color me badd

Best of the Rest… Boybands

/ UK #1s blog / 7 Comments

If you’ve been following this blog over the past few weeks, you’ll have seen that I claimed December 2002, and Blue’s cover of ‘Sorry Seems to Be the Hardest Word’, featuring Elton himself, as marking the end of the Golden Age of the Boyband…

I’ve gone into discussions, and answered questions on: what makes a boyband (dance routines, key changes), who the first boyband were (NKOTB), and whether or not Blazin’ Squad were a boyband (they weren’t, it’s official). In total, we’ve covered, enjoyed and/or endured forty boyband #1s over the course of thirteen chart years. Most have been ballads. Many have been garbage. A few have been classics.

So, in this post, I am going to offer you an alternative history. A ‘what might have been’. Six non-charttopping hits from six charttopping boybands. Six choons. Not a ballad in sight.

Color Me Badd – ‘All 4 Love’ (reached #5 in 1991)

Color Me Badd made #1 with the icky ‘I Wanna Sex You Up’. But, later in 1991, they returned with the genuinely catchy ‘All 4 Love’. It’s a cheesily soulful love song, with a looped piano riff and a funky horn section. Knight in shining armour, I’ll be your fairytale… are lyrics that in a ballad would have you swallowing back vomit; but that in an uptempo number like this are forgiveable. This record made top spot in the US (bravo America), but was their final Top 10 pretty much everywhere.

East 17 – ‘Deep’ (reached #5 in 1993)

To be honest, East 17 have nothing to prove. Their one chart-topper is probably the best boyband single ever released. On the one hand, this is quite an experimental boyband single, with an ominous squelchy bass, a floaty piano line, and a strange operatic vocal loop, mingling to make an atmospheric backing track. On the other, this is preposterously horny nonsense. East 17 were almost instantly cast as the Stones to Take That’s Beatles, and it is impossible to imagine Gary Barlow uttering lines like I wanna do it ’till my belly rumbles... or I’ll butter the toast if you lick the knife…

911 – ‘Bodyshakin’‘ (reached #3 in 1997)

911 had to wait a long time (by boyband standards) for a #1. Eleven singles over three years until their cover of Dr. Hook’s ‘A Little Bit More’ finally made it all the way. But what a damp squib that was. Especially when a banger such as ‘Bodyshakin” stalled at #3. In 1997, this was very a modern sounding pop song, something that Max Martin and Backstreet Boys would be churning out to great a success by the end of the decade. (Dare I say that 911 managed this because they completely ripped off ‘We’ve Got It Goin’ On’?) I struggled between this and ‘Party People… Friday Night’, which is a much cheesier disco number, so I attach that here for your pleasure.

Five – ‘Everybody Get Up’ (reached #2 in 1998)

‘Keep on Movin” aside, I found Five’s (sorry, 5ive’s) number ones underwhelming. Especially when earlier in their career they were releasing singles like this ‘I Love Rock n Roll’ sampling 1998 smash. I think, having slogged through all these boybands, Five were probably the most fun, and the most light on ballads. In classic ’90s music video fashion, the boys disrupt a school exam, tossing test papers willy-nilly, and deliver era-defining lines like I’m the bad boy that you invite for dinner, Ain’t got no manners ’cause I eat with my fingers…

Blue – ‘All Rise’ (reached #4 in 2001)

In a way, for Blue to wrap the Golden Era of the Boyband up was fitting, as they had offered a vision of the future of the genre. They were less concerned with dance routines and key changes, and more with slick R&B production and more mature lyrics. When boybands returned to the charts in the late ’00s, quite a few of them looked and sounded like Blue. Their second single (and first #1) ‘Too Close’ told a tale of trying to hide an erection, while their debut single ‘All Rise’ presented a breakup as a court case: I’m gonna tell it to your face, I rest my case... Less a boyband, more a young adultband.

A1 – ‘Caught in the Middle’ (reached #2 in 2002)

For their 3rd and final album, A1 also went for a more grown-up sound, a world away from their pointless cover of ‘Take on Me’. This was another way in which boybands adapted for the 2000s, incorporating guitars and moodier themes, and sheepskin jackets. By the middle of the decade, as Take That returned and Westlife kept plodding on, we’d be talking about ‘manbands’. Anyway, this is a catchy, minor key number. I think it would be fair to suggest it owes a certain debt to Natalie Imbruglia’s ‘Torn’, but imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, and A1 were hardly the first boyband to borrow a sound.

Up soon, we’ll be launching into our next fifty chart-toppers, which will take us from spring 2003 to early 2005. It will also take us to the 1000th UK number one, and I have some special posts planned when we get to that milestone. It will all be boyband-less, however. Celebrate or mourn as you see fit. Unless you count Busted and McFly as boybands… but let’s not go there just yet!

665. ‘I Wanna Sex You Up’, by Color Me Badd

/ UK #1s blog / 14 Comments

I arrive at this next chart-topper, and a question immediately springs to mind: what’s worse – the name of the song, or the name of the group?

I Wanna Sex You Up, by Color Me Badd (their 1st and only #1)

3 weeks, from 2nd – 23rd June 1991

I mean, both could win the pop music equivalent of the Razzies. But for me it’s the song title that is a smidge more excruciating. And that’s because it lends its name to four minutes of cringe-inducing boyband R&B. Come inside take off your coat, I’ll make you feel at home… squeaks a Poundshop Prince. The lyrics start of icky – all lighting candles and pouring wine – and only get ickier…

For example: Disconnect the phone so nobody knows… Personally, I don’t see disconnecting the phone as a sexy move; more a creepy, ‘there’s no escape’ kind of move. And then there’s the piece de resistance: making love until we drown… dig… Drown in what, dare I ask? (Vomit, probably, given the way these lyrics are making me feel.)

There’s a spoken-word section, of course, though it’s more of a whispered-word section: Just lay back, Enjoy the ride… The only redeeming moments in the song are the two hooks – the ooh-ooh-eeh-ooh and the tick tock ya don’t stop – that run on a loop. In fact, if you can block out the lyrics, the song itself sounds very modern. If I hadn’t known, then I’d have placed it in the mid-to-late nineties, rather than 1991. The song featured on the soundtrack (another soundtrack #1!) to ‘New Jack City’, an action-crime movie featuring the likes of Chris Rock, Wesley Snipes and Ice-T.

Was this controversial at the time? Few #1s have been this upfront about sex, save for Serge and Jane, and Frankie saying ‘Relax’. (Off the top of my head, I believe this might be the first chart-topper to feature the word ‘sex’ in its title.) Or did people just write it off as simply too ridiculous to be a threat to young and impressionable minds? The video is nowhere near as saucy as it might have been, mainly featuring the four Badds sauntering along railway tracks, like NKOTB’s moody older brothers. And, of course, it seems very PG-13 compared to some of the songs that have made number one between then and now, from ‘Freak Me’ to Megan and Cardi B’s wet-ass you-know-whats…

Color Me Badd were four high school friends from Oklahoma, who were helped on their way to brief stardom by Robert Bell of Kool & The Gang, who found them a manager, and Bon Jovi, who let the boys open for them at a concert in New York. They were a racially diverse group, too: one white, one black, one Mexican, and one part Native-American.

They had two further #1s in the US (where ‘I Wanna Sex You Up’ stalled at #2), including the actually pretty great ‘All 4 Love’, which was their only other UK Top 10. They split up in 1998. They’ve left behind a complicated legacy: some sources list this as one of the ‘50 Worst Songs Ever’, while others have it as one of the ‘100 Greatest Songs of the ‘90s’. Personally I’d lean towards the former, though it is so silly in places that it almost becomes quite fun.