894. ‘What Took You So Long?’, by Emma Bunton

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Finally! Ten-year-old me’s OG favourite Spice Girl gets her solo number one…

What Took You So Long?, by Emma Bunton (her 1st and only solo #1)

2 weeks, from 8th – 22nd April 2001

We’ve had rapping Spices, banging trance Spices, Latina Spices… Emma meanwhile goes down a very nice, very drive-time radio, soft-rock route. This is classy, grown-up pop.

There are lots of digital swishes and swirls, especially in the dream-pop middle eight (where the producers were reaching for a ‘Pure Shores’ feel), but at its heart this is an acoustic guitar led song, accompanied by tambourines and handclaps and what a middle-class mum might think of as a hippyish atmosphere. It sounds like it was recorded on real instruments at least, and isn’t the sort of thing that we’ve heard on top of the charts recently.

Is it an exaggeration to say that I could hear Sheryl Crow releasing something not a million miles away from this? Or maybe Natalie Imbruglia. The bridge in particular is lovely, with Emma’s vocals coming through pure and clear. If Mel C was the Spice who could sing, Emma was the one who could give her a run for her money.

Compared to her bandmates, Baby was slow to launch a solo career. She’d featured on the one-off #2 hit ‘What I Am’ with Tin Tin Out in 1999, but this was her official solo launch. And it is to her – and the Spice Girls’ – credit that there was still enough interest in them as artists for her to make the top of the charts. And, impressively, to become the first Solo Spice to remain at #1 for a second week.

It is also to their credit that across their eight solo number ones (there’s still one more from Geri to come) there has been such a variety of styles. They’ve been of varying quality, but there have been no real clunkers. You can argue that they would have had the very best producers and songwriters queuing up to work with them, but I think the Girls also had some musical nous about them. They wouldn’t have become such global superstars otherwise.

Although this is her only solo number one, Emma Bunton managed seven Top 10 hits in total, one behind Geri’s eight, making her the second most successful Solo Spice. She can also claim the most recent Top 10 of any of the Girls, with her 2006 cover of ‘Downtown’ which made #3.

And B-Sides… Rod Stewart

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For our latest B-sides feature, I thought I’d look back at the man who belted his way through a greatest hits set during the Glastonbury ‘Legends’ slot last weekend. He may be eighty, but Rod the Mod still has a bit of life left in him yet.

Rod scored six UK #1s between 1971 and 1983, and here are the B-sides to three of those chart-toppers…

‘Lost Paraguayos’ – B-side to ‘You Wear It Well’

A lively rocker, very much in the folksy story-teller vein of his earliest hits. And much like ‘Maggie May’, it’s another tale of Rod upping and leaving a lady. But unlike the older Maggie, the unamed filly in this one may be dubiously young… Your ridiculous age, Start a state outrage, And I’ll end up in a Mexican jail… (Ah, the nineteen seventies…) It ends in a flurry of guitar licks and a brass band, and is a whole lot of fun.

‘Stone Cold Sober’ – B-side to ‘Sailing’

Another rocker, this time with a countryish bent. The bar room piano, the glam rock licks… Why wasn’t this version of Rod a greater presence at the top of the charts, over the more earnest (and sometimes slightly dull) balladeer? Plus, we have lyrics which argue that waking up hungover in an alley is worth it as long as you had a wild night (a compelling debate topic, for sure). But on Thursday prepare for your weekend, And let Friday disappear into Saturday morning, When you’re stone cold sober again… Nobody plays the loveable rogue better than Rod Stewart. Speaking of which…

‘Dirty Weekend’ – B-side to ‘Da Ya Think I’m Sexy’

Those who feel that he slipped too much into parody with ‘Da Ya Think I’m Sexy’ had better avoid the B-side, in which he’s off over the border again… This bawdy barroom brawl of a tune peaks in the second verse, which deserves to be quoted in full:

I’ll bring the red wine, You bring the ‘ludes, Your mother’s doctor must be quite a dude… We’ll hang a ‘don’t disturb’ outside our door, I’m gonna rock you ’till your pussy’s sore…

I mean… It’s preposterous. But I love it. In the eighties he tried to, probably sensibly, move away from this uber-lothario image, yet I respect the fact that he spent the entire second half of the seventies making a career out of being a borderline sex pest, culminating in this ode to banging your best friend’s girl under a fake name in Mexico. And he brings ‘Dirty Weekend’ to an abrupt end inside two and a half minutes, as if fully aware that this nonsense can go on no longer.

