916. ‘Somethin’ Stupid’, by Robbie Williams & Nicole Kidman

If someone stopped me in the street and demanded an answer to the question: ‘Does Nicole Kidman have a UK number one single to her name?’, chances are I’d panic and say ‘no’. The existence of this record always passes me by…

Somethin’ Stupid, by Robbie Williams (his 5th of seven #1s) & Nicole Kidman

3 weeks, from 16th December 2001 – 6th January 2002

Yet Nicky K does have a number one, and not just any old number one: a Christmas number one. Why did this happen? It seems incongruous now, looking back, but there must have been a reason for this combo, which we can explore in a bit.

First, though, the song. And it’s a pretty faithful cover of the Frank ‘n’ Nancy classic. A bit more of a bossa nova beat, perhaps, while I don’t personally think it suits Robbie’s voice very well. It’s not that he can’t compete with Sinatra – who wasn’t an amazing singer – more that this song forces a restraint on him that doesn’t work. Kidman, meanwhile, is fine, purring her way through, though I’m not sure you’d ever work out that it was her unless told. They harmonise well, however, it has to be said.

It is far, far from the worst musical crime to be committed at Christmas. The worst accusation you could level at this record is that it’s underwhelming, and fairly superfluous while the original still exists. But we’ve been saying that a lot recently, about covers of golden-oldies which have made #1. And hey, unlike the original, at least Robbie and Nicole aren’t blood relations…

This was the lead single from Robbie’s ‘Swing When You’re Winning’ album of jazz and swing standards, which kicked off a good decade-long resurgence for the genre. Think Rod Stewart’s Great American Songbooks, and endless ‘Big Band Weeks’ on X-Factor. But why Nicole Kidman? There were rumours that she and Robbie may have been an item, but it’s probably as simple as her having starred in the year’s big musical hit ‘Moulin Rouge’, and also having charted earlier in the year with ‘Come What May’, in which she duetted with co-star Ewan McGregor.

And so we come to the end of 2001. Suddenly we’re two whole years into the twenty-first century! And only twenty-three years away from the present day… It’s all getting a bit close. What to make of 2001: a chart odyssey? It hasn’t been a classic year for chart-toppers, if we’re honest. The few classics have been padded out with lots of cheap and cheerful cheese, and it’s felt like a step down from the cool highs of the Year 2000. Heading into 2002 I’m not sure things are going to improve, as we’re about to go into Reality TV overdrive…

915. ‘Gotta Get Thru This’, by Daniel Bedingfield

After working our way through several UK garage #1s, of varying quality, we arrive at the ultimate early-noughties garage anthem…

Gotta Get Thru This, by Daniel Bedingfield (his 1st of three #1s)

2 weeks, from 2nd – 16th December 2001 / 1 week, from 6th – 13th January 2002 (3 weeks total)

That feels like a controversial statement, because garage is a genre of the streets, for young, black kids; whereas Daniel Bedingfield always seemed very white and very middle-class. And he isn’t even British! He’s a Kiwi. Maybe the fact that I’m classing this as the ‘ultimate early-noughties garage anthem’ shows how middle-aged and middle-class I am…

But that’s fine, because it’s a good song. And it still, surprisingly, feels fresh. It blends the garage beats with some nice dance touches, and a big pop sensibility. It’s not confronting, it’s not annoying – unlike some earlier garage chart-toppers – but it doesn’t lose its credibility. (Though, the spelling of ‘through’ as ‘thru’ in the title does come off as trying a little too hard to be ‘with it’.)

My main complaint with 2-step, garage songs is that the beat can be too light, too lacking in oomph. Bedingfield recorded this in his bedroom, using a mic and his PC, and pressed a few early copies which he sent out to DJs. For the label release, D’N’D Productions helped with remixing, and I’m not sure how responsible they were for the beefed up, poppier feel that this has compared to the earlier garage #1s.

‘Gotta Get Thru This’ is also refreshingly short, coming in at well under three minutes, which is another thing that makes it feel very modern. At 2:42, it is the shortest #1 since Robson & Jerome’s ‘I Believe’. And if we (happily) ignore that record’s existence, it is the shortest, semi-relevant chart-topper since Kylie’s ‘Tears on My Pillow’ twelve years before.

