Pop

792. ‘C’est la Vie’, by B*Witched

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Ah Jaysus! If it isn’t one of the nineties most beloved pop ditties, so that it is…

C’est la Vie, by B*Witched (their 1st of four #1s)

2 weeks, from 31st May – 14th June 1998

I don’t feel so bad putting on the ol’ stereotypical Irishisms, because this silly record is drenched in such nonsense. It may be one of the decade’s best-loved pop songs, but it got on my tits aged twelve and I’m glad to report that it still gets on them twenty-six years later.

Is it the nursery rhyme verses? Is it the perky production? Is it the Irishisms? (Get a loife… What are ye like…?) Or is it all of the above, plus the group’s horrific double-denim outfits in the video? Yep, it’s the whole shebang. This is bubble-gum so sweet and cloying that you want to spit it out after just five seconds.

And if you sit down to really listen to the lyrics, a fool’s errand with a song like this, then your distaste only deepens. Say you will, Say you won’t, Say you’ll do what I don’t, Say you’re true, Say to me, C’est la vie… They are words, words put together, put together because they form catchy rhymes, in English and in French; but they’re gibberish. Of course this isn’t the first pop song to make zero sense, so perhaps I’m being harsh. But even the innuendo – and I’m normally a big fan of innuendo – leaves me rolling my eyes. Do you ever get lonely playing with your toy…? I’ll show you mine if you show me yours… Oh lord, please don’t.

The closest this comes to passable pop is in the bridge, the huff and puff bit (this record is very heavy on the nursery rhymes). And that bit is undeniably catchy. But just as you begin to put together a defence for ‘C’est la Vie’, in comes the demented faux-Riverdance middle-eight and your case crumbles. Nope, nope, nope. Cover it in lead and chuck in the Liffey.

B*Witched were from Dublin, and had formed in 1996. Two of the four were twins, Edele and Keavy Lynch (sisters of Boyzone’s Shane Lynch), while the other two were their friends from dance and kickboxing classes. At least they didn’t go down the bland ballad route of their brother’s group (I should add a ‘yet’, as we have three more B*Witched #1s to get through). You can see what they were going for with the slightly watered-down version of fun and feisty girl power, but I wasn’t the right age for it in 1998 and I’m certainly not the right age for it now. I am, however – and without giving too much away – fully prepared to defend their next chart-topper as a lost classic.

We’ve had plenty of pop number ones in the past few years. But everything about ‘C’est la Vie’, from the production to the video, ups the cheese, the bubble-gum, the trashiness… call it what you will. And this record sets the tone for the next couple of years, in which the singles chart will be dominated by primary coloured, tween pop. And we can perhaps explore why that was as we get closer towards the end of the century…

As a final aside, and with the eyes of the world currently on Paris, I make this the 3rd number one single with a French title, after ‘Que Sera Sera’ and ‘Je T’Aime… Moi Non Plus’. Let me know if I’ve missed one.

789. ‘Under the Bridge’ / ‘Lady Marmalade’, by All Saints

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All Saints score their second number one in a row, with a much-maligned double bill…

Under the Bridge / Lady Marmalade, by All Saints (their 2nd of five #1s)

1 week, from 3rd – 10th May / 1 week, from 17th – 24th May 1998 (2 weeks total)

I’m interested to see what I make of the first part of this double-‘A’. The official view from the playground in 1998 was that All Saints covering Red Hot Chili Peppers was a travesty. Silly girl groups trying to sing songs by proper, sweaty, socks ‘n’ cocks guitar bands was wrong, and no teenage boys had the guts to say otherwise.

But here I am, two and a half decades later and unencumbered by peer pressure. Free to admit that I’m not much a fan of the Chili Peppers (though ‘Under the Bridge’ is one of their better, less obnoxious moments). Free to discover that All Saint’s version isn’t actually that bad. I do like the stripped-back intro, and the off-kilter delivery of the verses. It’s something new – an interesting re-imagining of the original – which is the basic duty of a half-decent cover version.

