robson & jerome

Recap: #721 – #750

/ UK #1s blog / 6 Comments

Let’s recap, then. And it’s a landmark: our the 25th, the Silver Recap!

The past thirty #1s have taken us across a regulation year and a half of chart-topping history, from spring 1995 to late autumn 1996. This spell has run pretty much concurrent with the very height of Britpop but, as I discussed in a special post, very little of it actually made the top. We’ve had one each from Oasis and Blur – the latter of whom won the ridiculously hyped ‘Battle of Britpop’ – and not much else.

Away from the Big Two, you could argue that the Lightning Seeds were a Britpop band, and that almost thirty years on their Euro ’96 anthem ‘Three Lions’ is the genre’s most enduring hit. You could also argue that the Prodigy and the Chemical Brothers, while primarily dance acts, had strong Britpop elements in their two #1s (especially ‘Setting Sun’, with Noel Gallagher on vocals). We could even really stretch things and claim Babylon Zoo’s ‘Spaceman’ for Britpop, as there were elements of it mixed in amongst the techno and the grunge. I won’t go so far as to claim Texas-based Deep Blue Something for Britpop; but they did give us our one other rock-based chart-topper, ‘Breakfast at Tiffany’s’.

Britpop aside, one of the other big recent stories was Take That – the decade’s biggest boyband – bowing out after eight number ones in less than three years. They did so with the overblown ‘Never Forget’ and a fairly phoned-in cover of ‘How Deep Is Your Love’, before frontman Gary Barlow launched a solo career with the instantly forgettable ‘Forever Love’. Don’t worry, Take That will be back – just not for a few recaps yet.

1995-6 can also be pinpointed as the moment when rap went mainstream. It’s a genre that has been cropping up in the top spot, every now and then, since the mid-eighties. Often, though, hip-hop has been treated as a novelty: think Vanilla Ice, or Partners in Kryme, or the jarring rap from ‘Rhythm Is a Dancer’. Coolio’s ‘Gangsta’s Paradise’ was uncompromisingly real, though, and had an important message; while The Fugees’ take on Roberta Flack’s ‘Killing Me Softly’ showed how to incorporate rap into a pop song without taking away its edge. This pair remain two of the highest-selling hip-hop records of all time, and paved the way for the likes of ‘Ready or Not’, the Fugees’ much less commercial-sounding follow-up.

Elsewhere, Michael Jackson had his most successful chart period, many years after his true artistic peak, scoring two #1s in four months with the sappy ‘You Are Not Alone’ and the messianic ‘Earth Song’. Another pop superstar, George Michael, bowed out from chart-topping duty with the touching (if a little dull) ‘Jesus to a Child’, and a much more uplifting ode to casual sex in ‘Fastlove’. Shaggy gave us our now mandatory shot of ‘90s reggae, Livin’ Joy provided the dance-banger (though our dance-banger ratio is much down on recent recaps), and Gina G brought us the latest camp Eurovision classic.

One other thing I should mention before we get to the awards is that in the second half of 1996 a pretty big shift occurred. Pop music started to sound very modern. Ground Zero is the Spice Girls’ ‘Wannabe’, which introduced us to a genuine pop phenomenon, and to a breezy, streetwise nineties-bubblegum sound that will set the standard for pop as we barrel towards the new millennium. But it wasn’t just the Spice Girls. Mark Morrison, Peter Andre, and Boyzone, all made the top with songs that sound like pop music will, for better or for worse, from now until the mid-00s. The fact that I was almost eleven at the time of this recap, and for the first time fully aware of what was in the charts, perhaps makes this moment seem bigger than it does for somebody older or younger than me. But I think there’s something in my take on mid-1996 marking a shift into ‘modern’ pop.