Perhaps another aspect of my reluctance to crown Daniel Bedingfield as champion of UK garage is that this record, his debut, wasn’t totally representative of his ‘sound’. His two further number ones are a lot more middle-of-the-road, a lot more mum-friendly (though this is certainly as mum-friendly as garage ever got). He released an impressive six singles – in a variety of genres – from his first album, across almost two years, and five of them made the Top 10.

Another noteworthy thing here is that when ‘Gotta Get Thru This’ returned to the top in the second week of January 2002, it did so with the lowest-ever sales for a number one single (around 25,500 copies). That was a sign of things to come, as the CD-single boom came to a rapid end, and is a record that will be ‘bettered’ by thirteen further #1s between now and 2008, when downloads eventually started to overtake physical sales.

914. ‘Have You Ever’, by S Club 7

Our third pop ballad in a row… Bear with us, as this is the last ballad for a (short) while at least…

Have You Ever, by S Club 7 (their 4th and final #1)

1 week, from 25th November – 2nd December 2001

After the success of ‘Never Had a Dream Come True’ a year ago, making #1 and raising lots of money for Children in Need, it makes sense that S Club would have another crack at it. It also feels a little cynical, if you’ll allow: as if they were padding out their chart-topping stats with songs that aren’t remembered as well as some of their other hits.

Compared to the previous two pop ballads, I’d plonk this in the middle. It’s fresher, more modern, less of a slog than Westlife’s ‘Queen of My Heart’; but it doesn’t have the energy of Blue’s ‘If You Come Back’. Musically it is quite similar to the Blue ballad, though, with a skittish R&B beat and a powerhouse vocal performance from Jo O’Meara. I never realised at the time how much she dominated many of S Club’s singles, to the extent that you have to wonder why they needed six other members…

This record also suffers from being the ‘follow-up’ to ‘Never Had a Dream Come True’, which I think is the better ballad, and to ‘Don’t Stop Movin’’, which is one of the decade’s great pop songs. ‘Have You Ever’ feels like an afterthought to both these records. And can I take a moment to bemoan song titles that are questions, but don’t have a question mark? This is far from the first example…

Though S Club 7’s two Children in Need singles topped the charts, and sold a surprisingly identical number of copies in debuting at #1, ‘Never Had a Dream Come True’ was the year 2000’s 9th biggest seller, while ‘Have You Ever’ was 2001’s 21st biggest. Which feels about right. Apparently, though, this song holds the record for the number of voices used in a single recording, as when the band performed the song live for CIN, they were joined by six school choirs via video link, and 3610 other schools on tape, plus spin off group S Club Juniors (two of whom we’ll meet as chart-toppers down the line).

S Club 7 released one further single before Paul Cattermole quit, and they became plain old S Club. The band split in 2003, having managed the impressive feat of charting in the Top 5 with all eleven of their singles. Their post-split careers were a mixed bag of solo success (Rachel Stevens), racism scandals (O’Meara) and student union tours (Bradley McIntosh), while Cattermole declared bankruptcy and Hannah Spearritt claimed to have been made homeless. They reformed in 2023, but Cattermole sadly died of heart failure a few weeks later, aged just forty-six. They are still touring, though, and are currently an S Club 5, with Spearritt having opted out of the comeback. And I’d say that for people of my vintage, no matter how cool they thought they were (or think they still are…), at least one or two S Club tunes hold a place in their hearts.

913. ‘If You Come Back’, by Blue

The boyband third single rule (it has to be a ballad) and the boyband single-for-Christmas rule (it has to be a ballad) combine here… In a big old ballad.

If You Come Back, by Blue (their 2nd of three #1s)

1 week, from 18th – 25th November 2001

At the end of my previous post, I hoped that this next chart-topping ballad would be better than Westlife’s dull ‘Queen of My Heart’. And it is. That much is evident from the modern hip-hop, garage-y backing beat – the lovechild of Atomic Kitten and Craig David – and the fact that Blue still sound quite keen and perky, as if they haven’t yet become jaded after years of being flogged to line Louis Walsh’s pockets.

I did consider claiming that Blue were better singers than Westlife, but I’m not sure that’s what’s happening here. They do sound fresher, but maybe that’s down to this being their second #1, as opposed to their ninth. They’re also let off the leash a little more than Westlife, who had to follow their tried and tested formula to the letter.

