Five (sorry, 5ive) return for album number three, and in boyband years three albums equals… Well let’s just say it’s almost time to go to that big boyband concert in the sky.
Let’s Dance, by Five (their 3rd and final #1)
2 weeks, from 19th August – 2nd September 2001
‘Let’s Dance’ is a swansong, then, and as a swansong it ticks all Five boxes. Rapped verses, catchy chorus, a hint of disco, cheeky swagger, Abs’ bucket hat in the video… Job’s a good ‘un. There’s even a spot of very du jour Daft Punk-influenced vocoding, perhaps borrowed from S Club 7 (and their far superior disco reboot) a few months earlier.
It’s a decent enough tune, then. But it’s all a bit calculated, fairly 2001-pop-song-by numbers. It lacks the personality, the vim and vigour of Five’s earlier hits, and again I’m left to lament that they had to wait so long for a #1, and that the likes of ‘Everybody Get Up’ and ‘If Ya Getting’ Down’ fell short.
It has the feel of a boyband on their last legs, basically, and that’s before you get to the fact that one of them, Sean Conlon, had already left the band due to exhaustion. This hadn’t been announced to the fans, and so he’s represented by a cardboard cutout in the video. Something that Conlon felt was a bit insulting, and that’s probably fair enough.
And on their last legs they were, as the split was announced just a month after this record had been sitting at number one. Various reunions took place over the next couple of decades, but always with one or two members missing. Earlier this year, though, they announced they’d be getting properly back together for a tour. News that was greeted more excitedly than most pop reunions, because I think Five were generally well liked by everyone, even those who were usually immune to boybands’ charms. They were fun, they were fresh, and they were – let’s be real for a moment – all pretty fuckable. And, most importantly of all, praise be: they kept the ballads to a minimum!
First thing to note here is that, despite changing my recaps from every thirty to every fifty, we have still covered barely a year’s worth of number ones. March 2000 to June 2001. We have been through the longest stretch of one-weekers in chart history (twelve), with another run of ten for good measure. In total, an amazing thirty-eight of the past fifty #1s stayed on top for just one week. (And, fittingly, one of those was called ‘7 Days’.)
What treats has this hectic turnover brought us, though? What have been the main themes of the past fifty? Well, I’ll start by saying that while I hated the fast turnover at the time, I’ve enjoyed covering it in blog terms. There was a lot of variety – some good, some bad, some so-so – and variety is, as they say, the spice of life. And I’d say that the two main themes have been 2-step garage, and nu-disco.
Garage has been the most pervasive, probably, with that 2-step beat appearing on fairly hardcore rap numbers by Oxide & Neutrino and DJ Pied Piper, as well as poppier offerings from Craig David, and even Bob the Builder’s Christmas #1. While many of my favourite recent #1s have owed a debt to disco: Madison Avenue, Spiller, even S Club 7. While Steps, God love ‘em, scored their second chart-topper with a full-on disco extravaganza. In fact, I think Barry White and Chic have appeared on at least four recent #1s between them, all sadly uncredited.
In pop terms, we’ve slowly been moving away from that Max Martin, uber-pop sound that typified the turn of the millennium to the lighter, more R&B inflected stylings of Destiny’s Child and Jennifer Lopez. Still, there has been plenty of the former too: Britney, and LeAnn Rimes, and some decent British attempts to keep up from Billie Piper and A1.
There’s been some very modern hip-hop, not least the introduction of the biggest rap artist of all time. ‘The Real Slim Shady’ felt like a game changing arrival, with precision delivery, cutting insults, and the most swears ever heard in a number one to date. Then came ‘Stan’, and proof that Marshall Mathers wasn’t just here to piss your parents off.
