Never Had a #1… Part 2

Welcome to the second part of our countdown through the forty highest selling acts (worldwide) that have never managed a UK chart-topping single. Before cracking on with numbers 35-31, check out the first installment here, featuring some surprisingly big names and also an explanation of how the concept of ‘highest selling’ has been worked out.

All caught up? Then here’s the next five:

35. Green Day

Biggest hit: ‘The Saints Are Coming’ with U2 (#2, in 2006)

I was all ready to write about ‘American Idiot’ (#3, in 2004) as Green Day’s biggest hit… But the discographies don’t lie. Who knew, or remembered, that this duet with U2 had charted a place higher?

Recorded to raise money for those affected in New Orleans by Hurricane Katrina, and with a snatch of ‘House of the Rising Sun’ in the intro, this is a good cover of the Skids’ original. Yet it is also frustrating that this is Green Day’s biggest hit over some of their earlier pop-punk classics, or their era-defining ‘American Idiot’ hits. Though I feel some personal pride here, as Skids are from my hometown, and they always get slightly overshadowed by Big Country (the band Stuart Adamson formed post-Skids).

34. Nirvana

Biggest hit: ‘Heart-Shaped Box’ (#5, in 1993)

Two of the biggest alt-rock acts of the nineties, back to back. And again, not many people would pick ‘Heart-Shaped Box’ as Nirvana’s biggest hit, over you-know-what (it made #7). But I’m so glad it is, because it is a freakin’ tune! No band has more perfectly balanced heavy rock with pop melodies, and this is them at the peak of their powers, the lead single from third album ‘In Utero’, and probably the best song ever written about children with terminal cancer. Plus, the scene in the video with the band playing against a blood-red sky is the most gorgeous snapshot of that early-nineties, grunge aesthetic.

33. Imagine Dragons

Biggest Hit: ‘Sucker for Pain’ with Lil Wayne, Wiz Khalifa, Ty Dolla Sign & Logic (#11 in 2016)

Up next, Imagine Dragons. Or, as I like to call them, Everything That Is Wrong With Rock Music in the 21st Century. And of course they’ve sold more than Nirvana and Green Day… But like the illustrious pair that they outrank, Imagine Dragons biggest UK chart hit is not their most famous. (You know, the one that goes thump thump shout shout thump shout). In ‘Sucker for Pain’, from the ‘Suicide Squad’ soundtrack, they act as mere comperes, singing the same chorus over and over for a revolving cast of rappers, and their douchebaggery is diluted. It’s still not a very good song though.

32. Tom Petty

Biggest hit: ‘I Won’t Back Down’ with the Heartbreakers (#28, in 1989)

Like so many artists in this Top 40, Tom Petty was far more succesful in his native US (where this track made #12). And it’s kind of easy to see why, because this is proper, chugging, heartland rock that doesn’t quite translate to our green and sometimes pleasant land. But there’s a strong British influence on display here, with Jeff Lynne writing and producing (that beat has Lynne written all over it) and George Harrison on guitar. Speaking of Lynne and Harrison, the biggest UK hit that Petty featured on had come a year earlier: the Travelling Wilbury’s ‘Handle With Care’.

31. Van Halen

Biggest hit: ‘Jump’ (#7, in 1984)

Unlike every other act in this section, Van Halen’s biggest hit in the UK is the song you’d probably expect. In actual fact, ‘Jump’ was Van Halen’s first Top 40 hit in Britain. It’s interesting, American disinterest towards British glam rock in the seventies was largely replicated by the British public towards American glam metal in the eighties. And I have to admit that ‘Jump’ has always left this Brit fairly cold. It’s catchy, and the synth riff is memorable, but it pales in comparison to earlier, harder rocking Van Halen hits. It pales in comparison too to the other singles from ‘1984’, like ‘Panama’ and ‘Hot for Teacher. It was also perhaps a reason in lead singer David Lee Roth’s leaving the band the following year, as he saw it as too much of a departure from their original sound.

