nineties pop music

798. ‘No Matter What’, by Boyzone

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Straight after ‘Viva Forever’, here’s another high quality ballad…

No Matter What, by Boyzone (their 4th of six #1s)

3 weeks, from 9th – 30th August 1998

Yes, the words ‘high quality’ and ‘Boyzone’ in very close proximity there, but I’ll stand by it. This is, by a clear distance, the best of the Irish boyband’s six number ones.

Like the Spice Girls before it, the melody and the chord progressions here are simple, but effective. There’s something instantly touching, even if this isn’t your kind of music. (It absolutely reeks of musical theatre, with an ‘Act I finale’ energy to it. More on that to follow…) Helping immensely in this song’s likeability is that Stephen Gately gets to sing the first verse. Nice voice, nice boy, sorely missed…

If only he’d been allowed to carry the whole thing. Alas, Ronan Keating comes clattering in for the second verse, with all the subtlety of a drunken ox. But even he can’t ruin it. There’s a depth to this, a timelessness that’s been missing from Boyzone’s previous number ones. There’s another acoustic guitar solo, and a soaring finish, and the job’s a good ‘un. The fact that this stands out so far against the band’s earlier singles is perhaps explained by the songwriters: Andrew Lloyd Webber, and Jim Steinman.

‘No Matter What’ was the first act closer in ‘Whistle Down the Wind’, Webber’s 1996 musical based on the book and film of the same name. (I must admit, I knew this was from a musical, but thought it was much older.) It becomes the fourth chart-topper that Webber has been involved in, after ‘Don’t Cry for Me Argentina’, ‘Any Dream Will Do’, and, yes, ‘Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Yellow Polka Dot Bikini’. It’s also Steinman’s fourth, after ‘Total Eclipse of the Heart’, ‘I’d Do Anything for Love’, and ‘Never Forget’ (meaning that he’s produced hits for the nineties’ two biggest boybands).

It’s a needless comparison, but since this directly followed ‘Viva Forever’ I feel compelled to say that this isn’t as a good a record. And it’s not just because of groanin’ Ronan… The production is a bit cheap, with a squelchy bass and a karaoke-level percussion. And I don’t know who thought the strange chicka-cha-ah-has in the intro were a good idea, but they weren’t. Plus, the lyrics are well-intentioned but interesting: No matter what they tell us, No matter what they teach us, What we believe is true… (Sounds like the motto of your average Twitter user…)

Still, it is a good pop ballad. And for a boyband single to get three weeks at number one means that it must have had broad crossover appeal. It even managed to graze the charts in the US, something that no Boyzone single did before, or after. They have two final number ones coming up – one of which is not, I repeat not, a ballad – but I highly doubt either will match this.

797. ‘Viva Forever’, by The Spice Girls

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The Spice Girls return, after missing #1 for the first time behind Run-D.M.C, with their first Geri-less single…

Viva Forever, by The Spice Girls (their 7th of nine #1s)

2 weeks, from 26th July – 9th August 1998

I can still remember where I was when I heard Geri had left the group (some generations had JFK…) I was in a minibus, on my way home from a Scout camp, when news broke on the radio. But of course, ‘Viva Forever’ had been recorded months before, so Halliwell still features both in the song and in the video – as much as any of the girls ‘feature’ in the video as animated fairies – and in fact was credited with writing most of the lyrics.

There are some lovely strings ‘n’ harmonies in the intro, then a cool Spanish guitar to bring some drama. The verses have a sense of melancholy, and the lyrics – originally about a summer romance – have a real yearning to them. The bridge even has some Spanish, for that touch of class. The verses too have a timeless quality to them, even if the chord progressions are a little predictable.

Of course, by the time Geri had left, the lyrics had ceased to be about a summer fling and seemed to fit perfectly as her ‘goodbye’ to the band. And this is a very solid pop record. In fact, it’s almost adult-oriented soft rock. And I’d put it down as the group’s best ballad, miles ahead of ‘Mama’, and pretty far ahead of ‘2 Become 1’. The fact that they had gems like this up their sleeve, two years into their career, sets the Spice Girls apart from most other pop fodder of the time.