If anything, it’s also been nice featuring some guitar-heavy, balls to the proverbial wall, rock ‘n’ roll tunes back on this blog. I’ll have to do it again sometime soon. Next time we’ll be back to the regular rundown, in 2001, where guitars have become endangered beasts, and rock music but a distant memory…

893. ‘Pure and Simple’, by Hear’Say

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There is an argument to be made that this next number one is the single most important pop song of the twenty first century. Had the debut single from the winners of ‘Popstars’, a docu-competition in which a brand new group was formed in front of the viewing public’s very eyes, not been a huge, million-selling success, then think what we might have been spared…

Pure and Simple, by Hear’Say (their 1st of two #1s)

3 weeks, from 18th March – 8th April 2001

It would be easy to claim that this is the moment in which pop music was irredeemably ruined, all credibility stripped from the process of making pop, and that from here on the charts were off to hell in a handcart… In fact, that would be too easy. Pop music has always been reliant on photogenic puppets singing other people’s songs. What reality TV did was to bring the tawdry process out into the open, and to give the public a say (not always a good idea…)

Though I didn’t realise, or had forgotten, that Hear’Say were not chosen by a public vote. No, the five winning ‘Popstars’ were chosen by a judging panel, and the series filmed more as a documentary than a competition. The final episode aired on the day that ‘Pure and Simple’ entered at number one, the fastest selling debut of all time, with the Radio One announcement seen as the culmination of their journey.

What of the song, then, that kicks off this brave new world? It’s… alright. I remember actually liking it at the time, aged fifteen; but it hasn’t quite stood the test of time for me. It’s got some nice touches, some soulful vocals, and an ear-catching chord progression. But it can’t escape the fact that it already sounds dated, more 1998 than 2001, and that it is in debt to at least three other recent songs.

It has the cheapness of Atomic Kitten’s ‘Whole Again’, while it is also reaching for (and missing) the sassiness of All Saints’ ‘Never Ever’. And it is a clear melodic rip-off of Oasis’ ‘All Around the World’ – a fact noted by Noel Gallagher, who wisely let it slide given the liberal amount of melody borrowing he had done in his time. It had originally been recorded, but not released, by short-lived girl group Girl Thing a couple of years earlier.

Having said all that, and with these shortcomings fully in mind, ‘Pure and Simple’ stands head and shoulders above pretty much every Pop Idol/Fame Academy/X Factor/you name it winner’s single that came after. It is a decent, upbeat pop song, with lyrics that allow it to exist beyond its talent show context, and not a maudlin ballad about overcoming obstacles, making your dreams come true, and earning Simon Cowell millions of pounds…

I was about to launch into a (short) potted history of Hear’Say’s post-‘Pure and Simple’ career before remembering that they bucked the odds and actually managed a second number one. Fair play to them. We’ll save the bio for next time. And we’ll have plenty of time to reflect on the reality TV era – perhaps the biggest pop ‘genre’ of the 21st century – over the course of the fifty-plus number ones it has generated. Not all of which are terrible (though many of course are), and a handful of which are pretty damn good!

892. ‘Uptown Girl’, by Westlife

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Stung by their first ever non-number one (‘What Makes a Man’ having been kept off top spot by Bob the Builder), Westlife return with a foolproof strategy for restoring their chart fortunes. A carbon copy of a beloved classic.

Uptown Girl, by Westlife (their 8th of fourteen #1s)

1 week, from 11th – 18th March 2001

If a note-for-note cover of Billy Joel’s 1983 chart-topper was not enough of a guarantee, then making it the official Red Nose Day single was the clincher. Guaranteed, sure-fire, bookies not even letting you place bets sort of number one. And so it was, opening with Westlife’s biggest ever sales week.

