On This Day… 5th January

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A very Happy New Year to you all, and a warm welcome back to the UK Number Ones Blog. I hope you had a good festive period, managed to celebrate, relax, and (in my case) catch up with writing about some soon-to-come number ones. Before we resume our journey through the late, late-nineties, I’m debuting a new feature!

The Village People, group portrait, New York, 1978. (Photo by Michael Putland/Getty Images)

‘On This Day…’ will do pretty much exactly what it says on the tin. I’ll intro a few of the records that have been top of the charts on a particular date in history, as well as mentioning a few births, a few deaths, and a few interesting occasions that tie into a particular chart-topper. The hope is that readers will be able to delve into my back-catalogue of posts, and find something I wrote long before they started following this blog. Or people can, y’know, just enjoy the tunes!

First up, number one on this day in 1962, we have a stone-cold classic:

‘Moon River’, from the soundtrack to ‘Breakfast at Tiffany’s’ is one of the great songs of that supposedly fallow period between rock ‘n’ roll and The Beatles. In the film it is sung by Audrey Hepburn, at the Academy Awards that year it was performed by Andy Williams, while an instrumental version by the song’s composer Henry Mancini and a version by Jerry Butler were hits in the US. In the UK, however, it was left to South African-born Danny Williams to have the most succesful version of all. You can read my original post on ‘Moon River’ here.

Meanwhile on this day in 1923, radio host, record producer, and founder of the legendary Sun Records label, Sam Phillips was born in Alabama. He is most famous for his work with a young Elvis Presley, although he also produced Roy Orbison, Johnny Cash, Carl Perkins and many of the other early rock and roll stars. His only contribution to the top of the UK singles chart, however, was this banger:

Here’s my original post on ‘Great Balls of Fire’. If you’re only going to top the charts once, might as well make it good ‘un. Speaking of which, number one on this day in 1979 we have perhaps the ultimate guilty pleasure. There is not a soul alive who hasn’t done the dance to the ‘YMCA’, however grudgingly, and not even the recent gyrations of Donald Trump can truly sour this wedding reception classic. Even more recently, Village Person Victor Willis (AKA the cop) has been threatening to sue anyone who claims that ‘YMCA’ – a song with the lyric: They have everything for young men to enjoy, You can hang out with all the boys… – has any homosexual connotations. Whatsover. No sirree. To which we can all say, ‘Okay honey…’ (Original post here.)

In sadder news, on this day in 1998, Sonny Bono died following a skiing accident in Nevada. He was of course the singing partner, and former husband, of Cher, with whom he enjoyed his sole chart-topper ‘I Got You Babe’ in 1965. I wrote about it, the 201st #1 single, way back in 2019.

Finally, one of the least likely number one singles of all time was sitting astride the charts on January 5th 1991. Early January is a bit of a dead zone for chart-toppers, as in most years the Christmas leftovers are still clinging on top with little competition. Iron Maiden spotted an opportunity, and released ‘Bring Your Daughter… To the Slaughter’ in the final week of 1990. Their devoted fanbase, as well as the publicity of knocking the God-bothering Cliff Richard’s ‘Saviour’s Day’ off #1, delivered the heavy metal legends their biggest hit. (Original post here.)

I hope everyone enjoyed this new feature, and won’t mind if it pops back up ever few weeks. I’m also going to be doing more regular posts on cover versions, number two singles, ‘Remembering’ features, ‘Best of the Rests’ and ‘Today’s Top 10s’, as well as a new look at the ‘B’-sides to famous number ones. The main focus will of course still be on the chart-toppers; just a little more regularly interspersed with interesting detours through chart history!

Here’s to a great 2025!

Cover Versions of Christmas #1s

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For our last post of the year, let’s take a look at some classic Christmas number ones, but in versions you might not have heard before… Some good, some not so good, some just plain odd.

