Westlife’s eleventh number one in three and a half years. How are we all holding up…?
Unbreakable, by Westlife (their 11th of fourteen #1s)
1 week, 10th – 17th November 2002
My patience, for one, is well and truly shot. With each successive ballad, Westlife get more and more turgid. Is this any worse than their early hits? I think it is, but who can tell. When you get to number eleven then the law of diminishing returns has well and truly set in. The worst thing is, their last chart-topper, ‘World of Our Own’, was an upbeat bop. We’ve had hints, glimpses that it could have been so different.
‘Unbreakable’ starts off slowly, with a beat and tempo bastardised from ‘Hero’ and ‘Unchained Melody’. Yes, two of 2002’s previous big ballad hits. Call me cynical… To compound the lack of originality, the video was filmed on the same beach as ‘If I Let You Go’. By the end we’re soaring, or at least lumbering like a drunken buffalo, to a dramatic finish, complete with sleigh bells because it is almost Christmas after all.
And of course, there’s a gigantic key change. But even that lacks the fun, the charm, of their earlier key changes, because you know it’s coming. It arrives slowly, with a huge drawing of breath, like the tide going out before a gigantic tsunami that nobody is ever going to outrun.
The overriding feeling here is of a group going through the motions. This was the lead single from Westlife’s first greatest hits album, and it draws a line under the boyband part of their career. Their final three number ones will be covers of MOR classics, from the likes Barry Manilow and Bette Midler. Probably wisely, they knew that the twelve-year-olds that had bought their singles in 1999 were now sixteen-year-olds who had moved on. From here on they were shooting squarely for the mum, and grandma, market.
All of which ties into something I wrote a few posts ago, that we’re reaching the end of the golden age of the boyband, an era that has stretched from the late-eighties right through the nineties, past the good (Take That, 5ive), the bad (Boyzone, Westlife) and the ugly (911… oops)
I approach this next number one nervously, slightly creeped out, as if I’ve come across a talking cat, or a dog that can walk on two legs… A Westlife #1 that… isn’t… a ballad?
World of Our Own, by Westlife (their 10th of fourteen #1s)
1 week, from 24th February – 3rd March 2002
This uncanny feeling is perhaps unjustified, as they had topped the charts with ‘Uptown Girl’ just a year earlier. But that was a cover, for charity. This is an original, with no ulterior motive. You can imagine them looking up at Louis Walsh when he suggested this upbeat song, half hopeful, half terrified that he was playing a nasty trick on them. A sort of musical Ramsey Bolton – Reek scenario.
But lo, it wasn’t a trick. They were allowed to not only record this peppy track, but release it as a single and name their third album after it! It is nothing revolutionary, nothing special even, other than the fact that it is not a ballad. It is still ballad-adjacent, with a chest-thumping chorus, and a crashing key change (of course), but it’s up-tempo and generally likeable.
I find the vocals on this record a little shouty though, but that’s probably just the lads’ excitement at getting to record it, or rustiness from singing tear-jerker after tear-jerker. It has the wide-eyed exuberance of contemporary Christian music, and the shouty sincerity of mid-career Elton John.
And it led to Westlife reaching double figures, in terms of chart-toppers. Alongside Elvis, the Beatles, Cliff (and the Shadows), and Madonna, you’d have to say that Westlife look hopelessly out of place. They benefitted massively from the high chart turnover at the turn of the century, and only three of their ten #1s so far have spent more than a week on top. ‘World of Our Own’ was another case of their management cleverly choosing the right day to release, squeezing its week between Enrique Iglesias’s mega-hit and the biggest-selling song of the decade. At the same time, it did sell over 100k to make number one, so clearly the fanbase remained undiminished.
They have four chart-toppers left to come, spread out over close to five years. Perhaps we should use this post to mark the end of Westlife’s imperial phase (or reign of terror). Or maybe I’m just being snide because the ultimate Westlife non-ballad – the banging ‘When You’re Looking Like That’ – was never released as a single in the UK.