Before finishing this section, we should also mention three artists who would have featured here had they ever had a British hit. Luke Bryan (a 21st century C&W megastar who has had 30 Billboard country chart #1s), Johnny Hallyday (France’s biggest ever male star), and Ayumi Hamasaki (Japan’s best-selling solo star, and ‘Empress of Pop’ to much of Asia).

934. ‘Crossroads’, by Blazin’ Squad

In 2002, an S Club 7 spin-off was launched: S Club Juniors, a group of pre-teens singing similarly peppy pop tunes. Sadly, they won’t feature on this countdown (though seriously, ‘One Step Closer’ is a banger), but they’re here in spirit. For Blazin’ Squad, read So Solid Crew Juniors…

Crossroads, by Blazin’ Squad (their 1st and only #1)

1 week, from 25th August – 1st September 2002

A group of ten sixteen-year-old lads, covering a rap classic by Bone Thugs-N-Harmony, #8 in 1995 (and eight-week Billboard #1). It’s easy to scoff – the band name is so clearly a teenage brainwave – and many did. “Self-proclaimed pioneers of chav culture” is a particular favourite. But I do like to take each number one we meet at face value.

And this is okay. It’s a lot poppier than anything from So Solid Crew, but that makes it better, in a way, for me. For someone so far removed from the target audience for an early-noughties hip-hop act. It’s also much poppier than the original, with the lyrics largely re-written. At the time critics mocked them for this, but it makes sense. They were ten boys from North London, not an American rap troupe from Ohio. Nowadays a largely white group like this would get in trouble for appropriating such a song if they didn’t change the words.

But that begs the question: were Blazin’ Squad real MCs, or posh boys cosplaying? I can’t find much background on the individual members, but their hometown was Chingford, which internet searches reliably tell me is a fairly middle-class suburb in north-east London. But then, many of the pop success stories of the 21st century are posh types who made it because they could always have been bailed out by daddy, so in that regard Blazin’ Squad were perhaps pioneers.

That may be pushing things but, as maligned as the Squad were, this record making number one set them up for a couple of years of chart success, and six Top 10 hits. I should mention here their second biggest hit, the genuinely fun ‘Flip Reverse’, one of pop music’s great odes to delivering via the tradesman’s entrance, as it were. If only that had made number one. We’d have had a great time getting to the bottom of it.

Anyway. One final question needs to be addressed. Were Blazin’ Squad a boyband? I ask that not because I particularly care – and yes, they were boys in a band – but because if they are then I think they mark the end of the golden age of ‘90s-‘00s boybands which had started with Take That in 1993, or even perhaps with NKOTB in 1989. The next new boyband we’ll meet at number one will be JLS in 2009. (And before anyone asks, I’m deliberately excluding Busted and McFly from the boyband equation, because they held – and I’m pretty sure used – guitars).

933. ‘Round Round’, by Sugababes

In which Sugababes cement their sudden rise to becoming Britain’s biggest girl group, with another cool chart-topper.

Round Round, by Sugababes (their 2nd of six #1s)

1 week, from 18th – 25th August 2002

The energetic Spice Girls were a big exception to this rule, but generally the best girl groups are the ones that make it seem effortless. Like they don’t have to try, and can just conjure classic pop songs out of thin air. Watch great sixties groups like the Supremes and the Ronettes performing live: no wild dance routines, just sparkly dresses and a knowing smile. By the ‘90s the US rap-pop girl groups like TLC and En Vogue had the same haughty spirit, while All Saints turned looking like they couldn’t be arsed into an art form.

Sugababes were firmly in this camp. Listen to the way Mutya almost whispers her opening verse. Calling it husky, or sultry, can’t quite tell the whole story. She sounds like she’s just gotten out of bed, three hours late to the studio. It drips in attitude. I think the kids today might call it cunty. Whatever, it works.

I like that the beat scythes like a huge blade – one of those big wind pylons – swooping ‘round round’ every couple of seconds. The entire song spins as the title suggests it must. It’s the perfect follow-up to the great ‘Freak Like Me’, enough of a similar vibe – same tempo, same attitude – but sufficiently different to suggest they weren’t turning into one-trick ponies. There’s no sample, no cover version, here. Or at least, not an overt one. The backing beat is based on a track called ‘Tango Forte’, which in turn is based on ‘Whatever Lola Wants’, a song from the 1955 musical ‘Damn Yankees’.

