celine dion

Recap: #751 – #800

/ UK #1s blog / 8 Comments

And so to recap, for the twenty-sixth time (you can explore all the previous recaps by clicking on the handily titled ‘Recaps’ folder in my Categories section).

Instead of the usual thirty chart-toppers, this time I held off until we had gone through fifty, because of the rapid late-nineties turnover at the top of the charts. This latest period covers almost two years, from November 1996 to September 1998, and of the fifty number ones an amazing twenty-eight managed just a single week at the top. Plus, forty-five of them entered at number one, a feat that was almost unheard of until the mid-nineties, but is now the norm.

As in every recap, I like to pick out the themes that have been running through our latest chart-toppers. And for this recap the theme is POP! With one obvious name to start with: The Spice Girls. They’ve racked up five number ones in the past couple of years, including two festive chart-toppers. However, their most recent #1 – ‘Viva Forever’ – saw them cut down to a four-piece after Geri’s departure. And in the next recap, despite them still having two number ones to come, we’ll be talking more about the girls’ solo ventures.

But they’ve opened the floodgates for a poptastic turn of the century, and in recent weeks we’ve seen the charts flooded with a some cheap imitations of Girl Power (B*Witched and Billie). 1998 even saw the Spiceys usurped as Britain’s biggest girl group, as All Saints took over with two sexy, sassy number ones, and a couple of interesting covers. The boys haven’t been left out either: Boyzone have taken Take That’s crown as the biggest boyband in the land, scoring three largely insipid #1s, while Peter Andre and Another Level tried their best to sound sexy. By far the best pure-pop record of the last couple of years, though, was Hanson’s way too catchy ‘MMMBop’.

So, pop music is back in. Britpop is… out? We’ve mentioned before that, despite Britpop being the musical movement that the 1990s are remembered for, it was never very well represented on top of the singles charts. Yet there have still been moments as the scene started to go through its death throes: Oasis doubled-down, pretending nothing was wrong, with two preposterously overblown singles from ‘Be Here Now’ (played together ‘D’You Know What I Mean?’ and ‘All Around the World’ would take up almost twenty minutes of your time). Blur meanwhile kicked off the comedown with ‘Beetlebum’, the Verve went even more melancholy on ‘The Drugs Don’t Work’, and the Manics just did their own thing, as they usually do, singing about shooting fascists. And we should also mention ‘3 Lions ‘98’, the World Cup reworking of the 1996 original cementing that tune’s place as ultimately the biggest Britpop song of all.

In the second-half of 1997, single sales reached their all-time peak, meaning that we have also met some of the biggest-selling hits ever in this past bunch. ‘I’ll Be Missing You’, ‘Barbie Girl’ and ‘Perfect Day’ are in the Top 50, while reigning supreme over everything is Elton John’s Diana tribute. That record, and the cover of ‘Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door’ marking the Dunblane school shooting, means that two tragic events in modern British history have made an impression on the hit parade.

Finally, one more theme that we should mention is how we’ve quietly entered the age of the remix. Armand van Helden had his way with Tori Amos’ ‘Professional Widow’, Norman Cook with Cornershop’s ‘Brimful of Asha’, and it was Jason Nevins VS Run–D.M.C. on ‘It’s Like That’.

Other subplots to mention before we get on with dishing out awards… We bade farewell to MJ, and welcomed Madonna back for her first #1 in almost eight years. Hip-hop continued to tighten its grip, with chart-toppers from LL Cool J, Puff Daddy, Will Smith and, as above, Run-D.M.C. And that perennial nineties genre, the soundtrack hit, maintained its relevance with #1s from ‘Space Jam’, ‘Men in Black’, ‘Titanic’, ‘Godzilla’, ‘Sliding Doors’ and, um, ‘Beavis and Butt-Head Do America’.

To the awards then. As is traditional, we start with The ‘Meh’ Award for Forgettability. Three tunes left my pulse truly flatlining, and they were: Peter Andre’s ‘I Feel You’, Usher’s ‘You Make Me Wanna…’, and Boyzone’s ‘All That I Need’. And of those three, I genuinely cannot remember a note of ‘I Feel You’. This may be because I wrote my post on it in way back in March, but sod it. Peter Andre ‘wins’.