And, on a very surface level, this isn’t a terrible record. It doesn’t irk in the same way that, say, A1’s cover of ‘Take on Me’ does. Probably because Westlife’s producers sensibly kept things very un-experimental, retaining the original’s doo-wop, Four Seasons-aping energy. It adds nothing, however, and you will never need to listen to the Westlife version of ‘Uptown Girl’ as long as Billy Joel’s original is available.

Actually, it’s not strictly true that nothing is added. Because this is Westlife, ‘Uptown Girl’ now has a key change. Hey ho. Again, it doesn’t ruin the song. If you squint hard enough you can imagine you’re listening to the original. Am I being overly charitable? About this charity record? Maybe. Or maybe I’m just glad that this is a Westlife number one that ISN’T A BALLAD! Of their frankly unbelievable total of fourteen number ones, I’d say that only two are officially not ballads (while I will hear arguments for ‘If I Let You Go’ being their third non-ballad #1, if anyone cares to make them…)

Westlife were following in Boyzone’s footsteps here, Ronan and his gang having released the previous Comic Relief single two years earlier: a similarly faithful redo of another eighties classic. It’s almost as if the same evil genius was behind both bands… But I will give Westlife the credit of not being anywhere near as reliant on cheesy covers as their predecessors. Over half of Boyzone’s chart-topping records were covers, whereas this was only Westlife’s second out of nine releases.

To be fair, the video is quite fun, with Claudia Schiffer as the uptown girl, and a little dig at Bob the Builder too…

891. ‘It Wasn’t Me’, by Shaggy ft. RikRok

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In today’s instalment of Ask Shaggy, we have a letter from RikRok, in Jamaica… “Dear Shaggy: I was recently caught red-handed by my wife, creeping with the girl next door. Picture this, we were both butt-naked, banging on the bathroom floor…”

It Wasn’t Me, by Shaggy (his 3rd of four #1s) ft. RikRok

1 week, from 4th – 11th March 2001

Ricardo ‘RikRok’ Ducent is in a bit of a pickle alright. How could I forget that I had given her an extra key? he asks, hand to forehead. Shaggy is not in the mood for sympathy however, offering blunt advice: deny everything. To be a true player you have to know how to play, If she say a-night, Convince her say a-day…

Caught on camera? Heard the screams of passion? Marks on your shoulder? The evidence of her very own eyes…? It wasn’t me. It’s not hard, nearly a quarter of a century on, to read a sinister subtext to this well-remembered chart-topper. It’s pure gaslighting, and not something you’d be allowed to get away with in the year of our Lord twenty twenty five.

But. At the same time, this is such a silly song, the situation so preposterous, Shaggy at his most cartoonishly alpha (especially in the video), that you cannot take it seriously. The idea that his advice will work is never supposed to enter the listener’s head. And at the end of the day, morality wins out, with RikRok deciding to ignore the advice and apologise: Gonna tell her that I’m sorry for the pain that I’ve caused, I’ve been listening to your reason, It makes no sense at all…

Compared to his two earlier hits, this is a much more pop-infused reggae than in ‘Oh Carolina’ or ‘Boombastic’. And in comparison to those hits, Shaggy is not the main attraction. Most of the story is carried by RikRok, with Shaggy delivering his two verses as the devil on his shoulder (in his trademark deliciously thick patois). But the move into pop paid off, as this was Shaggy’s first big hit in over half a decade, and the year’s biggest seller. (As well as becoming the decade’s highest-selling song not connected to a TV talent show!)

It wasn’t even supposed to be released as a single, but Shaggy and his record label were convinced after a radio DJ obtained an illegal copy of the song from Napster – nice period detail, there – and it became his most requested song. The single had a full four-month build up period before being released, and smashed in at number one with sales well over a quarter of a million.

