2002 number ones

943. ‘If You’re Not the One’, by Daniel Bedingfield

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Daniel Bedingfield’s debut hit, ‘Gotta Get Thru This’, was a breath of fresh air: a fun moment that balanced garage and dance nicely, in a way that summed up the sound of the early ‘00s.

If You’re Not the One, by Daniel Bedingfield (his 2nd of three #1s)

1 week, 1st – 8th December 2002

It was also a bit of a false dawn, because I think gloop like this is what Daniel Bedingfield is better remembered for these days, if he’s remembered for anything at all. Syrupy, heartfelt ballads. And syrupy, heartfelt ballads are not my thing. But I will try to see the best in this record, which I remember being fairly inescapable for a good few months.

That word: heartfelt. This definitely is, and Bedingfield’s commitment to the soppy sentiments makes it bearable. Even the falsetto note he hits at the end of each chorus. Then there’s the doubt, the fact that this song is about being with someone but worrying they might not stay. I hope I love you all my life… is probably the most powerful line. Plus, there’s something about the relatively low-key production, the heartbeat drums and echoing synths, that reminds me of Phil Collins’ ‘In the Air Tonight’

I’m actually surprised that I’m enjoying listening to this song, as I hated it at the time. Not only was it soppy, but it was everywhere. I remember it climbed back into the Top 10 for Valentine’s Day, a good two and a half months after it was released, something that didn’t happen often in the charts of the early ‘00s.

Daniel himself, though, went on record saying that he found the song too cheesy, and didn’t want it included on his debut album. He had, he said, deliberately set out to write a Westlife-ish song. And I’d say he failed, because this is quite subtly heartfelt, lacking the bombastic cheese of most Westlife tunes, and because there’s no key change. As far as I can tell all the interviews in which he said these things came from 2003 onwards, and I’d also say it’s easy to claim you don’t like a song once it’s been at #1 and made you lots of money.

I’m also sceptical of Bedingfield’s claims because his not far-off final chart-topper is an equally simpering ballad. If you don’t like these songs, why do you keep writing, recording and releasing them then, Daniel?

942. ‘Dirrty’, by Christina Aguilera ft. Redman

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Louder, for the people in the cheap seats: If you ain’t dirty, You ain’t here to par-tay…

Dirrty, by Christina Aguilera (her 3rd of four #1s) ft. Redman

2 weeks, 17th November – 1st December 2002

Enter Xtina. Although last time we met her was in a boudoir in the Moulin Rouge, and although she’d always been the naughty one compared to rival Britney, I remember seeing the video to ‘Dirrty’ for the first time and being, as the kids say, shook.

Backing up my idea that 2002 was the moment the 21st century started, musically speaking, this is very modern pop. Gone are the staccato beats of millennial R&B. Gone is the bubblegum of the late ‘90s. In are clanking industrial chords, a scuzzy bassline, and huge vocals. This is the pop music of Rihanna, of Gaga, of a hundred other wannabes in the past twenty years. Pop music turned up to 11.

And yes, lyrically, it’s filth. I need that (uh) to get me off, Sweat until my clothes come off… Xtina announces before each chorus. It’s a classic good-girl-gone-bad song, in which a previously (semi)innocent pop princess launches headfirst into her slut era. Britney did it with ‘I’m a Slave 4 U’. Holly Valance made #1 with her debut single using the same trick. But nobody has done with as much as gusto as Christina. In previous posts I’ve taken issue with her over-singing, but here her belting works. This is no time for subtlety.

It’s also modern in its female singer plus guest rapper dynamic. Again, this is the format that many pop songs, and many number ones, will take over the next decade. I’ve no idea who Redman was, and doubt I’ve ever heard another song by him, but he’s a big part of this one’s success, from the If you ain’t dirty… call, to his line about being blessed and hung low, to him punching a giant rabbit in the video. In fact, the entire song is based around his 2001 original ‘Let’s Get Dirty’.

Ah, the video. As great as this record is in audio, it needs to be seen for it to have its full effect. Christina writhes, grinds, simulates masturbation, and invents the slut-drop, all while wearing some iconic, red leather, ass-less chaps. There’s foxy-boxing, mud-wrestling, female weightlifters, and signs in Thai that read ‘Young Underage Girls’ (a step too far, I will admit, and one which got a lot of criticism at the time).