Blue’s exuberance gets the better of them, though, and some parts of this record amount to over-singing, as if they were still auditioning, uncertain of their places in the band. Understated confidence, and a more delicate, R&B touch would have perhaps served the song better. At the same time, though, it’s enjoyable to hear them going for it. Lee Ryan especially, who I would contend had the best voice of any nineties-cum-noughties boyband member.

But, just because it is better than ‘Queen of My Heart’, I wouldn’t want to get carried away. If Westlife’s offering was, say, a two out of ten, then this is a solid five. Decent enough, but nothing to linger in the memory for very long. Question is, can the third of our three wintery ballads in a row continue the upward trajectory…?

912. ‘Queen of My Heart’, by Westlife

In an earlier post, I noted the late-nineties phenomenon in which pop acts seemed to be contractually obliged to release a ballad for winter. East 17 were the original and best, but Peter Andre, the Spice Girls, B*Witched, S Club and more have all had a go since. And it seems like this phenomenon now peaks in November 2001… Are you ready for three wintery ballads in a row?

Queen of My Heart, by Westlife (their 9th of fourteen #1s)

1 week, from 11th – 18th November 2001

Starting with the daddies of pop balladry, Westlife. It’s actually been a whole year since we endured a Westlife ballad, and this is only their second #1 of the year. Their days of complete and utter chart domination are behind them, but the lead single from their new album is always a good bet for top spot.

Again, like so many of their ballads, I’m getting strong hints of ‘Mull of Kintyre’. Is it possible that their songwriting team started every session by trying to recreate ‘Mull of Kintyre’? If so, I’d say this is as close as they got. Same pace, same-sounding chord progressions. No bagpipes, thank God, but there are accordions for that authentic Irish pub touch. And, naturally, a key change complete with festive bells: a moment that even Paul McCartney would have found too cheesy.

I will admit to having actually enjoyed one (or two) of Westlife’s earlier chart-toppers. I’ve certainly made the best of the previous eight. But I’d say this is the moment where I finally lose patience. This one is dull, and plodding: a complete drag. Every note is cynically sentimental, sucking a tear out of granny’s eye with a vacuum cleaner. My heart sinks to think that we still have five more #1s to come from them…

I’d say that the one slightly interesting thing to note here is that for their third album, Westlife have matured their sound slightly to something a little more Adult Contemporary, with fewer poppy flourishes. But I think that seriousness is what makes this such a slog. That, and the fact that there’s not an original bone in this song’s body. Even their note for note cover of ‘Uptown Girl’ had more originality. By the time the aforementioned key change comes along, it is so signposted, so obviously on its way, that it crashes upon us like an elephant barging into our living room.

So, first ballad down, two more to come. They must be better than this, right…?

911. ‘Because I Got High’, by Afroman

It’s been noticeable how, as soon as the 21st century began, the top of the singles chart has been home to all manner of depravity. And here is yet more evidence of slipping societal standards…

Because I Got High, by Afroman (his 1st and only #1)

3 weeks, from 21st October – 11th November 2001

We’ve had the rock ‘n’ roll, we’ve had the sex, and now we have the drugs. Of course, this isn’t the first number one song to reference illegal substances, but usually they’ve been protected by innuendo, by a level of plausible deniability. This record, however, opens with someone asking us to roll another blunt. Less than a decade sits between the nudge-wink of ‘Ebeneezer Goode’, and this unabashed celebration of ganja.

But, actually, is this a celebration? Superficially, yes. But then you listen and notice that this song is a list of unfortunate events brought about by smoking too much weed. First verse: I was gonna clean my room, Until I got high… Second verse: I was gonna go to class, Before I got high… It’s not long before he’s being chased by the police, crashing his car, and ending up a paraplegic.