The only thing that slightly lets this record down is the vocals. And we know, of course, seven chart-toppers in, that people didn’t buy Spice Girls’ records for the quality of their voices. But it’s on songs like this, where they can’t rely on boisterous, girl-power energy, that you can hear how reedy a couple of them were. Luckily, Mel C is on hand to do most of the heavy lifting as the song reaches its climax.

I can’t remember ever seeing the full music video for ‘Viva Forever’ before, but it’s a trip. Set in the 1970s, two boys follow an animatronic bouncing chicken into a forest where they meet the Spiceys as slightly demented looking fairies. One of the boys disappears into a Rubik’s cube with the girls, leaving his friend lost and confused… It apparently took longer to film than the entirety of ‘Spiceworld – The Movie’, and adds a ‘loss of innocence’ interpretation to the song’s lyrics.

So, Geri had left, citing exhaustion and depression. The drama was that she didn’t tell the other girls to their faces, causing a rift for many years… It wasn’t the only crack to start showing, though. Before the Girls return for their penultimate number one, their solo careers will have started, with predictably chart-topping results.

796. ‘Deeper Underground’, by Jamiroquai

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And so Jamiroquai, a nineties chart mainstay, score their only number one single. Should we class them alongside Dusty, Quo, and a-Ha, as one of the great one and only #1 acts? Or is one chart-topper par for their course…?

Deeper Underground, by Jamiroquai (their 1st and only #1)

1 week, from 19th – 26th July 1998

‘Deeper Underground’ isn’t the first record you’d think of as Jamiroquai’s only #1, and it’s not a record I’ve heard much over the years. So two things strike me as I listen to it now. First, that it’s obviously from a movie soundtrack, as no normal pop single has this much time to open, with strings and ominous chords, never mind a monster’s roar. It was from the big 1998 summer blockbuster ‘Godzilla’, which was fairly successful at the box office but was panned by critics.

The second thing I notice is how heavy this record is. By the time I was a teenager, Jamiroquai were a byword for naffness, mainly brought about by lead singer Jay Kay’s collection of silly hats. Many of their other big hits veered towards a disco cheeriness, but ‘Deeper Underground’ has an edge to it, underpinned by a scuzzy funk riff. They had been acid funk pioneers in the early nineties, and this is definitely not their most commercial moment. When the lyrics finally arrive, Jay Kay almost freestyles over the aggressive beat.

As a soundtrack hit, the lyrics have to relate to the movie they feature in. But Jamiroquai manage to twist lyrics about going deeper underground to escape a massive, city-smashing monster, into what seems like a song about paranoia: Something’s come to rock me, And I can’t keep my head, I get nervous in the New York City streets, Where my legacy treads… The video takes a more literal approach to the subject matter, with Jay Kay dancing his way around death as Godzilla, and any number of crashing taxis and helicopters, destroy a cinema, all with very dated CGI.

I had thought that this record sampled Led Zeppelin, and although the riff is cool it’s not quite at Led Zep standards. This is because I was confusing it with the other big hit from the ‘Godzilla’ soundtrack, Puff Daddy and Jimmy Page’s ‘Come With Me’, which is based around ‘Kashmir’. That one made #2 around the same time (and is Page’s only Top 10 hit in the UK, either with or without Led Zeppelin).

As ‘Deeper Underground’ descends into even nastier, funkier territory, the synths grow harsher and harsher until it sounds a bit like I imagine electro-shock therapy would. It’s cool. I like it. I’m glad that this is Jamiroquai’s only #1, over the much more mum-friendly ‘Canned Heat’ or ‘Cosmic Dancer’. Though their greatest moment remains ‘Virtual Insanity’, which was one of my favourite tracks on ‘Now 37’ back, as they say, in the day.