Anyway, to the awards. Starting as is now traditional with The ‘Meh’ Award, we peruse the songs that stirred us very little. I have a shortlist that includes MJ’s ‘You Are Not Alone’, George Michael’s ‘Jesus to a Child’, and Boyzone’s simpering cover of ‘Words’. But for the winner I’m choosing Gary Barlow’s utterly underwhelming ‘Forever Love’, which was so dull it basically killed his solo career before it had even begun.

The WTAF Award for being interesting if nothing else has a few decent choices this time around. There’s another MJ contender, the overblown ‘Earth Song’. There’s the latest Levi’s Jeans chart-topper: Babylon Zoo’s zany, genre-hopping ‘Spaceman’. There’s the intense ‘Firestarter’, which had Middle England clutching their pearls. There’s even ‘Wannabe’, a phenomenon, yes; but also a truly bizarre pop song when you actually sit down and listen to it. Of the four, ‘Wannabe’ is a stretch, ‘Earth Song’ is a little too well-intentioned, and ‘Firestarter’ a little too good, for this award. Which leaves Babylon Zoo’s nihilistic anthem for the win!

You may have noticed that I haven’t yet mentioned the one act that have dominated the past year and a half of chart action… That’s because I was saving them for The Very Worst Chart-Topper award. I am talking, of course, about Robson & Jerome, the first (though sadly not the last) of Simon Cowell’s crimes against music. Three #1s, thirteen weeks at the top, seven cover versions spread across their various discs… They are the only contender here, it’s just a question of which record to choose. It makes sense to go for the first one, ‘Unchained Melody’ / ‘White Cliffs of Dover’, because it was A) terrible, B) number one for the longest stretch, and C) it is currently the best-selling single of the entire decade…

Finally, then, the latest Very Best Chart-Topper. Four contenders spring to mind, all from 1996. (It has been a much better year for #1s than 1995, which could probably go down as one of the very worst…) In chronological order we have: Oasis’s soaring ‘Don’t Look Back in Anger’, the Prodigy’s incendiary (gettit?) ‘Firestarter’, the Chemical Brothers’ Beatles-based banger ‘Setting Sun’, and ‘Say You’ll Be There’, AKA The Spice Girls best song.

I’m torn. This is probably my only chance of giving the award to my two favourite childhood groups, Oasis and the Spice Girls. But I think the Spice’s would be a stretch – as fun as SYBT is – and ‘Don’t Look Back in Anger’ has simply been done by this point. ‘Firestarter’ and ‘Setting Sun’ are cut from the same cloth, and going by my write ups I enjoyed the latter more. ‘Firestarter’ was a huge cultural moment, but I think ‘Setting Sun’ is the better record. Plus, with Noel G on vocals it means Oasis still get a look in (and that the Beatles do kind of claim their second ‘Very Best’ award…) The Chemical Brothers it is!

To recap the recaps:

The ‘Meh’ Award for Forgettability

  1. ‘Hold My Hand’, by Don Cornell.
  2. ‘It’s Almost Tomorrow’, by The Dream Weavers.
  3. ‘On the Street Where You Live’, by Vic Damone.
  4. ‘Why’, by Anthony Newley.
  5. ‘The Next Time’ / ‘Bachelor Boy’, by Cliff Richard & The Shadows.
  6. ‘Juliet’, by The Four Pennies.
  7. ‘The Carnival Is Over’, by The Seekers.
  8. ‘Silence Is Golden’, by The Tremeloes.
  9. ‘I Pretend’, by Des O’Connor.
  10. ‘Woodstock’, by Matthews’ Southern Comfort.
  11. ‘How Can I Be Sure’, by David Cassidy.
  12. ‘Annie’s Song’, by John Denver.
  13. ‘I Only Have Eyes For You’, by Art Garfunkel.
  14. ‘I Don’t Want to Talk About It’ / ‘The First Cut Is the Deepest’, by Rod Stewart.
  15. ‘Three Times a Lady’, by The Commodores.
  16. ‘What’s Another Year’, by Johnny Logan.
  17. ‘A Little Peace’, by Nicole.
  18. ‘Every Breath You Take’, by The Police.
  19. ‘I Got You Babe’, by UB40 with Chrissie Hynde.
  20. ‘Who’s That Girl’, by Madonna.
  21. ‘A Groovy Kind of Love’, by Phil Collins.
  22. ‘Do They Know It’s Christmas?’, by Band Aid II.
  23. ‘Please Don’t Go’ / ‘Game Boy’, by KWS.
  24. ‘Dreams’, by Gabrielle.
  25. ‘Forever Love’, by Gary Barlow.

