Boybands

941. ‘Unbreakable’, by Westlife

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Westlife’s eleventh number one in three and a half years. How are we all holding up…?

Unbreakable, by Westlife (their 11th of fourteen #1s)

1 week, 10th – 17th November 2002

My patience, for one, is well and truly shot. With each successive ballad, Westlife get more and more turgid. Is this any worse than their early hits? I think it is, but who can tell. When you get to number eleven then the law of diminishing returns has well and truly set in. The worst thing is, their last chart-topper, ‘World of Our Own’, was an upbeat bop. We’ve had hints, glimpses that it could have been so different.

‘Unbreakable’ starts off slowly, with a beat and tempo bastardised from ‘Hero’ and ‘Unchained Melody’. Yes, two of 2002’s previous big ballad hits. Call me cynical… To compound the lack of originality, the video was filmed on the same beach as ‘If I Let You Go’. By the end we’re soaring, or at least lumbering like a drunken buffalo, to a dramatic finish, complete with sleigh bells because it is almost Christmas after all.

And of course, there’s a gigantic key change. But even that lacks the fun, the charm, of their earlier key changes, because you know it’s coming. It arrives slowly, with a huge drawing of breath, like the tide going out before a gigantic tsunami that nobody is ever going to outrun.

The overriding feeling here is of a group going through the motions. This was the lead single from Westlife’s first greatest hits album, and it draws a line under the boyband part of their career. Their final three number ones will be covers of MOR classics, from the likes Barry Manilow and Bette Midler. Probably wisely, they knew that the twelve-year-olds that had bought their singles in 1999 were now sixteen-year-olds who had moved on. From here on they were shooting squarely for the mum, and grandma, market.

All of which ties into something I wrote a few posts ago, that we’re reaching the end of the golden age of the boyband, an era that has stretched from the late-eighties right through the nineties, past the good (Take That, 5ive), the bad (Boyzone, Westlife) and the ugly (911… oops)

934. ‘Crossroads’, by Blazin’ Squad

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In 2002, an S Club 7 spin-off was launched: S Club Juniors, a group of pre-teens singing similarly peppy pop tunes. Sadly, they won’t feature on this countdown (though seriously, ‘One Step Closer’ is a banger), but they’re here in spirit. For Blazin’ Squad, read So Solid Crew Juniors…

Crossroads, by Blazin’ Squad (their 1st and only #1)

1 week, from 25th August – 1st September 2002

A group of ten sixteen-year-old lads, covering a rap classic by Bone Thugs-N-Harmony, #8 in 1995 (and eight-week Billboard #1). It’s easy to scoff – the band name is so clearly a teenage brainwave – and many did. “Self-proclaimed pioneers of chav culture” is a particular favourite. But I do like to take each number one we meet at face value.

And this is okay. It’s a lot poppier than anything from So Solid Crew, but that makes it better, in a way, for me. For someone so far removed from the target audience for an early-noughties hip-hop act. It’s also much poppier than the original, with the lyrics largely re-written. At the time critics mocked them for this, but it makes sense. They were ten boys from North London, not an American rap troupe from Ohio. Nowadays a largely white group like this would get in trouble for appropriating such a song if they didn’t change the words.

But that begs the question: were Blazin’ Squad real MCs, or posh boys cosplaying? I can’t find much background on the individual members, but their hometown was Chingford, which internet searches reliably tell me is a fairly middle-class suburb in north-east London. But then, many of the pop success stories of the 21st century are posh types who made it because they could always have been bailed out by daddy, so in that regard Blazin’ Squad were perhaps pioneers.

That may be pushing things but, as maligned as the Squad were, this record making number one set them up for a couple of years of chart success, and six Top 10 hits. I should mention here their second biggest hit, the genuinely fun ‘Flip Reverse’, one of pop music’s great odes to delivering via the tradesman’s entrance, as it were. If only that had made number one. We’d have had a great time getting to the bottom of it.

Anyway. One final question needs to be addressed. Were Blazin’ Squad a boyband? I ask that not because I particularly care – and yes, they were boys in a band – but because if they are then I think they mark the end of the golden age of ‘90s-‘00s boybands which had started with Take That in 1993, or even perhaps with NKOTB in 1989. The next new boyband we’ll meet at number one will be JLS in 2009. (And before anyone asks, I’m deliberately excluding Busted and McFly from the boyband equation, because they held – and I’m pretty sure used – guitars).