Because it’s 1998 there are lots of scratchy turntable flourishes, and a crackly, old-time effect on the main guitar riff, both of which feel quite dated. And perhaps unsurprisingly for a song about someone’s relationship with heroin, several of the lines were changed and/or omitted. Anthony Kiedis was not a fan of All Saints’ version (“it looked like they didn’t know what they were singing about”), which is fair enough for a song so personal to him. You do wonder what the thought process was in choosing this as a cover, for surely they knew there would be a reaction from the rock snobs. (Though it should be noted that the guitar on this record is played by Mojo Magazine favourite Richard Hawley.)

So, this isn’t terrible. Not even close. I’m not sure why they needed to do it, and I have no idea why it’s five minutes long, but here we are. And not content with reinterpreting one much loved classic, on the other side of this double-‘A’ the girls have their way with Labelle’s raunchy disco standard ‘Lady Marmalade’. From heroin, to prostitutes…

This feels a bit more what you’d expect from a ‘90s girl group. A bit more basic, if you will, with a mid-tempo disco-funk beat that reminds me of the Spice Girls’ ‘Who Do You Think You Are’. But again they at least do something a bit different with it, removing most of the original verses and replacing them with saucy raps – My place or yours, Gotta be raw… Gotta get wet, Are you ready yet? – which cement their place as the edgier girl group of the day. Of course they keep the famous Voulez-vous coucher avec moi? line, but it’s rendered fairly PG by some of the smut around it. (I remember having an embarrassing conversation with my mum when this came on the radio, her asking if I knew what the French meant…)

The Labelle original had made #17 in 1975, which is surprisingly low. The original of ‘Under the Bridge’ had fared slightly better, reaching #13 in 1992. It’s fair to say that neither of these covers have usurped the originals in the public’s affections, while an even more popular cover of ‘Lady Marmalade’ will be along in a few years to overshadow All Saints’ effort. And personally, I much prefer the originals of these two hits. This is by far the weakest of the girls’ five number ones; but they aren’t the crimes against music that some may try to suggest.

776. ‘Barbie Girl’, by Aqua

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One of the reasons that ‘Spice Up Your Life’, the Spice Girls hot new single, didn’t stay at number one for very long is perhaps because Spice mania was cooling off. But another is that one of the year’s (nay, the decade’s) biggest hits was waiting in the wings…

Barbie Girl, by Aqua (their 1st of three #1s)

4 weeks, from 27th October – 23rd November 1997

Hiya Barbie… Hi Ken… Before we get to the song’s subject, and the lyrics, we should note that otherwise this is fairly standard, late-nineties Eurodance beat and production. Synth strings and an airy keyboard line (I think the technical term is ‘Balearic’). Fill it with generic lyrics about reaching for the sky and living it large, and you’d have a standard dance hit, on a par with Whigfield’s ‘Saturday Night’, say. But the melody and the production are not why this was such a big hit.

‘Barbie Girl’ was so huge because of its subject matter, and how it somehow manages to be utterly dumb and yet quite clever; an annoying novelty and yet a total earworm. Take two of the song’s biggest hooks: Come on Barbie, Let’s go party… Ah, ah, ah, yeah… and Life in plastic, It’s fantastic… The first is stupidly simple, and yet it’s been in your head for the best part of three decades. The second is actually quite brilliant. The whole song succeeds because it constantly straddles this line between greatness and nonsense.

You could make too much of the song’s social commentary. It’s got some fun lines, and some borderline innuendo; but it’s hardly a feminist manifesto. The song’s best section is the second verse, because the way the beat rests before swishing into it is great, and because it contains the most ‘challenging’ lyrics. I can act like a star, I can beg on my knees… Barbie chirrups, before Ken ignores her with a Come jump in, Bimbo friend, Let us do it again… (Personally, René Dif’s gravelly, sleazy ‘Ken’ is the reason this song works. I think if it were all on Lene Nystrøm’s high-pitched ‘Barbie’ it would really start to grate.)