The WTAF Award for being interesting if nothing else

  1. ‘I See the Moon’, by The Stargazers.
  2. ‘Lay Down Your Arms’, by Anne Shelton.
  3. ‘Hoots Mon’, by Lord Rockingham’s XI.
  4. ‘You’re Driving Me Crazy’, by The Temperance Seven.
  5. ‘Nut Rocker’, by B. Bumble & The Stingers.
  6. ‘You’ll Never Walk Alone’, by Gerry & The Pacemakers.
  7. ‘Little Red Rooster’, by The Rolling Stones.
  8. ‘Puppet on a String’, by Sandie Shaw.
  9. ‘Fire’, by The Crazy World of Arthur Brown.
  10. ‘In the Year 2525 (Exordium and Terminus)’, by Zager & Evans.
  11. ‘Amazing Grace’, The Pipes & Drums & Military Band of the Royal Scots Dragoon Guard.
  12. ‘Kung Fu Fighting’, by Carl Douglas.
  13. ‘If’, by Telly Savalas.
  14. ‘Wuthering Heights’, by Kate Bush.
  15. ‘Hit Me With Your Rhythm Stick’, by Ian Dury & The Blockheads.
  16. ‘Shaddap You Face’, by Joe Dolce Music Theatre.
  17. ‘It’s My Party’, by Dave Stewart & Barbara Gaskin.
  18. ‘Save Your Love’ by Renée & Renato.
  19. ‘Rock Me Amadeus’, by Falco.
  20. ‘Pump Up the Volume’ / ‘Anitina (The First Time I See She Dance)’, by M/A/R/R/S.
  21. ‘Doctorin’ the Tardis’, by The Timelords.
  22. ‘Sadeness Part 1’, by Enigma.
  23. ‘Ebeneezer Goode’, by The Shamen.
  24. ‘I Would Do Anything for Love (But I Won’t Do That)’, by Meat Loaf.
  25. ‘Spaceman’, by Babylon Zoo.

The Very Worst Chart-Toppers

  1. ‘Cara Mia’, by David Whitfield with Mantovani & His Orchestra.
  2. ‘The Man From Laramie’, by Jimmy Young.
  3. ‘Roulette’, by Russ Conway.
  4. ‘Wooden Heart’, by Elvis Presley.
  5. ‘Lovesick Blues’, by Frank Ifield.
  6. ‘Diane’, by The Bachelors.
  7. ‘The Minute You’re Gone’, by Cliff Richard.
  8. ‘Release Me’, by Engelbert Humperdinck.
  9. ‘Lily the Pink’, by The Scaffold.
  10. ‘All Kinds of Everything’, by Dana.
  11. ‘The Twelfth of Never’, by Donny Osmond.
  12. ‘The Streak’, by Ray Stevens.
  13. ‘No Charge’, by J. J. Barrie
  14. ‘Don’t Give Up On Us’, by David Soul
  15. ‘One Day at a Time’, by Lena Martell.
  16. ‘There’s No One Quite Like Grandma’, by St. Winifred’s School Choir.
  17. ‘I’ve Never Been to Me’, by Charlene.
  18. ‘Hello’, by Lionel Richie.
  19. ‘I Want to Know What Love Is’, by Foreigner.
  20. ‘Star Trekkin’’, by The Firm.
  21. ‘Nothing’s Gonna Change My Love for You’, by Glenn Medeiros.
  22. ‘Let’s Party’, by Jive Bunny & The Mastermixers.
  23. ‘(Everything I Do) I Do It for You’, by Bryan Adams.
  24. ‘Don’t Stop (Wiggle Wiggle)’, by The Outhere Brothers.
  25. ‘Unchained Melody’ / ‘White Cliffs of Dover’, by Robson & Jerome.