What of rock music? Well, it still has a pulse, just about. If you consider Limp Bizkit – our first and only nu-metal #1 – worthy of following in the tradition of earlier rock chart-toppers. Or U2, who made a grab for stadium-filling ubiquity with ‘Beautiful Day’, selling a lot of records but leaving me cold. Apart from that, the next most rocking chart-toppers were probably from the Corrs and Emma Bunton, and (as good as those two records are) if they’re representing the rock faction then the genre is probably on life-support…
In other news, we’ve bid farewell to the Spice Girls, both as a group (with the dull ‘Holler’) and as a solo concern. Their recent solo #1s have been eclectic, from Geri’s camp fluff to Mel C’s trance banger. We’ve also welcomed back the icon that is Ms Kylie Minogue for her huge second act, and while ‘Spinning Around’ isn’t a favourite of mine it is always good to have her in the conversation. There’s also been a second (or is it third?) act for Shaggy, with the highest-selling single out of the past fifty, and the last appearance of Queen on this countdown. Though the less said about that the better… And, of course, there’s been a lot of Westlife. Four out of the past fifty to be exact. And I will hold my hands up and admit to enjoying at least one of them.
Before we get to the awards, we have to mention possibly the most significant of all the recent chart-toppers: the first reality TV #1, from Hear’Say. ‘Pure and Simple’ was an okay pop song, but what it represents is actually quite terrifying. The first tremor from a fifty-plus chart-topper mega-quake…
To the latest awards, then. The 28th edition. And it’s the Meh Award that we grapple with first. What has been the least memorable of the past fifty? My shortlist includes a couple of low-key house #1s from Chicane and Rui Da Silva, as well as whichever of the four Westlife hits took my fancy. But instead I’m going to betray ten-year-old me and give it to the Spice Girls, for the double-dullness that was ‘Holler’ / ‘Let Love Lead the Way’. From the zany fun of ‘Wannabe’ to carbon-copy R&B. How the mighty fell.
There are a decent bunch of candidates for this WTAF Award too. The ‘Casualty’ and Guy Ritchie sampling ‘Bound 4 da Reload’. Or the fake Barry White on ‘You See the Trouble With Me’? Or the incongruity of Five and Queen sharing a stage (with the background stylings of Freddie Mercury slowly rotating in his grave)? Or should I give it to the nu-metal #1? I’m probably going to reveal my struggle with garage as a genre over the next couple of awards, but I’m giving this one to Oxide & Neutrino.
Which means that The28thVery Worst Chart-Topper must be the truly execrable ‘Do You Really Like It?’ (no we really do-on’t) by DJ Pied Piper and his Masters of Ceremonies. Worse even than A1’s borderline criminal cover of ‘Take on Me’. I did briefly consider giving this to ‘Beautiful Day’, just to really put the cat among the pigeons, but that would have just been petty. Plus I’m fairly sure Bono doesn’t actually read this blog.
We end, as per tradition, with The Very Best Chart-Topper Award. I have a shortlist of five. That’s probably more of a longlist, to be fair, but they are… ‘Oops!… I Did It Again’, by Britney. ‘Groovejet’, by Spiller and the delectable Sophie E-B. All Saint’s ‘Black Coffee’, which I’ve always rated higher than the better-remembered ‘Pure Shores’. ‘Stan’, by Eminem. And the irresistible ‘Don’t Stop Movin’’.
‘Oops!…’ for the nostalgia factor. ‘Spiller’ because no other #1 sums up the turn of the millennium better. ‘Black Coffee’ because All Saints are just generally underrated. And ‘Don’t Stop Movin’’ because it’s great pop. So, by that barometer, I should give it to S Club, as the most lacking in ulterior motive. But over them all looms ‘Stan’. Not a particularly enjoyable number one. Not one I long to hear very often. By an artist that I have my moral struggles with. But it’s a towering work of art, not something you can say about many pop songs; and art should sometimes by unpleasant and confronting. So I think I’m going to go with my head here, and name ‘Stan’ as the latest Very Best number one.
To recap the recaps:
The ‘Meh’ Award for Forgettability
‘Hold My Hand’, by Don Cornell.
‘It’s Almost Tomorrow’, by The Dream Weavers.
‘On the Street Where You Live’, by Vic Damone.
‘Why’, by Anthony Newley.