In an earlier post, I noted the late-nineties phenomenon in which pop acts seemed to be contractually obliged to release a ballad for winter. East 17 were the original and best, but Peter Andre, the Spice Girls, B*Witched, S Club and more have all had a go since. And it seems like this phenomenon now peaks in November 2001… Are you ready for three wintery ballads in a row?
Queen of My Heart, by Westlife (their 9th of fourteen #1s)
1 week, from 11th – 18th November 2001
Starting with the daddies of pop balladry, Westlife. It’s actually been a whole year since we endured a Westlife ballad, and this is only their second #1 of the year. Their days of complete and utter chart domination are behind them, but the lead single from their new album is always a good bet for top spot.
Again, like so many of their ballads, I’m getting strong hints of ‘Mull of Kintyre’. Is it possible that their songwriting team started every session by trying to recreate ‘Mull of Kintyre’? If so, I’d say this is as close as they got. Same pace, same-sounding chord progressions. No bagpipes, thank God, but there are accordions for that authentic Irish pub touch. And, naturally, a key change complete with festive bells: a moment that even Paul McCartney would have found too cheesy.
I will admit to having actually enjoyed one (or two) of Westlife’s earlier chart-toppers. I’ve certainly made the best of the previous eight. But I’d say this is the moment where I finally lose patience. This one is dull, and plodding: a complete drag. Every note is cynically sentimental, sucking a tear out of granny’s eye with a vacuum cleaner. My heart sinks to think that we still have five more #1s to come from them…
I’d say that the one slightly interesting thing to note here is that for their third album, Westlife have matured their sound slightly to something a little more Adult Contemporary, with fewer poppy flourishes. But I think that seriousness is what makes this such a slog. That, and the fact that there’s not an original bone in this song’s body. Even their note for note cover of ‘Uptown Girl’ had more originality. By the time the aforementioned key change comes along, it is so signposted, so obviously on its way, that it crashes upon us like an elephant barging into our living room.
So, first ballad down, two more to come. They must be better than this, right…?
Stung by their first ever non-number one (‘What Makes a Man’ having been kept off top spot by Bob the Builder), Westlife return with a foolproof strategy for restoring their chart fortunes. A carbon copy of a beloved classic.
Uptown Girl, by Westlife (their 8th of fourteen #1s)
1 week, from 11th – 18th March 2001
If a note-for-note cover of Billy Joel’s 1983 chart-topper was not enough of a guarantee, then making it the official Red Nose Day single was the clincher. Guaranteed, sure-fire, bookies not even letting you place bets sort of number one. And so it was, opening with Westlife’s biggest ever sales week.
And, on a very surface level, this isn’t a terrible record. It doesn’t irk in the same way that, say, A1’s cover of ‘Take on Me’ does. Probably because Westlife’s producers sensibly kept things very un-experimental, retaining the original’s doo-wop, Four Seasons-aping energy. It adds nothing, however, and you will never need to listen to the Westlife version of ‘Uptown Girl’ as long as Billy Joel’s original is available.
Actually, it’s not strictly true that nothing is added. Because this is Westlife, ‘Uptown Girl’ now has a key change. Hey ho. Again, it doesn’t ruin the song. If you squint hard enough you can imagine you’re listening to the original. Am I being overly charitable? About this charity record? Maybe. Or maybe I’m just glad that this is a Westlife number one that ISN’T A BALLAD! Of their frankly unbelievable total of fourteen number ones, I’d say that only two are officially not ballads (while I will hear arguments for ‘If I Let You Go’ being their third non-ballad #1, if anyone cares to make them…)
Westlife were following in Boyzone’s footsteps here, Ronan and his gang having released the previous Comic Relief single two years earlier: a similarly faithful redo of another eighties classic. It’s almost as if the same evil genius was behind both bands… But I will give Westlife the credit of not being anywhere near as reliant on cheesy covers as their predecessors. Over half of Boyzone’s chart-topping records were covers, whereas this was only Westlife’s second out of nine releases.