The Very Best Chart-Toppers

  1. ‘Such a Night’, by Johnnie Ray.
  2. ‘Cherry Pink and Apple Blossom White’, by Perez ‘Prez’ Prado & His Orchestra.
  3. ‘Great Balls of Fire’, by Jerry Lee Lewis.
  4. ‘Cathy’s Clown’, by The Everly Brothers.
  5. ‘Telstar’, by The Tornadoes.
  6. ‘She Loves You’ by The Beatles.
  7. ‘(I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction’, by The Rolling Stones.
  8. ‘A Whiter Shade of Pale’, by Procol Harum.
  9. ‘I Heard It Through the Grapevine’, by Marvin Gaye.
  10. ‘Baby Jump’, by Mungo Jerry.
  11. ‘Metal Guru’, by T. Rex.
  12. ‘Tiger Feet’, by Mud.
  13. ‘Space Oddity’, by David Bowie.
  14. ‘I Feel Love’, by Donna Summer.
  15. ‘Heart of Glass’, by Blondie.
  16. ‘The Winner Takes It All’, by ABBA.
  17. ‘My Camera Never Lies’, by Bucks Fizz.
  18. ‘Relax’ by Frankie Goes to Hollywood.
  19. ‘You Spin Me Round (Like a Record)’, by Dead or Alive
  20. ‘Stand by Me’, by Ben E. King (Honorary Award)
  21. ‘It’s a Sin’, by Pet Shop Boys.
  22. ‘Theme from S-Express’, by S’Express.
  23. ‘Nothing Compares 2 U’, by Sinéad O’Connor.
  24. ‘Would I Lie to You?’, by Charles & Eddie.
  25. ‘Stay Another Day’, by East 17.
  26. ‘Setting Sun’, by The Chemical Brothers.

Up next, we’ll briefly pause the regular countdown. I’m going to launch a new series, and take us back to the 1970s…

750. ‘What Becomes of the Broken Hearted’ / ‘Saturday Night at the Movies’ / ‘You’ll Never Walk Alone’, by Robson & Jerome

/ UK #1s blog / 8 Comments

Robson & Jerome return for their third and final number one, and bow out with a 100% chart-topping record. Which is something that can’t be sniffed at. Unlike their records, which can. Because they stink.

What Becomes of the Broken Hearted / Saturday Night at the Movies / You’ll Never Walk Alone, by Robson & Jerome (their 3rd and final #1)

2 weeks, from 3rd – 17th November 1996

It’s more of the same: more granny-baiting covers of sixties classics, more cheap and tacky production, more dodgy vocals… Much more, in fact, because they end things with the first and only triple ‘A’-side to make #1. Three songs, give me strength… (How does a triple ‘A’ even work? It’s simple geometry: discs don’t have three sides! Was this released as a triangle?)

The ‘lead’ single from the three is a cover of Jimmy Ruffin’s ‘What Becomes of the Broken Hearted’. As with last time, and the pair’s take on ‘Up on the Roof’, there is an element of this being a good thing. ‘What Becomes…’ is an all-time classic, and even in this highly diluted version it’s good to see it having a moment on top of the charts. And this isn’t as heinous as some of their other chart-topping moments. The production is quite lush and substantial, and they sensibly rope a gospel choir in to do much of the actual singing.

