Remember, remember (the singles that were sitting at #2 in the charts on) the 5th of November. Beat groups, new wave, and pop…
Apologies for my non-British readers, who will have no idea what I was reaching for there. Yes, time for another dose of randomly chosen runners-up. Every so often we cast our eyes away from the number one spot, down a place to be precise, and find three classics which fell agonisingly short of featuring in one of my regular blog posts.
‘Stop Stop Stop’, by the Hollies – #2 for 2 weeks between 3rd – 16th November 1966, behind ‘Reach Out I’ll Be There’.
The Beatles, The Stones, The Who, The Kinks… What’s the correct band to put next in this particular logic puzzle? Probably The Hollies, who scored seventeen Top 10 hits between 1963 and 1974, but only one #1 (the buzzing ‘I’m Alive’). They also made a belated return to top spot in 1988, with a Budweiser inspired re-release of ‘He Ain’t Heavy, He’s My Brother’. I have already featured the classic ‘The Air That I Breathe’ as a random runner-up, but I doubt anyone will begrudge them another appearance.
Like all the best ’60s beat groups, the Hollies adapted their sound almost single by single, and in late 1966 they brought in a distinctive banjo (with added echo to fool people into thinking it was a balalaika) for this tale of a chap who, overcome by the beauty of a belly dancer, ends up knocking tables over and getting chucked out of a club. It fits in well with the year in which any band worth their salt was exploring the sounds of the east and reaching for the sitar, while keeping a uniquely earthy Hollies-ness to it.
Despite there already being a fairly famous tune called ‘Happy Birthday’, dating from 1893, several pop acts have had a go at updating the birthday songbook. The Beatles and Stevie Wonder made probably the two most famous attempts, but not far behind are Scottish new wave act Altered Images.
It’s a fizzing, peppy tune, which sounds perfect for kids to sing along to after filling up on cake and e-numbers. I’ve tried to look at the lyrics for deeper meaning, but there doesn’t seem to be any. Still the glockenspiel and guitar riff is nice, and you can see why this became such a big hit. It was probably helped by frontwoman Claire Grogan (AKA the Scottish Debbie Harry) and her recent appearance in hit movie ‘Gregory’s Girl’, and it set the band up for two years’ worth of success before they split in 1983.
Before moving on to our final #2, I have to address a question that’s been nagging at me for the past ten minutes… What did people in 1892 sing when it was someone’s birthday?
‘Outside’, by George Michael – #2 for 2 weeks, between 25th October – 7th November 1998, behind ‘Believe’
Another question. You are a world-famous pop star caught ‘engaging in a lewd act’ in a public toilet by an undercover police officer. This cowardly sting operation has forced you into declaring that you are gay, at a time when that could have still been a career-damaging, if not ending, announcement. Do you A) lie low for a while? Or B) release a disco-pop banger all about the joys of al fresco shagging? Way to handle a scandal.
George Michael, of course, chose option B. And the result was ‘Outside’. I think I’m done with the sofa, I think I’m done with the hall, I think I’m done with the kitchen table, Baby… His last UK chart-topper, a couple of years earlier, had been the ode to anonymous sex, ‘Fastlove’. But ‘Outside’ makes that tune seem positively chaste. And it’s one of his very best singles: clever, fun, danceable, and unrepentant. I’d service the community… George declares, halo shining… But I already have, You see…
I will admit to, and stand by, being a bit bored of George Michael’s slower, more serious chart-toppers. He always had a playful side, from ‘Faith’ and ‘I Want Your Sex’ through to this, and the similarly saucy ‘Freeek!’ from 2002, which makes brilliant use of a dial-up modem as a base for the beat. Sadly though, it seems that GM could only ever make #1 in the UK if he was on his best behaviour.
Hope you enjoyed this latest detour of what-might-have-been on top of the charts. Back to the regular countdown in a few days!
Welcome to the latest installment of Random Runners-Up, where we celebrate the records that came close, but no cigar. Three records, all sitting at #2 on this date in history…
‘We’ve Gotta Get out of This Place’, by the Animals – #2 for 1 week in 1965, behind ‘Help!’
Some classic sixties R&B to start us off. This is gritty stuff, with a winding bassline, snarling guitars, and the gutteral yowl of lead singer Eric Burden telling a tale of hardship and poverty. It was written by Brill Building duo Barry Mann and Cynthia Weil, intended for the Righteous Brothers. The Animals changed the lyrics slightly, to reflect their childhoods in Newcastle. Watch my daddy in bed a-dyin’, Watch his hair been turning grey… And then out of nowhere springs a very upbeat, pop-leaning chorus. It is a positive song, despite the misery of the verses. The singer will get out of this place: Believe me baby, I know it baby, You know it too…
This was the Animals’ second-biggest hit, after their 1964 chart-topper ‘The House of the Rising Sun’, and was one of seven Top 10s the band enjoyed before fracturing in 1966. ‘We’ve Gotta Get out of This Place’ was released right at the start of the Vietnam War, and became an anthem for US soldiers stationed out there in the late-sixties.
‘You Got What It Takes’, by Showaddywaddy – #2 for 1 week in 1977, behind ‘Angelo’
The seventies were a time of great musical innovation… They were also a time of Showaddywaddy. Not that I’m complaining, because I can’t resist Showaddywaddy and their rock ‘n’ roll revival schtick. They had one number one in the UK, ‘Under the Moon of Love’, but were a constant presence in the charts during the latter half of the decade. ‘You Got What it Takes’ was the third in a run of seven straight Top 10 hits, and one of the band’s four #2s.
Like their chart-topper, this was a cover of an oldie: a 1960 #7 hit by Marv Johnson. Musically it owes a great debt to Lloyd Price’s ‘Personality’, and lyrically it tells the tale of a girl who doesn’t doesn’t live in a beautiful place, doesn’t dress with the best of taste… Nature didn’t give you such a beautiful face… And yet she has what it takes. What exactly that is isn’t specified, leaving our imaginations to run riot. Johnny Kidd & The Pirates and the Dave Clark Five also had hits with this tune, which makes it all the more surprising that I had never heard it before today!