To be fair, the video is quite fun, with Claudia Schiffer as the uptown girl, and a little dig at Bob the Builder too…
So, Westlife replace The Spice Girls at number one, and in doing so break the Girls’ record for consecutive chart-toppers…
My Love, by Westlife (their 7th of fourteen #1s)
1 week, from 5th – 12th November 2000
I’ll come clean… this is my favourite Westlife number one. I know, I know, just having a favourite Westlife number one is not something to admit in polite company, let alone revealing which song it is. But here we are. Something about ‘My Love’ just bloody well does it for me.
Despite it being one of their most unashamedly old-fashioned ballads, with all the tinkly production, drenched in echo and gloop, there’s something appealing about it. I’ve always thought it had the feel of ‘Mull of Kintyre’, and apparently the songwriting team responsible did have Wings’ mega-hit as a deliberate reference point. It’s Celtic enough, with a timeless melody and lyrics about meeting a long-lost love where the fields are green, without resorting to the bejaysus sort of Irishisms that B*Witched were so fond of.
Though I’m pretty sure I also compared ‘Fool Again’ to ‘Mull of Kintyre’. (There’s a chance Westlife’s entire career was based around ‘Mull of Kintyre’.) Anyway. Of course, a majestic key change is pulled off for the final chorus, and things end in suitably soaring fashion. In the video the lads find themselves finally back on the Emerald Isle, on the Cliffs of Moher. I may cast doubts on the singing abilities of certain other boybands, but I don’t think anyone could accuse Westlife of shirking their most basic responsibility. The boys can sing.
I’ll move on, however, before I find myself lavishing any more praise on Westlife than is strictly necessary. For those not so enamoured, you’ll be glad to note that we’ve already reached the halfway point in terms of the band’s number ones. The end is almost in sight!
What’s interesting is that while in the UK ‘My Love’ doesn’t make Top 10 on the list of Westlife’s best-sellers, for much of the rest of the world it is their signature song. Ask anyone on the streets of Hong Kong, Bangkok, or Kuala Lumpur to name a Westlife tune, and they’ll probably say this one. In South Korea it has apparently never left the International Karaoke Charts since they began in 2010…
Like I said, this was Westlife’s seventh consecutive number one, and it broke the Spice Girl’s record of six in a row from debut. This is all rendered moot, really, by the fact that the Beatles managed eleven in a row between ‘From Me to You’ and ‘Eleanor Rigby’ (their first two singles having not made #1). And Westlife’s run will come crashing to an end with their next release, foiled by a cartoon construction worker…
In which Westlife, the regional champions of power balladry, come up against the reigning world champion. A contest for the ages…
Against All Odds, by Mariah Carey (her 2nd of three #1s) ft. Westlife (their 6th of fourteen #1s)
2 weeks, from 24th September – 8th October 2000
And at first, Westlife give a good account of themselves. They’re clearly pumped up for this duet, with lead singer Shane coming out all guns blazing for the opening verse. When Mariah takes over, meanwhile, she’s struggling to get out of second gear. She’s either warming up slowly, or can’t be arsed, and doing that husky, breathy voice that she does when she can’t, or won’t, reach the high notes.
Second verse comes along, and Mark takes over for Westlife, again singing as if his life depended on it, while his bandmates gamely back him up. It’s actually looking like Westlife might be about to take the title from Mariah, in one of the biggest upsets in power-ballad history. Until Mariah wakes up for chorus number two, and puts the lads right back in their place with some eyewatering over-singing, reaching notes that even Brian McFadden’s dog couldn’t hope to match. By the end, Westlife are essentially backing singers, and order has been restored.
Sadly my imagined scenario is not quite the truth, however, as this record was made by tacking Westlife’s vocals onto an already recorded solo version by Mariah. Which means the video, with Mariah and her adoring backing band in a recording studio, must be fake. I’m imagining an unfortunate lackey suggesting to Mariah that she might want to re-record her vocals, a lackey who never worked in music again and who still suffers PTSD from la Carey’s death-ray stare.
Musically this duet makes sense. But commercially, I’m not so sure. Westlife were at the peak of their powers, and whatever they released as the lead single from their second album was going to be massive. Mariah, though, despite her huge success in America, had never hit the same heights in the UK: fifteen US #1s to two UK #1s by 2000 bears this out. Plus, this was the very end of her imperious phase, with the infamous ‘Glitter’ less than a year away. Maybe she needed this duet more than Westlife…?