‘The Next Time’ / ‘Bachelor Boy’, by Cliff Richard & The Shadows.
‘Juliet’, by The Four Pennies.
‘The Carnival Is Over’, by The Seekers.
‘Silence Is Golden’, by The Tremeloes.
‘I Pretend’, by Des O’Connor.
‘Woodstock’, by Matthews’ Southern Comfort.
‘How Can I Be Sure’, by David Cassidy.
‘Annie’s Song’, by John Denver.
‘I Only Have Eyes For You’, by Art Garfunkel.
‘I Don’t Want to Talk About It’ / ‘The First Cut Is the Deepest’, by Rod Stewart.
So far, S Club 7 have teased us with their two number one singles: a cheesy TV show theme, and a festive ballad. Okay records, but no real proof of why they were the turn of the century’s finest tween-pop bubblegummers.
Don’t Stop Movin’, by S Club 7 (their 3rd of four #1s)
1 week, from 29th April – 6th May / 1 week, from 20th – 27th May 2001 (2 weeks total)
Until now. Because here is their undisputed (by me) best song: an unapologetic disco-pop banger. Uncontrollably catchy, unarguably wholesome, utterly lacking in edge. But who needs edge? Not S Club. Not anyone, really, when they have such a complete and utter floor filler. I can genuinely not imagine a party where ‘Don’t Stop Movin’’ would not get people dancing (and if there is then I don’t want invited).
Musically, this smooshes the past twenty-five years of pop music into a blender and comes up with a balance that works. The strings are disco, the beat is a ‘Billie Jean’ rip off (not a sample, as some claim), and the chorus is pure nineties bubblegum. For 2001, you could claim that it sounds old-fashioned. I’d rather go with ‘timeless’. There’s even a vocoder, for the fabulously naff Don’t stop movin’ to the S Club beat… coda, giving things that Daft Punk chic.
Bradley McIntosh is on lead vocals here, for the verses. (I have seen Bradley perform this live, and to this date he remains the only chart-topping artist whom I have touched/got an autograph off). Then regular lead Jo takes over for the bridge, which is the part of the song that seals its classic status. And which, listening to it now, owes a big debt to Madonna’s ‘Vogue’. Right here on the dance floor is where you got to let it go… Her vocals ahead of the final chorus are actually fairly spectacular.
I often claim that British pop songs lagged behind their US cousins at this time, which they did. But ‘Don’t Stop Movin’’, while completely British in its production and tone, can compete in terms of quality with almost anything that Britney was putting out at this time. And if I had to choose between this and the overly earnest Destiny’s Child record it knocked off top spot then there’s no contest.
There will be those that argue for ‘Reach’ as S Club 7’s best song, and it is a debate that causes deep divisions. ‘Reach’ is a great pop song, if a little too goody two shoes for my liking. But the real reason why ‘Don’t Stop Movin’’ is S Club’s greatest song, and not ‘Reach’, is that while both could happily be played at a primary school disco, only one could be played in a respectable nightclub. This one.
This latest randomly chosen Top 10 truly was randomly chosen. Other ‘Today’s Top 10’ posts have been themed around the Summer of Love, or the Merseybeat Explosion, or my birthday. This one though doesn’t feel like it has a theme. Yet mid-1979 was an interesting time for the charts – late-stage disco and cutting-edge new wave jostling to be the sound of the era – and I’d count the late seventies to early eighties one of the most fertile periods for number ones during our regular countdown. So, I’m intrigued and excited to hear what the top ten selling singles were this week forty-six years ago! Let’s do it…
10. ‘H.A.P.P.Y. Radio’ by Edwin Starr (up 12 / 4 weeks on chart)
Setting the tone for what is a fairly toe-tapping chart, it’s Edwin Starr and a disco-soul beauty crashing into the Top 10. ‘Songs celebrating the joy of listening to the radio’ is a not insignificant sub-genre, especially in the seventies and eighties, and this is a great addition to the canon. It’s a musical natural high… Edwin growls, over a high-tempo beat and funky horns. I had never heard this before – the only Starr song I knew was ‘War’ – but this was his third biggest hit in the UK (ascending to its #9 peak a week later). And he is an absolute dude in the video above, shimmying like a pro while some very perky backing dancers cut shapes behind him.