Starting with the daddy of all festive chart-toppers, Slade’s ‘Merry Xmas Everybody’. Noel Gallagher recorded a cover for the ‘Royle Family’ Christmas special in 2000 (a sitcom that his band had famously contributed the theme song for). It sounds exactly as you’d expect Noel Gallagher doing a cover of Slade’s Christmas classic would. Except it lacks the raucous energy of the original, instead opting for a woozy drone. And there’s no It’s Chriiiiissssttttmmmmmaaaaasssss…. So shame on you, Noel.

That same year, way over on the other side of the pop spectrum, Steps recorded their own version, and is it wrong that I’m enjoying this version more…? For a start, they lead with It’s Christmaaaaaas… so bonus points there. But there’s also something in the propulsively camp beat, and the faux-Cher autotune, that is more in keeping with the anarchic original.

Or if neither of those straight covers do it for you, then how about this remix that made #30 in 1998? It’s a bizarre record: a fairly anonymous trance beat over which Slade occasionally pop up. Flush were a Swedish act, and this was presumably made with Slade’s permission, given that it’s Noddy Holder’s vocals.

Christmas #1 the year following Slade’s colossus, Mud took a more sombre approach to festive pop on ‘Lonely This Christmas’. In 2013 Traitors! recorded this fun pop-punk version for a charity album called ‘It’s Better to Give than to Receive’. And that’s about all I know. The band don’t have a website or Wiki page, and their only other release seems to have been a four track EP. I don’t even remember where I heard this version first, but it’s been on my festive playlist for a few years now. So thank you Traitors!, whoever you are/were.

Of course, Christmas is actually about more than just presents and gluttony… There’s also ‘Die Hard’. I mean, there’s also the birth of our Lord and Saviour, Jesus H Christ. And sometimes religious songs have made Christmas number one, such as in 1976. Johnny Mathis’s version of ‘When a Child Is Born’ is fairly gentle and respectful, not enough to wake the sleeping babe in his crib. The same cannot be said for larger than life Greek Demis Roussos, who rattles the gates of heaven with his bombastic take. If I were Jesus, I know which approach I’d prefer.

And then there are the times when the festive number one isn’t about Christmas at all. in 1979, Pink Floyd made number one with their first chart hit in over a decade, ‘Another Brick in the Wall Pt II’. In 2004, nu-metal band Korn covered all three parts of the song (Pt II starts around the 1:30 mark). It was described as “one of the worst classic rock covers of all time” by Ultimate Classic Rock magazine, but I suspect they might be a tad biased against anything released post-1980. I’d call it a brutally efficient cover version.

‘Another Brick in the Wall Pt II’ then returned to the charts in 2007 when remixed by Swedish DJ Eric Prydz. His take, ‘Proper Education’, made #2, and gave us an interesting video in which a group of young hooligans break into some flats and… turn off all the energy wasting devices.

Our final cover is a 2015 remake of Shakin’ Stevens’ 1985 Xmas #1 ‘Merry Christmas Everyone’, by Shaky himself. ‘Echoes of Merry Christmas Everyone’ is a completely re-imagined bluegrass version, with lots of banjo and harmonica, recorded to raise money for the Salvation Army, and it’s amazing how a jaunty, slightly irritating original, was transformed into a melancholy, slightly haunting cover.

That’s it from the UK Number Ones Blog for 2024! I’m going to take a couple of weeks off, before returning in the first week of January, when I’ll be launching a couple of new features to mix things up in amongst all the usual chart toppers. I’d like to thank everyone who has read, followed, liked and commented this year, and wish you all a very merry Christmas and a happy new year!

839. ‘Keep on Movin”, by Five

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Our 5th (!) boyband of the year is, fittingly, Five. And of the seven boyband number ones so far in 1999 (eight, if we include solo Ronan Keating) ‘Keep on Movin’ is, for my money, the best.