Which is another great argument for sampling not just being lazy snatching of someone else’s ideas. For who could listen to that mid-fifties showtune and hear a pop song from forty years in the future? But for all this bigging up, I have to admit: I don’t think it’s as good as ‘Freak Like Me’. It’s good, very good even, but just not as ear-grabbing as its predecessor. Apart from, that is, the middle eight. In which a completely different song, a piano ballad, is transplanted in right into the heart of this record. It jars, but it works, and the way it slowly morphs back into that ‘Tango Forte’ beat is great.

This chart-topper confirmed that Sugababes Mk II were off and away. Three years of solid hit making were in store, until Mutya left the group in late 2005. Two of them we’ll cover as #1s in the not too distant future. But I should also point you back in time, to Sugababes Mk I, and the singles from their ‘flop’ first album: ‘New Year’, ‘Soul Sound’, and one of the best from any stage of their careers: ‘Overload’.

932. ‘Colourblind’, by Darius

We’ve had the ‘Pop Idol’ winner, and the runner-up. Why not have the bronze medallist…?

Colourblind, by Darius (his 1st and only #1)

2 weeks, from 4th – 18th August 2002

Darius Danesh had never really been in the running to win the contest against the big two, but he made it to the penultimate round. Then he did the unimaginable, turning down an offer from Simon Cowell and striking out alone. Which means we have the first self-penned reality TV chart-topper.

Under the guise of authenticity, we’re often encouraged to approve more of music that is written by the people singing it. When I was a teen it was a big indicator of an artist or groups’ talent. “Yes, but do they write their own songs…?” Yet, every song is written by someone. There is no such thing as a song tree. And nobody criticises actors for reading somebody else’s lines. Why does it matter if you sing someone else’s song? It worked for Dusty Springfield, the greatest singer Britain has ever produced. It worked for Elvis, who wrote about three songs in his lifetime.

All that is a roundabout way of saying “well done Darius” on writing a number one single; but also of saying that the song is no better than Will Young’s version of ‘Light My Fire’, and is not as good as Gareth Gates’ ‘Anyone of Us’. It has a big pop chorus – You’re the light when I close my eyes, I’m colourblind… – and a modern, very pop-rock feel. This is the future of rock music, really. For guitars to appear at the top of the charts later in the 21st century, they’ve had to soften their edges and exist in songs like this, or by One Republic, or (shudder) The Script…

But it’s let down by the fact that it sounds written-to-order for a rom-com (a 54% on Rotten Tomatoes sort of rom-com), and by the gauche lyrics, in which Darius lists all the colours he feels when he sees the girl he fancies. Feeling black, When I think of all the things that I feel I lack…

Darius was born in Glasgow (in Bearsden, the posh bit) to a Scottish-Iranian family. Post-singing career I remember him always popping up on Scottish TV, as we do love a local kid done good (see also: Michelle McManus). Following ‘Colourblind’ he managed two albums, and four more Top 10 singles, before moving into both said TV career, and a successful stint in musical theatre. The fact he had any sort of career at all is testament to his perseverance, after his legendarily bad performance of ‘…Baby One More Time’ while auditioning for Popstars in 2000. He died very young, aged just forty-one, in 2022, from a suspected accidental overdose.

931. ‘Anyone of Us (Stupid Mistake)’, by Gareth Gates

Well, here’s a surprise. ‘Pop Idol’ runner-up, and one of the clearest cases of pop puppetry ever unleashed on the world, Gareth Gates’ second single is… pretty good?

Anyone of Us (Stupid Mistake), by Gareth Gates (his 2nd of four #1s)

3 weeks, from 14th July – 4th August 2002

It starts off unpromisingly. A piano riff that brings to mind Westlife at their most maudlin leads us in. But soon Westlife are discarded for an intro that sounds more like peak Backstreet Boys (it flirts very heavily with ‘I Want It That Way’). Then bang: a chorus that could have competed with anything on Britney Spears’ first couple of albums.