Interestingly, this record didn’t chart in the States. But in Britain, of course, things were different. It was big enough to spend two weeks at number one – no mean feat in 2000. It also adds to our growing list of classic #2s belatedly making #1, Phil Collins’ original having made runners-up spot in 1984. And it’s not the last time a version of ‘Against All Odds’ will feature at the top the charts, either. Take that as fair warning…
A fifth number one single in less than twelve months, with the fifth and final single from their debut album, it’s…
Fool Again, by Westlife (their 5th of fourteen #1s)
1 week, from 2nd – 9th April 2000
…we know perfectly well who it is (the picture above probably helped). And there’s a reason why ‘Fool Again’ was the fifth single from the album. It’s average, and not just in a wider musical sense (which it obviously is). It’s average in a Westlife sense: not as good a pop song as ‘If I Let You Go’, but not guilty of the same musical crimes as their recent Christmas #1.
This was marketed as the ‘2000 remix’ of ‘Fool Again, as opposed to the 1999 original, and that probably eked out a few extra purchases from fans who already had the album. The only change I can make out, though, is the beefed up intro. The bridge really, really reminds me of a song that I just can’t quite put my finger on. The key change is massive, even by Westlife standards. The rest of the song descends quickly and happily into boyband schmaltz, rolling around in said schmaltz like a pig in shit.
Since they’re coming thick and fast, I’m going to keep track of Westlife’s many number one singles with my brand-new feature: Westlife Watch! (Hey, at least it will use up a paragraph every time I have to write about them). After five chart-toppers, the ranking currently stands at:
If I Let You Go
Flying Without Wings
Fool Again
Swear It Again
I Have a Dream / Seasons in the Sun
I feel that bottom song will take some shifting, but I have faith in Westlife’s abilities to serve up something bad enough with their nine remaining number ones.
I think it must be a record, having five number one singles from the same album. I can find no other examples, on the British charts at least. But perhaps here we should discuss Westlife’s management, and their clever release schedule. Louis Walsh had a smart knack of picking quiet weeks for his boys’ singles. ‘Fool Again’ made #1 with sales that would have fallen short in all but nine weeks of this chart year. This doesn’t apply to all of their chart-toppers, as many did debut on top with impressive sales, but they definitely padded their stats with some lucky number ones. ‘Fool Again’ fell to #8 the following week, which says it all.
At the same time, maybe it was also a case of other acts avoiding weeks when Westlife were releasing, especially after five chart-toppers in a row? It would have been a brave act that went up against this Irish juggernaut in 2000, when they were at the peak of their popularity.
This past fifty has taken us from September 1998 through to the earliest months of 2000. How to sum up, then, the number one singles that saw out the second millennium?
Boybands, random dance acts, and a whole lot of bubblegum. That should just about do it. Take the boybands first. Five groups of lads, responsible for nine different number ones. The biggest of whom have been Westlife, whose total of four in 1999 matched a record that Elvis had held for almost forty years.
Then there’s been the former boyband members. Ronan Keating launched a solo career, while Robbie Williams scored the first two chart-toppers of his hugely successful post-Take That life. We could also throw Ricky Martin in with this lot too, although most British people wouldn’t have known him as an ex-boyband star.
What of the girl groups? Not quite as successful as the boys, but we’ve had three #1s from B*Witched, the return of All Saints, as well as The Spice Girls’ third Christmas number one in a row. Plus, the launch of two solo Spices: Mel B got in first but was soon eclipsed by Geri. All in all, that’s a lot of pop.
And that’s before we mention the other bubblegum acts, like S Club 7, Vengaboys, Billie, and Steps. For large swathes of this run I’ve been desperate to hear a guitar, rather than that late-nineties pre-set drumbeat and the usual post-production tinkles and record scratches. Rock acts have popped up now and then, more as novelties than anything else. The Offspring, Lenny Kravitz, Manic Street Preachers and Oasis Mk II all tried their best to cut through, but most surprising of all was the return of Blondie, almost twenty years on from their previous number one.