‘Macarena’, by Los Del Rio – #2 for 1 week in 1996, behind ‘Wannabe’
For some reason I had visions of ‘Macarena’ being lodged in the Top 10 for months on end, but in truth it spent just one week at number two and didn’t have a chart run out of the ordinary. I guess I thought it must have hung around like a bad smell because it was the bane of my existance for endless school discos. This, and Whigfield’s ‘Saturday Night’. Both dances looked so simple, and yet… I could never quite get them right. Any dance that involves alternating left and right, or turning, and I short-circuit.
This hit version is a remix of a 1993 original, from Los Del Rio’s 18th studio album. They were (are, in fact, as they’re still going!) a Spanish duo from the sixties, and by the time this made them UK one-hit wonders both men were almost in their sixties. And no, the Macarena is not the name of the dance, but the name of one of the men’s daughters. Britain was one of the few countries where this didn’t go to #1. In the States, it stayed on top for fourteen, presumably very long, weeks…
I’ve been threatening this post for quite a while, and I’m sure many readers didn’t take those threats seriously. To them, all I can say is sorry. Never again will you underestimate this blogger’s love for some cheesy pop. Time to begin, so count me in…
Steps were a near-permanent fixture on the singles chart between 1997 and 2001, managing two number ones. Sadly, both of their chart-toppers were fairly average (‘Tragedy’/’Heartbeat’ and ‘Stomp’) while many of their near misses – they had five singles that peaked at #2 – are classics of their time and genre. The turn of the 21st century was a time when disposable, teeny-pop acts were ten-a-penny. But Steps still managed to carve their own niche. They weren’t cool, they weren’t sexy, they weren’t particularly down with the kids. They were camp, and catchy. Who were Steps’ fans? Was their continued success all the fault of gay men? (Probably, yes.)
You may be relieved to hear that I won’t do my usual Top 10 today. I’ll restrict it to a Top 5. But, what a five! Five bubblegum classics of the fin de siecle, and I will entertain no arguments to the contrary…
‘Last Thing on My Mind’ – #6 in 1998
I don’t think many people expected Steps to have any sort of career beyond their debut hit: the ultra-cheesy, line-dancing meets techno ‘5, 6, 7, 8’. But lo and behold, they returned with a proper pop song, combining an ABBA-esque piano line with a cheap and frothy chorus. And the revelation that at least two of the five, Faye and Clare, could actually sing! ‘Last Thing on My Mind’ had originally been recorded by Bananarama in 1992, but had stalled at #72. That version is even more indebted to ABBA, while the song’s author Pete Waterman has claimed it was inspired by Mozart. A bold claim, but I’ll buy it.
‘Better Best Forgotten’ – reached #2 in 1999
One of five Steps singles that fell a place short of top spot, ‘Better Best Forgotten’ is another ABBA(ish) melody with lots of late-nineties dressing. Please bear in mind that by constantly bringing up ABBA I am not being so bold as to claim Steps were in any way comparable to said Swedish Gods and Goddesses, but that the influences were clear… Meanwhile I can’t explain it, but the key change just before the chorus here is hands down the gayest moment in popular music.
‘A Deeper Shade of Blue’ – reached #4 in 2000
The 4th single from their second album was a slightly cooler affair, with an Italo-house beat and some dance diva vocals from Claire. It was another track originally recorded by someone else – in this case Tina Cousins – but Steps stepped in and made it their own. Musical vultures! It is more mature, and more sophisticated, than much of Steps’ earlier work.
‘One for Sorrow’ – reached #2 in 1998
There is a beauty about early Steps videos, which rival the cheapest of stock karaoke videos. Here they cycle, have a kickabout, and generally frolic in long grass and sunflowers somewhere in Italy. And the song is a melancholy dance classic, with the melody deeply in debt to… well, you know who it’s in debt to. Another thing to note is Steps’ consistent dedication to wordplay: One for sorrow, Ain’t it too too bad… (See also the deeper shade of blue/darker shade of me from the previous entry.)
‘Love’s Got a Hold of My Heart’ – reached #2 in 1999
For me, this is peak Steps. All boxes ticked. A candyfloss chorus. A Eurotrash beat. Cheesy dance routine on a pier (all while dressed in canary yellow). Claire absolutely belting it out (the way she lets rip on the resigned to my fate… line is a chef’s kiss moment). It lacks the usual hint of melancholy – making it one of their least ABBA-aping singles – and it sounds excactly like you’d expect Steps to sound, had you only ever seen a picture of them.
If you made it this far through the post, I salute you. Thanks for humouring me. I realise that Steps are written off by many as cheap tat, indicative of a time when pop was at its most disposable. And maybe it’s nostalgia for my youth (though I’d never have admitted to liking Steps at the time!), but I do think the five songs included here deserve their place in the pantheon of pop. Maybe not on the same floor, or even the same wing, but definitely in the same building as the likes of Kylie, or Madonna, or even, yes, ABBA.
Steps split on Boxing Day 2001, but reformed a decade later and have been touring and recording ever since, releasing some pretty decent dance-pop tracks. For reasons that I don’t quite understand, they seem to have acquired Michelle Visage as a part-time sixth member. There’s clearly a lot of people who still hold some affection for Steps. Including me. And I make no apologies for it!
I’m revamping the ‘Random Runners-Up’ feature. From this post on, you’ll be getting three tunes for the price of one. All of them sitting at number two on a specific date. All of them still – hand on heart – chosen completely at random. Starting with…
A good old-fashioned novelty. With emphasis on the ‘old-fashioned’ bit, because we had definitely dropped the ‘Simple’ by the time I was playing Simon Says in the late eighties. Let’s not get all self-righteous, though, as this is fun slice of late-sixties pop: a nicely judged blend of bubblegum and garage rock. Not something I’d add to a playlist, but an undeniably catchy way to spend two minutes.