920. ‘World of Our Own’, by Westlife

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I approach this next number one nervously, slightly creeped out, as if I’ve come across a talking cat, or a dog that can walk on two legs… A Westlife #1 that… isn’t… a ballad?

World of Our Own, by Westlife (their 10th of fourteen #1s)

1 week, from 24th February – 3rd March 2002

This uncanny feeling is perhaps unjustified, as they had topped the charts with ‘Uptown Girl’ just a year earlier. But that was a cover, for charity. This is an original, with no ulterior motive. You can imagine them looking up at Louis Walsh when he suggested this upbeat song, half hopeful, half terrified that he was playing a nasty trick on them. A sort of musical Ramsey Bolton – Reek scenario.

But lo, it wasn’t a trick. They were allowed to not only record this peppy track, but release it as a single and name their third album after it! It is nothing revolutionary, nothing special even, other than the fact that it is not a ballad. It is still ballad-adjacent, with a chest-thumping chorus, and a crashing key change (of course), but it’s up-tempo and generally likeable.

I find the vocals on this record a little shouty though, but that’s probably just the lads’ excitement at getting to record it, or rustiness from singing tear-jerker after tear-jerker. It has the wide-eyed exuberance of contemporary Christian music, and the shouty sincerity of mid-career Elton John.

And it led to Westlife reaching double figures, in terms of chart-toppers. Alongside Elvis, the Beatles, Cliff (and the Shadows), and Madonna, you’d have to say that Westlife look hopelessly out of place. They benefitted massively from the high chart turnover at the turn of the century, and only three of their ten #1s so far have spent more than a week on top. ‘World of Our Own’ was another case of their management cleverly choosing the right day to release, squeezing its week between Enrique Iglesias’s mega-hit and the biggest-selling song of the decade. At the same time, it did sell over 100k to make number one, so clearly the fanbase remained undiminished.

They have four chart-toppers left to come, spread out over close to five years. Perhaps we should use this post to mark the end of Westlife’s imperial phase (or reign of terror). Or maybe I’m just being snide because the ultimate Westlife non-ballad – the banging ‘When You’re Looking Like That’ – was never released as a single in the UK.

913. ‘If You Come Back’, by Blue

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The boyband third single rule (it has to be a ballad) and the boyband single-for-Christmas rule (it has to be a ballad) combine here… In a big old ballad.

If You Come Back, by Blue (their 2nd of three #1s)

1 week, from 18th – 25th November 2001

At the end of my previous post, I hoped that this next chart-topping ballad would be better than Westlife’s dull ‘Queen of My Heart’. And it is. That much is evident from the modern hip-hop, garage-y backing beat – the lovechild of Atomic Kitten and Craig David – and the fact that Blue still sound quite keen and perky, as if they haven’t yet become jaded after years of being flogged to line Louis Walsh’s pockets.

I did consider claiming that Blue were better singers than Westlife, but I’m not sure that’s what’s happening here. They do sound fresher, but maybe that’s down to this being their second #1, as opposed to their ninth. They’re also let off the leash a little more than Westlife, who had to follow their tried and tested formula to the letter.

Blue’s exuberance gets the better of them, though, and some parts of this record amount to over-singing, as if they were still auditioning, uncertain of their places in the band. Understated confidence, and a more delicate, R&B touch would have perhaps served the song better. At the same time, though, it’s enjoyable to hear them going for it. Lee Ryan especially, who I would contend had the best voice of any nineties-cum-noughties boyband member.

But, just because it is better than ‘Queen of My Heart’, I wouldn’t want to get carried away. If Westlife’s offering was, say, a two out of ten, then this is a solid five. Decent enough, but nothing to linger in the memory for very long. Question is, can the third of our three wintery ballads in a row continue the upward trajectory…?

912. ‘Queen of My Heart’, by Westlife

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In an earlier post, I noted the late-nineties phenomenon in which pop acts seemed to be contractually obliged to release a ballad for winter. East 17 were the original and best, but Peter Andre, the Spice Girls, B*Witched, S Club and more have all had a go since. And it seems like this phenomenon now peaks in November 2001… Are you ready for three wintery ballads in a row?