Of course, these references were three years old by 2002, which perhaps gives away the fact that this is an already somewhat dated pop song. But that’s all forgiven as the chorus washes over us: It could happen to anyone of us, Anyone you think of… I think this is a fine song, one that would be better remembered if it had been recorded by somebody else.

It loses its way a bit in a meandering middle eight, but it gathers itself for a mid-line key change, and soaring finish. My only other complaint would be that it sounds perfect for a festive-ballad release, not for the height of summer. Not that it was hurt by its release date, with three weeks on top and 600,000 copies sold; but imagine this with added sleigh bells and tell me if it doesn’t scream Christmas number one.

With singing contest winners/runners up it was all about the second single. The debut single was guaranteed to be a huge hit; and also guaranteed to be crap. But once that obligation was fulfilled, it was always interesting to see what direction they would go in. I’d rate this ahead of Will Young’s cover of ‘Light My Fire’. But sadly Gareth Gates wasn’t given many more singles of this quality, as his upcoming #1s will attest.

I also have a soft spot for love-songs-that-aren’t-really-love-songs, and this is a classic of the genre, with Gareth rather smarmily admitting to an affair. The situation got out of hand, I hope you understand… Whether or not this song came before, during, or after Gates’ famous, virginity-robbing romp with Katie Price, I do not know. But I like to imagine him singing it to his pre-fame girlfriend, presumably a homely Bradford lass. Though I’m not sure if “it could happen to anyone of us” is ever the best way to open an apology…

I’m going to crown this as the best of the reality TV number ones so far (this is the seventh), narrowly ahead of Liberty X. And I’m going to try and keep ranking them for as long as possible. Which will be difficult, as there’s so bloody many of them. Including our very next chart-topper…

930. ‘A Little Less Conversation’, by Elvis Vs JXL

No song conjures up the year 2002 more than this tune, that year’s song of the summer.

A Little Less Conversation, by Elvis (his 18th of twenty-one #1s) Vs. JXL

4 weeks, from 16th June – 14th July 2002

It sounds curious, and potentially disastrous: a little known Dutch DJ remixing a little known Elvis track from one of his long-forgotten late sixties movies. But, through some strange alchemy, the original’s brassy swagger mixes nicely with JXL’s big, accessible beats, and creates a great pop song.

What remains is Elvis-enough for people who were around when he was alive, and modern enough for those who weren’t. It helps that few people probably knew the original, but also that it was recorded in 1968, around the time of the comeback special, when what is now Elvis’s most familiar pop culture persona was born. Elvis sounds like Elvis, deep voiced and lip curled, and the added echo makes it sound like he’s coming live from the other side. All that’s missing is a thank you very much to finish.

JXL (officially Junkie XL, though that was presumably shortened to keep things family-friendly) was Tom Holkenberg, a DJ active since the late-eighties. He had worked as a producer with several punk and metal bands, as well as becoming big on the rave scene and touring with the Prodigy. None of which sounds like the guy who came up with this super-mild, catchy, chart-friendly hit. As much as I like the record, I’d sooner call it cheesy than cool, and do wonder if Norman Cook considered lining up any plagiarism suits against all the Fatboy Slim style drum-breaks and goofy fills.

The original ‘A Little Less Conversation’ had featured on the ‘Ocean’s Eleven’ soundtrack in 2001, presumably bringing it to the attention of Nike. They then commissioned JXL to remix the song for an advert to tie in with the 2002 World Cup, in which the world’s best footballers competed in a first-goal-wins tournament in a cage. Maybe I’m of the perfect age to get swept up in the nostalgia of it, but watching that advert again, much like hearing this song, feels so ‘2002’ that it hurts.

The single followed a few months after the advert, and was sitting at #1 as Brazil won a record fifth world title. Equally record-breaking was the fact that, after a twenty-five year tie, Elvis moved ahead of the Beatles and onto eighteen UK #1 singles. It kicked off a bit of a renaissance for the King, and a collection of his number one hits (including this remix) became a huge seller that autumn. I’d credit this single, and the album, for getting me into Elvis, and enjoying his music to this day. In 2003 another Elvis remix, this time of ‘Rubberneckin’’ by Paul Oakenfold, made #5.

