annie’s Song’, by John Denver.
  13. ‘I Only Have Eyes For You’, by Art Garfunkel.
  14. ‘I Don’t Want to Talk About It’ / ‘The First Cut Is the Deepest’, by Rod Stewart.
  15. ‘Three Times a Lady’, by The Commodores.
  16. ‘What’s Another Year’, by Johnny Logan.
  17. ‘A Little Peace’, by Nicole.
  18. ‘Every Breath You Take’, by The Police.
  19. ‘I Got You Babe’, by UB40 with Chrissie Hynde.
  20. ‘Who’s That Girl’, by Madonna.
  21. ‘A Groovy Kind of Love’, by Phil Collins.
  22. ‘Do They Know It’s Christmas?’, by Band Aid II.
  23. ‘Please Don’t Go’ / ‘Game Boy’, by KWS.
  24. ‘Dreams’, by Gabrielle.
  25. ‘Forever Love’, by Gary Barlow.
  26. ‘I Feel You’, by Peter Andre.
  27. ‘You Needed Me’, by Boyzone.

The WTAF Award for being interesting if nothing else:

  1. ‘I See the Moon’, by The Stargazers.
  2. ‘Lay Down Your Arms’, by Anne Shelton.
  3. ‘Hoots Mon’, by Lord Rockingham’s XI.
  4. ‘You’re Driving Me Crazy’, by The Temperance Seven.
  5. ‘Nut Rocker’, by B. Bumble & The Stingers.
  6. ‘You’ll Never Walk Alone’, by Gerry & The Pacemakers.
  7. ‘Little Red Rooster’, by The Rolling Stones.
  8. ‘Puppet on a String’, by Sandie Shaw.
  9. ‘Fire’, by The Crazy World of Arthur Brown.
  10. ‘In the Year 2525 (Exordium and Terminus)’, by Zager & Evans.
  11. ‘Amazing Grace’, The Pipes & Drums & Military Band of the Royal Scots Dragoon Guard.
  12. ‘Kung Fu Fighting’, by Carl Douglas.
  13. ‘If’, by Telly Savalas.
  14. ‘Wuthering Heights’, by Kate Bush.
  15. ‘Hit Me With Your Rhythm Stick’, by Ian Dury & The Blockheads.
  16. ‘Shaddap You Face’, by Joe Dolce Music Theatre.
  17. ‘It’s My Party’, by Dave Stewart & Barbara Gaskin.
  18. ‘Save Your Love’ by Renée & Renato.
  19. ‘Rock Me Amadeus’, by Falco.
  20. ‘Pump Up the Volume’ / ‘Anitina (The First Time I See She Dance)’, by M/A/R/R/S.
  21. ‘Doctorin’ the Tardis’, by The Timelords.
  22. ‘Sadeness Part 1’, by Enigma.
  23. ‘Ebeneezer Goode’, by The Shamen.
  24. ‘I Would Do Anything for Love (But I Won’t Do That)’, by Meat Loaf.
  25. ‘Spaceman’, by Babylon Zoo.
  26. ‘All Around the World’, by Oasis.
  27. ‘Everybody’s Free (To Wear Sunscreen)’, by Baz Luhrmann.

The Very Worst Chart-Toppers:

  1. ‘Cara Mia’, by David Whitfield with Mantovani & His Orchestra.
  2. ‘The Man From Laramie’, by Jimmy Young.
  3. ‘Roulette’, by Russ Conway.
  4. ‘Wooden Heart’, by Elvis Presley.
  5. ‘Lovesick Blues’, by Frank Ifield.
  6. ‘Diane’, by The Bachelors.
  7. ‘The Minute You’re Gone’, by Cliff Richard.
  8. ‘Release Me’, by Engelbert Humperdinck.
  9. ‘Lily the Pink’, by The Scaffold.
  10. ‘All Kinds of Everything’, by Dana.
  11. ‘The Twelfth of Never’, by Donny Osmond.
  12. ‘The Streak’, by Ray Stevens.
  13. ‘No Charge’, by J. J. Barrie
  14. ‘Don’t Give Up On Us’, by David Soul
  15. ‘One Day at a Time’, by Lena Martell.
  16. ‘There’s No One Quite Like Grandma’, by St. Winifred’s School Choir.
  17. ‘I’ve Never Been to Me’, by Charlene.
  18. ‘Hello’, by Lionel Richie.
  19. ‘I Want to Know What Love Is’, by Foreigner.
  20. ‘Star Trekkin’’, by The Firm.
  21. ‘Nothing’s Gonna Change My Love for You’, by Glenn Medeiros.
  22. ‘Let’s Party’, by Jive Bunny & The Mastermixers.
  23. ‘(Everything I Do) I Do It for You’, by Bryan Adams.
  24. ‘Don’t Stop (Wiggle Wiggle)’, by The Outhere Brothers.
  25. ‘Unchained Melody’ / ‘White Cliffs of Dover’, by Robson & Jerome.
  26. ‘C’est la Vie’, by B*Witched
  27. ‘I Have a Dream’ / ‘Seasons in the Sun’, by Westlife.