Queen of My Heart, by Westlife (their 9th of fourteen #1s)

1 week, from 11th – 18th November 2001

Starting with the daddies of pop balladry, Westlife. It’s actually been a whole year since we endured a Westlife ballad, and this is only their second #1 of the year. Their days of complete and utter chart domination are behind them, but the lead single from their new album is always a good bet for top spot.

Again, like so many of their ballads, I’m getting strong hints of ‘Mull of Kintyre’. Is it possible that their songwriting team started every session by trying to recreate ‘Mull of Kintyre’? If so, I’d say this is as close as they got. Same pace, same-sounding chord progressions. No bagpipes, thank God, but there are accordions for that authentic Irish pub touch. And, naturally, a key change complete with festive bells: a moment that even Paul McCartney would have found too cheesy.

I will admit to having actually enjoyed one (or two) of Westlife’s earlier chart-toppers. I’ve certainly made the best of the previous eight. But I’d say this is the moment where I finally lose patience. This one is dull, and plodding: a complete drag. Every note is cynically sentimental, sucking a tear out of granny’s eye with a vacuum cleaner. My heart sinks to think that we still have five more #1s to come from them…

I’d say that the one slightly interesting thing to note here is that for their third album, Westlife have matured their sound slightly to something a little more Adult Contemporary, with fewer poppy flourishes. But I think that seriousness is what makes this such a slog. That, and the fact that there’s not an original bone in this song’s body. Even their note for note cover of ‘Uptown Girl’ had more originality. By the time the aforementioned key change comes along, it is so signposted, so obviously on its way, that it crashes upon us like an elephant barging into our living room.

So, first ballad down, two more to come. They must be better than this, right…?

907. ‘Too Close’, by Blue

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Much like the Dalai Lama, when one boyband dies another is born…

Too Close, by Blue (their 1st of three #1s)

1 week, from 2nd – 9th September 2001

And it’s fitting that Blue depose Five’s final number one, because in many ways they were their true successors. A bit street, a bit cool, not too heavy on the ballads… They were the Westlife, perhaps, to Five’s Boyzone; or the N*Sync to Five’s Backstreet Boys.

And their number one debut – their second single – is a fun track. Like ‘Let’s Dance’, it’s a slice of disco-revival pop, but a slinkier, sexier, slower jam. ‘Too Close’ had been a US #1 just three years earlier, recorded by R&B trio Next. Their original wasn’t completely unknown in the UK, making #24, but there was plenty of room for a bigger version of what is a fun song. What’s interesting is that covering such a recent hit probably delayed any chance of Blue making it in the US (Lee Ryan’s comments on 9/11 probably didn’t help either…)

While the Next version is a much purer, more minimal ‘90s R&B record, I enjoy the quicker tempo and the poppier touches used in Blue’s cover. They retain the somewhat risqué lyrics, though, and I can’t ever imagine a Westlife #1 opening with the line: All the slow songs you requested, You’re dancing like you’re naked… Ooh it’s almost like we’re sexin’… Despite my general revulsion for the term ‘sexing’, I can enjoy this record, and its tale of trying to hide an erection while slow dancing.

An unnamed female singer, listed only as Awsa in the credits, feels a little bump coming through… The Blue boys protest that you’re making it hard for me! It’s all fairly childish, but I do appreciate any attempt at double entendre in chart-topping singles. Again though, it’s interesting that straight off the bat Blue weren’t cultivating a particularly kid-friendly image. Rewind ten years and it’s impossible to imagine Take That trying something similarly saucy. Is it indicative of deep societal change across the turn of the millennium? Or did Blue’s management just assume the kids wouldn’t pick up on the innuendo?

It’s also interesting, to return to the Five vs Blue comparison, to hear a late-nineties boyband next to a noughties boyband. Five, for all their pierced eyebrows and swagger, were still very goofy, and very pop-leaning on songs like ‘Slam Dunk da Funk’. Blue were a more grown-up proposition from the off, with this record’s slick, very Americanised R&B. Not that Blue were the first boyband to discover sex – think ‘Deep’ by East 17, or Another Level’s ‘Freak Me’ – but that it’s still interesting to note how pop music is slowly settling into its 21st century sound.

906. ‘Let’s Dance’, by Five

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Five (sorry, 5ive) return for album number three, and in boyband years three albums equals… Well let’s just say it’s almost time to go to that big boyband concert in the sky.