It’s also sent me down the rabbit hole of discovering who Simon was, and apparently it goes back to Simon de Montford, Earl of Leicester in the 13th century, or perhaps even Cicero in ancient Rome, which sounds sort of like ‘Simon’. The ‘simple’ came, perhaps, from an 18th century London begging ‘simpleton’ named Simon Edy. It’s a shame this never got to number one, really, as that’s a fairly unique backstory. As for the 1910 Fruitgum Company, they were one-hit wonders in the UK, but remained popular for a while longer in their native US. They reformed in 1999, and Wikipedia lists over thirty past and present members of the band.
‘Back Off Boogaloo’, by Ringo Starr #2 for 2 weeks in 1972, behind ‘Amazing Grace’
Ringo is, of course, the only Beatle not to manage a solo UK #1. The Victoria Beckham of his day, as it were. But oh, if only. If only this glam rock stomper had managed to outsell the bagpipes and drums of the Royal Scots Dragoon Guards. I’m not exaggerating, but this would probably have been my favourite ex-Beatle number one. Yes, ahead of ‘My Sweet Lord’. Yes, ahead of ‘Imagine’.
The lore surrounding this song is legendary. George Harrison co-wrote it, and played slide guitar on it. The bizarre video, in which Ringo is followed around by a Frankenstein’s monster, was filmed in John Lennon’s garden. The ‘boogaloo’ is Marc Bolan, who Starr was making a movie about (‘Born to Boogie’) at the same time. The line give me something tasty was inspired by none other than Jimmy Hill, he of the legendary chin, who often used ‘tasty’ to describe a piece of footballing skill. My favourite fact, though, is that Starr offered the song to Cilla Black, who turned it down. I would give good, good money to hear Cilla’s interpretation… One thing that Ringo has denied is that the nasty ‘boogaloo’ is Paul McCartney, with whom he was wasn’t on the best of terms at the time.
‘Opposites Attract’, by Paula Abdul & The Wild Pair #2 for 1 week in 1990, behind ‘Vogue’
Number two on this day thirty-five years ago, a perfect example of early-nineties synth-funk, with a healthy splash of new jack swing. Paula Abdul never came close to replicating her US success in Britain (this was her fourth of six Billboard #1s in a row). But we chose the best song to become her biggest hit, as this is gloriously catchy.
The video is a treat too, and pretty impressive from a technical point of view, as Paula dances, frolics, and at one point strangles, a cartoon cat (MC Skat Kat). The raps and male vocals are provided by the Wild Pair, regular backing vocalists for Abdul. And it would be remiss not to include a link to Peter Griffin’s famous interpretation of the song too.
Now that my most recent recap has drawn the ’90s to a close, it’s time to announce what are officially my 10 Best Number Ones of the Decade. Conclusively, ultimately, unarguably….
I’ve done this for all the previous charts decades – follow the links if you’d like to catch up (the ’50s, the ’60s, the ’70s, the ’80s) – and it works like this. Every recap I’ve named a Very Best Chart-Topper, plus some other #1s that came close. This isn’t me retrospectively choosing my ten best, this is what I chose as I went. No changing of mind allowed, for better or worse. For the previous Top 10s this method threw up some interesting choices, and the 1990s is no different…
‘Nothing Compares 2 U’, by Sinéad O’Connor – #1 for 4 weeks in January/February 1990
I think the records at the very top and bottom of this list are perhaps the two songs people can have the fewest complaints about. For who can dispute ‘Nothing Compares 2 U’s haunting beauty? It was only the 3rd #1 of the nineties, but remains one of the decade’s strongest, and was the Very Best Chart-Topper in my end of the 80s/early 90s recap. Plus the stories around it have passed into legend: Prince’s reaction, Sinéad’s solitary tear… Read my original post here.
‘Would I Lie to You?’, by Charles & Eddie – #1 for 2 weeks in November 1992
1991 provides no number ones for this list, probably because Bryan Adams was on top of the charts for roughly half that year. So the next winner of my ‘Very Best Chart-Topper’ award was this retro-soul number from Charles and Eddie, a #1 in November 1992. It’s not a song I had thought much about before writing my post on it, but it charmed me, standing out in unashamedly old-fashioned style in the charts of the time.
‘No Limit’, by 2 Unlimited – #1 for 5 weeks in February/March 1993
Okay, here’s where things get a little silly. I actually named ‘No Limit’ as runner-up to ‘Would I Lie to You?’. Whether this is a reflection of the poor quality of competition at the time (the early-to-mid nineties were a weird no-man’s land of cheap dance, reggae revival, and power ballads), nostalgia blinding my eyes (‘No Limit’ is one of the first pop songs I can remember in ‘real time’), or me being on the wine while writing that recap, I don’t know. Of course, ‘No Limit’ has no right being on any ‘Best Of’ list. But at the same time… It’s a banger. I regret nothing. Techno, techno, techno, techno…
‘Stay Another Day’, by East 17 – #1 for 5 weeks in December 1994/January 1995
The undisputed winner of my ’93-’95 recap, East 17’s stately ballad remains one of, if not the, best boyband number one of all time. Written about a brother’s suicide, the timely additional of church bells turned this into a festive classic, with most people assuming its about the singer begging a lover to remain around at Christmas time. Whether or not it’s a Christmas hit is up for debate; what’s not up for debate is the record’s undoubted quality. Read my original post here.
‘Firestarter’, by The Prodigy – #1 for 3 weeks in March/April 1996
Runner-up in the following recap, it’s one of the decade’s most controversial number ones. I’m the bitch you hated, Filth infatuated… With the ‘Fat of the Land’ album, the Prodigy rebranded themselves from cool dance act to public enemy number one, and ‘Firestarter’ was only the beginning. It’s an acquired taste, but an era-defining chart-topper. This also means that 1995 becomes the decade’s other year not to place a song on this list, and that’s because, looking back, 1995 could well be the worst year on record for number one singles… (Robson and Jerome…. The Outhere Brothers… Cotton Eyed Joe… shudder…)
‘Setting Sun’, by The Chemical Brothers – #1 for 1 week in October 1996
Just edging the Prodigy out to win a ‘Very Best’ award, with a track carved from very much the same block of stone as ‘Firestarter’, it’s the Chemical Brothers. Well, it’s two for the price of one, as an uncredited Noel Gallagher also features (I had to squeeze Oasis in here somehow, even if none of their own songs feature on this list). Original post this way.