If only they had left it at that… The Official Charts Company lists just the one song, though maybe they simply don’t have the space to squeeze in three fairly long titles. All other sources have this as a threesome though, and so we’ll have to give the other two a spin. Starting with a case of GBH on The Drifters’ ‘Saturday Night at the Movies’. The synthesisers are set for ‘jaunty’, as Jerome Flynn does his best Johnny Moore high-notes… The less said the better. (I will admit that the video is quite fun…)

We end with a song that’s already been #1 twice and that really didn’t need to return, especially not in a version as lightweight as this. ‘You’ll Never Walk Alone’ is a technically demanding song and, although the producers try very hard to drown out Robson & Jerome’s reedy vocals with lots of bombast, we can sadly still hear them. You can see why the OCC has been tempted to erase it from history. Elsewhere on their second album, ‘Take Two’, lurk covers of ‘Oh Pretty Woman’, ‘Keep the Customer Satisfied’ and – presumably because Christmas was just around the corner – ‘Silent Night’.

We can perhaps be glad, then, that they decided to end their music careers rather than release any further singles. They had, after all, been reluctant to do it in the first place, and not even the offer of three million pounds from Simon Cowell could persuade them to do a third album. I can forgive them almost everything, music-wise, knowing how much that must have annoyed Cowell. Unfortunately, he discovered an even more lucrative way of unleashing terrible music on the masses. More on that soon…

To be honest, it’s easy to forgive Robson and Jerome most things, as they both seem like decent blokes. Green has been a fixture on British TV ever since, both in acting and in presenting travel and fishing documentaries. Flynn laid-low for a few years, before returning to the spotlight with a scene-stealing turn as Bronn in ‘Game of Thrones’. The pair are, you’ll be very glad to hear, still firm friends.

Up next, a recap. And I have a feeling that this pair may well be up for an award…

730. ‘I Believe’ / ‘Up on the Roof’, by Robson & Jerome

/ UK #1s blog / 7 Comments

Oh yes, time for more golden-oldies karaoke, from your granny’s favourites.

I Believe / Up on the Roof, by Robson & Jerome (their 2nd of three #1s)

4 weeks, from 5th November – 3rd December 1995

This time, they resurrect one of the very biggest number one singles. The biggest ever, if ‘weeks at number one’ is the metric we’re using. Frankie Laine’s original racked up eighteen weeks at the top way back in 1953. It was just the 9th #1, and it’s pretty amazing to think that its record still stands over seventy years on.

And for such a massive single, I feel it’s been a little forgotten (1953 was a long time ago, to be fair) and so it’s good in a way that it had another moment in the sun. And R&J’s take on it is… okay. Better than either of the tunes on their first single. It’s still cheap, still karaoke; but it doesn’t cloy as much, and builds to a fairly soaring climax. Maybe that’s testament to the quality of the song…

 Plus, it’s short – barely two minutes, like Laine’s version – and ‘shortness’ is ideal when these two take to the mic. Sadly, any mild positivity I can muster here is wiped out by the flip side of this disc: a version of The Drifters’ ‘Up on the Roof’ which takes the duo to new levels of tackiness. It is truly dreadful – synthy horns and horrible Disney princess tinkly bits. That this is a timeless classic’s only appearance at #1 (anywhere, as far as I can tell!) is genuinely criminal.

Equally criminal to some is the fact that this record held Oasis’s ‘Wonderwall’ at #2. However, thanks to Oasis not lacking for #1 singles, and thanks to ‘Wonderwall’s annoying ubiquity, I don’t class that an upset as heinous as this pair’s first single holding off ‘Common People’.

One thing I do notice, listening to these two songs, is that Robson & Jerome’s singing voices sound different. Better, more polished, than on ‘Unchained Melody’, or on ‘White Cliffs of Dover’. Whether this was the result of singing lessons, or something more sinister, I don’t know. Des Dyer, formerly of ‘70s band Jigsaw, made allegations that it was him singing on the records. He was paid off, and told to shut up. Much later, Mike Stock admitted that the duo’s vocal’s were ‘patched up’ by sessions singers.