In my intro I called Jamiroquai a ‘nineties mainstay’, but that wouldn’t seem to do them justice. I’ve just discovered that they were the 3rd best-selling UK act of the decade, behind Oasis and The Spice Girls. Which is very impressive for a band that many write off as one guy and some hats (though as much as I’ve enjoyed writing this review I was probably hasty in naming them alongside Dusty and Status Quo…) ‘Deeper Underground’ remains forgotten amongst their back-catalogue it seems, as it is nowhere to be seen on their Spotify popular tracks. On the same platform’s ‘This Is Jamiroquai’ playlist, it is buried away as track twenty-eight.

795. ‘Freak Me’, by Another Level

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Another boyband, another pop song, another sign that we’re now well into the late nineties…

Freak Me, by Another Level (their 1st and only #1)

1 week, from 12th – 19th July 1998

But unlike Billie Piper, there’s nothing tweeny about this raunchy record. Let me lick you up and down, ‘Till you say stop…  the Another Level lads beg… Let me play with your body baby, Make you real hot… All this over slick, modern R&B beats, and honeyed harmonising.

It’s very American, when you compare it to the more wholesome British boybands of the day (oh to hear Ronan Keating have a go with these lyrics…) And it had originally been a Billboard #1 in 1993, for US R&B group Silk, co-written by hip-hop/soul pioneer Keith Sweat. But Another Level were from London, with echoes perhaps of East 17 – Britain’s baddest boyband up this point.

‘Freak Me’ is, like I said, raunchy. There’s a decent soul-pop song in there amongst the gloop, and the chorus does enough to shine through. It’s also way too much. In the second verse, one of the boys announces: I like the taste of whipped cream, Spread it on top of me… They want to see the unnamed girl’s body drip, want to take a sip. Even Prince at his randiest would have thought twice about these clunky lyrics.

It reminds me of ‘I Wanna Sex You Up’, Color Me Badd’s 1991 chart-topper, in its unintentionally hilarious horniness. Which leads me to think twice about claiming that this isn’t a tween-pop record. Okay, perhaps the lyrics might have been lost on eight year olds, but I can imagine many a fifteen year old putting this one a make-out mixtape. It’s nowhere near as ‘adult’ as Another Level might have hoped.

This was Another Level’s second Top 10 hit – their first, ‘Be Alone No More’, had featured none other than Jay-Z – and they would enjoy seven in total during their short-lived, two album career. I have to admit that without the help of a search engine I couldn’t have named any of their other songs. In fact, the only other thing I know about Another Level is that one of their members, Dane Bowers, launched a mildly successful solo career, and almost managed a number one with Vicky Beckham. The rest of his post-Another Level career isn’t as impressive, dwindling down into lots of reality TV, a sex tape, and a jail sentence for assaulting his girlfriend. The other three members of the band don’t even merit a Wikipedia page…

793. ‘3 Lions ’98’, by Baddiel, Skinner & The Lightning Seeds

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So successful was the original ‘Three Lions’, buoyed by England’s near miss at the 1996 European Championships, that the only logical thing for David Baddiel, Frank Skinner and Ian Brodie to do was re-record it for the next big international tournament: the 1998 World Cup.

3 Lions ‘98, by Baddiel, Skinner & the Lightning Seeds (their 2nd and final #1)

3 weeks, from 14th June – 5th July 1998

It starts off very meta, with the Wembley crowd singing the original chorus, and Jonathan Pearce reliving Gareth Southgate’s missed penalty that lost them the ’96 semi-final. After that it’s business as usual, with the sound perhaps a bit beefier than the earlier version. The lyrics are different too, with the first verse focusing on how close England came two years before, and the second focusing on how this will be their year in France.