Keep on Movin’, by Five (their 1st of three #1s)

1 week, from 31st October – 7th November 1999

Late-nineties boybands, or their management, had a clear choice to make: ballads, or bad boys? We know what direction Boyzone and Westlife went in, but Five took the opposite path. (And yes, I know that Five were styled as 5ive, but it’s something that I’ve always thought looked stupid. I will be referring to them as Five throughout, just as Pink will never be ‘P!nk’, nor Kesha ‘Ke$ha’.)

Of course, East 17 (bad boys) took ‘Stay Another Day’ (a classic ballad) to Christmas number one, but bear with my theory. Five played into a faux hip-hop, street fashions look, more like a young NKOTB than any of their British counterparts. Their debut single was, for example, the basketball referencing ‘Slam Dunk (Da Funk)’. In addition, all five looked like they could handle themselves in a pub brawl (Jay in particular, with the Desperate Dan jaw and the eyebrow ring, always looked like he’d gotten lost on the way from home from his shift at a building site). Even the cute ones, Abs and Ritchie, gave the impression that they’d gleefully steal a member of Westlife’s lunch money.

Not that ‘Keep on Movin’ is at all street, or hard-edged though. It’s a mid-tempo, perky pop tune about always looking on the bright side of life. Get on up, When you’re down, Baby take a good look around… No overwrought declarations of love, or grand statements about flying without wings. When the rainy days are dyin’, Gotta keep on tryin’, When the bees and birds are flyin’… Not lyrics to trouble the Nobel Prize committee, but still kind of sweet.

Musically it’s got a couple of interesting touches, in the verses that must have been influenced by Blur’s ‘Coffee and TV’, which had been a hit a few months earlier, and in the ear-catching, sitar-sounding riff. It sounds very modern for the late-nineties, both in the music and the down-to-earth, positive sentiment, like something One Direction might have put out a decade or more later.

It was also quite the departure from some of Five’s earlier hits, which were much more ‘90s R&B, Backstreet Boys influenced – tunes like ‘When the Lights Go Out’, ‘If Ya Getting Down’, and the Joan Jett sampling ‘Everybody Get Up’. Maybe this shift to a more mature, family-friendly sound is why they managed a belated number one single, but can we just take a moment to bemoan that none of those fun songs listed above made #1, unlike every turgid ballad Westlife ever crapped out.

Speaking of the Backstreet Boys, and by association Max Martin, we should mention the production credit here for his British equivalent, Steve Mac: a man who was putting his name on the third of what is now thirty UK chart-toppers. I should also mention that as much as I think this is a decent pop song, and Five a generally fun boyband, their next chart-topper is, shall we say, polarising…

838. ‘Flying Without Wings’, by Westlife

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Back, by unpopular demand, for one week only… Westlife.

Flying Without Wings, by Westlife (their 3rd of fourteen #1s)

1 week, from 24th – 31st October 1999

In earlier posts, I had mentioned the existence of two Westlife songs that I quite liked. (I then realised that ‘If I Let You Go’ was a bit of a bop, and had to admit to liking three Westlife records.) ‘Flying Without Wings’ was one of the original two, but question is: does it live up to my expectations…?

Well, sort of. It is a decent enough pop ballad, a three-minute long crescendo that builds to an actually quite stirring finale. And, credit where it’s due, I think a lot of that is down to the boys’ vocals, especially – and I’m going to attempt this without Googling – Shane (the plain, Gary Barlow-ish one) and Mark (the, um, gay one), who take the lead.

What lets the song down, and means it doesn’t quite manage to be the deep, soulful classic it wishes to be, are the clunky lyrics, and the cheap production. Unusually for a boyband song, the words focus partly on non-romantic love: friendships, parents, even the joy of being alone, all of which apparently make you feel like you’re flying without wings… Which is a pretty banal title, really. Meanwhile the production is pure ‘X-Factor winners single’ shlock, when a more stripped back backing might have worked wonders.