Whether or not they were singing on these songs, it didn’t do them much harm. While not quite as successful as their debut, this record still made a month at #1 and reached almost a million sales. An album inevitably followed, on which they murdered The Beatles, The Monkees, The Walker Brothers, and Elvis, as well as ‘Amazing Grace’ and ‘Danny Boy’. At least they didn’t cling on at the top to become one of the worst Christmas Number Ones. For the King of Pop had other ideas…

722. ‘Unchained Melody’ / ‘White Cliffs of Dover’, by Robson & Jerome

/ UK #1s blog / 9 Comments

Serious question: who were the worst musical duo of 1995? In any other year, the moronic Outhere Brothers would have taken the prize hands down. And yet… We also have to reckon with another, potentially even more heinous, pair…

Unchained Melody / White Cliffs of Dover, by Robson & Jerome (their 1st of three #1s)

7 weeks, from 14th May – 2nd July 1995

Robson Green and Jerome Flynn were two actors and television personalities – still are, in fact. They had risen to prominence in the ITV series ‘Soldier Soldier’, in which they played, yes, soldiers. In one episode, they sang an impromptu version of ‘Unchained Melody’ at a wedding, going by the name the Unrighteous Brothers… And the rest was history.

This record suffers from two major problems. First off, it’s terrible. Secondly, the incomparably superior version of ‘Unchained Melody’ that this cover was based on is still fresh in the memory, having topped the charts barely four years ago. Which makes this sound even more like a cheap karaoke cash-in than the tinny backing track and the dodgy vocals might suggest.

And OK, they may have been going for a ‘cheap and cheerful’ feel, as in the TV programme, but that might be giving them a little too much benefit of the doubt. Allegedly the duo had a little ‘assistance’ in the recording studio (to the point where some claim that it’s not really them singing), but I’m not one to cast aspersions. Robson and Jerome seem like decent blokes, not taking themselves too seriously, enjoying an unexpected change in career direction… So on the one hand we shouldn’t get too annoyed by this silly #1. Yet, on the other, there’s the fact that what should have been a fun scene from a TV show was turned into a seven-week chart-topper, and the best-selling single of 1995 – nay, the best-selling single of the entire decade so far! The British public, once again, showing themselves unfit to be trusted within twenty feet of a record shop.

On the flip side of the disc, there’s something slightly more interesting. ‘(There’ll Be Bluebirds Over) The White Cliffs of Dover’ is a song from the Second World War, made famous by the forces’ sweetheart Vera Lynn. It’s interesting, because it may well have been a tie-in for the 50th anniversary of VE Day, and because it’s a clear indication of who this record was aimed at. Grannies across the land kept this on top of the charts, holding off U2 and, in a travesty far worse than Engelbert or ‘Shaddap You Face’, Pulp’s ‘Common People’.

‘Bluebirds’ itself is every bit as rotten as ‘Unchained Melody’, while the production may be even cheaper and nastier, slathered over twee lines about shepherds watching their flocks and little Jimmy sleeping safe in his room (which I’m sure were powerful in 1942 with the Luftwaffe swarming overhead, but which just sound maudlin here). At least, by the end, the pair have been relieved of their singing duties by a much more competent gospel choir.

Apparently both Robson and Jerome had to be persuaded to do any of this, to the point that Green threatened to sue for harassment. Who, pray tell, could be cynical enough to risk a court appearance in the name of unleashing this crap on the nation…? Oh, right, yep. Simon Cowell. The dark overlord of the charts in the 2000s cut his blood-sucking teeth with this, his first number one record. It was produced by two-thirds of SAW (Stock and Aitken), giving this disc yet another stamp of quality…

If only this was a one-off, for both Robson & Jerome, and for Simon Cowell. But, of course, it wasn’t. Much more is to come. Until then, let’s distract ourselves with some chart trivia. This marks the first time that a song has topped the chart in three different versions (the Righteous Brothers, of course, and the Jimmy Young version from way back in 1955). Meanwhile, ‘White Cliffs of Dover’ became the longest-titled #1 single ever – as long as you include the brackets at the start.