9. ‘Theme from the Deer Hunter (Cavatina)’, by The Shadows (up 1 / 8 weeks on chart)
If I’d sat down to make a list of acts I might have expected to see in the Top 10 in June 1979, then I think it would have taken me several days to suggest the Shadows. But here they are. For their recent ‘String of Hits’ album they had covered several big seventies hits, such as ‘Bridge Over Troubled Water’, ‘Baker Street’ and ‘You’re the One That I Want’ (link provided, because that’s just too intriguing not to…) Their take on ‘Don’t Cry for Me Argentina’ had made #5 a few months before, and now this cavatina – Italian for a simple melody – gave them their sixteenth Top 10 hit (or their forty-first, if you include all their Cliff features). It’s a beautiful melody, much more mature and restrained than their earlier work, but Hank Marvin’s guitar chimes as crystal clear as ever.
8. ‘We Are Family’, by Sister Sledge (up 13 / 4 weeks on chart)
Here comes the disco, then. Despite how close to the genre was to imploding through over-exposure (more so in the US, with ‘disco sucks’ and all that, than in the UK), the first six months of 1979 brought us some of disco’s biggest hits. ‘I Will Survive’, ‘Tragedy’, not to mention ‘Y.M.C.A’. In fact, just cast your eyes further down this Top 10 to see the extent of the disco domination. ‘We Are Family’ was the follow-up to Sister Sledge’s breakthrough hit ‘He’s the Greatest Dancer’, and surprisingly for such a ubiquitous anthem it managed no higher than #8 (then #5 after a remix in 1993). It was written by Nile Rodgers and Bernard Edwards, the first song they had ever written and not recorded with Chic.
7. ‘Are “Friends” Electric’, by Tubeway Army (up 13 / 5 weeks on chart)
Disco may have been reigning supreme, but there were signs that its days were numbered. Here comes the sound of the future: Gary Numan and Tubeway Army storming into the Top 10 on their way to number one. Not technically the first new-wave #1, but certainly one of the most arresting of all time. And almost certainly the only one about a robot prostitute. Read my original post here.
6. ‘Shine a Little Love’, by Electric Light Orchestra (non-mover / 5 weeks on chart)
Every band seemingly had a disco phase in the late-seventies, and ELO were no different. Though they were hardly the most unlikely candidates to do so, being always willing to try out various pop sounds in their fantastic run of singles throughout the decade. There’s so much more to this record than the disco strings: the galloping beat, the falsetto chorus, the groovy bassline… Great stuff.
5. ‘Ain’t No Stopping Us Now’, by McFadden & Whitehead (up 3 / 5 weeks on chart)
Disco could often veer towards cheesiness – see the record on top of this chart – but the record peaking this week at #5 is as classy and soulful as the genre got. Despite sounding more like a law firm, McFadden and Whitehead were R&B producers du jour throughout the seventies, working with acts like Gloria Gaynor, The Jacksons, James Brown and Gladys Knight, before releasing their own recordings. ‘Ain’t No Stopping Us Now’ was their one big hit, but it has gone down in history as an anthem of Black Americans: I know you refuse to be held down no more… Its fantastic bassline has also lived on, and provided the foundations for Madison Avenue’s 2000 chart-topper ‘Don’t Call Me Baby’.
4. ‘Boogie Wonderland’, by Earth, Wind & Fire and The Emotions (non-mover / 6 weeks on chart)
Disco-ed out yet? Hopefully not, for here we have one of the most disco-drenched records of all time. ‘Boogie Wonderland’ delivers on its titular promise, providing five minutes of dramatic strings, falsetto vocals and funky bassline. The video gives the impression of a massive jam session, with the members of Earth, Wind and Fire, along with female vocalists the Emotions, having a grand old time on stage. It was inspired, though, by the story of a murdered schoolteacher, with ‘Boogie Wonderland’ representing a mythical place where troubles could be forgotten.