That leaves the random dance acts. They may not technically have all been one-hit wonders, but they all have one hit for which they are best remembered. Spacedust, Mr. Oizo, ATB, Eiffel 65, Wamdue Project… All legends for fifteen minutes. The two dance acts that can lay claim to having much of a chart career beyond 1999 are Fatboy Slim (who finally scored a #1 under his own steam) and Armand Van Helden, who will top the charts again a decade later.
These have been the main storylines that the most recent chart-toppers have played out, but in and around them some other fascinating tales have been told. Two pop stars for the 21st century, Britney and Christina, debuted straight at the top, while a pop star from the eighties – Madonna – proved she still had the power to provoke (covering ‘American Pie’) and to succeed (scoring the ninth #1 of her career). Meanwhile a star of the ‘60s, Cher, scored her biggest hit, and became the oldest female artist to the top the charts, with ‘Believe’.
There has been the emergence of garage – another sound that will dominate in the early years of the ‘00s – through Shanks & Bigfoot and, to a lesser extent, Gabrielle’s ‘Rise’, which also brought Bob Dylan as close to a British chart-topper as he’s ever likely to get. And of course there was the Latin summer of ’99, when Spanish briefly became the lingua franca of the charts thanks to Ricky, Geri, and Lou Bega’s horny mambo-ing.
But perhaps the most important chart story of all has been the continued speedy turnover of number ones. This fifty took us a year and a half to get through (the previous fifty took almost two years), while the next fifty will be the quickest of all. Of the past bunch, only five records spent more than a fortnight at the top, and an amazing thirty-two of them only managed a single week.
To the awards, then. Starting with the Meh Award for being completely unmemorable. The two records that I was most neutral on were ‘You Don’t Know Me’ (basic dance) and ‘Rise’ (basic soul-pop). But I’m going to give this to a boyband ballad. I’m choosing Boyzone’s ‘You Needed Me’ cover not because it was any duller than the rest, but because it would feel wrong if Boyzone escaped without earning at least one of my more negative awards.
The WTAF Award for being interesting if nothing else is always a fun one to decide, and this time we aren’t short of candidates. There’s ‘Gym & Tonic’, the aerobics routine as dance track, and Chef from South Park, voiced by soul legend Isaac Hayes. There’s Mr. Oizo and Flat Eric, and Eiffel 65 with their animated blue aliens. All worthy winners at any other time. But when Baz Luhrmann’s fully spoken ‘Everybody’s Free (To Wear Sunscreen)’, based on a fictional graduation speech, is a contender then the others might as well pack up and go home.
On to the big awards, then. TheVery Worst Chart-Topper for this recap is a straight shoot-out between two truly rotten songs. ‘The Millennium Prayer’ and Westlife’s festive double-A ‘I Have a Dream’ / ‘Seasons in the Sun’, both of which ensured that the 1990s ended on a very low note. I am aware that I have previously given Cliff Richard a ‘worst’ award way back in 1965 (which seems harsh in hindsight) and so my hand is forced slightly into awarding this to Westlife. Luckily, they are very worthy winners. I am also aware that they have ten more #1s to come, and that I will have to break my own rules if I want to punish them further, but we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.
Finally, The Very Best Chart-Topper Award. I have enjoyed chart-toppers from B*Witched (yes, B*Witched!) with ‘Rollercoaster’, Five with ‘Keep on Movin’ (the best of the boyband #1s by far), and the Manics with the blistering ‘The Masses Against the Classes’. I adore ‘Maria’, and had Blondie not already won for ‘Heart of Glass’ I might have been tempted to argue its case. But no. Instead we have two pop icons: one at the very start of her career, the other three decades deep into it. Britney versus Cher.
‘…Baby One More Time’ is objectively the better song, I think. But for the sheer brilliance of a fifty-two year old woman spending seven weeks at number one, filling the dancefloor, as well as making us ask what the hell she was doing with her voice, then Cher wins. Plus, I have a feeling Britney may well be in contention again a couple of recaps down the line…
To recap the recaps:
The ‘Meh’ Award for Forgettability:
‘Hold My Hand’, by Don Cornell.