Is it all a bit much? Is it vulgar? Is it pandering to straight male fantasies? To which I’d say: Yes, but who cares. Definitely, but who cares. And I’m not an authority on such matters. I will say though, a close (straight male) friend at the time spent hours a day requesting this video on music channels, waiting breath-baited on the edge of his bed for it to come on. He eventually recorded it onto a VHS… Which is a very hard to imagine scenario post-YouTube, but it was how we teenage millennials had to get our kicks. As for me, as much as I loved this song at time, it pretty much confirmed my homosexuality, as all I could think was how much Christina lived up to the song’s title, looking like she hadn’t showered in days.

I’ll end with the end, the final beat of the song after almost five minutes of writhing and grinding. In which Christina turns to the audience and asks Uh… What? As if daring you to criticise this gloriously inappropriate, slutty masterpiece.

941. ‘Unbreakable’, by Westlife

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Westlife’s eleventh number one in three and a half years. How are we all holding up…?

Unbreakable, by Westlife (their 11th of fourteen #1s)

1 week, 10th – 17th November 2002

My patience, for one, is well and truly shot. With each successive ballad, Westlife get more and more turgid. Is this any worse than their early hits? I think it is, but who can tell. When you get to number eleven then the law of diminishing returns has well and truly set in. The worst thing is, their last chart-topper, ‘World of Our Own’, was an upbeat bop. We’ve had hints, glimpses that it could have been so different.

‘Unbreakable’ starts off slowly, with a beat and tempo bastardised from ‘Hero’ and ‘Unchained Melody’. Yes, two of 2002’s previous big ballad hits. Call me cynical… To compound the lack of originality, the video was filmed on the same beach as ‘If I Let You Go’. By the end we’re soaring, or at least lumbering like a drunken buffalo, to a dramatic finish, complete with sleigh bells because it is almost Christmas after all.

And of course, there’s a gigantic key change. But even that lacks the fun, the charm, of their earlier key changes, because you know it’s coming. It arrives slowly, with a huge drawing of breath, like the tide going out before a gigantic tsunami that nobody is ever going to outrun.

The overriding feeling here is of a group going through the motions. This was the lead single from Westlife’s first greatest hits album, and it draws a line under the boyband part of their career. Their final three number ones will be covers of MOR classics, from the likes Barry Manilow and Bette Midler. Probably wisely, they knew that the twelve-year-olds that had bought their singles in 1999 were now sixteen-year-olds who had moved on. From here on they were shooting squarely for the mum, and grandma, market.

All of which ties into something I wrote a few posts ago, that we’re reaching the end of the golden age of the boyband, an era that has stretched from the late-eighties right through the nineties, past the good (Take That, 5ive), the bad (Boyzone, Westlife) and the ugly (911… oops)

940. ‘Heaven’, by DJ Sammy & Yanou ft. Do

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Here we, here we, here we fucking go!

Heaven, by DJ Sammy & Yanou ft. Do (their 1st and only #1s)

1 week, 3rd – 10th November 2002

That’s the sort of thing people used to shout when the beat dropped on this next number one, in the cheap nightclubs I was frequenting in 2002, where they didn’t check IDs and the carpet oozed decades’ worth of alcohol onto your shiny school shoes (no trainers allowed – they did have some standards).

This is cheap and nasty trance pop. Ned music, if you’re from where I’m from. Faceless Euro DJs with sledgehammer originals, and remixes of old hits. Think Ultrabeat, Basshunter, Cascada and, daddies of them all, SCOOOOO-TER! They did the job, when you were young and off your face on Smirnoff Ice, but for dance music in general I’d say it was a step backwards.

Compare this to the Eurodance of a couple years earlier: Fragma, Modjo, ATB. Their offerings were a lot subtler, a bit more thoughtful. For much of the 2010s though, as far as I could tell, most dance tunes sounded like DJ Sammy. And one on hand I do like the heavy, deliberate beats that trance gives you. It lends itself to lasers and dry ice, and listening to this now I am starting to get slightly nostalgic. But it also gets repetitive.