It’s records like this that make me wonder: who were Westlife’s fans? Ok, ‘If I Let You Go’ was teen-pop, but this and ‘Swear It Again’ are very middle-aged, and middle-of-the-road. I was thirteen when this came out, and don’t remember any Westlife fans at school (though maybe they were just keeping it quiet). Then again, three number ones in a row don’t lie. Though we should at some point, when we’ve truly run out of things to say about yet another one-week-wonder ballad, explore just how canny the band’s management were in securing them all these number ones.

So, ‘Flying Without Wings’: pretty good, compared to much of Westlife’s output, but not the classic it so clearly wants to be. And I’d say that there are plenty of their songs that are better remembered a quarter of a century on. Interestingly, though, in 2004 a live version of ‘Flying Without Wings’ made history by becoming the first ever #1 on the download chart (a chart that in 2005 would be combined into the regular singles countdown). What I would like to ask, though, is why oh why did they not save this record for their Christmas release a few weeks later, rather than the dross they did eventually serve up…? More on that soon enough.

837. ‘Genie in a Bottle’, by Christina Aguilera

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1999’s second biggest pop princess launches…

Genie in a Bottle, by Christina Aguilera (her 1st of four #1s)

2 weeks, from 10th – 24th October 1999

Despite both being former squeaky clean Disney Mouseketeers, it felt from the very beginning that Christina Aguilera was packaged as the anti-Britney, the bad girl, the girl next door if you lived in a slightly dodgier neighbourhood… And listening to ‘Genie in the Bottle’, you can see why.

Compared to ‘…Baby One More Time’ its edges are sharper, its beats more streetwise and sassy, and its lyrics a lot more steamy. My body’s saying let’s go, But my heart is saying no… One thing I’d never really notice before is the dramatic squelchy synth riff that underpins the whole shebang, that I quite like. But it’s not got the oomph of the Max Martin produced ‘…Baby’, and it has probably not gone on to be remembered as equally iconic.

Yet once it gets to the chorus, it can compete with anything any member of pop royalty could come up with. Christina has standards, and isn’t going to just give it up for anyone. If you wanna be with me, There’s a price you have to pay, I’m a genie in a bottle, You gotta rub me the right way… Conservatives frothed a little at all the rubbing – Debbie Gibson of all people claimed that it was inappropriate for a teen idol, suggesting that she hadn’t been paying much attention to the previous five decades’ worth of pop history – but really, it’s a song about abstinence: My heart’s beating at the speed of light, But that don’t mean it’s got to be tonight…

Although in terms of UK sales and chart success Christina fared less well than Britney, she trumped her in one fairly essential area. Christina can sing. There’s not much in this record to prove that fact, but towards the end she starts letting loose with some of her trademark yeaheayeahs. And to be honest, it’s enough. Less is often more with Christina, the over-singers’ over-singer.

Despite just now claiming that she can’t sing, I will not often hear a bad word against Britney. And yet, I do think that Christina has lived somewhat unfairly in her shadow. Who, for example, remembers that she also kissed Madonna at the VMAs…?? (This is all from my Western-slanted viewpoint. She is arguably a much bigger name in the Latin world, having recorded half her output in Spanish). Christina and her team clearly disliked this one-sided comparison too, as for her second English-language album she will return with one of the great pop comeback tunes, a song that will make ‘Genie in a Bottle’ sound incredibly tame by comparison. Xtina awaits…

836. ‘Blue (Da Ba Dee)’, by Eiffel 65

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And so we come to this story, about a little guy who lives in a blue world…

Blue (Da Ba Dee), by Eiffel 65 (their 1st and only #1)

3 weeks, from 19th September – 10th October 1999

Blue his house, With the blue little windows, And a blue Corvette, Everything is blue for him… I warned you that we weren’t quiet done with the novelty dance hits, but it feels unfair to lump this in with the Vengaboys’ banal beats. ‘Blue (Da Ba Dee)’ has a strange depth to it, a deep melancholy in the piano line, and a compelling bizarreness to the verses’ revving bass and deliberately off-key vocals.