I think this also might be an example of the ABBA-factor, which I’ve mentioned before with non-English speaking acts. Because English wasn’t Aqua’s first language, the lyrics are perhaps simpler than someone with a native-level ability would have come up with. But this also means that the lyrics stick very easily. Aqua were Danish, and this was the third single from their debut album. They had been around since 1989, though the closest they’d come to success was as Joyspeed, with this truly spectacular happy-hardcore version of ‘Itsy Bitsy Spider’.

Mattel, the creators of Barbie, were not amused by this global smash, claiming that it besmirched the doll’s image and turned her into a ‘sex object’. They embarked on a five-year lawsuit, while Aqua’s label filed a countersuit for defamation. Both were dismissed, the judge wrapping up with the brilliant line: “Both parties are advised to chill.” By 2009, Mattel’s stance had softened, and they were using the track in adverts. By 2023, they had licensed the song for use in the ‘Barbie’ movie, as well as a remake by Nicki Minaj and Ice Spice. In fact, watching the video to ‘Barbie Girl’ now, it’s interesting to see just how similar it is to the world created for the movie.

You’d have gotten very long odds on Aqua having any follow-up hits, as this has ‘one-hit wonder’ written all over it. Well, not only did they not disappear, they have two further number ones to come…

775. ‘Spice Up Your Life’, by The Spice Girls

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Just thinking about the Spice Girls’ schedule for 1997 makes me feel tired. Live shows, sponsorship deals, a movie, adverts, awards ceremonies around the world… And, of course, a second album to record and promote.

Spice Up Your Life, by The Spice Girls (their 5th of nine #1s)

1 week, from 19th – 27th October 1997

‘Spice Up Your Life’ is classic pop group lead single fare. It’s brash, it’s catchy, it has the name of the band in the title… In fact, it’s basically a call to arms for Spiceys everywhere: When you’re feeling, Sad and low, We will take you, Where you gotta go… set to a pounding, gyrating samba rhythm. People of the world, Every boy and every girl… Spice up your life!

I may have mentioned in previous posts how much of a fan I was of the Spice Girls’ first album. And I distinctly remember hearing ‘Spice Up Your Life’ for the first time… and hating it. It was annoying, it was chaotic, it felt like ‘Wannabe’ (never my favourite Spice Girls’ song) times a hundred. Maybe it was my age? I was almost twelve by this point, approaching the too-cool-for-school stage… Or maybe the song was just a bit naff?

Listening to it now, I’d say it was the latter (I’ve never been too cool for anything). By the second verse, the chaotic energy starts to rip the song apart… Kung Fu fighting, Dancing queen, Tribal spaceman, And everything in between… Then there’s the gibberish of the middle-eight: Flamenco, Lambada, But hip-hop is harder… While it’s perhaps best not to get into the yellow man in Timbuktu…

What does redeem it for me, slightly, is the fact that the chorus is an earworm, and provides its own dance moves: slamming it to the left, shaking it to the right. Plus, the song in its entirety doesn’t outstay its welcome. It blows in, upends your furniture, and blows out all in under three minutes. It charged straight to number one, of course, just as it looked like Elton John’s Diana tribute might stay there for the rest of the year (that was #1 on the Billboard charts well into 1998).

At the same time, ‘Spice Up Your Life’ only stayed on top for one-week, compared to the seven weeks of ‘Wannabe’. Although the ‘Spiceworld’ album was a massive seller, and the singles off it all big hits, it didn’t quite match the impact of its predecessor. In the video to this single, the girls descend in a spaceship to a post-apocalyptic world in which everything is ‘Spice’d. It’s visually impressive, even with the dated CGI, but you wonder what the thought behind it was. If you were starting to feel Spice Girl over-saturation, then that video wouldn’t have changed your mind…

769. ‘MMMBop’, by Hanson

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From an uplifting gospel classic, to some undeniable nineties bubblegum. The charts in the spring of 1997 were on a feelgood trip…

MMMBop, by Hanson (their 1st and only #1)

3 weeks, from 1st – 22nd June 1997

Having said that, though, I’m not sure that ‘bubblegum’ really does ‘MMMBop’ justice. Yes, it’s got the nonsense title, and the catchy chorus, but the verses are actually quite… grungy? The riff is not a million miles away from an acoustic version of ‘Smells Like Teen Spirit’, and the way the wordy lines bump up against the melody is quite sophisticated. Let’s not call it grunge, but note that it owes a debt to alt-rock acts of time.