‘Heaven’ was originally a hit for Bryan Adams in 1985, when it had given him his first US #1 (and had made #38 in the UK). It provided a similar breakthrough for DJ Sammy, a Spaniard who had been active since the mid-90s. His version of ‘Heaven’ also impressively made the Billboard Top 10, a chart usually immune to the charms of European dance music. Sammy had further success with versions of Don Henley’s ‘Boys of Summer’ and Annie Lennox’s ‘Why’, and he continues to record and to DJ.

The credits for this song feel very 21st century. Imagine telling someone in 1952 that fifty years later number one hits would be recorded by acts named DJ Sammy & Yanou ft. Do. Yanou was the German producer who collaborated on this track, and Do a Dutch singer who provided the vocals. Neither have troubled the UK charts again, though Do was fairly successful in her homeland and Yanou went on to work extensively with the aforementioned Cascada.

Another thing I remember about this song was the very popular ‘candlelight mix’: a stripped back, piano version without the thumping beat, which probably soundtracked many a teenage fumble among my schoolfriends. Like I said, listening to this now is making me slightly nostalgic. I have to remind myself that I thought this was crap at the time, and that it’s still fairly crap now. But therein lies the pernicious danger of nostalgia, making even the bad, the cheap, and the tacky, appear good.

939. ‘Dilemma’, by Nelly ft. Kelly Rowland

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Our next number one was a huge hit, a very popular song then that remains so now. Many of its lyrics and hooks are familiar to me, despite not listening to the song very often in the intervening twenty years or so. And yet…

Dilemma, by Nelly (his 1st of four #1s) ft. Kelly Rowland (her 1st of two solo #1s)

2 weeks, 20th October – 3rd November 2002

And yet, I can’t quite figure out why this was such a big song. And I don’t really know how to approach it. Is it cheesy? It is an unabashed love song… Or is it cool? One third of Destiny’s Child and the year’s big breakout rapper should equal pretty cool… Or is it a novelty? Any song that rhymes ‘boo’ with ‘you’ could be filed under that category… None of this is to say I dislike it. It’s smooth, it’s memorable, it’s so very rooted in my memories of my final year at high school. I just struggle to place it.

Maybe the best way to view is as classic hip-hop, an old-school slow jam in the tradition of LL Cool J. The crackly vinyl in the intro, the record scratches, the nursery rhyme melody, the cheesy lyrics, all become acceptable if this is a loving nod back to the hip hop of the eighties and the nineties. It’s strange though. Tracks like this were ten-a penny on top of the Billboard charts, but in the UK this type of hip-hop rarely had as big an impact as this.

In fact, still, even in 2002, the number of hip-hop chart-toppers has been limited. Eminem, sure, and some rapped verses in pop songs. Was Afroman rap? Shaggy? There’s UK garage too, like So Solid Crew, but that’s slightly different. The last pure US hip-hop #1 was arguably Run-D.M.C, way back in 1998, and that was a remix of an old tune. Beyond that there was Puff Daddy, and LL himself, in 1997.

And yes, the number one is only one record out of a whole chart, and rap songs had been featuring in the Top 40 for decades by this point, but still. If this was a blog on the US charts (where it was #1 for ten weeks) then ‘Dilemma’ wouldn’t stand out at all. But in the UK it does feel like a slight outlier among the talent show pop, the boybands and the dance. A nice outlier, though. A smooth palate cleanser after our usual fare.

‘Dilemma’ probably did better than your average rap single because of the first appearance of a solo Destiny’s Child star (although Beyoncé had released a song for an ‘Austin Powers’ soundtrack a few months before, this song’s success caused her to push back the release date of her debut album so as not to have to compete with her bandmate). Nelly too had just been responsible for one of the songs of that summer, the funky ‘Hot in Herre’. So momentum was behind both of them, leading to the biggest non-Pop Idol opening sales of the year, and 2002’s fourth highest-selling single.