For a start, it’s clearly about someone in the middle of a depressive episode, wandering through a world where everything is blue, inside and out, cause he ain’t got nobody to listen… This guy needs help! ‘Dancing through the tears’ is a well-established dance music trope, but very few records can have mixed dance and depression like this. And really, can you actually dance to this song? The bpms are fairly low, and it doesn’t really have peaks and troughs, the moments of euphoria that dance records need. Just a steady trudge through a blue world.

I can see why this record annoys people (‘Rolling Stone’ have it as the 14th most annoying song ever), and yet I think that’s a knee-jerk reaction. Yes, it’s repetitive and sing-songy. Yes the chorus is just lots and lots of da ba dees. Yes, the video is spectacularly bad (I’m not sure what’s more dated, the CGI or the band’s frosted tips). But so what? Get beyond that, and listen to the moment in the verses where the autotune twists the lyrics to make it sound like the singer’s voice is breaking, and wonder if there might not be some depth to this record.

Plus, if nothing else, it has left the world with that piano hook, which has been sampled, remixed and interpolated many times in the past twenty-five years. A re-write by David Guetta and Bebe Rexha, which tapped into the 2020’s nostalgia for all things ‘90s, made number one a couple of years back, while there’s not a Best of the Nineties compilation worth its salt without this tune on it, like it or not.

Eiffel 65 are an Italian duo (formerly a trio when this made #1), and this their first big hit. They managed a #3 follow-up, ‘Move Your Body’, which was more of the same without being anywhere near as memorable. They then vanished from most charts, though they were scoring Italian hits well into the 2000s. They are still active, and were recently seen trying to represent San Marino at the 2023 Eurovision Song Contest. Meanwhile the funny blue alien from the video, Zorotlekuykauo Sushik IV, AKA ‘Zorotl’ has also released music under his own steam (with a song written by the members of Eiffel 65). The more you know…

835. ‘We’re Going to Ibiza!’, by Vengaboys

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Bookending the summer of 1999, Vengaboys return with their second number one.

We’re Going to Ibiza!, by Vengaboys (their 2nd and final #1)

1 week, from 12th – 19th September 1999

But in Vengaworld, summer isn’t over yet. We’re off to Ibiza. Or should I say ‘Ay-bizza’ – rhymes with ‘pizza’ – which I assume how the island is pronounced in Dutch. It is a re-write of Typically Tropical’s 1975 chart-topper, ‘Barbados’, complete with captain’s in-flight announcements, plus bonus nonsensical chanting.

The original was plenty catchy and so, yes, this is still an earworm. The Vengaboys’ producers knew what they were doing, creating records that stay with you no matter how much you’d wish they wouldn’t. And it’s a little more chilled than ‘Boom x4’, with it’s semi-calypso beats. But it’s still damn annoying, and the tacky synth line is jarring.

And while Typically Tropical’s original came in an age when air travel was still a luxury – and when the journey to Barbados described in the song would have been a fantasy for most – the Vengaboys’ version conjures up visions of a cheap EasyJet flight full of rowdy Glaswegians. It’s an interesting example of how even the most throwaway pop records can tell us something about society beyond the charts.

Most of you will probably be glad to learn that this is the last we’ll hear of the Vengaboys (though it’s far from the last novelty dance record of the year). They were amazingly popular despite the quality of most of their records, with their two chart-toppers coming in the middle of a run of seven straight Top 10 hits. I once went on a desert safari in Qatar, driving up and down sand dunes in a jeep at breakneck speed, during which our driver played Vengaboys Greatest Hits on a loop. You can’t properly appreciate the cold majesty of the desert unless it’s accompanied by an extended mix of ‘We Like to Party!’