‘Your Woman’, by White Town – #1 for 1 week in January 1997
The decade’s 5th ‘Very Best’ number one, and one of its strangest. Recorded by a fairly nerdy man in his bedroom, and based around a trumpet sample from 1932, it has an eerie, yet goofy, oddness to it which you don’t often find at the top of the charts. I debated long and hard about choosing this, or the record below (which is also the record that knocked it off the top of the charts), as The Best. But in the end, they both get to feature on this list. Original post here.
‘Beetlebum’, by Blur – #1 for 1 week in January/February 1997
Replacing ‘Your Woman’ at the top, (which makes that fortnight in January 1997 officially the best two weeks of chart music, ever…) here’s Blur. It’s the ’90s, so we really had to have one Britpop song on this list. Problem is, most of the truly great Britpop anthems famously failed to make it to #1. So we’re left with this fuzzy dirge, and Damon Albarn slurring some lyrics about being on heroin, that many now claim marked the beginning of the end of Britpop…
‘Believe’, by Cher – #1 for 7 weeks from October-December 1998
We seem to have become side-tracked. The past few songs are great pieces of music – I mean, that’s why I chose them – but they’re hardly the first tunes people remember when they think of ‘the nineties’. Luckily, we finish on a gigantic pop big-bang. Starting with Cher’s biggest-selling record. In fact, the best-selling single ever released by a member of the female race. It was my final ‘Very Best’ record of the decade, it introduced the world to autotune, and it remains a stone-cold, classic floorfiller to this day.
‘…Baby One More Time’, by Britney Spears – #1 for 2 weeks in February/March 1999
But is ‘Believe’ better than this…? I still don’t know. They’re both great, they both bring this rundown to a close, and both represent the best of the nineties’ poppy final years. In my mind, though, ‘Believe’ is ’90s through and through, whereas ‘…Baby One More Time’ feels much more of the 21st Century. Which means it’s the prefect record to end on, really.
Since this officially closes both the 1990s, and the 20th century, as far as this blog is concerned, here are the fifty best number one singles of the singles chart’s first five decades, according to me. Deep breath…
‘Look at that Girl’, by Guy Mitchell (1953) ‘Such a Night’, by Johnnie Ray (1954) ‘Mambo Italiano’ by Rosemary Clooney (1955) ‘Cherry Pink and Apple Blossom White’, by Perez Prado & his Orchestra (1955) ‘Dreamboat’, by Alma Cogan (1955) ‘Why Do Fools Fall in Love’, by Frankie Lymon & the Teenagers (1956) ‘That’ll Be the Day’, by The Crickets (1957) ‘Great Balls of Fire’, by Jerry Lee Lewis (1958) ‘Who’s Sorry Now’, by Connie Francis (1958) ‘Dream Lover’, by Bobby Darin (1959) ‘Cathy’s Clown’, by The Everly Brothers (1960) ‘Shakin’ All Over’, by Johnny Kidd & the Pirates (1960) ‘Telstar’, by the Tornadoes (1962) ‘She Loves You’, by The Beatles (1963) ‘Needles and Pins’, by The Searchers (1964) ‘You’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feelin”, by The Righteous Brothers (1965) ‘(I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction’, by The Rolling Stones (1965) ‘Good Vibrations’, by The Beach Boys (1966) ‘A Whiter Shade of Pale’, by Procol Harum (1967) ‘I Heard It Through the Grapevine’, by Marvin Gaye (1969) ‘Bridge Over Troubled Water’, by Simon & Garfunkel (1970) ‘Baby Jump’, by Mungo Jerry (1971) ‘Metal Guru’, by T Rex (1972) ‘See My Baby Jive’, by Wizzard (1973) ‘Tiger Feet’, by Mud (1974) ‘Can’t Give You Anything (But My Love)’, by The Stylistics (1975) ‘Space Oddity’, by David Bowie (1975) ‘Dancing Queen’, by ABBA (1976) ‘I Feel Love’, by Donna Summer (1977) ‘Heart of Glass’, by Blondie (1979) ‘Atomic’, by Blondie (1980) ‘The Winner Takes It All’, by ABBA (1980) ‘My Camera Never Lies’, by Bucks Fizz (1982) ‘Total Eclipse of the Heart’, by Bonnie Tyler (1983) ‘Relax’, by Frankie Goes to Hollywood (1984) ‘You Spin Me Round (Like a Record)’, by Dead or Alive (1985) ‘The Power of Love’, by Jennifer Rush (1985) ‘It’s a Sin’, by Pet Shop Boys (1987) ‘Theme from S-Express’, by S’Express (1988) ‘Ride on Time’, by Black Box (1989) ‘Nothing Compares 2 U’, by Sinéad O’Connor (1990) ‘Would I Lie to You?’, by Charles & Eddie (1992) ‘No Limit’, by 2 Unlimited (1993) ‘Stay Another Day’, by East 17 (1994) ‘Firestarter’, by The Prodigy (1996) ‘Setting Sun’, by The Chemical Brothers (1996) ‘Your Woman’, by White Town (1997) ‘Beetlebum’, by Blur (1997) ‘Believe’, by Cher (1998) ‘…Baby One More Time’, by Britney Spears (1999)
*Abba and Blondie get around my ‘1 song per artist’ rule by cleverly releasing two brilliant number one singles in two different decades… And 1955 emerges as officially the best year for chart-toppers! Though the ’50s had an obvious advantage in the fact that I was choosing ten #1s out of seven (and a bit) years instead of a full decade. Maybe I should trim it down to eight ’50s number ones… But that would spoil my nice round fifty.
This past fifty has taken us from September 1998 through to the earliest months of 2000. How to sum up, then, the number one singles that saw out the second millennium?
Boybands, random dance acts, and a whole lot of bubblegum. That should just about do it. Take the boybands first. Five groups of lads, responsible for nine different number ones. The biggest of whom have been Westlife, whose total of four in 1999 matched a record that Elvis had held for almost forty years.