JXL meanwhile, while not quite a one-hit wonder, never made it higher than #56 without Elvis’s help. Still, he was the first person to be allowed by Elvis’s estate to remix one of his songs, which is an honour of sorts. And he is responsible for introducing many youngsters (me included) to The King, and to one of the greatest ever rhyming couplets in chart-topping history. A little less conversation, A little more action please, All this aggravation ain’t satisfactioning me… Thank you very much, indeed.

Random Runners-Up… 5th November

Remember, remember (the singles that were sitting at #2 in the charts on) the 5th of November. Beat groups, new wave, and pop…

Apologies for my non-British readers, who will have no idea what I was reaching for there. Yes, time for another dose of randomly chosen runners-up. Every so often we cast our eyes away from the number one spot, down a place to be precise, and find three classics which fell agonisingly short of featuring in one of my regular blog posts.

Stop Stop Stop’, by the Hollies – #2 for 2 weeks between 3rd – 16th November 1966, behind ‘Reach Out I’ll Be There’.

The Beatles, The Stones, The Who, The Kinks… What’s the correct band to put next in this particular logic puzzle? Probably The Hollies, who scored seventeen Top 10 hits between 1963 and 1974, but only one #1 (the buzzing ‘I’m Alive’). They also made a belated return to top spot in 1988, with a Budweiser inspired re-release of ‘He Ain’t Heavy, He’s My Brother’. I have already featured the classic ‘The Air That I Breathe’ as a random runner-up, but I doubt anyone will begrudge them another appearance.

Like all the best ’60s beat groups, the Hollies adapted their sound almost single by single, and in late 1966 they brought in a distinctive banjo (with added echo to fool people into thinking it was a balalaika) for this tale of a chap who, overcome by the beauty of a belly dancer, ends up knocking tables over and getting chucked out of a club. It fits in well with the year in which any band worth their salt was exploring the sounds of the east and reaching for the sitar, while keeping a uniquely earthy Hollies-ness to it.

‘Happy Birthday’, by Altered Images – #2 for 3 weeks between 25th October – 14th November 1981, behind ‘It’s My Party’ and ‘Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic’

Despite there already being a fairly famous tune called ‘Happy Birthday’, dating from 1893, several pop acts have had a go at updating the birthday songbook. The Beatles and Stevie Wonder made probably the two most famous attempts, but not far behind are Scottish new wave act Altered Images.

It’s a fizzing, peppy tune, which sounds perfect for kids to sing along to after filling up on cake and e-numbers. I’ve tried to look at the lyrics for deeper meaning, but there doesn’t seem to be any. Still the glockenspiel and guitar riff is nice, and you can see why this became such a big hit. It was probably helped by frontwoman Claire Grogan (AKA the Scottish Debbie Harry) and her recent appearance in hit movie ‘Gregory’s Girl’, and it set the band up for two years’ worth of success before they split in 1983.

Before moving on to our final #2, I have to address a question that’s been nagging at me for the past ten minutes… What did people in 1892 sing when it was someone’s birthday?

‘Outside’, by George Michael – #2 for 2 weeks, between 25th October – 7th November 1998, behind ‘Believe’

Another question. You are a world-famous pop star caught ‘engaging in a lewd act’ in a public toilet by an undercover police officer. This cowardly sting operation has forced you into declaring that you are gay, at a time when that could have still been a career-damaging, if not ending, announcement. Do you A) lie low for a while? Or B) release a disco-pop banger all about the joys of al fresco shagging? Way to handle a scandal.

George Michael, of course, chose option B. And the result was ‘Outside’. I think I’m done with the sofa, I think I’m done with the hall, I think I’m done with the kitchen table, Baby… His last UK chart-topper, a couple of years earlier, had been the ode to anonymous sex, ‘Fastlove’. But ‘Outside’ makes that tune seem positively chaste. And it’s one of his very best singles: clever, fun, danceable, and unrepentant. I’d service the community… George declares, halo shining… But I already have, You see…

I will admit to, and stand by, being a bit bored of George Michael’s slower, more serious chart-toppers. He always had a playful side, from ‘Faith’ and ‘I Want Your Sex’ through to this, and the similarly saucy ‘Freeek!’ from 2002, which makes brilliant use of a dial-up modem as a base for the beat. Sadly though, it seems that GM could only ever make #1 in the UK if he was on his best behaviour.