‘3 Lions’ has been accused, as I mentioned in my first post on the song, of being a bit arrogant by those who don’t want England to do well at international tournaments (i.e. most people who aren’t English). I would argue that the 1998 version is even more over-confident, as thirty years of hurt is now no more years of hurt (okay, thirty-two years of hurt wouldn’t have scanned well, but still….)

This isn’t a football blog, so in short: football didn’t ‘come home’ in 1998, Argentina saw to that by beating England in the round of sixteen. David Beckham, Diego Simeone and all that… In fact, ‘3 Lions ‘98’ was at #1 for longer than England were in the tournament. And football still hasn’t come home in the near thirty years since, though it has come closer recently (too close for comfort for this Scot…) Just last month England lost the Euro 2024 final to Spain.

And as much as I find it annoying as a modern cultural behemoth, I again cannot argue that ‘3 Lions’ isn’t a good song. The daddy of all football pop songs. Plus, the video is good fun, once more featuring Geoff Hurst, and Robbie Williams, a lot of Germans with mullets, and a bit of fun with the fact that Stefan Kuntz had scored Germany’s equaliser two years before.

Away from the football, there’s a serious question to ask here: is this a different song to the original ‘Three Lions’? I’d say it obviously is – different name, different lyrics, different production – and so make it chart-topper #793, and not just a re-entry of chart-topper #740. However, the OCC now combine the versions when the song starts climbing the charts every two years (it will make #1 again in 2018). This is something our blog will have to consider in the 21st century, with several former number ones preparing to re-top the charts. Do they count as separate records – therefore deserving of an entirely new post written about them – or are they the same record returning to the top decades later? ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’ has already been back to the summit, but that was twinned with a new song – ‘These Are the Days of Our Lives’ – and I treated it as a new number one. Something to consider, then, and I’d welcome the thoughts of any seasoned chart watchers out there.

‘3 Lions’ meanwhile has been re-released several times, and re-recorded several more. There’s a 2010 version with Russel Brand and Robbie Williams (singing this time) which made #21. There’s a 2022 Lionesses’ version, and a Christmas version to tie-in with the winter World Cup in Qatar. Thanks to England’s Euro 2024 run, it returned to #8 just a couple of weeks ago. It’s no exaggeration to state that this song is now up there with ‘Hey Jude’ and the aforementioned ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’ as one of the best-known, best-loved, best-remembered chart toppers of all time.

792. ‘C’est la Vie’, by B*Witched

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Ah Jaysus! If it isn’t one of the nineties most beloved pop ditties, so that it is…

C’est la Vie, by B*Witched (their 1st of four #1s)

2 weeks, from 31st May – 14th June 1998

I don’t feel so bad putting on the ol’ stereotypical Irishisms, because this silly record is drenched in such nonsense. It may be one of the decade’s best-loved pop songs, but it got on my tits aged twelve and I’m glad to report that it still gets on them twenty-six years later.

Is it the nursery rhyme verses? Is it the perky production? Is it the Irishisms? (Get a loife… What are ye like…?) Or is it all of the above, plus the group’s horrific double-denim outfits in the video? Yep, it’s the whole shebang. This is bubble-gum so sweet and cloying that you want to spit it out after just five seconds.

And if you sit down to really listen to the lyrics, a fool’s errand with a song like this, then your distaste only deepens. Say you will, Say you won’t, Say you’ll do what I don’t, Say you’re true, Say to me, C’est la vie… They are words, words put together, put together because they form catchy rhymes, in English and in French; but they’re gibberish. Of course this isn’t the first pop song to make zero sense, so perhaps I’m being harsh. But even the innuendo – and I’m normally a big fan of innuendo – leaves me rolling my eyes. Do you ever get lonely playing with your toy…? I’ll show you mine if you show me yours… Oh lord, please don’t.

The closest this comes to passable pop is in the bridge, the huff and puff bit (this record is very heavy on the nursery rhymes). And that bit is undeniably catchy. But just as you begin to put together a defence for ‘C’est la Vie’, in comes the demented faux-Riverdance middle-eight and your case crumbles. Nope, nope, nope. Cover it in lead and chuck in the Liffey.