The WTAF Award for being interesting if nothing else appears much harder this time around. There have been plenty of bad records, but not many ‘so bad they’re good’ records. ‘Barbie Girl’…? Genuinely decent. The Teletubbies…? Genuinely awful, and a contender for the very worst. So I’m going to take a different approach. Musically it’s enjoyable, perhaps one of their better singles; but the fact that it runs for a record-breaking ten minutes, seven of which are nanananas, means that Oasis take this one with ‘All Around the World’.

On to The Very Worst Award. I had five contenders, but I’ve already talked myself out of three of them. Puff Daddy’s tribute to the Notorious BIG is crass, but I have residual affection for that from when I was the perfect age to fall for its mawkish rhymes. Speaking of mawkish, if I chose Elton’s Diana tribute then it would feel deliberately edgy of me (plus, ‘Something About the Way You Look Tonight’ is a decent enough song). ‘Teletubbies Say ‘Eh-Oh’’ is garbage but, really, what’s the point in getting angry about nonsense like that?

No, the two left standing are Celine Dion’s iceberg shaped blockbuster ‘My Heart Will Go On’, and B*Witched’s Paddy’s Day anthem ‘C’est la Vie’. Both are records I would happily ban on pain of death, but if I had to choose one to be used on me as a method of torture it would be Celine Dion. Which means B*Witched take the crown. What are they like?

The Very Best Award is tough, tough, tough this time. As I write this I still haven’t made my mind up. For the first time we’re contending not only with songs I love, but songs I grew up with in real time. The feelings are real, people. I have a shortlist of eight… Okay, more of a longlist. I’ll list them, with one pro and one con for each…

‘Breathe’, by The Prodigy (pro – better than ‘Firestarter’/con – very similar to ‘Setting Sun’, our last Very Best winner).

‘Your Woman’ by White Town (pro – one of the quirkiest ever #1s/con – too quirky…?)

Blur’s ‘Beetlebum’ (pro – I love Blur!/con – am I being objective?)

‘I Wanna Be the Only One’, by Eternal ft. BeBe Winans (pro – the key changes/con – is it actually a hymn…?)

‘The Drugs Don’t Work’, by the Verve (pro – majestic melancholy/con – or is it too depressing?)

All Saint’s ‘Never Ever’ (pro – iconic spoken word intro/con – they have even better songs to come).

Aqua’s ‘Turn Back Time’ (pro – classy pop/con – does it just benefit from comparison with their earlier #1s…?)

‘Feel It’, by The Tamperer ft. Maya (pro – a banger/ con – a bit basic).

Thanks for bearing with me. Based on these pros and cons, I am ruthlessly eliminating six records. The two remaining contenders are: ‘Your Woman’ and ‘Beetlebum’, back to back number ones in January 1997, and both at the time on my beloved four-cassette doorstopper ‘Now 36’ album. I’ve never been more tempted to announce a tie, but no. Rules are rules. Both are great, but only one uses a trumpet sample from the 1930s. There’s no such thing as too quirky: ‘Your Woman’ wins.

To recap the recaps, then:

The ‘Meh’ Award for Forgettability

  1. ‘Hold My Hand’, by Don Cornell.
  2. ‘It’s Almost Tomorrow’, by The Dream Weavers.
  3. ‘On the Street Where You Live’, by Vic Damone.
  4. ‘Why’, by Anthony Newley.
  5. ‘The Next Time’ / ‘Bachelor Boy’, by Cliff Richard & The Shadows.
  6. ‘Juliet’, by The Four Pennies.
  7. ‘The Carnival Is Over’, by The Seekers.
  8. ‘Silence Is Golden’, by The Tremeloes.
  9. ‘I Pretend’, by Des O’Connor.
  10. ‘Woodstock’, by Matthews’ Southern Comfort.
  11. ‘How Can I Be Sure’, by David Cassidy.
  12. ‘Annie’s Song’, by John Denver.
  13. ‘I Only Have Eyes For You’, by Art Garfunkel.
  14. ‘I Don’t Want to Talk About It’ / ‘The First Cut Is the Deepest’, by Rod Stewart.
  15. ‘Three Times a Lady’, by The Commodores.
  16. ‘What’s Another Year’, by Johnny Logan.
  17. ‘A Little Peace’, by Nicole.
  18. ‘Every Breath You Take’, by The Police.
  19. ‘I Got You Babe’, by UB40 with Chrissie Hynde.
  20. ‘Who’s That Girl’, by Madonna.
  21. ‘A Groovy Kind of Love’, by Phil Collins.
  22. ‘Do They Know It’s Christmas?’, by Band Aid II.
  23. ‘Please Don’t Go’ / ‘Game Boy’, by KWS.
  24. ‘Dreams’, by Gabrielle.
  25. ‘Forever Love’, by Gary Barlow.
  26. ‘I Feel You’, by Peter Andre.