Recently, as we’ve slowly stumbled towards the fag-end of the ‘90s, I’ve been wondering why pop music took such a turn towards the disposable, and the bubblegum, at the turn of the century. There are lots of sensible reasons, like the CD single being at the peak of its popularity, with discounts, and clever marketing all targeting teens and tweens; but I have an inkling that the impending unknown that was Y2K also brought out people’s hedonistic side, that they were literally partying like it was 1999. Why feel any shame about buying ‘We’re Going to Ibiza’ when the world might end in four months’ time…? I was there, though just a little too young to properly remember the prevailing public mood, and whether or not a fin de siècle over-indulgence is to blame for the popularity of the Vengaboys. But it might have been.

834. ‘Mambo No. 5 (A Little Bit Of…)’, by Lou Bega

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Ladies and gentlemen…

Mambo No. 5 (A Little Bit Of…), by Lou Bega (his 1st and only #1)

2 weeks, from 29th August – 12th September 1999

…this is Mambo Number Five. Autumn may have begun while this record was at number one, but the Latin summer of 1999 is still going strong. As with both our previous Latin chart-toppers – ‘Livin’ la Vida Loca’ and ‘Mi Chico Latino’ – yes, this is cheesy, and yes, this is Latin music with all the raw edges softened. But I challenge anyone to listen to this and not smile, just a bit. And even today, you throw this on at any kids party, or wedding, hell even at a funeral, and the dancefloor will light up.

It’s been a while since we’ve had a mambo at number one. Forty-four years, to be exact, when Rosemary Clooney scored her second chart-topper with ‘Mambo Italiano’ (which was mambo in name more than anything else), and Pérez Prado had an instrumental smash with ‘Cherry Pink and Apple Blossom White’. It was Prado himself, the King of Mambo, who originally recorded ‘Mambo No. 5’ in 1949. He had also been back in the charts in 1995, despite dying in 1989, when ‘Guaglione’ made #2 thanks to a feature on a Guinness advert.

Lou Bega, a German-born Italian-Ugandan rapper, had the idea to sample ‘Mambo No. 5’ and turn it into a modern pop-rap song while living in Miami, where he had been turned on to Latin music. The brass band, and the shouts, are that of Prado; but Bega added lots of ad-libs, and some wonderfully dated record scratches and tapes-getting-all-tangled-in-the-deck sound effects (kids these days will never know the pain…)

And of course, he also added the words. Seven ladies that went down in history. Monica, Erica, Rita, Tina, Sandra, Mary, and Jessica. There is a particular joy in knowing someone by any of these names, and of trying to crowbar their accompanying line into conversation. I used to work with a Rita (all I need), while I also know a Mary (all night long), but my personal goal is to meet a Sandra (in the sun).

What’s interesting is not just how big this genre of music suddenly became in the summer of 1999, but how much songs like this and ‘Livin’ la Vida Loca’ remain in the public consciousness, far more than the Westlife’s many ballads and anonymous dance tunes. Lou Bega managed one more minor hit in the UK with the follow-up to this, ‘I Got a Girl’, in which he yet again lists his many girlfriends. He remains active, still dressing like Pablo Escobar on his summer holidays, still peddling his schtick (his most recent release on Spotify samples ‘Macarena’).

Still, he’ll always have ‘Mambo No. 5’. Stick a random pin on a map and chances are you’ll hit a country where this record made #1. In France it was there for a mind-blowing twenty weeks… The success wasn’t all positive though, as Bega and his producers spent seven years locked in a legal battle with Pérez Prado’s estate, before a judge ruled that the writing credits be split evenly. Meanwhile my favourite story connected with ‘Mambo No. 5’ is that it was originally chosen as the theme song for the US Democrats’ 2000 convention, before someone pointed out that having Bill Clinton walk out to A little bit of Monica in my life wasn’t such a hot idea…

833. ‘Mi Chico Latino’, by Geri Halliwell

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After a slightly disappointing start to her solo career, missing out on #1 by a few hundred copies to Boyzone, Ginger becomes the second Spice Girl to make top spot away from the band, and the first to do so completely on her own…

Mi Chico Latino, by Geri Halliwell (her 1st of four solo #1s)