Let’s Dance, by Five (their 3rd and final #1)

2 weeks, from 19th August – 2nd September 2001

‘Let’s Dance’ is a swansong, then, and as a swansong it ticks all Five boxes. Rapped verses, catchy chorus, a hint of disco, cheeky swagger, Abs’ bucket hat in the video… Job’s a good ‘un. There’s even a spot of very du jour Daft Punk-influenced vocoding, perhaps borrowed from S Club 7 (and their far superior disco reboot) a few months earlier.

It’s a decent enough tune, then. But it’s all a bit calculated, fairly 2001-pop-song-by numbers. It lacks the personality, the vim and vigour of Five’s earlier hits, and again I’m left to lament that they had to wait so long for a #1, and that the likes of ‘Everybody Get Up’ and ‘If Ya Getting’ Down’ fell short.

It has the feel of a boyband on their last legs, basically, and that’s before you get to the fact that one of them, Sean Conlon, had already left the band due to exhaustion. This hadn’t been announced to the fans, and so he’s represented by a cardboard cutout in the video. Something that Conlon felt was a bit insulting, and that’s probably fair enough.

And on their last legs they were, as the split was announced just a month after this record had been sitting at number one. Various reunions took place over the next couple of decades, but always with one or two members missing. Earlier this year, though, they announced they’d be getting properly back together for a tour. News that was greeted more excitedly than most pop reunions, because I think Five were generally well liked by everyone, even those who were usually immune to boybands’ charms. They were fun, they were fresh, and they were – let’s be real for a moment – all pretty fuckable. And, most importantly of all, praise be: they kept the ballads to a minimum!

The strange, mockumentary official video:

The actual song:

892. ‘Uptown Girl’, by Westlife

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Stung by their first ever non-number one (‘What Makes a Man’ having been kept off top spot by Bob the Builder), Westlife return with a foolproof strategy for restoring their chart fortunes. A carbon copy of a beloved classic.

Uptown Girl, by Westlife (their 8th of fourteen #1s)

1 week, from 11th – 18th March 2001

If a note-for-note cover of Billy Joel’s 1983 chart-topper was not enough of a guarantee, then making it the official Red Nose Day single was the clincher. Guaranteed, sure-fire, bookies not even letting you place bets sort of number one. And so it was, opening with Westlife’s biggest ever sales week.

And, on a very surface level, this isn’t a terrible record. It doesn’t irk in the same way that, say, A1’s cover of ‘Take on Me’ does. Probably because Westlife’s producers sensibly kept things very un-experimental, retaining the original’s doo-wop, Four Seasons-aping energy. It adds nothing, however, and you will never need to listen to the Westlife version of ‘Uptown Girl’ as long as Billy Joel’s original is available.

Actually, it’s not strictly true that nothing is added. Because this is Westlife, ‘Uptown Girl’ now has a key change. Hey ho. Again, it doesn’t ruin the song. If you squint hard enough you can imagine you’re listening to the original. Am I being overly charitable? About this charity record? Maybe. Or maybe I’m just glad that this is a Westlife number one that ISN’T A BALLAD! Of their frankly unbelievable total of fourteen number ones, I’d say that only two are officially not ballads (while I will hear arguments for ‘If I Let You Go’ being their third non-ballad #1, if anyone cares to make them…)

Westlife were following in Boyzone’s footsteps here, Ronan and his gang having released the previous Comic Relief single two years earlier: a similarly faithful redo of another eighties classic. It’s almost as if the same evil genius was behind both bands… But I will give Westlife the credit of not being anywhere near as reliant on cheesy covers as their predecessors. Over half of Boyzone’s chart-topping records were covers, whereas this was only Westlife’s second out of nine releases.

To be fair, the video is quite fun, with Claudia Schiffer as the uptown girl, and a little dig at Bob the Builder too…

881. ‘Same Old Brand New You’, by A1

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Let’s purge A1’s unnecessary cover of ‘Take on Me’ from our minds, and instead revel in their second number one of the year, and some of the purest turn-of-the-century pop this side of *NSYNC.

Same Old Brand New You, by A1 (their 2nd and final #1)

1 week, from 12th – 19th November 2000

In fact, this is *NSYNC crossed with the Backstreet Boys, and with a liberal dollop of Britney Spears. It is a shameless tribute to/pastiche of/rip-off of that blockbuster, Max Martin sound so beloved of those Stateside pop juggernauts. It was co-written by Eric Foster White, who had worked with Britney and the BSBs. And it comes pretty close to being as good.