The WTAF Award for being interesting if nothing else

  1. ‘I See the Moon’, by The Stargazers.
  2. ‘Lay Down Your Arms’, by Anne Shelton.
  3. ‘Hoots Mon’, by Lord Rockingham’s XI.
  4. ‘You’re Driving Me Crazy’, by The Temperance Seven.
  5. ‘Nut Rocker’, by B. Bumble & The Stingers.
  6. ‘You’ll Never Walk Alone’, by Gerry & The Pacemakers.
  7. ‘Little Red Rooster’, by The Rolling Stones.
  8. ‘Puppet on a String’, by Sandie Shaw.
  9. ‘Fire’, by The Crazy World of Arthur Brown.
  10. ‘In the Year 2525 (Exordium and Terminus)’, by Zager & Evans.
  11. ‘Amazing Grace’, The Pipes & Drums & Military Band of the Royal Scots Dragoon Guard.
  12. ‘Kung Fu Fighting’, by Carl Douglas.
  13. ‘If’, by Telly Savalas.
  14. ‘Wuthering Heights’, by Kate Bush.
  15. ‘Hit Me With Your Rhythm Stick’, by Ian Dury & The Blockheads.
  16. ‘Shaddap You Face’, by Joe Dolce Music Theatre.
  17. ‘It’s My Party’, by Dave Stewart & Barbara Gaskin.
  18. ‘Save Your Love’ by Renée & Renato.
  19. ‘Rock Me Amadeus’, by Falco.
  20. ‘Pump Up the Volume’ / ‘Anitina (The First Time I See She Dance)’, by M/A/R/R/S.
  21. ‘Doctorin’ the Tardis’, by The Timelords.
  22. ‘Sadeness Part 1’, by Enigma.
  23. ‘Ebeneezer Goode’, by The Shamen.
  24. ‘I Would Do Anything for Love (But I Won’t Do That)’, by Meat Loaf.
  25. ‘Spaceman’, by Babylon Zoo.
  26. ‘All Around the World’, by Oasis.

The Very Worst Chart-Toppers

  1. ‘Cara Mia’, by David Whitfield with Mantovani & His Orchestra.
  2. ‘The Man From Laramie’, by Jimmy Young.
  3. ‘Roulette’, by Russ Conway.
  4. ‘Wooden Heart’, by Elvis Presley.
  5. ‘Lovesick Blues’, by Frank Ifield.
  6. ‘Diane’, by The Bachelors.
  7. ‘The Minute You’re Gone’, by Cliff Richard.
  8. ‘Release Me’, by Engelbert Humperdinck.
  9. ‘Lily the Pink’, by The Scaffold.
  10. ‘All Kinds of Everything’, by Dana.
  11. ‘The Twelfth of Never’, by Donny Osmond.
  12. ‘The Streak’, by Ray Stevens.
  13. ‘No Charge’, by J. J. Barrie
  14. ‘Don’t Give Up On Us’, by David Soul
  15. ‘One Day at a Time’, by Lena Martell.
  16. ‘There’s No One Quite Like Grandma’, by St. Winifred’s School Choir.
  17. ‘I’ve Never Been to Me’, by Charlene.
  18. ‘Hello’, by Lionel Richie.
  19. ‘I Want to Know What Love Is’, by Foreigner.
  20. ‘Star Trekkin’’, by The Firm.
  21. ‘Nothing’s Gonna Change My Love for You’, by Glenn Medeiros.
  22. ‘Let’s Party’, by Jive Bunny & The Mastermixers.
  23. ‘(Everything I Do) I Do It for You’, by Bryan Adams.
  24. ‘Don’t Stop (Wiggle Wiggle)’, by The Outhere Brothers.
  25. ‘Unchained Melody’ / ‘White Cliffs of Dover’, by Robson & Jerome.
  26. ‘C’est la Vie’, by B*Witched