The Very Best Chart-Toppers:

  1. ‘Such a Night’, by Johnnie Ray.
  2. ‘Cherry Pink and Apple Blossom White’, by Perez ‘Prez’ Prado & His Orchestra.
  3. ‘Great Balls of Fire’, by Jerry Lee Lewis.
  4. ‘Cathy’s Clown’, by The Everly Brothers.
  5. ‘Telstar’, by The Tornadoes.
  6. ‘She Loves You’ by The Beatles.
  7. ‘(I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction’, by The Rolling Stones.
  8. ‘A Whiter Shade of Pale’, by Procol Harum.
  9. ‘I Heard It Through the Grapevine’, by Marvin Gaye.
  10. ‘Baby Jump’, by Mungo Jerry.
  11. ‘Metal Guru’, by T. Rex.
  12. ‘Tiger Feet’, by Mud.
  13. ‘Space Oddity’, by David Bowie.
  14. ‘I Feel Love’, by Donna Summer.
  15. ‘Heart of Glass’, by Blondie.
  16. ‘The Winner Takes It All’, by ABBA.
  17. ‘My Camera Never Lies’, by Bucks Fizz.
  18. ‘Relax’ by Frankie Goes to Hollywood.
  19. ‘You Spin Me Round (Like a Record)’, by Dead or Alive
  20. ‘Stand by Me’, by Ben E. King (Honorary Award)
  21. ‘It’s a Sin’, by Pet Shop Boys.
  22. ‘Theme from S-Express’, by S’Express.
  23. ‘Nothing Compares 2 U’, by Sinéad O’Connor.
  24. ‘Would I Lie to You?’, by Charles & Eddie.
  25. ‘Stay Another Day’, by East 17.
  26. ‘Setting Sun’, by The Chemical Brothers.
  27. ‘Your Woman’, by White Town.
  28. ‘Believe’, by Cher.

844. ‘I Have a Dream’ / ‘Seasons in the Sun’, by Westlife

/ UK #1s blog / 9 Comments

I’m sure many readers think I’ve been a little soft on Westlife in my posts on their first three chart-toppers. ‘Swear It Again’ was fairly bland, but I enjoyed ‘If I Let You Go’ more than I was expecting to, and ‘Flying Without Wings’ has an overblown charm to it. But no more. The Westlife love-in stops here!

I Have a Dream / Seasons in the Sun, by Westlife (their 4th of fourteen #1s)

4 weeks, from 19th December 1999 – 16th January 2000

Just five seconds into ‘I Have a Dream’ and I’m feeling nauseous. The sleigh bells, the tinkles, the choking clouds of saccharine. It is so cynically programmed for the festive season that I’m imagining a big red button on a mixing desk, sealed in a glass box, with a sign that reads ‘Smash for Boybands in Desperate Need of Christmas Number One’. I’d make my usual comparison to karaoke backing tracks, if that wasn’t a horrible insult to the people who make karaoke backing tracks.

It doesn’t help that it’s an ABBA cover. Even though ‘I Have a Dream’ has never been one of my favourite ABBA songs, this feels like an act of sacrilege. But then it’s not so much a ‘cover’, more a pillaging mission that would make even the blood-thirstiest Vikings blush, leaving behind a smouldering ruin where once stood a much-loved ballad.

With grim inevitability a choir appears, for the second chart-topper running, as we lurch towards what the producers must have hoped would be a soaring climax. The best bit of the entire business are the closing two seconds; not just because the song is ending, but because one of the boys finishes on an oh-woah-owah that I think was meant to sound profound, but that sounds to me like the noise a murderer would make as they drop their bloody knife, realising exactly what a terrible crime they have just committed.

‘I Have a Dream’ finishes, yet we barely have time to rinse the sick from our mouths. There’s another massacring of a seventies hit to contend with. ‘Seasons in the Sun’ was a fairly shite record to begin with, so this cover doesn’t offend the ears quite as badly. Still, it tries its best. To kick off, we get a blast of the ol’ Oirish pipes, in the finest B*Witched tradition, to remind us exactly which nation to blame for this offence.