Until the chorus, that is, when we leap wholeheartedly into pure-pop territory. Has there been a bigger, more instant, less forgettable, earworm in music history. Probably, but I can’t think of it right now. I can’t think of it because I’m listening to ‘MMMBop’, and am unable to focus on anything but that chorus.

I’m also remiss in calling the title ‘nonsense’, for I have just now googled ‘what is an MMMBop’, and found that it is the “sound of time passing very quickly”. How profound. Even more profound are the lyrics, which again I’d never paid much attention to: You have so many relationships in this life, Only one or two will last… When you get old and start losing your hair, Can you tell me who will still care…? Deep. Sightly clumsy – it was written by teenagers, after all – but deep.

When this record came out, all the talk in the playground wasn’t so much how young Hanson were, but how everyone thought their lead singer was a girl. Which, looking back now, seems ridiculous. It’s clearly a boy with long hair. But then small-town Scotland isn’t always the most cosmopolitan of places, and very few lads were strolling down our High Street with shoulder length blonde locks. I will credit Taylor Hanson, though, as being one of my very first crushes… He may not have been a girl, but I still thought he was cute. (I’ve just checked, and he’s still a decent looking chap in his forties…)

Taylor, and his brothers Isaac and Zac, from Tulsa, Oklahoma, had been in a band since 1992. They’d released a couple of independent albums, one of which featured a slower version of ‘MMMBop’. They were spotted playing at South by Southwest, and recorded an album produced by the Dust Brothers, who added all the cheesy touches and scratches to this lead single, which made #1 across the globe. In my review of the Spice Girls ‘Mama’ I called the same scratch effects ‘dated’, but here they seem to add to the period charm.

Do I love this as much as ‘I Wanna Be the Only One’? Probably not. Not sure why I need to compare them, other than the fact they topped the charts together, and are both feelgood classics. ‘MMMBop’ ultimately sounds a bit more of its time, though in today’s rush for all things nineties it’s definitely been reclaimed as a classic. Even in 1997 it broke through the critics’ defences, and was voted as Single of the Year by The Village Voice.

Hanson remain a going concern, with the brothers still recording and touring together. They have fifteen children between them, which is impressive. Away from music, they’re involved in a lot of charity work, and have even launched their own craft beer… wait for it… MMMHops.

766. ‘Love Won’t Wait’, by Gary Barlow

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I was nonplussed when Gary Barlow launched his solo career with the dreary ballad ‘Forever Love’. Nonplussed, and bored. Was that it, from the man meant to be the next George Michael?

Love Won’t Wait, by Gary Barlow (his 2nd of three solo #1s)

1 week, from 4th – 11th May 1997

I was also surprised that I had no recollection of ever hearing what must have been a hugely anticipated record. Almost a year later, Barlow’s debut album was ready, and his second single was released ahead of it. ‘Love Won’t Wait’ also doesn’t ring a bell, but at least it’s relatively up-tempo. There’s a hint of disco in the beat, and the bridge has a soaring chord progression. This might be… fun?

And then we reach the chorus, and I do recognise this one! Love won’t wait, Forever and a day… It’s a pretty basic, soul-pop song with some nice seventies touches. One reviewer compared it to Cliff Richard’s output from that time, and now I can’t un-hear that. It also sounds like the sort of song Take That would have chucked out as the third or fourth single from one of their earlier albums. It’s no great shakes, is what I’m saying; but it’s much better than ‘Forever Love’.

It also has an interesting back-story. It was written by none other than Madonna, during sessions for her ‘Bedtime Stories’ album in 1994. I couldn’t imagine something this unremarkable coming from Madge, but someone’s uploaded the demo onto YouTube. It feels more Motown than disco, and even in its rough form it sounds better than Barlow’s version. That’s true star quality, I suppose.