The Very Best Chart-Toppers

  1. ‘Such a Night’, by Johnnie Ray.
  2. ‘Cherry Pink and Apple Blossom White’, by Perez ‘Prez’ Prado & His Orchestra.
  3. ‘Great Balls of Fire’, by Jerry Lee Lewis.
  4. ‘Cathy’s Clown’, by The Everly Brothers.
  5. ‘Telstar’, by The Tornadoes.
  6. ‘She Loves You’ by The Beatles.
  7. ‘(I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction’, by The Rolling Stones.
  8. ‘A Whiter Shade of Pale’, by Procol Harum.
  9. ‘I Heard It Through the Grapevine’, by Marvin Gaye.
  10. ‘Baby Jump’, by Mungo Jerry.
  11. ‘Metal Guru’, by T. Rex.
  12. ‘Tiger Feet’, by Mud.
  13. ‘Space Oddity’, by David Bowie.
  14. ‘I Feel Love’, by Donna Summer.
  15. ‘Heart of Glass’, by Blondie.
  16. ‘The Winner Takes It All’, by ABBA.
  17. ‘My Camera Never Lies’, by Bucks Fizz.
  18. ‘Relax’ by Frankie Goes to Hollywood.
  19. ‘You Spin Me Round (Like a Record)’, by Dead or Alive
  20. ‘Stand by Me’, by Ben E. King (Honorary Award)
  21. ‘It’s a Sin’, by Pet Shop Boys.
  22. ‘Theme from S-Express’, by S’Express.
  23. ‘Nothing Compares 2 U’, by Sinéad O’Connor.
  24. ‘Would I Lie to You?’, by Charles & Eddie.
  25. ‘Stay Another Day’, by East 17.
  26. ‘Setting Sun’, by The Chemical Brothers.
  27. ‘Your Woman’, by White Town

Our next run of fifty chart-toppers will take us, just, into the new millennium. Before that, we’ll take a break and have a week of records that never quite made it to the top. Random Runners-Up is back!

784. ‘My Heart Will Go On’, by Celine Dion

/ UK #1s blog / 9 Comments

In which we don our lifejackets, fight our way out on deck, and try to find a lost child with whom to bribe our way onto a boat. Anything to avoid a collision with this hulking leviathan of a song…

My Heart Will Go On, by Celine Dion (her 2nd and final #1)

1 week, from 15th – 22nd February 1998 / 1 week, from 8th – 15th March 1998 (2 weeks total)

‘My Heart Will Go On’ is one of those songs that has become such a cliché, such a meme, such a cornerstone of popular culture, that it is very hard to judge as a mere five-minute piece of popular balladry. But if you can separate it from what it’s become, and manage to hear it as people in 1997 did… Then you are still confronted with a truly horrifying song.

I always thought the opening notes were played on pan-pipes, but it’s actually a tin whistle. This vaguely Celtic, new-agey motif features throughout the three hours plus of the movie ‘Titanic’, a sort of Pavlovian signal that Something Romantic is happening. It existed as part of the soundtrack to the film before composer James Horner suggested using it in a song. James Cameron, the director, wasn’t sold. If only he’d stuck to his guns… Sadly, he gave in, and this monster was born.

My first impression upon sitting down and listening to this song properly for the first time in a quarter of a century is that it sounds dated for the late-nineties. Every power-ballad cliché is ticked: big drums, squealing guitars, echoey effects, and gloopy percussion. Add in the new-age feel, and it sounds like we’ve slipped back a decade. Then there’s the ‘Whitney’ moment – the pause, and the beat, before the key-change and the final sledgehammer chorus.

As Houston does in ‘I Will Always Love You’, Celine Dion bludgeons all emotion out of the song’s climax in a storm of howling bombast. Though that sounds like I’m suggesting that there’s emotion in the verses preceding the final chorus. There isn’t. It’s all just too huge, too overwhelming, to have any impact. It mirrors the way I feel about the movie, too. I’ve enjoyed it as a piece of entertainment, but the ‘sad’ scenes now come across almost as tongue-in-cheek. Again, this is possibly because we’ve seen way too many parodies of frozen Jack, and Rose clinging to the door; but it could also be because the film was complete fluff in the first place.