It also seems to live on to this day, or has been rediscovered by Gen Z, as I see it crop up in reels where the ‘ahhs’ are synced with a variety of weird and wonderful things. And then there’s the now-infamous scene in the video, where Kelly appears to be using an Excel spreadsheet to write a text message, which has been doing the rounds online for years. As a songwriter you presumably want your songs to live on, but you have no control over the reasons for why they do…

938. ‘The Ketchup Song (Aserejé)’, by Las Ketchup

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Ah, the classic autumn Eurotrash hit. Played in bars across Europe all summer, and belatedly making #1 in the UK after the leaves have started to fall…

The Ketchup Song (Aserejé), by Las Ketchup (their 1st and only #1)

1 week, from 13th – 20th October 2002

To Whigfield, Eiffel 65 and DJ Ötzi we can now add Las Ketchup, with this slice of Spanglish surf rock. And, of course, the accompanying dance routine. They were a Spanish girl group, three sisters, and this was their first hit. And call me cynical, but when your group and your first single share a title, and that title involves ‘Ketchup’, then it’s safe to assume you’re not aiming for longevity.

But also, call me surprised, because this isn’t at all as bad as I’d expected. It’s horribly catchy, sure, and largely nonsense (‘aserejé’ is not a Spanish word, nor is ‘buididipi’, nor ‘seibuinova’) with a chorus based on ‘Rapper’s Delight’, but it’s much more of a rock song than I recalled, with the guitars switching between eighties soft, and growling surf, rock. It’s not as in-your-face irritating as some of the Eurotrash that’s gone before and, despite its obvious disposableness, it still sounds like a real song.

This is all a revelation, presumably because sixteen-year-old me wrote this off as novelty crap without giving it a proper listen. I’d still not choose to listen to it, but couldn’t promise that it wouldn’t get me on a dancefloor in double quick time after a jug of sangria. And at least it came out when I was too old to be haunted by its dance routine at primary school discos, unlike ‘Saturday Night’ and ‘Macarena’.

My teenage aloofness has also caused me to miss how bloody massive this song was in 2002. It made #1 in twenty-seven countries, and Wiki lists it as being a chart-topper in every territory in which it was released except the US, Japan, and – the only European hold-outs – Croatia. It didn’t lead to any lasting success, however, and Las Ketchup are gold-star one hit wonders in the UK. Their last release was in 2006, when they represented Spain at Eurovision, finishing twenty-first with ‘Un Blodymary’, though they continue to perform.

One other thing that had passed me by regarding ‘The Ketchup Song’, as well as its relative quality and its success, was the fact that the gibberish lyrics are alleged in Latin America to be secretly demonic… ‘Aserejé’, some religious types argued, sounds like ‘a ser hereje’ (‘let’s be heretical’), with other lyrics supposedly referring to hell and Satanic rituals. The song was banned by a TV station in the Dominican Republic on these grounds… So, press play below at your peril!

937. ‘The Long and Winding Road’ / ‘Suspicious Minds’, by Will Young & Gareth Gates

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After two solo number ones apiece, it was surely inevitable that a Pop Idol Top Two duet was on its way…

The Long and Winding Road / Suspicious Minds, by Will Young & Gareth Gates (their 3rd of four #1s each)

2 weeks, from 29th September – 13th October 2002

And after two solo number ones apiece that I’ve tried to make the best of, and in some cases quite enjoyed, it was surely inevitable that my patience would run out. It’s not just that it’s the sixth Pop Idol #1 in barely six months, and it’s not just that they’re desecrating both the Beatles and Elvis. It’s both those things, but also the fact that both these songs are sooo very dull.

Their take on ‘The Long and Winding Road’ starts off as the sort of lounge-pop that male-female duos perform in the background of posh hotel buffets, under strict instructions to be as bland and inoffensive as possible so as not to distract people from their lobster. It picks up a little, and the harmonies are nice, but I’m not sure I’ve ever heard it before. Which is odd for a two-week number one in 2002, when I was amid one of my chart-watching phases. Or it’s entirely possible that I’ve just forgotten.

Interestingly – potentially the only interesting thing about this record – that song is a duet while the other is left entirely over to Gareth. His cover of ‘Suspicious Minds’ featured on the soundtrack to Disney’s ‘Lilo & Stitch’, and is bad in a completely different way. Although Gareth Gates is not vocally on a par with Elvis (newsflash!), it is upbeat, it is perky, and it sounds like he is having fun. But it has that classic, syrupy, karaoke production that reality TV singing shows will became famous for, with any potential edge polished away to nothing.