Hope you enjoyed this latest detour of what-might-have-been on top of the charts. Back to the regular countdown in a few days!

929. ‘Light My Fire’, by Will Young

‘Pop Idol’ champion Will Young returns with something a little more original than his bland winner’s single

Light My Fire, by Will Young (his 2nd of four #1s)

2 weeks, from 2nd – 16th June 2002

Okay, original might be a stretch. It is another cover, this time of the Doors’ ‘Light My Fire’. But the treatment he gives this sixties classic is light and breezy. Presumably knowing that he couldn’t give it the full-blooded Jim Morrison treatment, Young goes for a slinky, still very sixties-coded, approach. There’s a sexy bossa nova beat, and a pretty cool guitar solo. It owes much more to José Feliciano’s version (a bigger hit in the UK) than the original.

It’s actually… okay. You may detect a hint of surprise there, and you’d be right. Back in 2002, when I was sixteen, it was very much the done thing to write this single off without actually listening to it, and to make sure everyone knew that you knew this was a cover. ‘Oh my God, I can’t believe he’s done that to the Doors’, we could be heard saying, probably without very many of us having actually ever heard the original, or even knowing about the existence Feliciano’s version.

This was the first sign that Will Young might have had something about him, a hint at a career beyond the Simon Cowell sludge factory. That wouldn’t become fully apparent until his second album, but the signs were here. Compare this with Gareth Gates’ – still very successful – second single (coming up on top of the charts soon, don’t you worry!)

Young had performed ‘Light My Fire’ during his auditions for ‘Pop Idol’, so he presumably liked the song – not something that he would say about ‘Evergreen’. He also performed it at the Eurovision-esque ‘World Idol’, in which the winners from various ‘Pop Idol’ franchises around the world competed against one another. He finished fifth.

With all this talk of ‘Light My Fire’s different versions, we need to mention Amii Stewart’s disco version, twice a UK Top 10 hit, and Shirley Bassey’s fabulously dramatic version from 1970. However, and possibly quite boringly, I’m going to stick my neck out for the seven-minute acidic psychedelia of the Doors. Sometimes the original is simply the best. And as much as Young’s version is tolerable, it’s still unfortunate that it gave the song a higher chart-placing than any of these classics.

928. ‘Without Me’, by Eminem

Guess who’s back? Back again? Shady’s back with his third album, and his third British number one single.

Without Me, by Eminem (his 3rd of eleven #1s)

1 week, from 26th May – 2nd June 2002

My usual moral quandaries over his lyrical themes aside, this is my favourite Eminem #1. I even used to know all the words. It’s an elevated version of ‘The Real Slim Shady’, in which Eminem contrasted his vulgarity with his popularity, and took swipes at various famous figures. Here he plays up to his pantomime villain image again, seemingly more at peace with it than on his angrier, earlier chart-topper, and the fact that everyone wants the character of Slim over the real-life Marshall Mathers: I created a monster, ‘Cos nobody wants to see Marshall no more, They want Shady, I’m chopped liver…

In the video, and in the short Batman-theme interpolation, he positions himself as an inept superhero, Rap Boy, who snatches his own CDs from children’s hands, lest they hear his inappropriate rapping. Elsewhere the rhymes are airtight, the delivery precise, and all the right/wrong buttons pressed (choose depending on your tolerance for Eminem). Two people who might have been disapproving were Liz Cheney and her husband, and Vice-President, Dick, whom Eminem kills with a defibrillator in the video. Shots are also fired at NSYNC, Limp Bizkit, Moby, Prince, and his mum: Fuck you Debbie!

The second verse is a highlight, with one of Eminem’s best lyrics: Little hellions, Kids feelin’ rebellious, Embarrassed their parents still listen to Elvis, They start feelin’ like prisoners helpless, Until someone comes along on a mission and yells ‘Bitch!’ In ten seconds it goes from making an interesting comparison between the controversies around himself, and Elvis forty-five years earlier, to him yelling a rude word. Eminem in a nutshell.