B*Witched were from Dublin, and had formed in 1996. Two of the four were twins, Edele and Keavy Lynch (sisters of Boyzone’s Shane Lynch), while the other two were their friends from dance and kickboxing classes. At least they didn’t go down the bland ballad route of their brother’s group (I should add a ‘yet’, as we have three more B*Witched #1s to get through). You can see what they were going for with the slightly watered-down version of fun and feisty girl power, but I wasn’t the right age for it in 1998 and I’m certainly not the right age for it now. I am, however – and without giving too much away – fully prepared to defend their next chart-topper as a lost classic.

We’ve had plenty of pop number ones in the past few years. But everything about ‘C’est la Vie’, from the production to the video, ups the cheese, the bubble-gum, the trashiness… call it what you will. And this record sets the tone for the next couple of years, in which the singles chart will be dominated by primary coloured, tween pop. And we can perhaps explore why that was as we get closer towards the end of the century…

As a final aside, and with the eyes of the world currently on Paris, I make this the 3rd number one single with a French title, after ‘Que Sera Sera’ and ‘Je T’Aime… Moi Non Plus’. Let me know if I’ve missed one.

791. ‘Feel It’, by The Tamperer ft. Maya

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It’s the end of May 1998, and I make our next chart-topper already the fourth this year to involve a reimagining of an older hit. This will be anathema to some – sampling, interpolating, remixing, call it what you will – but for me an inspired sample can be, well, inspired…

Feel It, by The Tamperer ft. Maya (their 1st and only #1)

1 week, from 24th – 31st May 1998

This takes the beat and the bells from The Jacksons’ 1981 disco stomper ‘Can You Feel It’, makes them even more stomping, and uses it as backing to a story of a spurned lover and her desire for house flattening revenge. It’s fair to say that What’s she gonna look like with a chimney on her…? is one of the year’s, if not the decade’s, great hooks. In fact, even just the way that vocalist Maya screams the ‘What!’ is a massive hook in itself.

The Jacksons are not the only sample here, as the two verses come interpolated from the wonderfully titled ‘Wanna Drop a House (On that Bitch)’, by Urban Discharge, released in 1995. What I like most about the lyrics is that they are thoroughly toxic, with the cheated woman forgiving her boyfriend and aiming her ire at the mistress. Well I’m not blaming you, But she’s still hanging round, And she’s so crazy you know man I just don’t trust her…

Nothing about this song, from the opening klaxon onwards, is subtle. The samples are in your face, the lyrics are preposterous, and the bit where everything slows down for no apparent reason is bizarre. But it’s a huge slice of dumb fun. Subtlety be damned. And yes there’s very little originality here, but I will point out that the one original moment is the ‘chimney’ line, and that’s the best bit. (One school of thought I found online is that ‘chimney’ is slang for a black eye… So she’s just going to punch the girl, not blow her house up.)

The Tamperer ft. Maya were an Italian production duo, plus US-born singer Maya Days. (Despite the ‘featuring’ credit, they never released a single which didn’t feature Maya.) This was their first release, and was a hit around Europe that summer. They followed it up with two further Top 10s, both involving bold samples. The brilliantly titled ‘If You Buy This Record (Your Life Will Be Better)’ used ‘Material Girl’, while ‘Hammer to the Heart’ borrowed ABBA’s ‘Gimme Gimme Gimme’ several years before Madonna did so to much fanfare.

In fact, their chart career ended after those three hits, and aside from a 2009 remix of ‘Feel It’ neither the Tamperer nor Maya have been seen since. And going by the comments underneath the YouTube video below, this is one of the ‘90s more forgotten number ones, with a handful of people around the world waking up each morning asking what that song about the chimney was called. I’d say we’ve had a mini-run of ‘forgotten’ #1s, from Aqua’s best song, to All Saints’ overshadowed covers, to Boyzone’s better-forgotten snoozefest. Up next though, a nineties pop ‘classic’ that, for better or worse, remains very much with us…

(The official video…)

(A better edit of the record…)

790. ‘Turn Back Time’, by Aqua

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1997’s novelty act of choice surprise us yet again by returning for a 3rd number single. Not only that, the surprise is increased by the fact that this is a ‘proper’ song!