And you have to admire Shaggy’s limpet-like ability to weather changes in style, to go for years between hits, and to still re-appear at the top of the charts every so often. In fact, 2001 will go down as his most successful year by far, with one further massive number one hit to come soon. Maybe this just proves, once and for all, that reggae is the one genre which will never truly die.

890. ‘Whole Again’, by Atomic Kitten

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The first thing that hits your ears with our next number one is the pre-set drumbeat, and synthy organs. It sounds cheap. And ‘cheap’ sets the perfect tone for one of the new millennium’s biggest ballads, and one of its biggest girl groups.

Whole Again, by Atomic Kitten (their 1st of three #1s)

4 weeks, from 4th February – 4th March 2001

If the Spice Girls were the group you’d like to have hung out with, and All Saints were the group you were terrified of running into in the corridor; Atomic Kitten were the group that would happily nick you a packet of fags from the Spar as long as you let them keep a couple. Kerry, Liz, and Tash, three likely scouse lasses.

If that sounds a bit snobby; I don’t mean it to. I imagine it was a big part of their appeal, and their success. They genuinely looked like girls from your school. They weren’t the best singers, they weren’t glamour models, and the production on their songs was largely cheap and largely cheerful. You could argue that they were to pop music what Limp Bizkit, the act they knocked off top spot, were to rock. (Though both acts, I will argue, do have brilliant names.)

I will also contest that ‘Whole Again’ is a great pop ballad, with an almost cynically heart-tugging chord progression, and a retro feel (especially in the spoken word middle-eight). If it had had a bit more money thrown at it, if it had come within five hundred metres of an actual musical instrument, and been sung by someone like Gabrielle, it would be regarded as a true classic. But it is let down by not having all of the above, and is now just a nostalgic classic, and not a song you hear all that often anymore. (Unless of course when it’s being re-written in tribute to Gareth Southgate…)

Yet, it managed to become huge. It stayed at number one for a full month, the longest stay of the millennium so far, increasing in sales for each of those four weeks. It became the 2000’s 13th highest-selling single, and Britain’s 4th biggest girl group single of all time, behind ‘Wannabe’, ‘2 Become 1’, and ‘Never Ever’. And maybe this success was exactly because it sounds so of its time: the ballad that came along in the right place, at the right time, and will forever be rooted in the winter of 2000-2001.

I actually remember hearing ‘Whole Again’ for the first time, probably the week before it went to number one. We were snowed in from school, and I saw the video on GMTV or something. And I remember thinking that it sounded like a massive hit. (I also remember the first time I heard one other #1 from 2001, and it is one of the three songs from this year to outsell ‘Whole Again’…)

This was actually Atomic Kitten’s last roll of the dice, as they were on the verge of being dropped from their record label and consigned to the girl group dustbin had ‘Whole Again’ not been a hit. Adding to their difficulties was the fact that Kerry Katona had quit the group a couple of weeks before this was released, and her parts hastily re-recorded by replacement Jenny Frost.

Still, it mattered not. The record was huge, launching Atomic Kitten Mk II, and bringing about several years’ worth of hits, including two more number ones that we we’ll get to in due course. Without giving too much away, both those chart-toppers are fairly crap, but I would argue for the quality of their earlier Mk I hits, ‘See Ya’ and ‘I Want Your Love’: catchy and experimental, the kooky brainchildren of OMD’s Andy McCluskey and Stuart Kershaw, who had created the group.

Cover Versions of #1s – Bob Geldof & Sinéad O’Connor

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As with my previous cover versions post (featuring the Manics and Suede), I am again mining ‘Ruby Trax’, the 1992 covers compilation put together by the NME to celebrate the fortieth anniversary of the singles chart (and of the NME, where the very first charts were published).

While the forty acts featured on the album tended to be the hot rock and indie bands of the day – Teenage Fanclub, The Wonder Stuff, Inspiral Carpets and so on – there was room for some less predictable choices. Such as relative veteran Bob Geldof’s take on the Kinks’ 1966 classic ‘Sunny Afternoon’.