Then there’s been the former boyband members. Ronan Keating launched a solo career, while Robbie Williams scored the first two chart-toppers of his hugely successful post-Take That life. We could also throw Ricky Martin in with this lot too, although most British people wouldn’t have known him as an ex-boyband star.
What of the girl groups? Not quite as successful as the boys, but we’ve had three #1s from B*Witched, the return of All Saints, as well as The Spice Girls’ third Christmas number one in a row. Plus, the launch of two solo Spices: Mel B got in first but was soon eclipsed by Geri. All in all, that’s a lot of pop.
And that’s before we mention the other bubblegum acts, like S Club 7, Vengaboys, Billie, and Steps. For large swathes of this run I’ve been desperate to hear a guitar, rather than that late-nineties pre-set drumbeat and the usual post-production tinkles and record scratches. Rock acts have popped up now and then, more as novelties than anything else. The Offspring, Lenny Kravitz, Manic Street Preachers and Oasis Mk II all tried their best to cut through, but most surprising of all was the return of Blondie, almost twenty years on from their previous number one.
That leaves the random dance acts. They may not technically have all been one-hit wonders, but they all have one hit for which they are best remembered. Spacedust, Mr. Oizo, ATB, Eiffel 65, Wamdue Project… All legends for fifteen minutes. The two dance acts that can lay claim to having much of a chart career beyond 1999 are Fatboy Slim (who finally scored a #1 under his own steam) and Armand Van Helden, who will top the charts again a decade later.
These have been the main storylines that the most recent chart-toppers have played out, but in and around them some other fascinating tales have been told. Two pop stars for the 21st century, Britney and Christina, debuted straight at the top, while a pop star from the eighties – Madonna – proved she still had the power to provoke (covering ‘American Pie’) and to succeed (scoring the ninth #1 of her career). Meanwhile a star of the ‘60s, Cher, scored her biggest hit, and became the oldest female artist to the top the charts, with ‘Believe’.
There has been the emergence of garage – another sound that will dominate in the early years of the ‘00s – through Shanks & Bigfoot and, to a lesser extent, Gabrielle’s ‘Rise’, which also brought Bob Dylan as close to a British chart-topper as he’s ever likely to get. And of course there was the Latin summer of ’99, when Spanish briefly became the lingua franca of the charts thanks to Ricky, Geri, and Lou Bega’s horny mambo-ing.
But perhaps the most important chart story of all has been the continued speedy turnover of number ones. This fifty took us a year and a half to get through (the previous fifty took almost two years), while the next fifty will be the quickest of all. Of the past bunch, only five records spent more than a fortnight at the top, and an amazing thirty-two of them only managed a single week.
To the awards, then. Starting with the Meh Award for being completely unmemorable. The two records that I was most neutral on were ‘You Don’t Know Me’ (basic dance) and ‘Rise’ (basic soul-pop). But I’m going to give this to a boyband ballad. I’m choosing Boyzone’s ‘You Needed Me’ cover not because it was any duller than the rest, but because it would feel wrong if Boyzone escaped without earning at least one of my more negative awards.
The WTAF Award for being interesting if nothing else is always a fun one to decide, and this time we aren’t short of candidates. There’s ‘Gym & Tonic’, the aerobics routine as dance track, and Chef from South Park, voiced by soul legend Isaac Hayes. There’s Mr. Oizo and Flat Eric, and Eiffel 65 with their animated blue aliens. All worthy winners at any other time. But when Baz Luhrmann’s fully spoken ‘Everybody’s Free (To Wear Sunscreen)’, based on a fictional graduation speech, is a contender then the others might as well pack up and go home.
On to the big awards, then. TheVery Worst Chart-Topper for this recap is a straight shoot-out between two truly rotten songs. ‘The Millennium Prayer’ and Westlife’s festive double-A ‘I Have a Dream’ / ‘Seasons in the Sun’, both of which ensured that the 1990s ended on a very low note. I am aware that I have previously given Cliff Richard a ‘worst’ award way back in 1965 (which seems harsh in hindsight) and so my hand is forced slightly into awarding this to Westlife. Luckily, they are very worthy winners. I am also aware that they have ten more #1s to come, and that I will have to break my own rules if I want to punish them further, but we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.
Finally, The Very Best Chart-Topper Award. I have enjoyed chart-toppers from B*Witched (yes, B*Witched!) with ‘Rollercoaster’, Five with ‘Keep on Movin’ (the best of the boyband #1s by far), and the Manics with the blistering ‘The Masses Against the Classes’. I adore ‘Maria’, and had Blondie not already won for ‘Heart of Glass’ I might have been tempted to argue its case. But no. Instead we have two pop icons: one at the very start of her career, the other three decades deep into it. Britney versus Cher.
‘…Baby One More Time’ is objectively the better song, I think. But for the sheer brilliance of a fifty-two year old woman spending seven weeks at number one, filling the dancefloor, as well as making us ask what the hell she was doing with her voice, then Cher wins. Plus, I have a feeling Britney may well be in contention again a couple of recaps down the line…
To recap the recaps:
The ‘Meh’ Award for Forgettability:
‘Hold My Hand’, by Don Cornell.
‘It’s Almost Tomorrow’, by The Dream Weavers.
‘On the Street Where You Live’, by Vic Damone.
‘Why’, by Anthony Newley.
‘The Next Time’ / ‘Bachelor Boy’, by Cliff Richard & The Shadows.
‘Juliet’, by The Four Pennies.
‘The Carnival Is Over’, by The Seekers.
‘Silence Is Golden’, by The Tremeloes.
‘I Pretend’, by Des O’Connor.
‘Woodstock’, by Matthews’ Southern Comfort.
‘How Can I Be Sure’, by David Cassidy.
‘Annie’s Song’, by John Denver.
‘I Only Have Eyes For You’, by Art Garfunkel.
‘I Don’t Want to Talk About It’ / ‘The First Cut Is the Deepest’, by Rod Stewart.