Obviously, all this is tongue in cheek, a fact highlighted by the fact that the paraplegic verse is followed by one about being unable to function sexually: I was gonna eat your pussy too, But then I got high… (Sadly, Afroman is forced to take matters into his own hands, if you catch my drift.) This is no anti-drug song, no inside job to keep the kids on the straight and narrow. But it works as a satire nonetheless, with Afroman and his homies skewering the reasons that those in authority give to warn people off marijuana. By the end, the fourth wall has been broken: Imma stop singing this song, Because I’m high… And if I don’t sell one copy, I’ll know why…

So I like this record on one level. I also like how stripped back it is, just a bassline and vocals. It’s almost a cappella, with some doo-wop backing touches. But the backing vocals, his gang of stoned buddies whooping and hollering, are also the reason that this song grows old, and quickly. Unless you’re actually high when listening, then you might think that this was the greatest song ever recorded. Which I suppose means that ‘Because I Got High’ is doing its job.

Afroman had been rapping since the 8th grade, when he allegedly recorded a diss track about the teacher who had him expelled for wearing sagging jeans. Which seems unlikely, but it’s a fun origin story… ‘Because I Got High’ could be said to have gone viral, by the standards of the time. It had originally been released a year and half earlier, and had slowly grown in popularity on file-sharing websites. This belated major label release came after the track was featured on the soundtrack to ‘Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back’.

Afroman was good for one more Top 10 hit, ‘Crazy Rap’ in early 2002. And if ‘Because I Got High’ is at the limit of your tolerance, or if you’re a Dolly Parton fan, then I’d say best avoid it. After the hits dried up he started releasing his music independently, and remains active to this day, with his beloved Mary Jane still very much a strong lyrical theme (his album titles include ‘Drunk ‘n’ High’, ‘Waiting to Inhale’ and ‘Marijuana Music’).

910. ‘Can’t Get You Out of My Head’, by Kylie Minogue

After a fairly underwhelming run of boyband fluff and novelty covers, we finally arrive at a number one record worthy of its exalted position…

Can’t Get You Out of My Head, by Kylie Minogue (her 6th of seven #1s)

4 weeks, from 23rd September – 21st October 2001

This is sophisticated pop by the standards of any era, not just when compared to the trash that it regally swept aside to spend a month on top of the charts. Pop to sit with the likes of ‘Dancing Queen’, or ‘Heart of Glass’, or ‘…Baby One More Time’ (not to give away my next Very Best award, or anything…)

And like the best pop songs before it, it has layers. Yes, ‘Can’t Get You Out of My Head’ is catchy, and has a la-la-la hook which lodges itself deep in your brain. But it’s actually quite a sinister record, almost a dirge, with a hypnotic marching beat setting the foundations of this tale of obsession. There’s a dark secret in me, Don’t leave me locked in your heart… Perhaps the most telling line is when Kylie breathes the Set me free… Feel the need in me…

It straddles that fine line of being strange enough to be interesting, yet catchy enough to be a huge hit. You can dance to it, sure, but you can also think about it, and analyse it. You couldn’t do the same with ‘Hand on Your Heart’. And it hasn’t actually got a chorus. Or does it? Are the lalalas the chorus? Is it the Set me free…? Or is it one big chorus? This fluid, hypnotic element means that the song could potentially be played on a never-ending loop and not grow old…

I can remember hearing this record for the first time, on a radio in my old Scout hut. That same night (unless I’m mixing two memories here) I had also been clobbered over the head with a hockey stick and knocked unconscious. I’d like to claim that I came to with the sound of Kylie’s new single in my ears, but I think that really would be stretching things. Anyway, concussed or not, it sounded like the biggest-sounding hit I’d ever heard. My love for Kylie, which had been bubbling away since the early nineties, now came to the boil. She remains an icon, a legend. She is, and always will be, the moment.

Many would claim that this is Kylie’s signature song, but that’s not a simple claim to make. Has any other pop star released their signature song a full fifteen years into their careers? So I’d definitely agree that this the signature song of her post-comeback career, proving that her return the year before, with ‘Spinning Around’, wasn’t going to be a one-album flash in the pan. And Kylie of course remains active, and dare we say relevant, a quarter of a century on. But she also has one final #1 to come, so we won’t wrap things up for her just yet.

‘Can’t Get You Out of My Head’ was a final number one, though, for one of its songwriters, Rob Davis (alongside Cathy Dennis). Davis had an incredible career in music, from his early-sixties debut in a Shadows tribute band, to his role as lead guitarist in Mud, to his three classics of the early ‘00s: ‘Toca’s Miracle’, ‘Groovejet’, and this.