3. ‘Dance Away’, by Roxy Music (down 1 / 8 weeks on chart)
Perhaps the outlier in this week’s Top 10, as Roxy Music give us a slice of smooth, smooth soft rock. It was their first big hit in almost four years, and marked a new chapter after their emergence as a maverick glam rock act at the start of the decade. ‘Dance Away’ was dropping from its #2 peak, making it Roxy Music’s joint-biggest hit in the UK, and it set the tone for their second era of chart dominance, which would end in a belated #1, with their cover of ‘Jealous Guy’ in the wake of John Lennon’s assassination.
2. ‘Sunday Girl’, by Blondie (down 1 / 5 weeks on chart)
Dropping after three weeks on top, it’s Blondie’s second British number one. Perhaps the most forgotten of their six chart-toppers? But considering that Blondie had one of the strongest runs of hitmaking in pop history, even their less well-remembered tunes are crackers. It’s also their poppiest number one, with a retro girl-group feel among the new-wave power chords. Read my original post on it here.
1. ‘Ring My Bell’, by Anita Ward (up 2 / 3 weeks on chart)
And climbing to the top for the first week of a fortnight at number one, one of the last huge disco hits. In fact, you could argue that this was the last true disco chart-topper, as it was followed by Tubeway Army, the Boomtown Rats, the Police and the Buggles. Of course plenty of number ones since have had disco touches, all the way through to the nu-disco dance hits that we’ve been covering throughout 2000, but they all feel more like they’re using it as a reference, rather than being born of the movement.
So, if ‘Ring My Bell’ was indeed the last true disco #1, it is both a classic of the genre, and an explanation for why some were growing sick of it. For everyone who enjoys the pew-pew sound effects and the high-pitched innuendo of the chorus, there will be others who find it gimmicky and annoying. I could go either way on this record, depending on my mood.
And that was the Top 10 on this day forty-six years ago. A real uptempo run of hits, dominated by disco, but with enough of a hint of the decade to come to keep things interesting. And, of course, the Shadows, too. Up next, we will be heading into 2001…
The nu-disco movement, which has popped up time and again in the year 2000, reaches its peak. Because if Steps are referencing a trend, then you know it’s nearly over…
Stomp, by Steps (their 2nd and final #1)
1 week, from 22nd – 29th October 2000
Actually, no. I love Steps, and will hear no word against them. I am definitely going to do a ‘Best of the Rest’ post, as they were so poorly served by their two number ones. We had the okay cover of ‘Tragedy’, paired with the okay ballad ‘Heartbeat’, and now this. Everybody clap your hands… (clap clap)…Get on up and dance, We’re gonna stomp all night now…
I mean, it’s fine. I like the rampant tempo of it, that forces you to do the full repertoire of classic disco hand gesture moves to it. I like it the pew pew effects, and the strings. Hand claps, and thank God for the weekend… In fact, it throws almost every cliché into the mix, including yet another of the year’s Chic samples (for which Nile & Co. didn’t initially receive a credit). So much disco, in fact that it promptly kills off the current revival. I’d be surprised if we hear much more at number one any time soon.
But ‘Stomp’ also can’t escape its sheer basic-ness. I know, I know, Steps were one of the most basic groups going. Which is true, to an extent. But most of their classic (yes, classic) songs are rooted in those late nineties pop sounds – a reason why they are fairly beloved by those who grew up with them – and so to hear them go disco feels like a lazy choice.
I also can’t help turning my nose up at this, knowing the Steps songs which failed to make #1. Twelve other Top 10 hits, five of which stalled at #2. ‘One for Sorrow’, ‘Last Thing on My Mind’, ‘Deeper Shade of Blue’… Meanwhile ‘Stomp’ sits at #11 in the Steps all-time sales table, and at #10 on their Spotify most played tracks. It also fluked its week at number one, with the lowest first-week sales of any of the year’s forty-two chart-toppers.