‘Three Times a Lady’, by The Commodores.
‘What’s Another Year’, by Johnny Logan.
‘A Little Peace’, by Nicole.
‘Every Breath You Take’, by The Police.
‘I Got You Babe’, by UB40 with Chrissie Hynde.
‘Who’s That Girl’, by Madonna.
‘A Groovy Kind of Love’, by Phil Collins.
‘Do They Know It’s Christmas?’, by Band Aid II.
‘Please Don’t Go’ / ‘Game Boy’, by KWS.
‘Dreams’, by Gabrielle.
‘Forever Love’, by Gary Barlow.
‘I Feel You’, by Peter Andre.
‘You Needed Me’, by Boyzone.
The WTAF Award for being interesting if nothing else:
‘I See the Moon’, by The Stargazers.
‘Lay Down Your Arms’, by Anne Shelton.
‘Hoots Mon’, by Lord Rockingham’s XI.
‘You’re Driving Me Crazy’, by The Temperance Seven.
‘Nut Rocker’, by B. Bumble & The Stingers.
‘You’ll Never Walk Alone’, by Gerry & The Pacemakers.
‘Little Red Rooster’, by The Rolling Stones.
‘Puppet on a String’, by Sandie Shaw.
‘Fire’, by The Crazy World of Arthur Brown.
‘In the Year 2525 (Exordium and Terminus)’, by Zager & Evans.
‘Amazing Grace’, The Pipes & Drums & Military Band of the Royal Scots Dragoon Guard.
‘Kung Fu Fighting’, by Carl Douglas.
‘If’, by Telly Savalas.
‘Wuthering Heights’, by Kate Bush.
‘Hit Me With Your Rhythm Stick’, by Ian Dury & The Blockheads.
‘Shaddap You Face’, by Joe Dolce Music Theatre.
‘It’s My Party’, by Dave Stewart & Barbara Gaskin.
‘Save Your Love’ by Renée & Renato.
‘Rock Me Amadeus’, by Falco.
‘Pump Up the Volume’ / ‘Anitina (The First Time I See She Dance)’, by M/A/R/R/S.
‘Doctorin’ the Tardis’, by The Timelords.
‘Sadeness Part 1’, by Enigma.
‘Ebeneezer Goode’, by The Shamen.
‘I Would Do Anything for Love (But I Won’t Do That)’, by Meat Loaf.
‘Spaceman’, by Babylon Zoo.
‘All Around the World’, by Oasis.
‘Everybody’s Free (To Wear Sunscreen)’, by Baz Luhrmann.
The Very Worst Chart-Toppers:
‘Cara Mia’, by David Whitfield with Mantovani & His Orchestra.
‘The Man From Laramie’, by Jimmy Young.
‘Roulette’, by Russ Conway.
‘Wooden Heart’, by Elvis Presley.
‘Lovesick Blues’, by Frank Ifield.
‘Diane’, by The Bachelors.
‘The Minute You’re Gone’, by Cliff Richard.
‘Release Me’, by Engelbert Humperdinck.
‘Lily the Pink’, by The Scaffold.
‘All Kinds of Everything’, by Dana.
‘The Twelfth of Never’, by Donny Osmond.
‘The Streak’, by Ray Stevens.
‘No Charge’, by J. J. Barrie
‘Don’t Give Up On Us’, by David Soul
‘One Day at a Time’, by Lena Martell.
‘There’s No One Quite Like Grandma’, by St. Winifred’s School Choir.
‘I’ve Never Been to Me’, by Charlene.
‘Hello’, by Lionel Richie.
‘I Want to Know What Love Is’, by Foreigner.
‘Star Trekkin’’, by The Firm.
‘Nothing’s Gonna Change My Love for You’, by Glenn Medeiros.
‘Let’s Party’, by Jive Bunny & The Mastermixers.
‘(Everything I Do) I Do It for You’, by Bryan Adams.
‘Don’t Stop (Wiggle Wiggle)’, by The Outhere Brothers.
‘Unchained Melody’ / ‘White Cliffs of Dover’, by Robson & Jerome.
‘C’est la Vie’, by B*Witched
‘I Have a Dream’ / ‘Seasons in the Sun’, by Westlife.
The Very Best Chart-Toppers:
‘Such a Night’, by Johnnie Ray.
‘Cherry Pink and Apple Blossom White’, by Perez ‘Prez’ Prado & His Orchestra.
‘Great Balls of Fire’, by Jerry Lee Lewis.
‘Cathy’s Clown’, by The Everly Brothers.
‘Telstar’, by The Tornadoes.
‘She Loves You’ by The Beatles.
‘(I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction’, by The Rolling Stones.
‘A Whiter Shade of Pale’, by Procol Harum.
‘I Heard It Through the Grapevine’, by Marvin Gaye.
‘Baby Jump’, by Mungo Jerry.
‘Metal Guru’, by T. Rex.
‘Tiger Feet’, by Mud.
‘Space Oddity’, by David Bowie.
‘I Feel Love’, by Donna Summer.
‘Heart of Glass’, by Blondie.
‘The Winner Takes It All’, by ABBA.
‘My Camera Never Lies’, by Bucks Fizz.
‘Relax’ by Frankie Goes to Hollywood.
‘You Spin Me Round (Like a Record)’, by Dead or Alive
I’m sure many readers think I’ve been a little soft on Westlife in my posts on their first three chart-toppers. ‘Swear It Again’ was fairly bland, but I enjoyed ‘If I Let You Go’ more than I was expecting to, and ‘Flying Without Wings’ has an overblown charm to it. But no more. The Westlife love-in stops here!
I Have a Dream / Seasons in the Sun, by Westlife (their 4th of fourteen #1s)
4 weeks, from 19th December 1999 – 16th January 2000
Just five seconds into ‘I Have a Dream’ and I’m feeling nauseous. The sleigh bells, the tinkles, the choking clouds of saccharine. It is so cynically programmed for the festive season that I’m imagining a big red button on a mixing desk, sealed in a glass box, with a sign that reads ‘Smash for Boybands in Desperate Need of Christmas Number One’. I’d make my usual comparison to karaoke backing tracks, if that wasn’t a horrible insult to the people who make karaoke backing tracks.