Turn Back Time, by Aqua (their 3rd and final #1)

1 week, from 10th – 17th May 1998

No Barbie and Ken here, no ayypeeay-eh-oh. This is classy pop. The chord progressions in the verses have a sweeping drama to them, with the feel of a Bond theme in places. Give me time to reason, Give me time to think it through… It’s sung from the point of view of someone who has cheated, and who is owning their mistake. Give me strength, To face this test of mine… Lene’s voice, so chirpy and borderline annoying on their earlier hits, is rich here, and full of emotion. I often struggle to believe ballad singers, but she sounds genuinely guilty, and repentant.

Away from the vocals, the production is smooth nineties soul-funk. And (of course) that late-nineties preset drum beat is there, buried beneath some cool horns that make me think of Ace of Base. Maybe it’s a Scandi-pop thing and – while it does mean I’m going to lean into some national stereotyping – there is something in the clean, coolness of this that feels very Scandinavian.

Seriously, this is an excellent pop song. If it were by Madonna, and not the goons that brought us ‘Barbie Girl’, then this would not be half as forgotten as it currently is. The only thing I regret is that René’s gravelly tones don’t get a look in. I’m not sure how they could have made that work – maybe a bit of baritone harmonising – but it’s sad that he has been sidelined after two star turns. The only questionable part of this record is the jarring break in the middle, when the smoothness is broken by urgent horns and a grinding industrial beat. It’s certainly a choice – presumably meant to show the mental turmoil of the singer – and it just about works.

‘Turn Back Time’ featured on the soundtrack to the Gwyneth Paltrow film ‘Sliding Doors’, which I’ve not seen but which has one of the most famous premises in movie history. The video features plenty of scenes from the film, and also has the band re-enacting the plot, with Lene constantly missing trains and lift doors on the London Underground. Meanwhile their black leather jackets are very late-nineties chic.

Aqua were worth one more Top 10 hit from their breakthrough album, then one more when they released their second LP in 2000 (the showtune-tastic ‘Cartoon Heroes’). They split for most of the ‘00s, but reformed in 2008 and remain together to this day. They belatedly returned to the Top 10 last year, when their signature hit was reimagined by Nicki Minaj and Ice Spice ahead of the ‘Barbie’ movie.

789. ‘Under the Bridge’ / ‘Lady Marmalade’, by All Saints

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All Saints score their second number one in a row, with a much-maligned double bill…

Under the Bridge / Lady Marmalade, by All Saints (their 2nd of five #1s)

1 week, from 3rd – 10th May / 1 week, from 17th – 24th May 1998 (2 weeks total)

I’m interested to see what I make of the first part of this double-‘A’. The official view from the playground in 1998 was that All Saints covering Red Hot Chili Peppers was a travesty. Silly girl groups trying to sing songs by proper, sweaty, socks ‘n’ cocks guitar bands was wrong, and no teenage boys had the guts to say otherwise.

But here I am, two and a half decades later and unencumbered by peer pressure. Free to admit that I’m not much a fan of the Chili Peppers (though ‘Under the Bridge’ is one of their better, less obnoxious moments). Free to discover that All Saint’s version isn’t actually that bad. I do like the stripped-back intro, and the off-kilter delivery of the verses. It’s something new – an interesting re-imagining of the original – which is the basic duty of a half-decent cover version.