I’m not one for venerating the sacred cows of pop. I say have at them. One of my favourite covers of a Beatles song is Tiffany’s clattering ‘I Saw Her Standing There’. And of course Elvis’ and the Beatles’ back-catalogues is filled with covers, of varying quality. But for God’s sake, do something interesting. Add something to the conversation, for better or worse. It’s not as if ‘The Long and Winding Road’ is many people’s favourite Beatles’ song in the first place. And while ‘Suspicious Minds’ is an undisputed classic, Fine Young Cannibals proved that it was possible to reimagine it and not piss off too many people. Hell, even Will Young’s cover of a cover of ‘Light My Fire’ had something interesting about it.

But then ‘something interesting’ isn’t often in the remit of Simon Cowell and his production team. You do wonder if the choice of artists being covered here was intentional trolling, but I suspect it was just further proof of a lack of imagination. We’ll do Elvis and, um, The Beatles! This was still actually quite avant-garde for a Cowell release. If he had his way, he’d probably be happy with a never-ending parade of ‘Unchained Melody’ covers.

I imagine Gareth was happier than Will when doing these covers, but that’s probably based on the direction their careers went in the years after Pop Idol. 2003 will bring one final chart-topper for both, and these songs will give a clearer indication of what lay in store for either boy.

936. ‘Just Like a Pill’, by Pink

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God, I haven’t heard this song in years. But within three notes of the intro, I am sixteen again.

Just Like a Pill, by Pink (her 2nd of three #1s)

1 week, from 22nd – 29th September 2002

September 2002, and I had just started my final year of high school, where Pink’s (sorry, P!nk’s) ‘Missundaztood’ (sorry, ‘M!ssundaztood’) was one of three albums that seemed to be on constant rotation, along with Red Hot Chili Peppers’s ‘By the Way’, and No Doubt’s ‘Rock Steady’.

And I can see why it appealed to us teens. It’s moody, it’s got big beefy chords, it’s got lyrics about bad trips, and morphine, and a ‘bitch’ nurse (is Pink the first woman to curse in a #1 single?). It’s emo-pop, a couple of years before that was an actual genre. But it’s still very much a pop song, crammed with hooks.

Listening to it now, ‘Just Like a Pill’ feels both slightly lightweight, and slightly too polished; but has also held up pretty well over the intervening two decades. The chorus is one of Pink’s best, and her voice suits this sort of pop rock much more than the R&B she started her career off with. It frustrates me that the middle-eight, setting up a soaring final chorus, is just a repeat of the bridge, though. It leaves something lacking.

Not that it should matter, but Pink wasn’t just cosplaying as a drug addict for credibility, having had a near-fatal overdose at sixteen. Although she was often lumped together with the other female pop stars of the day, she always had an edge to her, which for me made her one of the more interesting, but also slightly overlooked, singers of the ‘00s. And yet… having just checked her discography, colour me surprised to see that Pink has had twenty-one Top 10 hits in the UK, across twenty-one years! I’d guess that’s way more than many of her contemporaries.

I need to do a Pink deep-dive, because looking down her singles discography there are some great tunes which – like this one – I haven’t heard in an age (including one more classic pop-rock #1 to come). And actually, the fact that ‘Just Like a Pill was her first solo number one is surprising, given the ubiquity of the album’s two earlier singles – ‘Get the Party Started’, and the even more emo ‘Don’t Let Me Get Me’. So why do I overlook her? Is it because she never quite fit in with the female pop star image? Because she went her own way? Because she was, dare I say, m!ssundaztood?

935. ‘The Tide Is High (Get the Feeling)’, by Atomic Kitten

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The Kittens are back, and so is that tacky, pre-set drumbeat. Seriously they should have patented it, so that it could only ever have been used to announce a new tune from Britain’s favourite Scouse likely lasses.

The Tide Is High (Get the Feeling), by Atomic Kitten (their 3rd and final #1)

3 weeks, from 1st – 22nd September 2002

Last time out they were desecrating the memory of the Bangles, with their truly criminal cover of ‘Eternal Flame’. Now it’s the turn of an iconic act from the other end of the eighties to act as a scratching post: Blondie. However, despite being much more a fan of Blondie than the Bangles, I can’t get so worked up about this take on ‘The Tide Is High’…

Maybe because this is, by far, my least favourite of Blondie’s six chart-toppers? Maybe because it’s a cover of a cover, Blondie having taken The Paragon’s sixties original? Maybe because it’s an upbeat track, which is much more in Atomic Kitten’s wheelhouse, and not an emotional ballad?