‘It’s Almost Tomorrow’, by The Dream Weavers.
‘On the Street Where You Live’, by Vic Damone.
‘Why’, by Anthony Newley.
‘The Next Time’ / ‘Bachelor Boy’, by Cliff Richard & The Shadows.
‘Juliet’, by The Four Pennies.
‘The Carnival Is Over’, by The Seekers.
‘Silence Is Golden’, by The Tremeloes.
‘I Pretend’, by Des O’Connor.
‘Woodstock’, by Matthews’ Southern Comfort.
‘How Can I Be Sure’, by David Cassidy.
‘Annie’s Song’, by John Denver.
‘I Only Have Eyes For You’, by Art Garfunkel.
‘I Don’t Want to Talk About It’ / ‘The First Cut Is the Deepest’, by Rod Stewart.
‘Three Times a Lady’, by The Commodores.
‘What’s Another Year’, by Johnny Logan.
‘A Little Peace’, by Nicole.
‘Every Breath You Take’, by The Police.
‘I Got You Babe’, by UB40 with Chrissie Hynde.
‘Who’s That Girl’, by Madonna.
‘A Groovy Kind of Love’, by Phil Collins.
‘Do They Know It’s Christmas?’, by Band Aid II.
‘Please Don’t Go’ / ‘Game Boy’, by KWS.
‘Dreams’, by Gabrielle.
‘Forever Love’, by Gary Barlow.
‘I Feel You’, by Peter Andre.
‘You Needed Me’, by Boyzone.
The WTAF Award for being interesting if nothing else:
‘I See the Moon’, by The Stargazers.
‘Lay Down Your Arms’, by Anne Shelton.
‘Hoots Mon’, by Lord Rockingham’s XI.
‘You’re Driving Me Crazy’, by The Temperance Seven.
‘Nut Rocker’, by B. Bumble & The Stingers.
‘You’ll Never Walk Alone’, by Gerry & The Pacemakers.
‘Little Red Rooster’, by The Rolling Stones.
‘Puppet on a String’, by Sandie Shaw.
‘Fire’, by The Crazy World of Arthur Brown.
‘In the Year 2525 (Exordium and Terminus)’, by Zager & Evans.
‘Amazing Grace’, The Pipes & Drums & Military Band of the Royal Scots Dragoon Guard.
‘Kung Fu Fighting’, by Carl Douglas.
‘If’, by Telly Savalas.
‘Wuthering Heights’, by Kate Bush.
‘Hit Me With Your Rhythm Stick’, by Ian Dury & The Blockheads.
‘Shaddap You Face’, by Joe Dolce Music Theatre.
‘It’s My Party’, by Dave Stewart & Barbara Gaskin.
‘Save Your Love’ by Renée & Renato.
‘Rock Me Amadeus’, by Falco.
‘Pump Up the Volume’ / ‘Anitina (The First Time I See She Dance)’, by M/A/R/R/S.
‘Doctorin’ the Tardis’, by The Timelords.
‘Sadeness Part 1’, by Enigma.
‘Ebeneezer Goode’, by The Shamen.
‘I Would Do Anything for Love (But I Won’t Do That)’, by Meat Loaf.
‘Spaceman’, by Babylon Zoo.
‘All Around the World’, by Oasis.
‘Everybody’s Free (To Wear Sunscreen)’, by Baz Luhrmann.
The Very Worst Chart-Toppers:
‘Cara Mia’, by David Whitfield with Mantovani & His Orchestra.
‘The Man From Laramie’, by Jimmy Young.
‘Roulette’, by Russ Conway.
‘Wooden Heart’, by Elvis Presley.
‘Lovesick Blues’, by Frank Ifield.
‘Diane’, by The Bachelors.
‘The Minute You’re Gone’, by Cliff Richard.
‘Release Me’, by Engelbert Humperdinck.
‘Lily the Pink’, by The Scaffold.
‘All Kinds of Everything’, by Dana.
‘The Twelfth of Never’, by Donny Osmond.
‘The Streak’, by Ray Stevens.