Having waxed lyrical about this record for seven paragraphs, I will spoil it all by admitting that ‘Can’t Get You Out of My Head’ is not my favourite Kylie record. I will never not enjoy it, but like ‘Dancing Queen’ and ‘…Baby One More Time’ before it, copious airplay has taken the edge off. Nowadays I’d rather hear it in the brilliant New Order mash-up ‘Can’t Get Blue Monday Out of My Head’, which Kylie debuted at the 2002 Brit Awards, and subsequently released as a B-side. Get your ears around that, if you never have before…

909. ‘Hey Baby (Uuh, Aah)’, by DJ Ötzi

Christmas is still months away, so what’s with all the novelties? Hot on the heels of Bob the Builder, Oktoberfest comes to the UK singles chart…

Hey Baby (Uhh, Ahh), by DJ Ötzi (his 1st and only #1)

1 week, from 16th – 23rd September 2001

God, it’s hard to exaggerate how much this record was done to death. Mentioning Christmas feels relevant, because this was played at every festive party in 2001 (and 2002, and 2003…) The murdering of a sixties classic, the cheap synths, the crowd participation – added to the title, just in case you were in any doubt – the key change… The term ‘Eurotrash’ doesn’t begin to do it justice.

But it’s somehow… enjoyable? There’s something endearing about this, and I think it is down to DJ Ötzi’s complete commitment to his craft. He sells it, bawling out every line as if he is coming live, four beers in, from the big tent in Munich. I don’t think it has occurred to him that this could be considered a novelty record, and he’d be mortally offended if you as much as suggested it.

Ötzi is Austrian, while his beanie hat and bleached goatee (which he still sports today, aged fifty-four) have been burned into my memory for the past twenty-four years. Two interesting facts about him: he named himself after Ötzi the Iceman, a 3,500 year-old frozen mummy uncovered in the Alps (Europe’s oldest known human). And in 2002 he suffered a severe form of hearing loss (add your own jokes here…) He remains active though, especially beloved in his homeland, where he’s enjoyed thirteen Top 10 albums!

Bruce Channel’s original ‘Hey! Baby’ had been a #2 in 1962, and had also come back into the public consciousness thanks to the ‘Dirty Dancing’ soundtrack in the late-eighties. Ötzi had his wicked way with another sixties hit as a follow-up, ‘Do Wah Diddy’ making #9 later in the year. He enjoyed a third Top 10 with a remixed version of ‘Hey Baby’ for the 2002 World Cup, before graciously leaving the British charts alone.

Interestingly, demand for ‘Hey Baby’ was such that it had bounced around the lower reaches of the chart for seven weeks thanks to import copies from Europe. This meant that it had an unprecedented, if slightly false, forty-four place climb to the top when finally given a proper release. I also wonder if it’s telling that this was the best-selling record during the week of the 9/11 attacks. Were the public looking for light relief after digesting such horrific images? I couldn’t say. The fact that this and Bob the Builder were the two biggest records at the time does feel slightly incongruous…

If we add Blue’s ‘Too Close’ into the equation, this is, I believe, the first time that three consecutive covers have topped the charts. Also, and this is something I’ve been feeling for a while now, the cheapness of 2001’s chart-toppers is starting to wear thin. These two back-to-back novelties, Atomic Kitten, Shaggy, Hear’Say, Geri’s ‘It’s Raining Men’… I never expected to say this, but the year 2000 now feels like a high watermark for the time, with some high quality dance and pop #1s, and not too much cheese. Now though, we’ve reverted back to 1998-99 standard, when Vengaboys, B*Witched, Eiffel 65 and the like ruled the day.

Having said all this, our next chart-topper is both classy and era-defining, blowing all this novelty nonsense out of the water…

A low-res version of the video:

Better quality version (audio-wise I mean, the song’s still terrible…):

908. ‘Mambo No. 5’, by Bob the Builder

Bob the Builder manages what all the other Christmas novelties never could. Benny Hill, Little Jimmy Osmond, Renée and Renato, Mr. Blobby… Few of them managed another hit, let along another chart-topper!