Steps split-up on Boxing Day 2001, but reformed with actually quite surprising success in the 2010s, remaining together (plus Michelle Visage, for some reason) to this day. They may have been ‘ABBA on speed’, in the words of Pete Waterman, but they bunged out some very decent pop records, and were in their own way a soundtrack to the turn of the millennium.
After a record-breaking twelve single-week number ones in a row, when neither Kylie, Eminem, Robbie Williams, nor Madonna herself, could hold on for more than seven days, we have a multi-week chart-topper.
Lady (Hear Me Tonight), by Modjo (their 1st and only #1)
2 weeks, from 10th – 24th September 2000
And of course the act to finally hold firm at the top are one that nobody had ever heard of before, that didn’t have pent-up demand and huge first day sales which quickly petered out. Modjo were a French house duo and, with no previous hits become, I think, at least the sixth Random Dance act of the year to make #1.
And it also makes sense that this song was the one to spend more than a week on top – actually increasing in sales in its second week, which was practically unheard of in 2000 – because it is a mash up of all the era’s hot sounds. There’s a Chic sample, fitting in perfectly with the nu-disco hits that we’ve heard recently, but presented through a chilled Balearic filter, more suited for the poolside bar than the club. The BPMs are low, but the blissed out vibes are high…
We’ve had plenty of hard-hitting Italian, German and Dutch dance tracks over the years, but very few from France. In fact, Modjo’s success made them only the fourth French act ever to have a UK number one, after Serge Gainsbourg, Charles Aznavour, and Mr. Oizo. And not that I want to fall into the trap of national stereotyping, but there’s something very effortlessly cool about this song. A certain… Well, if only there was a French term for a quality that can’t be described or named easily.
Maybe it’s because only the five minute long album version is available on Spotify, but I’m beginning to think that effortless cool can only get you so far. Eventually things become repetitive, which is my eternal problem with dance music. I will give a shout out, though, to the jazz hands flourish that comes along every so often, a camp little nod to the Moulin Rouge among all the modernity, which also feels very French. And to the lyrics, which in the best Europop tradition feel quite ‘second language learner’: Lady, Hear me tonight, ‘Cause this feeling, Is just so right… But they work, and are very easy to remember.
The Year 2000 is really trying its best to make me re-evaluate my feelings on dance music. On the one hand each recent dance #1 has been interesting, fun and, most importantly, not Westlife. But at the same time, the best I can say for the majority of them is that they are diverting. Most of them don’t land hard enough between my ears for me to truly love them (I’d say ‘Groovejet’ is the one dance song from this year that I really, really like). Oh, and speaking of Westlife…
The chart week beginning Sunday 20th August 2000 was supposed to be a Spice one-two. Victoria Beckham was to replace Mel C at the top of the charts with her (and Dane Bowers, and True Steppers) garage-influenced single ‘Out of Your Mind’. But as we all know by now, the path of true chart success never does run smooth…
Groovejet (If This Ain’t Love), by Spiller ft. Sophie Ellis-Bextor (their 1st and only #1s)
1 week, from 20th – 27th August 2000
For along came this incredibly catchy piece of nu-disco, from an Italian DJ and the lead singer of a little known indie band, to throw a groovy spanner in the works. Spiller, the DJ, had created the track in 1999, and named it after the Miami nightclub where he had first given it a spin, Groovejet. The backbone of the track is a sample of Carol William’s 1976 track ‘Love Is You’, and the vocals/lyrics were added by Sophie Ellis-Bextor, lead singer of Theaudience, and – once again involved in the unlikeliest of number ones – Mud’s Rob Davis.
The reasons why this unlikely dance track got caught up in one of the most famous chart races of all time with Posh Spice are various (and I might explore them in a future post). But I’d suggest that the most important reason is very simple: ‘Groovejet’ is the much better song.