It doesn’t help that it’s an ABBA cover. Even though ‘I Have a Dream’ has never been one of my favourite ABBA songs, this feels like an act of sacrilege. But then it’s not so much a ‘cover’, more a pillaging mission that would make even the blood-thirstiest Vikings blush, leaving behind a smouldering ruin where once stood a much-loved ballad.
With grim inevitability a choir appears, for the second chart-topper running, as we lurch towards what the producers must have hoped would be a soaring climax. The best bit of the entire business are the closing two seconds; not just because the song is ending, but because one of the boys finishes on an oh-woah-owah that I think was meant to sound profound, but that sounds to me like the noise a murderer would make as they drop their bloody knife, realising exactly what a terrible crime they have just committed.
‘I Have a Dream’ finishes, yet we barely have time to rinse the sick from our mouths. There’s another massacring of a seventies hit to contend with. ‘Seasons in the Sun’ was a fairly shite record to begin with, so this cover doesn’t offend the ears quite as badly. Still, it tries its best. To kick off, we get a blast of the ol’ Oirish pipes, in the finest B*Witched tradition, to remind us exactly which nation to blame for this offence.
The rest of the song plods by fairly slowly, and the Westlife boys sound largely bored. The production is just as cheap and tacky. I’ve tried, in the comments, to defend late-nineties pop music from accusations that it was too ‘push-button’, but I can offer no defence here. All the worst pre-programmed touches and flourishes of the era are on display here. We end the decade on the lowest of low notes…
Again, I wonder if Westlife actually counted many teenage girls among their fans, as this seventies double-header seems unerringly aimed at the mum market. And the tactic, of course, worked. As terrible as this record is, it was an inevitable Christmas number one, and the only Westlife single to spend more than two weeks at the top. It was also the last number one of the decade, of the century, and of the millennium. It meant that Westlife joined the Spice Girls and B*Witched in reaching #1 with their first four releases. It also meant that they scored four number ones in a calendar year, a feat managed just twice before, by Elvis in 1961 and ‘62.
So, here end the 1990s. I wouldn’t call it the best chart decade (the 1960s will never be topped), but was it the most interesting? It was a decade of extremes: the longest continuous run at #1, the best-selling #1 of all time (and some of the lowest selling #1s too), as well as the two longest-playing #1s. We’ve had classics that have come to define modern British pop culture, and some of the most notorious novelties. We’ve had Take That, Oasis, and the Spice Girls. We’ve had our first ‘fuck’ on top of the charts. I will be doing a deeper dive into the decade very soon, when we do our ‘Nineties Top 10’.
But I’ll leave things here, on an important question. There’s no doubt that the ‘90s have ended at a tragically low ebb. But what record is worse? This, or ‘The Millennium Prayer’? It is probably a question best answered when I hand out the next ‘Worst Number One’ Award, but for me there’s only one winner…
And so, after forty and a half years, Britain’s most decorated chart artist bows out from chart-topping duty, with his sixty-fourth Top 10 hit, and fourteenth number one.
The Millennium Prayer, by Cliff Richard (his 14th and final #1)
3 weeks, from 28th November – 19th December 1999
In some ways it’s tragic that Cliff ends in this way, as he has been responsible for some great hits, and was arguably the nation’s first real homegrown rock star. But in other ways, it’s entirely fitting and predictable for Cliff, an artist who had long since given up caring about such concepts as relevance, and quality control, to leave us with ‘The Millennium Prayer’.
It’s a simple enough idea: the Lord’s Prayer set to the tune of ‘Auld Lang Syne’. A prayer for the new millennium, twinned with a world-famous new year’s melody. ‘Auld Lang Syne’ is a lovely tune, heartwarming and yet melancholy, and so on one level there is something bearable about this record. The production is fairly minimal, though very dated by 1999’s standards, with a marching drumbeat and a trumpet solo in the middle. There is, naturally, a gospel choir brought in towards the end.
What makes it less bearable are Cliff’s ad-libs, decorated with assorted vocal gymnastics that are, I suppose, impressive for a man approaching sixty. What makes this near-nauseating is the video, a live performance in which Cliff goes into full Messiah-mode, prancing around, arms stretched, surrounded by a children’s choir.
I’m a fairly irreligious person, and I’m being careful not to let my opinions on organised religion cloud my judgement of this song’s merits. But I’m hopeful that even the most committed Christians, who may agree with the song’s sentiments (and lovely sentiments they are, too), can recognise that this record is garbage. It makes Cliff’s two previous festive chart-toppers, ‘Mistletoe and Wine’ and ‘Saviour’s Day’, sound like masterpieces of subtlety and restraint.
In fact, can I just take a moment to rant against the concept of Christian rock in general? Christianity has centuries’ worth of hymns, psalms, carols… Plus, the entire gospel canon. Gospel music, sung by a choir, can be wonderfully moving, even for a heathen like me. But there’s something fundamentally wrong with Christian contemporary rock music, such a disconnect between the rock ‘n’ roll beat, the guitars, the long hair – the entire raison d’etre of rock and roll – and the churchy message. I have a sneaking suspicion that God, whoever they may be, really, really hates Christian rock. (Although having said all that, ‘The Millennium Prayer’ is almost entirely saved in my estimations by the fact that Jesus himself received a writing credit!)
My mum was one of the hundreds of thousands who bought ‘The Millennium Prayer’, making it both the year’s third highest seller, and the third biggest hit of Cliff’s entire career. I remember it sitting in our CD tower at home for years, but I never remember her playing it. I suspect this was the case for most of the copies sold. Christians around the country mobilised en masse to buy the record, probably multiple times, especially after it had been refused airplay by most (sensibly-minded) radio stations. Nowadays it’s a festive tradition for the charts to be stuffed with protest songs around Christmas: songs bought, downloaded, or streamed as a statement, not because anyone particularly likes the music. Was ‘The Millennium Prayer’ the first modern protest number one?