Elvis reappears later, in another astute line: I not the first king of controversy, I am the worst thing since Elvis Presley, To do black music so selfishly, And use it to get myself wealthy… Much was, and still is, made of the fact that the biggest selling hip-hop artist of all time is white. But again, just as the casual listener is starting to think Marshall Mathers might be more intelligent than he looks, the same lines are delivered in the video while a mini-Eminem balances on a giant turd that the King has just delivered into his famous toilet bowl.

In some ways, this record is typical Eminem. It wasn’t going to win him any news fans, unlike ‘Stan’, but he’s also at the peak of his powers. Many times over the years he has tried to release a ‘Without Me’ style caustically-comic single, and while many have been commercially successful, none have managed to come close to this. It’s also musically quite fun, with a grinding disco beat, and it may be the one Eminem song that you can actually dance to.

Because I can’t help myself, I have to do the now traditional Eminem Homophobic Lyrics Watch, and there’s just one example here, in which he calls Moby a bald headed fag. But then he asks that he blows him, so who knows. Perhaps the lady doth protest too much? Sixteen-year-old me noticed that lyric, though, never fear. It’s also still noticeable how much more explicit Eminem’s three number ones have been compared to almost everything else that’s made number one. He liked to revel cartoonishly in his status as a corruptor of youth, but he had a point. Few other stars could release chart-topping singles so explicit.

‘Without Me’ is the middle single of a triptych, between ‘Stan’ and his next (more serious) chart-topper, in which Eminem was untouchable. Although he has gone on to have an almost thirty-year career, nothing he’s released since 2004 has come close to these three. Not just three of the best hip-hop singles, but three of the best and most controversial #1s of all time.

927. ‘Just a Little’, by Liberty X

Our 5th singing contest chart-topper in just over a year. The X Factor Age is well underway…

Just a Little, by Liberty X (their 1st and only #1)

1 week, from 19th – 26th May 2002

And of the five, this is definitely the best so far. I might go so far as to say that it remains one of the best. It’s upbeat, modern, and fun – a world away from Will Young and Gareth Gates’s syrupy attempts, and Hear’Say’s dated efforts. Its opening line – Sexy, Everything about you so sexy… really seemed to enter the public consciousness (or at least my school playground consciousness), while the chanted chorus enters the brain and remains there for some time.

Musically it’s nothing too out the box – in claiming it’s the ‘best’ reality TV #1 so far we have to remember how low the bar is – with lots of early-noughties pop touches, but keeping a great pop sensibility in the chorus and the middle-eight. It’s a bridge between S Club’s bubblegum and the Britney Spears’ classics of the era. And is it too much to suggest that Britney’s songwriters were listening when they came up with something that sounded quite similar, lyrically and melodically, to gimme just a little bit more… a few years later?

Liberty X were made up of contestants who had been rejected during the auditions for Popstars winners Hear’Say. It is perhaps this distance, and the fact that they were picked up by a record label not under the whip of Simon Cowell, which gave them the freedom to release something not beholden to reality TV schmaltz. Their first two singles, including their #5 debut ‘Thinking it Over’, had been released under the name Liberty, but after a legal challenge from a ‘90s R&B band of the same name they were forced to add the ‘X’. It did them no harm, as their first release as Liberty X brought them this huge smash, the 8th biggest seller of the year.

There’s an argument to be made for not winning TV singing contests if you want to have lasting musical success. Plenty of non-winners have gone on to massive popularity, One Direction being the ones that spring to mind first. Liberty X never managed 1D levels of success, but they were regulars in the British charts between 2001 and 2005, with eight Top 10 hits in that time, stats that Hear’Say could only dream of.

They split in 2006, after their third album bombed. They reformed a few times, and now exist with only the three female members. One of the two original male members, Kevin Simms, has been the lead vocalist for Wet Wet Wet since 2018. Imagine telling someone in 2002 that one of the token blokes in Liberty X would go on to become the new Marti Pellow…