It’s an effortlessly chic track, one that blends perfectly the need to be cool with the need to be accessible. It balances an authentic disco beat, some very ‘Year 2000’ production chops and swishes, and Ellis-Bextor’s beautifully detached vocals. It works as a chillout, by-the-pool track as much as it works as a floor-filler. It is retro, it is modern. It is disco, it is house. (Wikipedia lists it as ‘handbag house’, which is now my new favourite genre of all time…) It is, and this may be pure recency bias but who cares, the year’s best chart-topper.
My biggest problem with dance music is that it can sometimes get repetitive. Spiller avoids this by filling his track with lots of little touches to keep things busy, such as the strings in the old school middle-eight, and the hand drums at the end, not to mention the just silly enough aeroplane sound effect.
Back to release-week, then, where Victoria Beckham (and Dane Bowers and True Steppers) were announced to be leading the race midweek. Both women did promo, with the battle billed as ‘Posh Vs Posher’. In the end, Spiller and Sophie won out by 20,000 copies, and secured the highest weekly sales of the year so far. That was as good as it got for Spiller, who bookended his biggest smash with two #40 hits. But it set Sophie Ellis-Bextor up for much more solo success, including six Top 10 hits across the noughties (seven, if we count the two times that classic ‘Murder on the Dancefloor’ has peaked, agonisingly, in the runners-up position…) Meanwhile, this was as close as Victoria Beckham got to a solo #1, and she remains the only Spice Girl not to manage one.
Our slow meander around the year 2000’s many, many chart-toppers continues, and we find another interesting stop along the road: the lost Barry White number one.
You See the Trouble With Me, by Black Legend (their 1st and only #1)
1 week, from 18th – 25th June 2000
First, we do have to state that it is not Barry White’s voice on this record, though vocalist Elroy ‘Spoonface’ Powell does a mighty fine impersonation. He even manages to make this sound like a live sample, introducing it with a spoken In 1975, we brought you an album, With a song… backed with lots of crowd noise.
Is it too early to suggest a mini disco revival, after Geri, Madison Avenue, and now this? (I’m also sneaking a peek at the record which replaced Black Legend at the top.) Though what dominates this record is not so much disco strings, but a naggingly insistent, thoroughly modern, house beat. On the radio edit the producers toy with us for the opening two minutes, teasing snatches of ‘You See the Trouble With Me’ (a #2 hit in 1976) that cut in and out, before finally letting ‘Barry White’ loose. For a bit. When the house beat kicks back in for the third or fourth time, it officially becomes annoying.
Barry White had refused the use of his original vocals for this remix, as he felt it ‘was cheap and had no soul’. I can understand his point, as the song uses the sample as bait, almost, to lure you to the dancefloor. The choppy nature of this song, the insistence on falling back on that irritating beat, means that there’s no release, no climax. You’re left with blue (disco) balls…
Black Legend were a very short-lived Italian production duo, with the aforementioned Powell on singing duties. They were together for three singles, and their only other appearance on the UK singles chart is with the #37 peaking ‘Somebody’. They fall agonisingly short of verified one-hit wonder status.
While I don’t much care for this remix, I am being won over by the year 2000’s fast turnover, which allowed curios like this to make number one, records that may not have made the top at any other period in chart history. Speaking of which, Black Legend are the first chart-toppers in a run of twelve one-weekers, from mid-June to mid-September 2000: a record-breaking stretch. Let the frantic fun begin!
Though it may have been a chaotic year of one-week wonders, of number ones with the lifespan of butterflies, there’s something joyous about the chart-toppers of the year 2000.
Don’t Call Me Baby, by Madison Avenue (their 1st and only #1)
1 week, from 14th – 21st May 2000
This is the fifteenth number one of the year (we’re only in May, and there have been years in which the entire twelve months saw fewer than fifteen #1s). Of that fifteen, I’d count eleven as being in some way upbeat, uptempo, uplifting… It’s as if the record buying public had bounded into the new millennium full of optimism, ready to fill their CD players with fun records. Such as this slice of disco-funk.