Because it’s 1998 there are lots of scratchy turntable flourishes, and a crackly, old-time effect on the main guitar riff, both of which feel quite dated. And perhaps unsurprisingly for a song about someone’s relationship with heroin, several of the lines were changed and/or omitted. Anthony Kiedis was not a fan of All Saints’ version (“it looked like they didn’t know what they were singing about”), which is fair enough for a song so personal to him. You do wonder what the thought process was in choosing this as a cover, for surely they knew there would be a reaction from the rock snobs. (Though it should be noted that the guitar on this record is played by Mojo Magazine favourite Richard Hawley.)

So, this isn’t terrible. Not even close. I’m not sure why they needed to do it, and I have no idea why it’s five minutes long, but here we are. And not content with reinterpreting one much loved classic, on the other side of this double-‘A’ the girls have their way with Labelle’s raunchy disco standard ‘Lady Marmalade’. From heroin, to prostitutes…

This feels a bit more what you’d expect from a ‘90s girl group. A bit more basic, if you will, with a mid-tempo disco-funk beat that reminds me of the Spice Girls’ ‘Who Do You Think You Are’. But again they at least do something a bit different with it, removing most of the original verses and replacing them with saucy raps – My place or yours, Gotta be raw… Gotta get wet, Are you ready yet? – which cement their place as the edgier girl group of the day. Of course they keep the famous Voulez-vous coucher avec moi? line, but it’s rendered fairly PG by some of the smut around it. (I remember having an embarrassing conversation with my mum when this came on the radio, her asking if I knew what the French meant…)

The Labelle original had made #17 in 1975, which is surprisingly low. The original of ‘Under the Bridge’ had fared slightly better, reaching #13 in 1992. It’s fair to say that neither of these covers have usurped the originals in the public’s affections, while an even more popular cover of ‘Lady Marmalade’ will be along in a few years to overshadow All Saints’ effort. And personally, I much prefer the originals of these two hits. This is by far the weakest of the girls’ five number ones; but they aren’t the crimes against music that some may try to suggest.

788. ‘All That I Need’, by Boyzone

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Oh, this is indeed ‘all that we need’…

All That I Need, by Boyzone (their 3rd of six #1s)

1 week, from 26th April – 3rd May 1998

A dull, plodder from the nineties’ dullest, most plodding boyband. Yay! A mid-tempo ballad (shock, horror!) that floats past your ears fairly inoffensively. I’m struggling to remember if I’ve ever heard this before… I’m sure that I must have – I owned every ‘Now’ album between 1996 and 1999 – but I’m also sure that I’ve erased every memory of it in the intervening twenty six years.

Do I sniff the riff from the classic wimp-rock ballad ‘Right Here Waiting’? I think I do, plucked gently on an acoustic guitar. If that’s your inspiration, then you’re going to end up with something pretty insipid. Even groanin’ Ronan sounds bored as he meanders his way through the verses, as opposed to his usual constipated attempts at emoting.

And there’s that late-nineties computer generated drumbeat again. It’s starting to crop up more and more often, presumably preset into every Casio keyboard sold in 1998. In come the rest of the band for the chorus, and a lot of strings for a finish far grander than this song deserves. It’s not awful, nor is it Boyzone’s most offensive effort. But you’ll struggle to hum this five minutes after listening to it.

‘All That I Need’ was the third single from Boyzone’s third album, so we can assume that it took advantage of a quiet sales week to sneak a moment on top. That’s not to suggest they didn’t have fans – I went to school with a lot of them – but when you compare them to Take That, East 17, or the Spice Girls, there’s just something missing. More often than not that something was ‘fun’. In the video, the lads are dressed in some exotic crocodile skin jackets, ready to party. They just weren’t getting the material.

Still, Boyzone filled a niche, aimed at mums and grannies more than the kids. Nice Irish boys. And by 1998, four years and three albums into their career, they were nearing their boyband sell-by-date. Luckily for us all their manager, Louis Walsh, already had his sights on their successors: the T-1000 of granny-pleasing boybands, who will soon take the singles chart in their inhuman grip. Can’t wait!