The a cappella intro is striking, and well sung; and the chorus is a peach. The chords are huge, the production has that clanking industrial sound that makes everything feel epic. It’s also got a cheeky title, almost palindromic. No song called ‘Same Old Brand New You’ is going to be dull. But why don’t I rate it as highly as, say, ‘Oops!… I Did It Again’?

Sad to say, it’s probably because it’s A1, and there’s something a bit budget about them. If this has been recorded by Justin Timberlake and his crew, maybe I’d be more effusive. We Brits tend to knock our own while being in thrall to anything from across the Atlantic. I felt the same about Billie Piper’s foray into similarly hard-edged pop, ‘Day and Night’.

Though if I had to give a specifically musical reason for this song falling short of classic status, I’d point out the hugely clunking robot-voice sections. They go on too long, are too distorted, and are simply incomprehensible. The lyrics get completely lost: something, something, not keeping your promises… (To my ears it sounds like never gonna change your passwords…)

But it’s still a lot of fun, and a song I admit I’d completely forgotten about. Despite being a chart-topper, it’s definitely been lost among the year 2000’s more illustrious number ones. This was from A1’s second album, and they had one more in them. That gave us their last big hit – the also pretty decent ‘Caught in the Middle’, which made #2 in early 2002. They split soon after, but have reformed since. Like Westlife in my previous post, A1 were hugely popular in Asia, so popular that there were four teenage girls sadly crushed to death when the band turned up for a signing in Jakarta.

As it is still just about Eurovision season, it would be remiss to finish without mentioning that A1 almost represented Norway at the contest in 2010. Meanwhile Ben Adams did, as one half of Subwoolfer, finishing in 10th place in 2022, with the memorably titled ‘Give that Wolf a Banana’.

880. ‘My Love’, by Westlife

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So, Westlife replace The Spice Girls at number one, and in doing so break the Girls’ record for consecutive chart-toppers…

My Love, by Westlife (their 7th of fourteen #1s)

1 week, from 5th – 12th November 2000

I’ll come clean… this is my favourite Westlife number one. I know, I know, just having a favourite Westlife number one is not something to admit in polite company, let alone revealing which song it is. But here we are. Something about ‘My Love’ just bloody well does it for me.

Despite it being one of their most unashamedly old-fashioned ballads, with all the tinkly production, drenched in echo and gloop, there’s something appealing about it. I’ve always thought it had the feel of ‘Mull of Kintyre’, and apparently the songwriting team responsible did have Wings’ mega-hit as a deliberate reference point. It’s Celtic enough, with a timeless melody and lyrics about meeting a long-lost love where the fields are green, without resorting to the bejaysus sort of Irishisms that B*Witched were so fond of.

Though I’m pretty sure I also compared ‘Fool Again’ to ‘Mull of Kintyre’. (There’s a chance Westlife’s entire career was based around ‘Mull of Kintyre’.) Anyway. Of course, a majestic key change is pulled off for the final chorus, and things end in suitably soaring fashion. In the video the lads find themselves finally back on the Emerald Isle, on the Cliffs of Moher. I may cast doubts on the singing abilities of certain other boybands, but I don’t think anyone could accuse Westlife of shirking their most basic responsibility. The boys can sing.

I’ll move on, however, before I find myself lavishing any more praise on Westlife than is strictly necessary. For those not so enamoured, you’ll be glad to note that we’ve already reached the halfway point in terms of the band’s number ones. The end is almost in sight!

What’s interesting is that while in the UK ‘My Love’ doesn’t make Top 10 on the list of Westlife’s best-sellers, for much of the rest of the world it is their signature song. Ask anyone on the streets of Hong Kong, Bangkok, or Kuala Lumpur to name a Westlife tune, and they’ll probably say this one. In South Korea it has apparently never left the International Karaoke Charts since they began in 2010…

Like I said, this was Westlife’s seventh consecutive number one, and it broke the Spice Girl’s record of six in a row from debut. This is all rendered moot, really, by the fact that the Beatles managed eleven in a row between ‘From Me to You’ and ‘Eleanor Rigby’ (their first two singles having not made #1). And Westlife’s run will come crashing to an end with their next release, foiled by a cartoon construction worker…