Other than the chorus, the one thing that stands out about ‘Don’t Call Me Baby’ is the catchy bass riff that propels the song along. And it’s surprising how much of the record is left ‘blank’, with just that bass riff and the disco beat to fill the spaces between the verses and chorus. I suspected that it might have been a sample, so timeless does it sound, and so it is: from a 1980 Italian hit called ‘Ma Quale Idea’, by Pino D’Angiò, which in turn had been based on disco classic ‘Ain’t No Stoppin’ Us Now’, by McFadden & Whitehead.
The lyrics tell a story of female empowerment via the dancefloor: Behind my smile is my IQ, I must admit this does not sit with the likes of you… You’re really sweet, You’re really nice, But didn’t mama ever tell you not to play with fire…? I like the modern sass and the bite of the lyrics against the retro beat. Don’t underestimate me boy, I’ll make you sorry you were born… In fact, this brings us to another emerging theme of the year: Girl Power actually kicking in, half a decade late. I’ve already mentioned that the 21st century would see female pop stars dominate, but I hadn’t quite noticed how spunky many of the songs would be. This, straight after ‘Oops!… I Did It Again’, and ‘Bag It Up’, for example. (We’ll ignore ‘Born to Make You Happy’…)
Madison Avenue were an Australian duo, producer Andy Van Dorsselaer and singer Cheyne Coates. This record’s success made them the first Australian group to top the British charts since Men at Work back in 1983. ‘Don’t Call Me Baby’ had actually made #30 the year before, but hung around in clubs and the lower reaches of the charts, prompting this successful re-release.
They may not quite qualify as one-hit wonders, having one further Top 10 (the similarly fun ‘Who the Hell Are You’), and one more Top 40, hit. But I’d say Madison Avenue definitely qualify as the latest member of our rapidly growing ‘random dance’ sub-folder, with more to come very soon.
Bag It Up, by Geri Halliwell (her 3rd of four solo #1s)
1 week, from 19th – 26th March 2000
I overused the c-word in my post on Geri’s previous number one ‘Lift Me Up’, so I will endeavour to describe this record as anything but ‘camp’. Problem is, ‘Bag It Up’ opens with what may be the gayest line ever recorded: I like chocolate and controversy… Don’t we all, Geri.
What is this silly slice of disco-cheese about? Why is she treating her man ‘like a lady’? What the hell does I don’t take sugar on my colour TV mean?? It’s clearly some extension of the ‘Girl Power’ message, about how women don’t have to take crap from men. But like ‘Girl Power’ it falls apart under close inspection, and turns into the aural equivalent of a rowdy hen party entering a pub, even if the line Just a bad case of opposite sex… is wonderful.
Not that this record was ever meant to be closely inspected. It’s complete fluff. The video is even gayer, if such a thing was possible, as Geri advertises ‘Girl Powder’, which she uses to spike her boyfriend’s drink and turn him into a topless servant. She then dances around her factory with lots of pink-haired, six-packed oompah loompahs. Meanwhile, at that year’s Brit Awards, she performed the song after emerging from between a giant pair of legs.
Musically it sounds much like the Spice Girls’ ‘Who Do You Think You Are?’, in its poppy, nu-disco beats. In fairness, all three #1s from Geri’s debut solo album have brought something a bit different to the party, while remaining utterly disposable pop. I don’t mean that to be rude, either: I love Geri, and I love disposable pop.
What I might have questioned, had I been a bit older in 2000, was Geri’s relentless pursuit of gay icon status. It’s fun and all, but if anything it’s a little too much. She’d secured it anyway, what with being a literal Spice Girl, and so didn’t have to try so hard. I wonder if in the end it cost her some longevity. (As I write this I’m just remembering that her final chart-topper will be a cover of ‘It’s Raining Men’…)
Still, ‘Bag It Up’ is fun, and Geri was admirably serious about not taking herself seriously. Compared to self-obsessed modern pop, it’s been very refreshing to revisit the time when she was the biggest female pop star in the land.
The UK Number Ones Blog 