The rest of the song plods by fairly slowly, and the Westlife boys sound largely bored. The production is just as cheap and tacky. I’ve tried, in the comments, to defend late-nineties pop music from accusations that it was too ‘push-button’, but I can offer no defence here. All the worst pre-programmed touches and flourishes of the era are on display here. We end the decade on the lowest of low notes…

Again, I wonder if Westlife actually counted many teenage girls among their fans, as this seventies double-header seems unerringly aimed at the mum market. And the tactic, of course, worked. As terrible as this record is, it was an inevitable Christmas number one, and the only Westlife single to spend more than two weeks at the top. It was also the last number one of the decade, of the century, and of the millennium. It meant that Westlife joined the Spice Girls and B*Witched in reaching #1 with their first four releases. It also meant that they scored four number ones in a calendar year, a feat managed just twice before, by Elvis in 1961 and ‘62.

So, here end the 1990s. I wouldn’t call it the best chart decade (the 1960s will never be topped), but was it the most interesting? It was a decade of extremes: the longest continuous run at #1, the best-selling #1 of all time (and some of the lowest selling #1s too), as well as the two longest-playing #1s. We’ve had classics that have come to define modern British pop culture, and some of the most notorious novelties. We’ve had Take That, Oasis, and the Spice Girls. We’ve had our first ‘fuck’ on top of the charts. I will be doing a deeper dive into the decade very soon, when we do our ‘Nineties Top 10’.

But I’ll leave things here, on an important question. There’s no doubt that the ‘90s have ended at a tragically low ebb. But what record is worse? This, or ‘The Millennium Prayer’? It is probably a question best answered when I hand out the next ‘Worst Number One’ Award, but for me there’s only one winner…

839. ‘Keep on Movin”, by Five

/ UK #1s blog / 10 Comments

Our 5th (!) boyband of the year is, fittingly, Five. And of the seven boyband number ones so far in 1999 (eight, if we include solo Ronan Keating) ‘Keep on Movin’ is, for my money, the best.

Keep on Movin’, by Five (their 1st of three #1s)

1 week, from 31st October – 7th November 1999

Late-nineties boybands, or their management, had a clear choice to make: ballads, or bad boys? We know what direction Boyzone and Westlife went in, but Five took the opposite path. (And yes, I know that Five were styled as 5ive, but it’s something that I’ve always thought looked stupid. I will be referring to them as Five throughout, just as Pink will never be ‘P!nk’, nor Kesha ‘Ke$ha’.)

Of course, East 17 (bad boys) took ‘Stay Another Day’ (a classic ballad) to Christmas number one, but bear with my theory. Five played into a faux hip-hop, street fashions look, more like a young NKOTB than any of their British counterparts. Their debut single was, for example, the basketball referencing ‘Slam Dunk (Da Funk)’. In addition, all five looked like they could handle themselves in a pub brawl (Jay in particular, with the Desperate Dan jaw and the eyebrow ring, always looked like he’d gotten lost on the way from home from his shift at a building site). Even the cute ones, Abs and Ritchie, gave the impression that they’d gleefully steal a member of Westlife’s lunch money.

Not that ‘Keep on Movin’ is at all street, or hard-edged though. It’s a mid-tempo, perky pop tune about always looking on the bright side of life. Get on up, When you’re down, Baby take a good look around… No overwrought declarations of love, or grand statements about flying without wings. When the rainy days are dyin’, Gotta keep on tryin’, When the bees and birds are flyin’… Not lyrics to trouble the Nobel Prize committee, but still kind of sweet.

Musically it’s got a couple of interesting touches, in the verses that must have been influenced by Blur’s ‘Coffee and TV’, which had been a hit a few months earlier, and in the ear-catching, sitar-sounding riff. It sounds very modern for the late-nineties, both in the music and the down-to-earth, positive sentiment, like something One Direction might have put out a decade or more later.

It was also quite the departure from some of Five’s earlier hits, which were much more ‘90s R&B, Backstreet Boys influenced – tunes like ‘When the Lights Go Out’, ‘If Ya Getting Down’, and the Joan Jett sampling ‘Everybody Get Up’. Maybe this shift to a more mature, family-friendly sound is why they managed a belated number one single, but can we just take a moment to bemoan that none of those fun songs listed above made #1, unlike every turgid ballad Westlife ever crapped out.

Speaking of the Backstreet Boys, and by association Max Martin, we should mention the production credit here for his British equivalent, Steve Mac: a man who was putting his name on the third of what is now thirty UK chart-toppers. I should also mention that as much as I think this is a decent pop song, and Five a generally fun boyband, their next chart-topper is, shall we say, polarising…