It’s actually a great cover, taking the original’s already strong music hall sound, and turning it into a rousing bar room anthem. You can almost hear Geldof and his band rolling out the barrel, while the strings and accordion give it a nicely Celtic feel. I mean, it is a song about a drunken, dissolute character, and so giving it a boozy edge certainly does work.

Elsewhere on the 3-CD album, another outspoken Irish star took on an even more golden oldie. ‘Secret Love’ was a nine-week number one for Doris Day way back in 1954, taken from the soundtrack to the movie musical ‘Calamity Jane’.

Sinéad O’Connor takes what was a fairly sparse and emotive ballad, and turns it into a swinging, big band extravaganza. I think this style suits the lyrics better, as she sounds suitably happy that her secret love is no secret anymore. (Though I’ve never seen ‘Calamity Jane’, and am unsure whether this is a good thing in the context of the film.) One thing O’Connor keeps the same is the way she belts out the iconic Now I shout it from the highest hill… in a manner befitting of Day herself. The song also featured on O’Connor’s 1992 covers album ‘Am I Not Your Girl?’

889. ‘Rollin”, by Limp Bizkit

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Alright, partners. Do we know what time it is…?

Rollin’, by Limp Bizkit (their 1st and only #1)

2 weeks, from 21st January – 4th February 2001

Time for the UK’s first and only nu-metal number one, that’s what time it is. And on one level, any sort of metal chart-topper is to be celebrated. There haven’t been many… Iron Maiden, for sure. Stiltskin? The head-banging bit from ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’? The Kinks inventing the genre with ‘You Really Got Me’?? So, yeah, any number one this heavy is worth a moment of appreciation.

And yet, most fans of heavy metal would want nothing to do with this song. Many metal heads want nothing whatsoever to do with nu-metal as a genre, and even if they did, grudgingly, then they might accept Linkin Park, or Slipknot. Korn, maybe. But not Limp Bizkit. Not Fred Durst, with his backwards Yankees gap and his douchey goatee.

Not these processed guitars, which you could easily believe were completely computer generated. And not the rapped lyrics, which reach spectacularly moronic levels. In the space of three chart-toppers we’ve gone from ‘Stan’s Shakespearian tragedy, to: So where the fuck you at, punk? Shut the fuck up! And back the fuck up, while we fuck this track up… (And if you think that’s bad, then don’t google the etymology of the album this single appeared on: ‘Chocolate Starfish and the Hot-Dog Flavoured Water’. Or, for that matter, where the band’s name itself allegedly comes from…)

So, yes, on one level this is a God-awful number one. An offensive new nadir for the new millennium. And yet… and I’m sure you know what I’m about to say… I love this song. I love how dumb it is. I love how processed and fake it is – the rock music equivalent of a Big Mac – and I love the fact that it somehow made number one. Not only that, but ‘Rollin’ was on top of the charts for my fifteenth birthday, which I’m sure you’ll agree is the prime age for appreciating garbage like this.

But also, it feels musically relevant that at least one nu-metal song appears on this countdown. It was one of the touchstones of the millennial teenage experience. Between 1999 and 2002, my high school playground was a sea of black Limp Bizkit, Linkin Park, Slipknot and Korn hoodies. Like it or not, grandad, this was the sound of a generation.

The rock version of ‘Rollin’ is technically the ‘Air Raid Vehicle’ remix, the original ‘Urban Assault Vehicle’ mix being a purely hip-hop version featuring rappers DMX, Redman and Method Man. And we have to mention the video, which is a time capsule of early 2000’s nonsense, featuring Ben Stiller and some faux boy-band dance moves. Plus, it also has one of the very last pop culture appearances of the World Trade Centre in New York, on top of which Fred and his gang filmed just a few months before 9/11. (I tried out a couple of edgy closing sentences, but I think they all went too far. Please insert your own tasteless jokes here.)