Mambo No. 5, by Bob the Builder (his 2nd and final #1)

1 week, from 9th – 16th September 2001

Gone is Lou Bega’s list of women that he’s shagged, replaced with more child-friendly construction items and a lengthy to do list. A little bit of timber and a saw, A little bit of fixing that’s for sure… A little bit of tiling on the roof, A little bit of making waterproof… Bob’s a little bit of a taskmaster, that’s for sure, but his gang seem to be up to the job.

It’s largely more of the same as ‘Can We Fix It?’, just to a different tune. It sounds so much like Bega’s version that I wonder if they aren’t singing over the same backing track. But like the first hit, there’s an enjoyable amount of energy and love put into it. It’s a novelty, but it doesn’t overly grate, and the lyrics are genuinely tight and cleverly put together.

We’ve just had two versions of ‘Lady Marmalade’ at number one with just three years in between, and here are two versions of ‘Mambo No. 5’ in top spot exactly two years apart. Not counting the 1950s habit of releasing different versions of a song at the same time (as with ‘Answer Me’, ‘Singing the Blues’ and ‘Cherry Pink & Apple Blossom White’) this must be a record for shortest time between two chart-topping versions of the same song. Though is it the same song? Same title and tune, yes, but completely different lyrics. After ‘3 Lions ‘98’ this is only the second song to make #1 twice with (significantly) different words.

Bob the Builder and his gang would have one further hit, with rave anthem ‘Big Fish Little Fish’, from their brilliantly titled second album ‘Never Mind the Breeze Blocks’, making #81 in 2008. Leaving seven years between albums was clearly a gamble that backfired… Bob the Builder remained on TV until 2008, before being relaunched in 2010. I can’t be alone in finding the CGI animation of the reboot slightly sinister compared to the original stop-motion version. The CGI Bob has never attempted a singing career, and it’s probably for the best. Good to go out on a high.

907. ‘Too Close’, by Blue

Much like the Dalai Lama, when one boyband dies another is born…

Too Close, by Blue (their 1st of three #1s)

1 week, from 2nd – 9th September 2001

And it’s fitting that Blue depose Five’s final number one, because in many ways they were their true successors. A bit street, a bit cool, not too heavy on the ballads… They were the Westlife, perhaps, to Five’s Boyzone; or the N*Sync to Five’s Backstreet Boys.

And their number one debut – their second single – is a fun track. Like ‘Let’s Dance’, it’s a slice of disco-revival pop, but a slinkier, sexier, slower jam. ‘Too Close’ had been a US #1 just three years earlier, recorded by R&B trio Next. Their original wasn’t completely unknown in the UK, making #24, but there was plenty of room for a bigger version of what is a fun song. What’s interesting is that covering such a recent hit probably delayed any chance of Blue making it in the US (Lee Ryan’s comments on 9/11 probably didn’t help either…)

While the Next version is a much purer, more minimal ‘90s R&B record, I enjoy the quicker tempo and the poppier touches used in Blue’s cover. They retain the somewhat risqué lyrics, though, and I can’t ever imagine a Westlife #1 opening with the line: All the slow songs you requested, You’re dancing like you’re naked… Ooh it’s almost like we’re sexin’… Despite my general revulsion for the term ‘sexing’, I can enjoy this record, and its tale of trying to hide an erection while slow dancing.

An unnamed female singer, listed only as Awsa in the credits, feels a little bump coming through… The Blue boys protest that you’re making it hard for me! It’s all fairly childish, but I do appreciate any attempt at double entendre in chart-topping singles. Again though, it’s interesting that straight off the bat Blue weren’t cultivating a particularly kid-friendly image. Rewind ten years and it’s impossible to imagine Take That trying something similarly saucy. Is it indicative of deep societal change across the turn of the millennium? Or did Blue’s management just assume the kids wouldn’t pick up on the innuendo?

It’s also interesting, to return to the Five vs Blue comparison, to hear a late-nineties boyband next to a noughties boyband. Five, for all their pierced eyebrows and swagger, were still very goofy, and very pop-leaning on songs like ‘Slam Dunk da Funk’. Blue were a more grown-up proposition from the off, with this record’s slick, very Americanised R&B. Not that Blue were the first boyband to discover sex – think ‘Deep’ by East 17, or Another Level’s ‘Freak Me’ – but that it’s still interesting to note how pop music is slowly settling into its 21st century sound.