I billed this as Cliff’s farewell, and while he has no further number ones to come (he currently sits in joint-third position in the ‘most number ones’ table, behind only Elvis and The Beatles), he is still very much active and recording well into his eighties. The 2000s brought him four more Top 10s, while his most recent album, ‘Cliff with Strings’, made #5 just over a year ago. Despite his many musical mis-steps, the man is a living legend. (While anyone who claims that ‘We Don’t Talk Anymore’ isn’t his best number one is just plain wrong.)
Of course, Cliff was aiming for his third Christmas #1, and presumably the final #1 of the century, with this modern day hymn. He didn’t quite make it though, as he was held off by a record that we may discover to be every bit as irredeemable as ‘The Millennium Prayer’…
‘She’s the One’ is not Robbie Williams’ best known number one. Nor does it get the airplay of a ‘Rock DJ’, a ‘Feel’, or an ‘Angels’. But if you’ll let me, I’d like to suggest that it’s one of his very best.
She’s the One / It’s Only Us, by Robbie Williams (his 2nd of seven solo #1s)
1 week, from 14th – 21st November 1999
At least, I always thought so. Until today, when everything I believed was rocked to its core… ‘She’s the One’ is a cover. World Party, a project fronted by former Waterboys member Karl Wallinger, recorded and released the original in 1997, and it was an Ivor Novello-winning, film soundtrack appearing, performed-on-Jools-Holland sort of hit. I’m ashamed of myself for not discovering this much earlier…
Robbie Williams delivers a facsimile of this song – same instrumentation, same harmonies, same vocal range – and delivers it very well. It is a lovely song; a very late-Britpop, arms around your mates in the pub sort of tune. It could easily have been recorded by Oasis, which of course means it has lots of nice Beatlesy touches to it, in the drum-fills and the backing vocals. But I feel slightly cheated now, after all these years of enjoying this so-called Robbie Williams hit.
What the original doesn’t have is a Brit Award winning video set in the world of competitive figure skating, with Robbie playing a has-been skater given one last chance at glory. Plus, it means Barry Davies, the greatest football commentator of my lifetime, can claim a number one single. (My dream aged thirteen, when this song came out, was to be Barry Davies.)
There was some drama, and some fairly ungentlemanly behaviour from Williams, when he started claiming that ‘She’s the One’ was the best song he had ever written. Some of Wallinger’s band played on the cover, unknown to Wallinger himself, and he suffered a brain aneurysm around the time it was hitting #1. Still, he did well off the royalties, and in interviews has claimed that this record saved him from penury. Williams has also, more recently, finally admitted that he didn’t write the song.
What of the double-‘A’ side, ‘It’s Only Us’? The fact I don’t think I’d ever heard this suggests it was more of a jumped-up ‘B’-side than a true double-‘A’. It was written for the soundtrack to FIFA 2000 and, again, it’s very Britpop indebted, this time more Supergrass than Oasis. It rollocks along nicely with lyrics that namecheck Williams’ hometown of Stoke-on-Trent, as well as ‘Rock Me Amadeus’, and with a fun end-of-the-pier organ solo. It’s also one of those songs where Robbie makes a drugs reference – We’re just after cheaper thrills, Since the price went up on pills… – of the sort that always feels a little try-hard for a former boyband member, like a teenager trying to shock his parents. We get it, Robbie. We get it.
It’s worth noting that this was the fourth single from ‘I’ve Been Expecting You’, the album that had given us ‘Millennium’ well over a year earlier. Taking the fourth single from an already huge-selling album to number one requires some serious star power, something that Robbie had in abundance in the late ‘90s. In fact, this moment saw the breakout star from the decade’s biggest boyband knocking his female counterpart, Geri Halliwell, off top-spot. The following year the pair would even date for a couple of months. Geri and Robbie, top of the pops and pretending to be a couple for the tabloids… Pop culture doesn’t get any more turn-of-the-21st-century that that.
The artist formerly known as Ginger returns, with further camp silliness…
Lift Me Up, by Geri Halliwell (her 2nd of four solo #1s)
1 week, from 7th – 14th November 1999
Maybe you think I’m overstating just how camp solo Geri could be. If so, then I would nod you in the direction of the birdsong and Disney princess tinkles that open ‘Lift Me Up’. You half expect her to burst into a chorus of ‘Bibbity Bobbity Boo’. But no, we soon settle into a perky pop-ballad, with a suitably uplifting chorus. Lift me up, When the lights are fading… I will be your angel for life…
It’s hard to overstate just how of its time, just how drenched in little late-nineties flourishes this song is. The drumbeat, the guitar-lite backing, the warm synthy organ line, and the key change. We are truly entering the age of the key change, when pop music was so cheesy, so unashamedly bubblegum, so – yes – camp, that a pop song with any modicum of ambition needed one.
I might suggest, however, that a slower number such as this shows off Geri’s vocal limitations. The lower-key verses certainly back this idea up. I will say, though, that she acquits herself well in the choruses, sensibly aided by some backing singers, which she commits to without letting things get too cloying. And I notice a theme between this – a song in which the singer is asking a lover, or friend, to help keep her upbeat and positive – and the previous #1, Five’s ‘Keep on Movin’.
The video is also… I’ll try and not use the c-word… Pretty theatrical. Geri is driving alone along a dusty road when she comes across some aliens whose spaceship has broken down. She befriends them and they have a jolly day together, trying on her underwear and watching the ‘Mi Chico Latino’ music video… Actually, no. If there were a better word then I’d use it, but I don’t think there is. It’s just plain camp.
‘Lift Me Up’ was Geri’s third single and her second chart-topper, making her the most successful solo Spice (a title that she has never relinquished and that will, we can assume, now be hers for eternity). But it was released on the same day as Emma Bunton’s ‘What I Am’, a collaboration with electronic duo Tin Tin Out – a far cooler piece of music. A publicity battle ensued, which Geri was critical of at the time. In the end she won, fairly comfortably, by 140,000 copies to Emma’s 110,000. Baby would have to wait a couple more years to finally get a solo #1.
The UK Number Ones Blog 