‘No Charge’, by J. J. Barrie
‘Don’t Give Up On Us’, by David Soul
‘One Day at a Time’, by Lena Martell.
‘There’s No One Quite Like Grandma’, by St. Winifred’s School Choir.
‘I’ve Never Been to Me’, by Charlene.
‘Hello’, by Lionel Richie.
‘I Want to Know What Love Is’, by Foreigner.
‘Star Trekkin’’, by The Firm.
‘Nothing’s Gonna Change My Love for You’, by Glenn Medeiros.
‘Let’s Party’, by Jive Bunny & The Mastermixers.
‘(Everything I Do) I Do It for You’, by Bryan Adams.
‘Don’t Stop (Wiggle Wiggle)’, by The Outhere Brothers.
‘Unchained Melody’ / ‘White Cliffs of Dover’, by Robson & Jerome.
‘C’est la Vie’, by B*Witched
‘I Have a Dream’ / ‘Seasons in the Sun’, by Westlife.
The Very Best Chart-Toppers:
‘Such a Night’, by Johnnie Ray.
‘Cherry Pink and Apple Blossom White’, by Perez ‘Prez’ Prado & His Orchestra.
‘Great Balls of Fire’, by Jerry Lee Lewis.
‘Cathy’s Clown’, by The Everly Brothers.
‘Telstar’, by The Tornadoes.
‘She Loves You’ by The Beatles.
‘(I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction’, by The Rolling Stones.
‘A Whiter Shade of Pale’, by Procol Harum.
‘I Heard It Through the Grapevine’, by Marvin Gaye.
‘Baby Jump’, by Mungo Jerry.
‘Metal Guru’, by T. Rex.
‘Tiger Feet’, by Mud.
‘Space Oddity’, by David Bowie.
‘I Feel Love’, by Donna Summer.
‘Heart of Glass’, by Blondie.
‘The Winner Takes It All’, by ABBA.
‘My Camera Never Lies’, by Bucks Fizz.
‘Relax’ by Frankie Goes to Hollywood.
‘You Spin Me Round (Like a Record)’, by Dead or Alive
I’m sure many readers think I’ve been a little soft on Westlife in my posts on their first three chart-toppers. ‘Swear It Again’ was fairly bland, but I enjoyed ‘If I Let You Go’ more than I was expecting to, and ‘Flying Without Wings’ has an overblown charm to it. But no more. The Westlife love-in stops here!
I Have a Dream / Seasons in the Sun, by Westlife (their 4th of fourteen #1s)
4 weeks, from 19th December 1999 – 16th January 2000
Just five seconds into ‘I Have a Dream’ and I’m feeling nauseous. The sleigh bells, the tinkles, the choking clouds of saccharine. It is so cynically programmed for the festive season that I’m imagining a big red button on a mixing desk, sealed in a glass box, with a sign that reads ‘Smash for Boybands in Desperate Need of Christmas Number One’. I’d make my usual comparison to karaoke backing tracks, if that wasn’t a horrible insult to the people who make karaoke backing tracks.
It doesn’t help that it’s an ABBA cover. Even though ‘I Have a Dream’ has never been one of my favourite ABBA songs, this feels like an act of sacrilege. But then it’s not so much a ‘cover’, more a pillaging mission that would make even the blood-thirstiest Vikings blush, leaving behind a smouldering ruin where once stood a much-loved ballad.
With grim inevitability a choir appears, for the second chart-topper running, as we lurch towards what the producers must have hoped would be a soaring climax. The best bit of the entire business are the closing two seconds; not just because the song is ending, but because one of the boys finishes on an oh-woah-owah that I think was meant to sound profound, but that sounds to me like the noise a murderer would make as they drop their bloody knife, realising exactly what a terrible crime they have just committed.
‘I Have a Dream’ finishes, yet we barely have time to rinse the sick from our mouths. There’s another massacring of a seventies hit to contend with. ‘Seasons in the Sun’ was a fairly shite record to begin with, so this cover doesn’t offend the ears quite as badly. Still, it tries its best. To kick off, we get a blast of the ol’ Oirish pipes, in the finest B*Witched tradition, to remind us exactly which nation to blame for this offence.