(Or if you’d prefer it swears intact…)

888. ‘Love Don’t Cost a Thing’, by Jennifer Lopez

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A few weeks ago we welcomed Beyoncé to the top of the charts, and now we welcome another twenty first century icon…

Love Don’t Cost a Thing, by Jennifer Lopez (her 1st of three #1s)

1 week, from 14th – 21st January 2001

It does seem a bit laughable to compare Jennifer Lopez with Beyoncé now, in 2025, but in the early years of the millennium there were few bigger pop stars than J Lo. And for her first number one, the Beyoncé comparison is very fitting, as I hadn’t realised how much ‘Love Don’t Cost a Thing’ owed a debt to Destiny’s Child and their fluttery style of R&B.

It’s also similar to ‘Independent Women (Pt 1)’, though Lopez compares love, rather than independence, to wealth in the lyrics: Baby credit cards, Aren’t romance, Still you’re tryna buy, What’s already yours… Call me a cynic, but I’m not totally sold on the idea that J Lo would be happy dating a pauper, but at least it gives us a treasure trove of early ‘00s slang: Think you gotta keep me iced, You don’t… If I wanna floss I got my own… Rumours at the time suggested it was a dig at her then-boyfriend, P Diddy, who apparently had the cash but not the class. Looking back, if the worst he did was buy her a few Mercedes then she probably got off quite lightly…

Musically it’s fine. It rattles along at a fair clip, not giving you a chance to pick holes with some of the now pretty dated production touches. I do like the synthy drum fills, and the break where squelchy horns take over the beat. Like most US pop songs at the time its slick and polished, though it comes nowhere close to the heights of a Britney or a Christina record from the same time.

In fact, without giving too much away, I find all three of J Lo’s number ones slightly underwhelming. She had some great tunes fall short, such as her other classic of false modesty ‘Jenny From the Block’, and the banging ‘Play’, which made #3 a few months after this chart-topper. This is decent enough pop, very much of its time – a time capsule record – but perhaps not the sort of record that would have topped the charts at any time other than January.

887. ‘Touch Me’, by Rui da Silva ft. Cassandra

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Into 2001 we go… Picture the scene: it’s January, the Christmas decorations are down, the weather’s shit… Time for some Random Dance.

Touch Me, by Rui da Silva ft. Cassandra (their 1st and only #1s)

1 week, from 7th – 14th January 2001

I mean, why not? Now’s as good a time as any, and ‘Touch Me’ does have a cold, wintry feel to it. This is moody dance, made for mixing deep into a set at around two thirty in the morning. It’s not a grab-your-handbags floor-filler. I remembered the hook – Touch me in the morning, And last thing at night… – but little else about it.

What this reminds me of is that around the time this charted I was preparing for my Standard Grades (GCSEs to the rest of Britain), and in our art class we were allowed to have the radio on as we worked on our final projects. I can’t say for sure if ‘Touch Me’ was played often, but it’s the sort of thing that would have done. (We were also allowed to bring in snacks, which was even more of a treat than the radio).

I’m taking detours down memory lane not only because it’s fun, but because I can’t think of much to write about this record. It’s alright for what it is, which is not my type of thing. There’s not much to get your teeth into, really (unlike the fruit pastilles I was launching down my gullet in art class). It’s more of a vibe, a mood, than a melody and a hook. It’s technically ‘progressive house’, the first record of its kind to be a number one single, and I can see that. It’s more layered, more cerebral perhaps, than most dance records.

It’s also the first ever UK chart-topper by a Portuguese act, DJ Rui da Silva hailing from Lisbon. Vocalist Cassandra Fox, meanwhile, wrote the lyrics and became the third youngest woman to debut at #1, after Billie Piper and Britney Spears. Her voice has a nice throaty rasp well beyond her eighteen years. And actually, if we’re being pernickety, it this song, and not ‘The Masses Against the Classes’, which is technically the first number one of the new millennium.

So there are some stories here, just not necessarily within the song itself. Still, ‘Touch Me’ still seems to be well-respected in dance music circles. Meanwhile, the Guardian has claimed it to be both the ‘most forgotten number one of the decade’, and the 70th greatest UK number one single of all time.

Either an official video was never made, or has never been uploaded to YouTube.