Not that I’m going to argue that this record is particularly good, either. But it washes over me, putting me in a late summer kind of mood. They remain limited singers, but this far into Atomic Kitten’s career that is no surprise. You knew what you were going to get. Plus, they add a new middle-eight – an original composition called ‘Get the Feelin’’ – so it feels slightly more than just a straight cover.

Still, the fact that it stayed at number one for three weeks – a long stretch by early ‘00s standards – is surprising. In fact, it should be noted that none of the Kitten’s three chart-toppers were one-weekers, which is impressive, and suggests that they had a casual, widespread appeal rather than a devoted fanbase. For purely circumstantial evidence of this theory, I can confirm I have never met anyone who would confess to being an Atomic Kitten fan.

We bid farewell to Liz, Tash and Jenny here, but they were good for six more Top 10 hits through to 2005, when they went on hiatus. In total they enjoyed thirteen Top 10s across six years: an amazing achievement for a group that couldn’t sing all that well and relied on that bloody drumbeat. Some will take that as evidence of slipping societal standards. But I take it as evidence of Atomic Kitten having something, whatever that something is, to elevate them above the many other similar groups of the time who also relied on pre-set beats and couldn’t sing all that well. I will, one final time, also bemoan the fact that none of the fun, innovative pop tracks from their first album made #1, and that we were left with their three, largely meh, chart-toppers.

934. ‘Crossroads’, by Blazin’ Squad

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In 2002, an S Club 7 spin-off was launched: S Club Juniors, a group of pre-teens singing similarly peppy pop tunes. Sadly, they won’t feature on this countdown (though seriously, ‘One Step Closer’ is a banger), but they’re here in spirit. For Blazin’ Squad, read So Solid Crew Juniors…

Crossroads, by Blazin’ Squad (their 1st and only #1)

1 week, from 25th August – 1st September 2002

A group of ten sixteen-year-old lads, covering a rap classic by Bone Thugs-N-Harmony, #8 in 1995 (and eight-week Billboard #1). It’s easy to scoff – the band name is so clearly a teenage brainwave – and many did. “Self-proclaimed pioneers of chav culture” is a particular favourite. But I do like to take each number one we meet at face value.

And this is okay. It’s a lot poppier than anything from So Solid Crew, but that makes it better, in a way, for me. For someone so far removed from the target audience for an early-noughties hip-hop act. It’s also much poppier than the original, with the lyrics largely re-written. At the time critics mocked them for this, but it makes sense. They were ten boys from North London, not an American rap troupe from Ohio. Nowadays a largely white group like this would get in trouble for appropriating such a song if they didn’t change the words.

But that begs the question: were Blazin’ Squad real MCs, or posh boys cosplaying? I can’t find much background on the individual members, but their hometown was Chingford, which internet searches reliably tell me is a fairly middle-class suburb in north-east London. But then, many of the pop success stories of the 21st century are posh types who made it because they could always have been bailed out by daddy, so in that regard Blazin’ Squad were perhaps pioneers.

That may be pushing things but, as maligned as the Squad were, this record making number one set them up for a couple of years of chart success, and six Top 10 hits. I should mention here their second biggest hit, the genuinely fun ‘Flip Reverse’, one of pop music’s great odes to delivering via the tradesman’s entrance, as it were. If only that had made number one. We’d have had a great time getting to the bottom of it.

Anyway. One final question needs to be addressed. Were Blazin’ Squad a boyband? I ask that not because I particularly care – and yes, they were boys in a band – but because if they are then I think they mark the end of the golden age of ‘90s-‘00s boybands which had started with Take That in 1993, or even perhaps with NKOTB in 1989. The next new boyband we’ll meet at number one will be JLS in 2009. (And before anyone asks, I’m deliberately excluding Busted and McFly from the boyband equation, because they held – and I’m pretty sure used – guitars).