The rest of the song plods by fairly slowly, and the Westlife boys sound largely bored. The production is just as cheap and tacky. I’ve tried, in the comments, to defend late-nineties pop music from accusations that it was too ‘push-button’, but I can offer no defence here. All the worst pre-programmed touches and flourishes of the era are on display here. We end the decade on the lowest of low notes…
Again, I wonder if Westlife actually counted many teenage girls among their fans, as this seventies double-header seems unerringly aimed at the mum market. And the tactic, of course, worked. As terrible as this record is, it was an inevitable Christmas number one, and the only Westlife single to spend more than two weeks at the top. It was also the last number one of the decade, of the century, and of the millennium. It meant that Westlife joined the Spice Girls and B*Witched in reaching #1 with their first four releases. It also meant that they scored four number ones in a calendar year, a feat managed just twice before, by Elvis in 1961 and ‘62.
So, here end the 1990s. I wouldn’t call it the best chart decade (the 1960s will never be topped), but was it the most interesting? It was a decade of extremes: the longest continuous run at #1, the best-selling #1 of all time (and some of the lowest selling #1s too), as well as the two longest-playing #1s. We’ve had classics that have come to define modern British pop culture, and some of the most notorious novelties. We’ve had Take That, Oasis, and the Spice Girls. We’ve had our first ‘fuck’ on top of the charts. I will be doing a deeper dive into the decade very soon, when we do our ‘Nineties Top 10’.
But I’ll leave things here, on an important question. There’s no doubt that the ‘90s have ended at a tragically low ebb. But what record is worse? This, or ‘The Millennium Prayer’? It is probably a question best answered when I hand out the next ‘Worst Number One’ Award, but for me there’s only one winner…
Back, by unpopular demand, for one week only… Westlife.
Flying Without Wings, by Westlife (their 3rd of fourteen #1s)
1 week, from 24th – 31st October 1999
In earlier posts, I had mentioned the existence of two Westlife songs that I quite liked. (I then realised that ‘If I Let You Go’ was a bit of a bop, and had to admit to liking three Westlife records.) ‘Flying Without Wings’ was one of the original two, but question is: does it live up to my expectations…?
Well, sort of. It is a decent enough pop ballad, a three-minute long crescendo that builds to an actually quite stirring finale. And, credit where it’s due, I think a lot of that is down to the boys’ vocals, especially – and I’m going to attempt this without Googling – Shane (the plain, Gary Barlow-ish one) and Mark (the, um, gay one), who take the lead.
What lets the song down, and means it doesn’t quite manage to be the deep, soulful classic it wishes to be, are the clunky lyrics, and the cheap production. Unusually for a boyband song, the words focus partly on non-romantic love: friendships, parents, even the joy of being alone, all of which apparently make you feel like you’re flying without wings… Which is a pretty banal title, really. Meanwhile the production is pure ‘X-Factor winners single’ shlock, when a more stripped back backing might have worked wonders.
It’s records like this that make me wonder: who were Westlife’s fans? Ok, ‘If I Let You Go’ was teen-pop, but this and ‘Swear It Again’ are very middle-aged, and middle-of-the-road. I was thirteen when this came out, and don’t remember any Westlife fans at school (though maybe they were just keeping it quiet). Then again, three number ones in a row don’t lie. Though we should at some point, when we’ve truly run out of things to say about yet another one-week-wonder ballad, explore just how canny the band’s management were in securing them all these number ones.
So, ‘Flying Without Wings’: pretty good, compared to much of Westlife’s output, but not the classic it so clearly wants to be. And I’d say that there are plenty of their songs that are better remembered a quarter of a century on. Interestingly, though, in 2004 a live version of ‘Flying Without Wings’ made history by becoming the first ever #1 on the download chart (a chart that in 2005 would be combined into the regular singles countdown). What I would like to ask, though, is why oh why did they not save this record for their Christmas release a few weeks later, rather than the dross they did eventually serve up…? More on that soon enough.
The UK Number Ones Blog 