And I also suppose we can claim this as a belated second ‘90s #1 for Madonna, her first since ‘Vogue’. She will be back soon, though, with a chart-topper under her own steam. Did anyone at the time imagine that we would have to wait so much longer for another Gary Barlow chart-topper, though? The album, ‘Open Road’, produced just one further Top 10 hit, while his second solo album in 1999 produced none. He won’t trouble the top spot for a decade, until Take That have their spectacular comeback, and won’t manage his final solo #1 for another fifteen years.

I have been, and probably still am, a bit harsh on Gary Barlow. Yes, he’s written some great pop songs. But though he’s finally achieved his goal, and ascended to the British pop pantheon, better late than never, he’s no Cliff, Elton, or George Michael. No Robbie Williams either, the man who will be taking the mantle of Britain’s Biggest Pop Star from under his former bandmate’s nose, very soon.

762. ‘Mama’ / ‘Who Do You Think You Are’, by The Spice Girls

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Think ‘festive hits’, and your mind goes straight to Christmas, and then perhaps Halloween. Is there an Easter pop classic? Not that I can think of. What’s for certain is that the Spice Girl’s ‘Mama’ is the first, and only, number one single aimed at the Mother’s Day market.

Mama / Who Do You Think You Are, by The Spice Girls (their 4th of nine #1s)

3 weeks, from 9th – 30th March 1997

It’s a wonder why more acts haven’t tapped this under-used commercial seam… Or is it? Because ‘Mama’ pretty much ticks every box, sounding exactly how a pop song about how much we love our mothers should. ‘Mama’ killed the Mother’s Day hit off before it ever got going. It’s perfect.

But by perfect, I don’t mean it’s much good. It’s pleasant, with a nice minor-key melody, and is cleverly written as a letter of apology from a now adult child, for being such a little shit when they were growing up. I didn’t want to hear it then, But I’m not ashamed to say it now, Every little thing you said and did was right for me… And the Spices’ mums are in the video, holding pictures of the girls as kids, which is cute.

But by and large, it’s fairly bland. Plus, there are too many dated flourishes – scratchy fills between lines, and a strange organ riff – that distract from the actual song. It’s by far the weakest of their four singles so far. Luckily for us, ‘Mama’ is only half the main event here, and the record as a whole is redeemed by the other ‘A’-side.

‘Who Do You Think You Are’ is a fun slice of dance-pop: a tribute to the disco, funk and soul records of twenty years before. There’s a very funky bassline, and horns, and cheesy strings. There’s nothing particularly original in this pastiche, which means its only their second best song so far – still behind ‘Say You’ll Be There’ – but it’s become a wedding party staple. Plus it gave the world perhaps the ultimate Spice Girls image – Geri in her Union Jack dress, which she wore as the group performed the song at the 1997 Brit Awards.

‘Who Do You Think You Are’ was adopted as that year’s Comic Relief single, and a second video was made featuring The Sugar Lumps: a band comprised of French & Saunders, Kathy Burke, Llewella Gideon, and… Lulu. Who was a good sport because she’s actually, you know, a singer. This does mean, though, that she has been involved in the two biggest disco-pop hits of the nineties, after her feature on Take That’s ‘Relight My Fire’.

Charity records are at their best when they piggy-back on actual pop songs, and don’t inflict something ‘funny’ on the world in the name of a good cause. And this, with the Spice Girls at the height of their fame, probably made a lot more money than ‘The Stonk’. If I believed in such a thing as a ‘guilty pleasure’, then this would be one. Because who has not, at one point or another, belted out Mel C’s lines as the song closes? (She always got the best parts…)

The success of this pair of tunes confirmed a 100% chart-topping record for the Spices: four out of four. ‘2 Become 1’ had already lifted them into exalted company, as only the fifth act (and the first females) to reach #1 with their first three singles, behind luminaries such as Gerry & The Pacemakers, Frankie Goes to Hollywood… checks notes… Jive Bunny, and Robson & Jerome. And now this confirmed them as record breakers – chart-toppers with their first four, with many more to come.

749. ‘Say You’ll Be There’, by The Spice Girls

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Forget ‘Wannabe’, and all its gimmicky, chanting, in your face-ness… This is the moment that the Spice Girls announced themselves as a genuine phenomenon.