For all this talk of entertainment, though, one of this song’s biggest failings is its dullness. I first mentioned this phenomenon when we covered the ‘90s other big soundtrack hits: Houston’s, and Bryan Adams. Once upon a time power ballads were ridiculous pieces of theatre. Think ‘Total Eclipse of the Heart’, or ‘China in Your Hand’. Dion’s previous chart-topper ‘Think Twice’ was a much more recent example of a power ballad whose earnestness was delivered with a wink and a lot of scenery chewing. There’s no wink here, though, no sense of an in-joke. Just a dull plod punctuated by lots of serious fist clenching.

But you don’t need me to tell you that ‘My Heart Will Go On’, for all its God-awfulness, was fairly successful. A number one in more than twenty-five countries around the world, and currently the second-best selling single ever by a female artist (behind you-know-who). Celine Dion apparently disliked it at first – I mean, she would say that now – but it hasn’t stopped her milking it for all its worth. China in particular has a passion for the song, with state television inviting Dion to belt out her biggest hit several times over the years. For me, though, ‘My Heart Will Go On’ will always remind me of a family holiday in Lanzarote. It was the first time I had ever been on a plane, travelling for four hours across Europe just to hear this dirge being played every fifteen minutes at the pool bar…

716. ‘Think Twice’, by Celine Dion

/ UK #1s blog / 13 Comments

We’ve had Whitney, we’ve had Mariah… Now we welcome onstage the 3rd member of the Three Tenoritas…

Think Twice, by Celine Dion (her 1st of two #1s)

7 weeks, from 29th January – 19th March 1995

It’s yet another colossal power ballad, of the style so beloved by the decade’s large-lunged divas. I was hard on ‘I Will Always Love You’, and down on ‘Without You’, and you probably think you know where this post is going. But, you’d be wrong. For this one goes straight to the top of the pile marked ‘Guilty Pleasures’.

What’s the difference between ‘Think Twice’ and those aforementioned crimes against eardrums? To be honest, I’m not sure. The first minute of this song is average, dull even. There are moody synths, as Celine Dion sings about her man starting to pull away. There are pan-pipes too, for God’s sake. It doesn’t sound promising. But at the start of the second verse, when the drums and guitars kick in, and Celine starts fighting for her man, the song transforms into a different beast.

My complaint about recent power ballads is that the sense of fun has drained out of them. They’ve become earnest and stodgy, not to mention that they’ve been clogging up the number one spot for months on end. But ‘Think Twice’ has a sense of OTT silliness that the best ‘80s power ballads – the likes of ‘Total Eclipse…’ and ‘Take My Breath Away’ – had. Then there’s the fact that it features an actual guitar solo! Not to mention the rhyming of ‘serious’ with ‘you or us’. And finally, there’s the way that Celine goes completely unhinged for the final chorus.

It’s impossible not join in with her ad-libs, the ba-ay-ay-bays and the NOnononoNOs, as this record hurtles to its gigantic conclusion. It’s all helped by the steamy video, in which Celine mopes around while a hunk in dungarees carves massive blocks of ice into sexy shapes. He storms off angrily, and Celine proceeds to caress and grind against his giant sculptures until he returns. It’s a cross between soft-porn and a tacky karaoke video, and it adds a further layer of flamboyance to what is already a piece of high camp.

This slow-burner of a power ballad had a suitably slow-burning journey towards becoming one of the biggest selling hits of the decade. Recorded in 1993, it was released as a single in September 1994, before finally making #1 five months later. Its fifteen-week climb to the top was a record and, in an interesting sign of the times, it was the first #1 not to be made available in vinyl.

Celine Dion had been a star in Quebec since the early ‘80s, but it wasn’t until 1990 that she started recording primarily in English. ‘Think Twice’ was just her 3rd Top 10 hit in the UK, but it set her up for many more. And although I like this much more than many of Houston or Carey’s monster ballads; I don’t have the same love for the rest of Dion’s career. She’s never really moved far beyond glossy ballads, and none of them came close to this classic. In fact, I suspect part of the reason that this record sounds so good is that it makes a refreshing change from hearing her signature song, her second number one… You know, the one involving an iceberg. And I won’t be anywhere near as nice about that dirge…