1 week, from 22nd – 29th August 1999

Just a few weeks on from ‘Livin’ la Vida Loca’, Geri Halliwell hops aboard the Latin-revival bandwagon. Or is it the mid-80s Madonna bandwagon? For this slice of Spanish silliness owes quite a large debt to Madge’s 1987 chart-topper ‘La Isla Bonita’. It also reminds me of holiday classic ‘Lambada’ in the melancholy chord progressions, not to mention ‘Viva Forever’s flamenco guitars, and even ‘Spice Up Your Life’ in the propulsive beat.

But what ‘Mi Chico Latino’ lacks in originality, it makes up for in camp charm. From the start, Geri clearly knew that her core fanbase were gay men, and she had no illusions of much wider appeal. (The video features a liberal amount of men in trunks, while the ‘B’-side was literally titled ‘G.A.Y.’) And she is, as has been well documented, no great vocalist. But she carries this tune along with a likeable purr in her voice.

Geri has, I have just discovered, a Spanish mother, which gives the lyrics a little more respectability. She chucks around some GCSE-level stuff like confetti – Donde esta… Yo no se… – but I’m fairly sure there was no mention of el hombre con fuego en la sangre in the textbooks my school used… I might have studied a bit harder if there had been.

Like the Westlife song it replaced at number one, nobody is going to argue that ‘Mi Chico Latino’ is a classic. But at the same time, it is. Sort of. A classic of the summer of ’99, when Latin pop was having a resurgence, and a one-time Spice Girl was on her way to becoming the country’s biggest female star, for a year or two at least. There’s something quite appealing in the way this record barrels along, on the castanets and the ayayays. ‘Loveably crap’ might be a good way to sum it up. That might also be a good way to sum up the entire solo career Geri Halliwell, my now-favourite Spice Girl.

832. ‘If I Let You Go’, by Westlife

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Westlife’s first number one was knocked off top spot by Backstreet Boys, demonstrating the gulf in quality between glossy, Max Martin produced uber-pop and its rather limp and sickly British equivalent. So, for their second chart topping single, they took a leaf out of the American boyband playbook…

If I Let You Go, by Westlife (their 2nd of fourteen #1s)

1 week, from 15th – 22nd August 1999

First a disclaimer: I know Westlife are not British, and that calling an Irish act ‘British’ risks pissing off an entire nation, as well as ignoring a lot of recent, bloody history. But they were very popular in the UK, and we’re going to count them as one of us. We have a lot of Westlife number ones coming up, so it’s better to clarify things early on. Plus, geographically speaking, Ireland is part of the British Isles, so there.

To the music. ‘If I Let You Go’ is a much better song than ‘Swear it Again’. It sounds like it’s aimed at actual teenagers, not their aunties. I can imagine this being sung by Backstreet Boys, something I couldn’t say about Westlife’s debut hit. They’ve taken that faux hip-hop drumbeat which any pop song worth its salt was using in 1999, they’ve added a hugely effective bridge, and some classic boyband Oooh babys and Oh yeahs. Plus, we have a key change! Westlife were not often good; but when they were a key change was never far away.

Other enjoyable moments include the overblown drumbeat before the choruses, and the electric guitars that bring the song to something of a soaring climax. Electric guitars! Blimey. It’s all a bit… fun! Plus, it sounds as if the boys themselves are having a good time singing it, which always makes a song more enjoyable for the listener. I think we should take a moment to appreciate all this, knowing some of the horrors to come from these five lads.

Here I am, defending Westlife! I had mentioned in earlier comments that there were two Westlife songs I can tolerate. I wasn’t thinking of this one when I wrote that, and so file a third tune under ‘Westlife Songs I Don’t Mind’. It’s still a fairly basic pop song, but at least it’s not their usual syrupy crap. Or, rather, it is still their usual syrupy crap, but dressed up in a manner which could give Backstreet Boys a run for their money.