Say You’ll Be There, by The Spice Girls (their 2nd of nine #1s)

2 weeks, from 20th October – 3rd November 1996

To me anyway, as this was the song that caught my ears and made me a fan at the time; its charms less obvious but running much deeper than its shouty predecessor. Should I go as far as to claim, less than four sentences into this post, that it is the Girls’ one true classic record?

It’s a pop song. Pure pop. Peak-nineties, sugar-filled, bubble-gum. The production dates it almost to the month, with the squelchy synths and the scratchy cuts. But it’s just hook, after hook, after hook. Within the first minute we’ve already gone through three levels of catchiness: Emma Bunton’s verse, Mel B’s pre-bridge, and Victoria on the bridge proper. And then there’s a timeless chorus.

But it doesn’t stop there – any downtime, any moment that could have been dead air is crammed with something ear-catching. Mel B’s little rap, the Yeahhh I want you, the Stevie Wonder harmonica solo… (Not actually by Stevie Wonder, but by Judd Lander, who also contributed the iconic intro on ‘Karma Chameleon’.) The best bit, though, is Mel C’s harmonies on the final chorus, in which she announces herself as The Spice Girl who could genuinely sing…

The lyrics are more female empowerment, with the girls this time setting the rules for a relationship: This time, You gotta take it easy, Throwin’ far too much emotion at me… I’m not sure if they’re making the imagined man swear his undying faithfulness, or just roping him in for a one-night stand, but it’s clear that they’re the bosses. Girl-power, indeed…

I’ve come out with some grand statements already, so here’s another for good measure: ‘Say You’ll Be There’, not ‘Wannabe’, set a pop-song template that will be followed for the next decade, or more. Listen to All Saints, S Club 7, Five, or Atomic Kitten when they come along, and you will hear elements of ‘Say You’ll Be There’s lightly-funky, mildly-soulful, gold-standard pop. Max Martin must have been taking notes too, as US pop sensations like Britney Spears and NSync will also borrow from the Spice’s sound.

I know that I’m prone to over-nostalgia when it comes to the Spice Girls, so I will assure readers that I won’t be so gushing over any of their remaining seven #1s. ‘Say You’ll Be There’ is not their only great record, but it is their best. One more thing to say before I finish – and this really puts me into ‘back in my day’ territory – but the campy, ninja-inspired video, in which the Girls are dressed very sexily (but not all that sluttily), feels a world away from modern pop videos. I won’t wade into whether or not this is a good thing – I’m not sure where I stand, to be honest, and I enjoy many current female stars who writhe around in next to nothing. I just thought it was worth noting…

744. ‘Flava’, by Peter Andre

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Straight after the ‘90s most famous five-piece, the decade’s most famous six-pack arrives on the scene…

Flava, by Peter Andre (his 1st of three #1s)

1 week, from 8th – 15th September 1996

To be fair to this record, we have to try forget what Peter Andre is now – the butt of a million jokes, basically – and cast our minds back over a quarter of a century (gulp!) to when he was hot property. And if we are being fair, this record is a perfectly serviceable slice of mid-nineties dance/pop/R&B. Listening to it, you’d assume that Andre was American, especially when singing lines like Can’t bring myself to sleep, So I get the keys to my Jeep…

Except Mark Morrison recently proved that Brits (or British-Australians in Andre’s case) could do these sort of new-jack swing, R&B jams as well as, if not better than, the Americans. Not that ‘Flava’ is in the same street as ‘Return of the Mack’, but they do share the same postcode. And interestingly, Andre also sings in the chorus that the Mack’s back with the flava of the year… (Since writing my post on Mark Morrison, I’ve learned that ‘Mack’ is US slang for ‘a confident, successful man who has many sexual partners’, according to the OED, possibly stemming from the blaxploitation movie of the same name.)

The weakest link here is Peter Andre himself, and his reedy voice which never quite convinces that he is someone who parties all night, or who gets drunk as hell blazin’ up with the smoke, as the uncredited Cee raps in his verse. But this leads us on to what the legacy of ‘Flava’, an otherwise average, throwaway tune, is… The fact that it is a completely and utterly modern pop song.

There’s that beat that Max Martin would be rinsing the life out of by 1999, there’s a synth riff that I’m pretty sure was used by both the Backstreet Boys and 5ive (if not several others), and there’s a rent-a-rapper brought in for the middle eight. This is how pop music will sound for the next twenty-odd years, and here it first appears on top of the charts. With Peter Andre, musical trailblazer…

Or maybe it’s because I can remember 1996, and so my subconscious is forcing me to hear it as modern. It’s either that, or accept that I’m old… Anyway. I made a big play of Peter Andre’s six-pack in the intro, but in the ‘Flava’ video he keeps it fairly well hidden behind an array of baggy shirts. This was probably a reaction to the ‘Mysterious Girl’ video, which had made #2 earlier in the year and in the video for which he spent most of his time topless, under a waterfall. He clearly wanted to be known for his art, dammit, not his body! I won’t link to ‘Mysterious Girl’ – his one true classic – as that makes #1 eventually, under circumstances that will lead to Peter becoming the boob he is nowadays

743. ‘Wannabe’, by The Spice Girls

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Ah, now this feels like a significant moment…

Wannabe, by The Spice Girls (their 1st of nine #1s)

7 weeks, from 21st July – 8th September 1996

And not just because it introduces us to a genuine musical phenomenon, who by certain metrics are the most successful chart act ever; but because the Spice Girls were my first modern pop obsession, the first act that I loved in real time.

Listening to ‘Wannabe’ now, I can confirm that I still know all the words, and that I can still picture the one-shot video frame by frame. I’m still pretty sure I know what zigazigah means… But can I now admit that this record isn’t… very… good?

Of course I can. Even aged eleven, I didn’t have that much time for ‘Wannabe’. Far greater pop songs were to be found on the Spice Girls’ debut album, including some of their upcoming #1s. The verses are slightly risqué nursery rhymes – If you want my future, Forget my past, If you wanna get with me, Better make it fast… – while the chorus is an aggressively nonsensical chant: I’ll tell what I want what I really, really want… So tell me what you want etc. etc. etc. It’s breakneck, the sudden changes in direction are dizzying, and it leaves you with a bit of a headache.

One thing remains iconic: the ‘rap’, in which all the Spices are introduced to us. Like the chorus it makes little to no sense, but it does include an all-time classic line: Easy V doesn’t come for free, She’s a real laydee… (at which point in the video, the soon to be Mrs Beckham is grinding on a priest’s lap). Otherwise, this song is best viewed as a statement of intent, a big slap around the face with a leopard-print handbag. Or perhaps it’s actually the Spice Girls’ manifesto, with all those lines about putting friendship first, and everything being on a girl’s terms. (This is before they were lumped with the slogan ‘Girl Power’.)

The Spice Girls probably wouldn’t have been as huge if they hadn’t released ‘Wannabe’ as their debut single (and it surely had to be released first, or not at all). It’s a marmite track, something the girls and their management acknowledged at the time, but they went with it and were rewarded for their decision, and then some. Number one in thirty-seven countries, and voted as the most recognisable pop song of the past sixty years…

‘Wannabe’ itself probably wouldn’t have been as big as it was without the chaotic video, in which the girls rampage through a posh soiree at the St. Pancras Hotel in London. Again, it’s the perfect introduction to the group, their friendship, their vibe. And it’s interesting how young the target audience clearly is: you have five youthful, attractive females, and yet there’s nothing very sexual going on, aside from a bit of zigazigah-ing. It feels more like a madcap kids’ TV show.

In fact, the helter-skelter, cut and paste feel of the song, and the zany anarchy of the video, is pushing me to call this… not ‘pop punk’, as that’s already taken… maybe ‘punk pop’? Cheap, cheerful, and far more to do with attitude than any sort of musical quality. It works for now, anyway. We’ll have plenty of time to further assess the Spice Girls over the coming months. I might even bring up my homemade Baby Spice badge, and the saucy graffiti I drew all over the CD sleeve of their album, at some point too…